Thanksgiving 2011

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2011

Thanksgiving 2011

I love this little guy with all my heart. Happy Thanksgiving Recker

Today I'm thankful for so many things, mostly family. I have been blessed with an incredible family I love so much. I woke up this morning with a Turkey smell throughout the house. We have a tradition of putting the turkey in the oven the night before because we eat around noon on Thanksgiving. I made chocolate, coconut, banana, pumpkin pies, mashed potatoes, gravy, and two Jello salads. Raylani's family came over. They are so good at pitching in and bringing food. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday; I love the fall weather and the feeling I get when I'm with family. This year Blake was here with us; I honestly never thought this day would come; I have missed him so much. Two days ago, I had to meet him in the Walmart parking lot to trade cars with him. When I pulled into the parking lot and saw him sitting in the car waiting for me, I smiled and told him how grateful I was that he was home with us. It is seriously a luxury to have all my children in town and be able to hug and love them every day. I hope I never take that for granted. Family is the most important part of my life.

What is normal?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2011

What is Normal?

I was having a conversation with my son Blake-- I asked him how he was doing and if he felt like he was adjusting to being back home. He replied, "Mom, I feel like I'm returning to normal again." I asked him, "What is normal, son?" Then we had a lengthy conversation about being normal.  

My thoughts are still on that conversation. I told Blake that our normal should continually be changing. One and a half years ago, my regular life was different than it is now. I was worried about my children making good choices. I was getting up early and going to work, making dinner every night, cleaning the house, and training for a marathon. Then Blake surprised us by deciding on a mission, Kaitlyn got engaged, Kayla was pregnant with our first grandchild, and I found out I had breast cancer--WOW, did my routine change in a heartbeat!! Everything I thought was "NORMAL" was put on the back burner--now my normal is how can I do this? Every thought that occupied my thoughts was -- worrying about Blake, worrying about the wedding, worrying about Kayla and Jeremy having a baby in the middle of all this, and Haleigh having her senior year of HighSchool with her mom going through cancer. And Eric, my sweet husband, having to see me through hell, how could I ever allow him to see my mangled body again? How could I let him see me bald and sick? And more important than all, I worried he would worry too much about me... I needed everything to just go back to "normal" Soon, my usual became trips to Mayo Clinic. Missing my son terribly and worried that he would be strong enough to make it 2 years without his family. I constantly worried about Haleigh and Eric. Throwing up, losing weight, taking drugs, and seeing oncologists were now my standard. Soon my usual became kneeling and praying morning, day, and night, begging and pleading with the Lord to help me understand this new normal I was experiencing. Educating myself about breast cancer was something I never thought I would be doing,  especially not for myself, and now it was another normal for me.

The point of all this is that our "normal's" change constantly in our Iives. was not prepared for my "normal" to change, but it taught me to understand that I am not in charge. I learned to appreciate change, figure out who I am and what I consider to be the most important, and live life to the fullest everyday living as if it were my last because things change constantly, and without change, we don't progress and grow.
One of the most important lessons I have learned during this journey called LIFE is the Lord is in control. He knows the beginning, middle, and end. He loves me, and that when I listen for answers, they always come, maybe not today or tomorrow, but they always come.

It can always be worse

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2011

It can always be worse

A half marathon in Mesa Arizona

I spent a few days at the Mayo Clinic this week--tests and more tests trying to figure out what is going on with my hip and back--
I met a new doctor. He said, "Hello, nice to meet you," in his cute German accent. After our introductions, it was all business. He never smiled or looked at me in the face as he stared at paperwork and had me doing all these different walks across the room. On my toes, on my heels, walk there, walk here, and never once smiled or looked at me-me, as in my face or eyes--so I'm just going to say he will never be a Dr. Kreymerman.
He then ordered more tests and sent me to the physical therapist-- the entire time looking at his paperwork, computer, or elsewhere-- so it was "Goodbye, Dr. What's his face."
The funny thing about Dr. What's his face? The next day, while I was waiting to see the physical therapist, he walked by, looked at me, and smiled. I don't think he even knows I'm his patient. I'm in this waiting room because he ordered PT for me. However, I Love my physical therapist. I am going to be Her twice a week. I will also be getting cortisone shots in my hip and back to help with the pain-- they (Dr. what's his face) diagnosed my hip with bursitis, and my back is arthritis caused by the amounts of chemo received. Pauline wants me to keep a log of what exercise I am doing every week--she was a little concerned when I told her how much I was running; the cycling she said was a bit obsessive too; I was advised that a woman "my age" should not be doing an access amount of exercise because it is damaging more than healing. Too old, A woman my age?" Seriously? What about the the100-year-old man who finished a marathon two weeks ago? Doctors have told me a few times that I should not be running the number of miles I run weekly. Part of me wants so badly to run a marathon--it's difficult for me to embrace the words "you can't do it." 

I refuse to crawl up in a rocking chair and die. For an athlete like myself, it is tough to cut back on the things I love to do. I've always strived to do better and go further in each run. I constantly see how much faster I need to go to beat yesterday's time. I track my scores to better my stride and endurance. I've learned from this experience that listening to my doctor's advice with my heart monitor watch is probably the best way to go about accomplishing in the end what I need or want for myself, every time I think I know better, I end up right back at the beginning, with nothing accomplished--sometimes I feel Like this is what happens when I refuse to listen to answers to prayers too I get in the way of my own progression--I wonder why it is that sometimes we think we know more about ourselves then the Lord does--with that being said I am really, really sad not to be able to run the marathon next weekend--when the doctors talk to me this is what I hear "you are one of the most healthy patients I have ever had"  then the bomb hits, "but you are also the most unhealthy patient I have ever had because every side effect you could possibly get from chemo and radiation has happened to you."

-but when I put it all in perspective, it could always be worse--

Halloween

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2011

Halloween

Recker was dressed as a Lumber Jack this year-- he is so cute, still holding tight to buzz.  He fell asleep before he had a chance to go trick-or-treating.  I tried to get him to nap all day, but he was not interested.  I love this little guy.