Mother's Day 2014

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 21, 2014

Mother's Day-

I am still in Mayo Hospital for Mother's Day. There may be some typos. As I try to write this it is very painful, and writing is hard. Today, the kids came to see me, and I got a lot of text messages. Today I decided I am going to let my BRAVE come through so my kids can see me. I tried I was trying so hard; I even ate a cupcake. The kids brought me a necklace from sister Kara Kelly, she is always so generous, and I am grateful for the necklace it says BRAVE on it. I am not feeling the BRAVE today--trying, though--

My body is not reacting the way I want it to. I hate hospitals, pain medicine, and how my face looks--but I love how my beautiful children and spouses look--they are so great--I have a great family and have so much to be happy about. 
 Eric brought me the new Live Happy Magazine yesterday he knew I would want to see it.

Love these girls

Beautiful flowers

Ezra

Liz and Danny,friends up for a visit

choose to live happily

my boys--Blake, Eric and Brian

Bonus--2 cupcakes--I wish I could say I ate them--
but I tried both and they were good.

Easter 2014

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 14, 2014

Easter 2014

I'm a bit behind on blogging, so before I go into a blog about my last surgery, I want to post about the most important people in my life......my family.
This year was a fun Easter; I had all my children and grandchildren here for dinner and made these cute baskets for Recker and Ezra.

These were so fun to put together for Ezra and Recker.

We hid eggs (plastic) in the backyard, and they were not really hidden, the boys are too young to search, but boy, did they have fun finding them.

We are so blessed to have these cutie pies come to our family.

Recker..took off running for the pool--no stopping him.

Fun dinner outside--and on paper plates...

Jeremy ended up with his boys in the pool.

Singing happy birthday to Haleigh.

The most immense joy in my life is my children and grandchildren, I know my children get embarrassed by me, they get frustrated with me, and they are sometimes disappointed by me--but I love each of them for their individual talents and triumphs. I wish I was the "perfect" mother; in fact, I wish I knew a "perfect" mother, so I could read her book and learn from her....does she exist? I don't believe she does, I know I compare myself to other mothers who may have a better way of doing things, all I can do is be the best I can be today, and if I fail tomorrow, I will try again.

•  

CJ Udall

 

TUESDAY, MARCH 18, 2014

CJ Udall

Mesa mom says son died trying to save his dog - WFSB 3 Connecticut.

↑CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE TO SEE THE PRESS RELEASE ↑

I've been so proud of Jori and Dwight; my heart aches for their family but spending time with them this week has been a spiritual experience. My testimony of the Savior and His love for all of His children has been re-confirmed. This sweet little angel boy touched more lives than he ever knew; it was simple for him. He loved people unconditionally. Just as our Savior does. Oh, how I wish I had that kind of love for everyone I come in contact with.

For the last couple of days, I can only think of CJ. There was a time when I was a little girl I tried so hard to touch the stars; I remember laying on the grass in our front yard with my hands stretched as high as I could, trying to grasp something, anything I could tangibly touch. At church, I squirmed in my seat, trying hard to concentrate on what my primary teacher was trying to teach me. The older I got, not much changed, except I lived with a quiet ache trying to reach for truth, desperate to discover something that had always been just out of my reach. It seemed that my best friends Linda and Jami knew the truth. I remember one night praying, and a stirring in my heart told me the knowledge was still yet to come. Once I felt that special feeling, I never wanted to be without it.

Today, as I remember those long past days, I realized everything I have been learning in this school of life is leading me up to what Heaven is for.

C J is now learning; he is in a school, a Heavenly school, gaining knowledge none of us have, sharing, smiling, and finally home where he belongs. Sometimes we are so desperate to learn it all now, but some of the knowledge is saved for another journey we will gladly take with our Heavenly Family.

Mom's Funeral

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2013

Mom's Funeral

My nephew Ronny 

November 19, 2013, Tuesday
Today, my sisters and I attended the funeral services for our mother. It's difficult to describe how I felt. I was drawn closer to her by listening to her cousin, Mary Joyce, speak of mom's earlier years when she was a young girl and teenager. Mom never talked much about those days, so it was nice to hear and learn about her life's fun, happy side. All is Holy in the house of God, and I was trying my hardest to feel heaven there.

Linda, Myself, and Dottie (Linda's mom)

Linda is one of my besties- I love her.

Susan and Ron Lundberg (mom's closest friends)

 I am grateful for my friends who supported me and did not let the influence of "not knowing" my mom keep them from coming to support me. I needed you there, and I so appreciate Millie. We have been friends for 15 years. She had no idea of my life before Gilbert, yet because of her Christian spirit, she came and loved me through it. She also brought enchiladas to my family for Sunday dinner. She will and always be close to my heart. Linda, my friend from childhood, she and her mother drove far to be here, and I will always love Linda for her unconditional love, especially having known my parents made it special to me to have her there. Last, my dear friend Jenny Ruttinger texted me and said, "I know this will be hard for you. I will be sitting with you," and she did. We've been through a lot together in the past 20+ years. No questions asked. I knew she would be there for me. Eric and I decided we wanted to position ourselves perfectly to see and watch Stephen Phelps play the organ. I always feel the spirit and peace when I listen to him play. He and his wife have been a tremendous example for me as we have tried to raise our children by their example. Eric and I spoke about him many times this past week, knowing it would be difficult for him physically to play, and it would have been OK if he couldn't come, but he did, and I know he did it just for me. I love you, Stephen and Carolei. You have been an example to me for over 20 years and continue to amaze me with your loving hearts.

Jenny--I love you

November 20, 2013, Wednesday
As I post this, Eric and I are in Mexico, spending some time at our condominium. He needed to fix our freezer (well, I say him, but those of you who know my "Tim, the tool man" knows he will hire someone to fix it.)  He wanted me to come last week and was leaving for Mexico on the day he got the text from me saying my mother had passed. This week he has been begging me to come with him, and I have not wanted to go, mostly because I think some of those depression and unresolved issues are unsettling. Eric knows me so well. He knew if I stayed home, I would lay around and try to figure out the whys. Then became depressed and anxious, so I'm glad I came with him.

 Being here draws me closer to Heavenly Father. I can sit on the sand, watch the ocean waves come gently in and out and see the hand of the Lord pick me up and keep me from getting carried away in those waves. Honestly, I have so many emotions stirring up inside of me. Although what I am saying is entirely from my heart, and I am being true to myself, I know it will confuse some people.

I want to remember and write some of my fond memories of mom. Our kitchen was always our gathering place, and I loved sitting, watching, and learning from her. There were 3 things I remember distinctly about my mom during Christmas--she always made Red Velvet Cake and sprinkled the green and red sparkles to top it off. She also taught me how to make her Cranberry Meatballs, a Christmas Eve Tradition in our home. Lastly, she made cheese balls and gave them to friends and anyone she knew who needed a little boost during the holidays. Eric and I still carry on this tradition, so if you get a cheese ball during the holiday month, it's because our family loves you--DON"T THROW IT AWAY. Mom grew her own small cucumbers and taught me how to pickle them. I loved her homegrown pickles. I went to a girls' camp every year, and she was there. It was comforting to have my mom with us at Camp Lo Mia; all the girls in the Stake loved her. I wanted to be just like that. I wanted to work in Young Women's like she did, go to girl's camp like she did, and enjoy all the blessings from serving in YW. I have not had an opportunity to serve in the YW program for more than 6 months, but I was able to be our ward camp director for several years. I also remember my mom giving me the first compliment I can remember. She said, "Monya, you can get upset or mad, spit it out, then let it go; I like that about you" When Elvis Presley died, I was mowing the lawn and remember coming into the house to get a drink of water, she was crying, she really loved music, that is probably why I love music so much. I'll never forget telling my mother over the phone that my brother had died; she was heartbroken; she screamed "No, no" repeatedly and then threw the phone.

Mom is with Lance now.

I have tried to write and re-write to avoid offending anyone; I've decided journaling is a good thing for ME (maybe not how YOU would handle it) to be real; I've hidden for too many years. So--to all of you who have written me emails criticizing me for the things I blog about all I can say to you, my intentions are in the right place and coming from an authentic real me. You did not live my life and are not living my journey now. You saw my mom give endless hours of service to others, including some of you, and she did it not because she was Relief Society President, she did it because she wanted to serve; I'm so grateful for her example to me in that regard, and for the last thing on this subject, those of you who have emailed me with your criticism, I noticed not one of you took time to show your respect to my mother and come to her funeral. So please do not bother sending me a follow-up email--I said it, was upset about what you said, and now I'm over it. This is in the Lord's hands now, and I honestly believe my mother wanted the goal that myself and my sisters wanted, for our family to put the pieces of the puzzle back together, but it is difficult to do that when you cannot admit parts are missing. I tried many times to mend this relationship and was given a blessing with confirmation that this will not be resolved in this lifetime. Unless hearts were softened and sorrow was shown. I realize this was difficult for my mother but was necessary on her part for our relationship to continue--she made her choices--and we have all had to deal with that decision. Mom did the best she knew how to do. I will see her again, and the Lord will solve all earthly issues. Thank you, Linda, for permitting me to express my feelings here. If you have problems, please email Linda.

Beautiful Casket

Greg dedicated the grave.

 I believe our lives are like ocean waves, constantly moving, sometimes those waves are further out than we can reach, but they eventually rise to meet me in a solemn comforting manner--when they do -- all is quiet and calm, especially in my heart where I need it the most. I am grateful my mother is peaceful with a completely healthy body. Still, I need some guidance; I believe there can be healing even in the deepest of graves--when we humble ourselves and allow the spirit to speak--but not all is calm in my heart right now--I feel lonely and vulnerable, and I know no-one on this earth can understand what I am feeling--not even my sister Sonya--she said she felt a warm blanket of "comfort" around her during the funeral--why didn't I feel that? Am I not worthy enough for that feeling?

When my brother Lance died, I felt so guilty for not doing more to help him; it was a heavy burden I was carrying; I knelt and prayed one night for comfort and peace to fill my soul, for the Lord to let me know Lance was OK. That night as I knelt waiting for an answer, I felt my brother's hand on mine, and his voice, as clear as day, said, "This is the Lord's will, not yours; I am happy" Because of that experience I was able to move forward in faith and HOPE knowing without a doubt Lance was in a good place.

 It was the start of healing when I could be at mom's bedside and say, "I forgive you," before she passed on. It was a tender moment, and I know she heard me.

During the funeral, my mother's dearest friend Susan spoke and told memories she had of my mom. She said from her heart that she really loved my mom, something I will always be grateful for. While she was speaking, I thought of a talk given by Elder Bednar at the General Conference in October of 2009. He talked about family love; he said that no wife, daughter, son, or husband should hear the words "I love you" for the first time from the pulpit--this is what I heard--but not from my mom from her friend. I wish I had heard "I love you and am proud of you" from my mother's lips. All I can do now is to make sure everyone I genuinely love and care for not only hears it but KNOW it. I understand mom may not have been able to express her love to me because I'm not really sure if she was told as a child--maybe she was never taught by example--I don't know--all I know for sure is when I held each and every one of my children in my arms for the 1st time I loved them--unconditionally loved each one of them. I guess forgiveness does not always leave you with peace and happiness. This part will come to me in the Lord's time--It always does-so for now, I love you, mom, and I know you did the best you could.

Bucket Lists--Are They Overrated?

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Bucket lists--are they Overrated?

So, I was reading back on some of the posts I wrote about making a bucket list, and I came across this one, written in July of 2010. I wrote in one of the lines that the list may change...I was correct...
***********************************************************************************
 This was written in July of 2010
I was going to call it a bucket list, but I was thinking' that makes it sound like I think I might die soon, and I don't. So, it is going to just be my 'TO DO" LIST.... things I would like to do before I die .... someday, they are in no particular order, and I realize over the years it may change, but for today in 2010 this is it:

1. Go to Paris with Eric .... This has been a lifelong dream he took the girls a few years ago (daddy-daughter trip) Done ✔
2. Take my entire family to Nauvoo and back to the sacred grove
3. Serve a mission
4. Visit Savannah, Georgia and eat at Paula Deans restaurant Done ✔
5. Run a Marathon
6. Give more than I have been given (not sure if this is even possible)
7. Write a book (another lifelong dream) Done ✔
8. Learn to play tennis (I don't even know the rules)
9. Learn to use my camera on manual
10. Attend the Olympics (anywhere)
11. Visit Tahti...Bora Bora  Done ✔

********************************************************************************

The checks next to each thing mean we or I have done it since writing this list.  It is September 2013, and my perspective is completely different than it was back then.  I have come to realize to-do lists and bucket lists are fun and interesting to talk about and do but are most certainly not the most important in my life. None of us know what our Heavenly Father has in store for us.  For me, and this is just my opinion for my life and the experiences I have been through--the very most important things are not necessarily things. They are the people in my life and how I spend my time with them, how I serve, and if by chance I get the opportunities to travel, I should use each moment to enjoy my life and share my knowledge (which really is not much) serve those in need when I can.  I really don't think when I die and get to wherever I am going, the Lord is going to say to me, "well done Miss Monya, let's look at your bucket list and see what you got done" I believe the conversation will be more like 

"Sister Monya, have you fulfilled all of your callings to the best of your ability, have you listened to the spirit and served others? Did you care for the sick and the needy? Did you love and serve your family? Did you forgive those who have offended you? Did you say sorry to those who you have offended? Did you take every opportunity to share the gospel with others? Have you kept all the covenants you made with me in the Temple? How did you treat and love your husband? 
Don't get me wrong, I still would like to run a marathon--chances are--I won't--but it won't keep me from Heaven--my book is this blog--I don't have the time to learn how to use a camera on manual and don't really know if I care anymore--tennis is fun, again won't keep me from heaven. Olympics? really? love to do that, but chances are it's a dream--and won't keep me from Heaven--Bora Bora--been there--still not going to heaven because of it.
So, I think do lists are good? YES, a bucket list is interesting and fun, YES but not necessary--the most magical trip I ever took was the one I went to Paris with Eric on. Nothing will ever beat that--it was all I expected and more--my heart was in a good place at that time. I needed that trip to help me believe in life again--NOW, my priorities and lists are much different.
And just so you know, if I did not work for USAirways, we would not be able to make any of these trips we have done. We fly for free and get a tremendous discount on cruises and hotels--I do not take any of those blessings in my life for granted, and I am grateful for all those memories I have created for my children--but sometimes, "things" just don't matter anymore, salvation and being a good person is what I want to attain. 

Monday Mormon Myths and Truths (Women) #7

MONDAY, JUNE 17, 2013

Monday Mormon Myth's and Truths (Women) #7

Is the Relief Society one of the oldest and largest global women's organizations functioning in today's world? and what exactly is the LDS Relief Society?

Answer: YES, the LDS relief society was founded in 1842

As of today, there are over 5.5 million women who belong to the Relief Society spread throughout 170 countries across the world.

Any woman who is a member of the LDS church and is 18 years of age is a part of the Relief Society Organization.  Women with or without children, married or not married, young (18) or old, employed, or unemployed.  We meet to learn from and strengthen each other. We serve each other. The purpose of the Relief Society "is to build faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and to help those in need."

The Relief Society meets weekly in a class during Sunday meetings where we teach others the doctrines and principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is a time we meet during the week for activities. Usually, at these activities, we learn new skills or ways to help strengthen our faith and our families or do some type of compassionate service for an organization or family in need.

The Relief Society in each ward (I haven't been asked about wards or stakes yet) stake and the general Relief Society are all run by women; this is called the Relief Society Presidency--it consists of a President, two counselors, and a secretary. The RS president meets regularly with the bishop and the other ward leaders to discuss issues that may come up within their boundaries, and ways they can help or serve someone who needs special attention.  Someone like me, when I was going through my chemo treatments, the RS brought meals to my home, offered to clean my house, do laundry, and help in any way that we needed until I could do it myself.

In addition to the service, they give to one another and their neighbors who may not be members of the same faith. As sisters of the LDS church, watch over each other by visiting monthly in the homes with assigned partners to help provide countless hours of service, sometimes just a listening ear, to a mother who is exhausted from the daily trials that life sometimes brings.  This Visiting Teaching calling is said to be the most important calling a woman can hold in the church. I know this to be true. When I was so sick from chemo, the ladies from my ward and the stakes surrounding where I live brought food, they put up my Christmas tree and decorated it, and I know they did and still do pray for me daily, as I do for so many of them.

In a survey taken, about 40% of LDS women surveyed said that the role and influence of women in the church was the "right amount" The next closest faith measured was Evangelical Protestants, with only about 15% saying women had the "right amount" of leadership and influence in their church, followed by 10% of Anglo-Catholics and about 8% Jews.

In the LDS church, women sit side by side and vote to sustain members and leaders in their church callings (both men and women's callings) They regularly pray and give talks or sermons in meetings. Women teach adult gospel doctrine classes and other Sunday School classes. The women of the church are fully involved in all aspects of the work of the LDS church, from full time missionary work to member missionary work, temple, and family history work, and serving the needy.

Are the women demanded to follow the rules of the husband? and is it a hidden secret that men rule their wives?

ANSWER: A BIG FAT NO AND NO

One time I was at work and was approached by a woman who said in a very whispered voice, "Hey, if you need help getting away from your husband, I can help you. I can take you to a shelter." I remember looking at her and laughing. I thought she was joking, but she wasn't. To the LDS members, FAMILY is the most important calling of all, and we serve as equals to our husbands in making decisions, spiritually, physically, financially, and educationally. If you want to know the truth about Eric and I ask him who makes most family decisions around here.  Ha Ha, sadly he would say, "Go ask Monya." He and I have always made decisions together, we don't always agree on the way a situation should be dealt with, but we always come to an even conclusion together.  I have not once felt like I was threatened or looked down upon in my marriage, and in the LDS church, this is how the Lord designed marriage to be equal. One gender is not better than the other.  Many people may not know this, but the LDS women were involved in and in some ways led the US women's suffrage movement.  In 1870, Utah was the second territory (behind Wyoming) to grant women the right to vote under the law. After gaining statehood, Utah became the third state in the Union to give women equality.

In Genesis 1:26, God said equally to both Adam and Eve "Let them have dominion over all the earth."

The 1st presidency of the LDS church stated that men and women are equal partners in a marriage and family relationship. There is nowhere in LDS scripture or official doctrine of the LDS church that it indicates or teaches anything other than God seeing both genders as equal.  The LDS church does not embrace any type of doctrine which suggests otherwise.

Do LDS members believe there is a Heavenly Mother?

ANSWER: YES

The LDS church holds women in very spiritual high regard. We believe there is a Heavenly Father, so logically we believe there is a Heavenly Mother. One of my favorite LDS Hymns asks:

In the heav'ns are parents single?

No, the thought makes reason stare

Truth is the reason; truth eternal

Tells me I've a mother there

We believe we are all children of heavenly parents, and although we don't know much about our Heavenly Mother, she is evident in Mormon thought and theology.  One of the prophets of the church said "You women are daughters of God. You are precious.  You are made in the image of our Heavenly Mother."

The LDS church is not saying that Eve was not the first mother of the earth, but we praise her as the "glorious mother" of humanity and celebrate her decision in the Garden of Eden. We believe that Eve chose to move God's plan of salvation forward by partaking in the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Eve and Adam acted in a manner pleasing to God and did exactly what they were ordained to do.  The Mormon religion also believes that women can receive personal revelation and be filled with the spiritual knowledge that Jesus Christ wants them to have.

I believe, as most Mormons do, of all the creations on earth, women are God's crowning creation, His signature stroke in the masterpiece of the universe.

Hopefully, I have answered all the questions about women in the LDS church.

LABELS: FAITH, JOURNALING, MORMON MYTHS AND TRUTHS 

Monday Mormon Myths and Truths #6

 

MONDAY, JUNE 10, 2013

Monday Mormon Myth's and Truths # 6

Picture taken from Mormon women

Some of my friends who are not LDS do not understand the devotion Mormon women give not only to their families, but to the Church. There is so much rage and negativity around us in today's world. So why is it that most Morman women are so happy? It is thought by LDS women that we have a divine calling to be a mother, to raise children our Heavenly Father has sent to us and entrusted to our care. Mormons believe the family is central to God's plan for the happiness of His children and family is the fundamental unit in society. With that being said, I can believe no work can be nobler than that of a mother, who rear and raise, nurse, and nurture their family. We also believe that all women, whether they have children or not, are mothers and divine, with an innate capacity to nurture, teach, and care for others.

So, what about women who don't marry or have children but would like to?
Many women don't have the opportunity to marry and bear or raise children. These women make up a large and significant portion of the LDS church and contribute equally to the Church and its programs.

Latter Day Prophets have repeatedly taught that those "whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and priesthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in eternities."

This is so hard for many women who want so badly to have a child of their own, but I honestly believe our Heavenly Father will provide motherhood to those who are obedient and continue to do good. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law could not conceive their own children, so they adopted four children to complete their family and bless our extended family. My nieces and nephew were sent to earth to be a part of the Williams family. They used a different body to get those little spirits here, and how grateful we are their mothers were able to allow Doran and Shannon to raise them.

CAN MORMON WOMEN WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME?

ANSWER: YES

Latter Day Saint women across the world hold professional titles such as CEO, VP, Doctor, professor, author, artist, teacher, athlete, and business owners. It makes me laugh when I hear people say this, especially when I'm at work while reading this. The idea that faithful Mormon women can't, shouldn't or don't work outside the home with a career or pursue schooling is not valid, nor is it what the LDS leadership teaches.
We do place the family as our priority and highest regard. We believe that all decisions regarding a wife or mother's employment should be weighed carefully on how they will affect the family and the rearing of their children. Husband and wife make these decisions together.
"The Family Proclamation to the World" teaches that although husband and wife are equal partners, each gender does have a principal role in the family. Mothers are primarily responsible for nurturing their children, and fathers are mainly responsible for providing the necessities of life. Still, so times "life" is a disability, a death, or other circumstances that may require us to adapt.
However, the fact is an LDS woman working outside the home or pursuing a career is left to her to decide and is entirely dependent upon her individual, marital, family, and social situation. We as mormons are taught not to judge any mother who chooses to work outside the home, regardless of the situation. 

CAN MORMON WOMEN PURSUE EDUCATION?

ANSWER: WE ARE ENCOURAGED TO---SO YES

Women are encouraged to gain an education and develop their minds, talents, and abilities.
Spencer W Kimball, who was a prophet when I was growing up said "The emphasis on education for LDS women continues, we. We are women to be well educated"
The modern-day Prophet President Monson has counseled both males and females to educate their minds and develop their skills and talents; education will prepare you for more excellent service in the world and the Church. It will help you better provide for yourself, your family, and those in need. It will also help you be a wise counselor and companion to your future spouse and an informed and effective teacher of your future children"
A 2010 study found that women of all faiths "believe more fervently in God" than men and that "by virtually every measure, they are more religious" than men.
This goes with a quote from President James E Faust a leader of the LDS church when he said "Surely the secret citadel of women's inner strength is spirituality. In this, you equal and even surpass men, as you do in faith, morality, and commitment when truly converted to the gospel. We believe that God planted within women something divine."

Birth Control and Mormons Monday Mormon Myths & Truths #4

 

MONDAY, MAY 27, 2013

Birth Control and Mormons--Monday Mormon Myths and truths #4

THE REASON MORMONS HAVE BIG FAMILIES:
1. THE CHURCH TELLS THEM NOT TO USE BIRTH CONTROL
2. THE CHURCH HAS A MINIMUM OF 8 KIDS PER FAMILY

FALSE and FALSE

The reason Mormons have larger families than the average American family has nothing to do with birth control being prohibited (it's NOT). It has everything to do with our belief that children are a blessing and that married couples have a divine responsibility to assist in God's work by providing physical bodies for God's spirit children.

The Church's official position regarding birth control is stated in the book True to the Faith. Married LDS couples should "prayerfully decide how many children to have and when to have them. These decisions are between the husband and wife ONLY. Church members are highly counseled to consider such things as the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their ability to provide financially for the necessities of life. My daughter has an autistic child who is non-verbal; he is enough to successfully watch over and take care of. Imagine if she were required to have a minimum of eight children--NO WAY--

After I had my fourth and final child, we decided it was time to upgrade to a different vehicle, and we were in a financial position that we could purchase a Suburban. One of my very dear friends asked me if the Church gives families a Suburban after they have their fourth child--Boy--that might be an incentive, but the answer, of course, is NO--we are given no incentives, or told by any person in authority of the Church, that we are required to have a certain number of children.

I know many women who cannot physically have any children. For those women and men, my hearts go out to them--many of them are fortunate enough to adopt-My brother and sister-in-law adopted 4 bi-racial children, and they too were not given a Suburban, haha.

This brings up the subject of sex. I also was asked if we are only allowed to have "sex" if we are procreating. Is sex good and right, or is it evil and wrong? Apparently, many Mormons are having sex, and Utah has the highest birth rate of all states.

We can boil down everything that relates to Mormons' views on sexuality to three things:
1. The human body is sacred and divine, including its power to procreate
2. Marriage between a man and a woman is central to God's plan of happiness for HIS children and
3. The family is the fundamental unit of society

Therefore, sex between a married man and woman is Good. It brings children into married families, and it is a way to express love and total commitment between husband and wife.
Sex between unmarried people? Not so good, it can lead to pre-marriage pregnancy, single parenthood, abortion, adultery, divorce, mistrust, guilt, and sexually transmitted diseases.

The basic rule is that Mormons should not have sex before marriage, and abstinence before the wedding shows commitment and fidelity to your spouse. Many people tell me, "This is an ancient fashion way of thinking." 

Still, considering the millions of abortions, the high incidence of sexually transmitted diseases, and that 40 percent of all US births are to single women. Think of the countless broken hearts and homes that result from sexual immorality. Adhering to the Mormon standard of sexual morality appears to be both a spiritual blessing and a social blessing.

SOME FACTS TO CONSIDER:
*Between 1973 and 2008, 50 million abortions were legally performed in the US, and four or every ten unintended pregnancies ended in abortion
*There are nineteen million new sexually transmitted diseases reported each year in the United States, and one in four sexually active teenage girls in the United States has a sexually transmitted disease.
*The US census bureau data shows that the birthrate for unmarried women has risen in each reported year from 43.8 percent in 19090 to 52.5 percent in 2008

So, call us "old-fashioned," but abstinence is the only way to stay clean and pure before marriage. Some may ask Why Wait? Isn't it better to have sex before marriage to see if you are physically compatible? 

In a 2010 study of 2,035 married couples across the nation. Researchers found that the couples who waited to have sex until married rated their current matrimonial relationship stability as 22 percent higher. Their marital satisfaction was 20 percent higher, and the sexual communication between them and their spouses was 12 percent higher than those married couples who had sex before marriage. Most Mormons believe waiting to have sexual relations until after we are married is key to a marriage based on a foundation of communication, trust, respect, shared goals, and social enjoyment. To me, it seems like it solidifies an already healthy relationship. The longer the couple waits, the better. From what I have seen, there is no lasting happiness in immorality. Here it may be a momentary pleasure for a time. It can seem like everything is wonderful. But it seems to quickly fade and become sour...love begins to die, bitterness, jealousy, anger and even hate can grow. Or not being allowed to serve or teach in the Church, the suspension of membership, or most severe, removal of Church membership through ex-communication.

We do believe sexual sin to be very serious, we also believe that God is merciful and that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ someone who has been sexually immoral can repent, change his or her behavior, recommit to follow Christ, and be totally forgiven for their sin.
I hope this has answered your questions, if not please feel free to email me and let me know what else needs to be cleared up.

Speaking Without Words

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 6, 2013

Speaking without Words

My sweet grandson Recker has moderate to severe autism. He is non-verbal. This baby boy was born into a family who loves him unconditionally; he has a special place in my heart. If not for him, I remember a day while I was going through my chemo treatments that he was an infant and would lay with me on my bed. Keeping me from literally wanting to end my life, so profoundly in depression and pain, all I had to do was kneel and pray, get back in bed and look at his little face. Then I knew I could get through one more day. Now I understand why the Lord answered my prayers so many times. I have some refining to do in my life to live eternally with this sweet little guy.

He was diagnosed at a really early age of 16 months. We still have to hear him say, "mom or dad" I can't imagine how hard this must be for Jeremy and Kayla, but there are times when he will look at me in the eyes, those piercing blue eyes starring intensely I know he is trying to tell me something. As badly as I want to hear him speak, I also believe he knows so much. The veil is so thin for him still. Before Ezra was born, he would stop in his tracks, look up on a shelf in my kitchen, and smile or jabber in Recker language as if he were talking to someone. Every time he did this, my heart would melt.

Recently, a person said to me, "You must be so disappointed"  I have thought of this statement quite a bit because, for one, not once have I been disappointed, that word has never crossed my mind, not even for a nanosecond, and for two I feel so blessed to know that my Heavenly Father has entrusted my daughter and her husband with such a beautiful soul, he is perfect in every way, we continually learn from him. I realize some people do not understand the behavior of an autistic child, and patience comes with raising a child with special needs. Without this opportunity, I would have probably never taken the time to learn more about just how special he is.

I don't have harsh feelings for those who do not understand, who judge and wonder why we cannot control his behavior or his ticks and noises; I wish I had an answer for those people; I don't understand either--but I am trying to understand, I am learning that speaking without words is something we all should learn to do--a smile can mean everything to a person, a hug can save a life, a note of encouragement can help self-confidence--yes I believe speaking without words is having FAITH in a higher being--Faith that HE has a plan, a plan for each of us, especially for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I love you, Recker Jay--you will forever be in my heart.

XOXO Bon Bon