Easter 2025

 

Hello, My Lover,

It has been a whirlwind of activity — moving from a 5,000-square-foot home to a 2,100-square-foot one has kept me on my toes more than I ever expected.

Yesterday, I did something sweet. I invited the kids and grandchildren over to our Gilbert home for one last dinner and a Golden Egg hunt. As the grandkids searched for eggs, I could hear you in my head — cheering them on as each one found their egg with $20 inside. I could practically feel your wink when they succeeded. I miss your belly laugh… your smile… everything about the joy you brought to even the simplest moments.

Today is Easter, and I attended my new ward. The people there are so kind, and I felt a sense of peace in their presence. Do you remember when we were deciding to move from the house on Cove? We hunted for land, but what mattered most to me was the ward. I will never forget the spirit we felt when we visited the Sixth Ward together. Yesterday, as people introduced themselves and welcomed me, I felt that same spirit — a warm reminder that I am not alone. It’s a good ward, with a beautiful mix of children, youth, and many retired couples our age. This was my third week there, and I already feel welcomed and embraced.

I grew spiritually in that old ward, surrounded by so many dear people who helped build my testimony of Christ. Today, more than ever, I remember that Jesus Christ’s sacrifice assures me we will see each other again.

I arrived at church just a little late, and as I sat in the foyer, I gazed at the life-size picture of Christ. I pictured Him standing with you, and I had a quiet conversation with Him. I know He lives. I know I will see you again. I can’t fully understand why Heavenly Father allowed His Son to suffer, knowing the pain it would bring Him, but I know it was part of His plan — a plan of love and mercy that gives me hope.

The grandchildren are growing so fast. Haleigh and her family were unable to attend today, but she sent pictures of them — and oh, they are getting so big. Ellis is tall, and Sena was sweet as ever. She reminds me so much of Haleigh at her age. Haleigh has always been a kind, gentle soul. What a joy it was to raise her! I’ll never forget her senior year of high school — so many times, she would crawl into bed next to me just to be near me, no words needed. She was my fierce advocate during my cancer journey, even without knowing it.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kayla lately. She and Jeremy are separated, and I fear their marriage may not survive. Kayla is an incredible mom and an amazing listener. I understand her more now, and through her, I’ve learned so much about Autism and the depth of patience it requires. Recker is fifteen now — big and strong like Jeremy —, and he often echoes what we say, letting me know he understands. When I say, I love you, he responds in his own beautiful way. Ezra is gentle and loving — just the other day, he ran back to me for a big hug that brought tears to my eyes. Teddy is thoughtful and kind, though he’s understandably confused about his parents’ separation.

You would be so proud of Blake. He has helped me tremendously this past year. You know he’s such a mama’s boy. He’s a hard worker, a great husband, and an incredible father. Chloe is thriving in her job at Denver’s office, and Weslie — sweet Wes — oh, she is a dancer like her mom, and she loves it. Yesterday, she kept hugging me and kept asking when she could have a “sleepover.” You know how much I adore that. She wondered about Papa — where you are, physically. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to say something her parents wouldn’t like, so I told her how much you still love her, and that one day, when it’s my time to leave this life, I’ll be with you again. She listened earnestly — I’m not sure if she fully understood, but she wanted to be comforted.

Kaitlyn and Brian are excellent. Kaitlyn works from home and really enjoys her job. I am so proud of her in so many ways. Brian works hard, and I’m grateful that they continues to lean on the Lord together. I asked Brian if he would come and dedicate our new home in The Reserve — and of course, he said he would. He is solid in the Gospel, and I am so glad he is Kaitlyn’s partner.

Phoenix is ten now — growing so fast. He loves soccer and football, and life with such joy and friendships. And Archie… you know how my heart melts with that boy. Kaitlyn may say he’s sneaky, but I’ve never seen it — to me, he is all sweetness. I love how much Archie and Phoenix adore little Florence. I feel a little sorry for the boys who want to date her someday — she is something truly special. Something spiritual and radiant. Recently, she looked up at me and said, “Do you know Jesus died for all of us?” Oh my heart. I answered, “Yes, He did — and He loves you. He loves all the people in the whole world.” She is much like Kaitlyn was at that age—full of wonder and expression. Every time she sees me, she runs with her little arms wide open and yells, “Bonbon!” — and I can’t help but laugh and melt right into her arms.

I’m so grateful we have these children of ours. Every one of them holds a piece of my heart. They are responsible, good people — and their spouses are wonderful too.

I used to tell you how sad it was that they never got to know your mom. Now I fear they may forget you. I try to remind them — especially the little ones — how much you love them.

I love you, and I always will.

Love,
Monya

Disney On Ice

     Chloe and Blake gave me tickets for Christmas to take Weslie to Disney on Ice for my birthday. Weslie and I talked the entire way to the stadium and were very excited about the show. We arrived early and were able to get a really great parking spot. We found where we were supposed to sit, then went out to the vendors for yummy food, drinks, and, of course, to buy a souvenir for Weslie. She is so sweet and asked if we could get something for Zeek. I already had that idea in mind, but when Weslie said, "I would rather get something for Zeek if you don't have enough money." My heart ... oh my heart!! I love this little girl. She is so polite and kind, and she is only seven years old, far older in maturity than seven years old. I also noticed she saved half of everything we ordered for treats and saved them for Zeek. He had popcorn, half a churro, half of her cotton candy, and a souvenir.

    I loved watching Weslie as the Characters came onto the ice; she was so wide-eyed and excited that it warmed my heart. She sang along to the music and announced the characters' names as they entered the ice. Weslie is so sweet. I loved every second with her.

                                            

Something Amazing

MONDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2014

Something Amazing

THIS WEEK, I RECEIVED EMAILS ASKING ME TO EXPLAIN MORE ABOUT PAST POSTS. WILL EXPLAIN NOW.

I HAVE BEEN DEAF IN MY RIGHT EAR FOR 48 YEARS DUE TO A BLOW TO THE HEAD AT AGE THREE; FROM MY BIRTHFATHER (COLBY); IT HAPPENS TO BE THE SAME EAR I'VE HAD MULTIPLE SURGERIES ON THIS YEAR. 

MY LEFT EAR IS MY 'GOOD' EAR. EVEN THOUGH THE BAHA IMPLANT IS ON THE RIGHT SIDE, IT TRANSMITS SOUNDS WAVES TO THE GOOD EAR ON THE LEFT TO IMPROVE MY HEARING. MY RIGHT EAR IS NOW COMPLETELY EMPTY, WITH NO INNER CANAL, NO EARDRUM, NO NOTHING; THE DOCTOR TOOK SKIN FROM MY HEAD AND MADE A NEW-LOOKING EAR FOR ME.

Today, something unique happened to me. I had appointments at Mayo Clinic, and I met with Kelly Conroy in the ENT department to have my Baha hearing device finally connected to the implant. I was not prepared for what would happen; I usually go to Mayo Clinic without thinking much about why I'm there or who I am supposed to see; I just don't let my mind think about it unless I'm going to the third floor then I need to prepare myself.

I have met with Kelly before for hearing tests and to be fitted for my Baha, but it's been a year since my implant was placed, and so much has happened since then. The Baha has not been on my mind. Today, I was blessed with a Tender Mercy from Heavenly Father, which I needed. I now have a new person to love at Mayo Clinic, I will never forget today, and I am so grateful Kelly Conroy was the one I shared this moment with; she was so compassionate and loving.

Kelly placed the device on my implant and then adjusted her computer to customize the hearing device to my needs. What happened next was amazing; I wish I had it on video, or Eric could have shared it. I could hear everything clearly and crisply when Kelly activated the device. I smiled, and we sat and talked for a while so she could make sure everything was working well. We both cried as I explained some of my emotions this year. This was not even the impressive part. Once I got to my car, I could not believe the sounds.

 
I opened the door to get in the front seat, and when I started the car, my music was so loud I quickly turned it down, smiled, and backed the car up--and the sound of putting the car in reverse was something I had never heard. 

As I drove down the beeline highway, I noticed a man walking; I pulled over and asked him if he needed help. He assured me he had AAA on their way and thanked me. I wondered, "why is he talking so loud?" I was overcome with emotion; I had to pull the car over a few miles away, get out and walk through the wildflowers; never had I seen anything more beautiful. I looked at the sky, brilliant blue with fluffy white clouds, and cried. I heard a bird chirp; it was beautiful. I thought I knew what that sounded like all these years, but today it was more apparent than I had ever felt or heard it. 

I could feel His love for me. He loves me, He really, really loves me, and not only me, but He also loves my biological Father, Colby Belshe. I could feel his presence; this was more than an emotionally draining day for me, but at that very moment, standing with my arms high, twirling in the Arizona desert, I could feel that finally, Colby was happy; his daughter could hear. 

Colby never could forgive himself for being the fault of my deafness, and I forgave him. I don't remember being angry with him; I only knew partial hearing. I told Colby many times that I didn't blame him, was OK, and didn't blame him, but even to his death, he took that guilt. Today that is over for him; he watched me, I felt him, and I know he can now move on. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for such a beautiful gift you have given me.
I picked myself up, got back in my car, called Eric, and could not believe how loud he was; I smiled, tears running down my cheeks.

When I got home, this is when the real magic happened. I opened the door, and I heard the doorknob turn. I smiled. When the door shut behind me, I screamed. It was so loud, it scared me. I did the same thing when my phone rang, I had "Happy" as my ringtone, and I about jumped out of my skin, but I smiled. Walking across my wood floors, I heard every step. In the kitchen, I opened the microwave and shut it several times. I did the same thing with the refrigerator, and I smiled.

When my hand touched the staircase to walk up, I heard my hand even softly dragging, and I smiled. I sat on my bedroom floor weeping, alone, just as it should be. I'm sure it was not too pretty. I could even hear the carpet as I ran my hand across it; all I could say was thank you so much for this unexpected miracle. I pulled the string on the dental floss tonight, and the sound was nothing I'd ever heard before; I did it repeatedly until the container was all gone. Turning the pages of my scriptures was terrific; I listened to every crinkle and smiled. I sat on my bed in awe of what my Heavenly Father had blessed me with at such a critical time. I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs, HE LOVES ME. I don't think I have smiled like I did today for so long, and even though it was a half smile, I didn't care; I couldn't help it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is as beautiful as being able to hear everything; all the creations He has created for us to see, hear, feel, and smell we take for granted.
I can't wait to hear more things. I immediately turned my primary music on, my favorite song has always been My Heavenly Father Loves Me...I cry every time I hear this song.

My Heavenly Father Loves Me:

Whenever I hear the song of a bird,
or look at the blue blue sky,
whenever I feel the rain on my face
or the wind as it rushes by.
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
or walk by a lilac tree,
I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world,
Heavenly Father created it for me.
He gave me my eyes that I might see
the color of butterfly wings,
he gave me my ears so that I might
hear the magical sound of things
He gave me my life, my mind
my heart, I thank Him reverently
for all his creations of which I'm
apart, yes, I know Heavenly Father
Loves me.

Today these words mean more to me than ever before. I can't help but think that Heavenly Father has been waiting for this day, preparing me, and refining me, preparing Colby, too, as he has suffered with this guilt for so long. I am happy for him too. I cannot stop crying. I am so blessed the tears are flowing like a river with no end in sight. I just want to open and close things. I want to hear my grandkids laugh, oh I can't wait for that; I thought I loved those belly laughs before, but I have a feeling as I get used to this new blessing, I am going to continue to have tears, learning so much of what we take for granted. So, if you see me tear up, I'm OK. I'm just hearing something new and enjoying it for the first time. I don't know if I can say thank you enough to Him who gave me this gift today, and I know He is smiling down on me too. I've been so lost these last few months, trying so hard to understand what I am supposed to do? What am I supposed to be learning? I will continue to ask, but not today. I am grateful this is a feeling I will never ever forget.

LABELS: HEARING, HOPE, KELLY CONROY, LOVE, MAYO CLINIC, PEACE 

Fall Leaves, Ocean Views

 

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2013

Fall leaves, Ocean Views

I have wanted to take Eric to see the Fall leaves for years. The last time I visited was with a good friend many years ago, and I loved the trip. Eric is not a wintry weather guy, so this was not on his trip bucket list. However, he had a wonderful time and could not believe the beauty surrounding us as we drove through Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Maine. Now I think we will be making this trip every year... There was so much to see and little time to do it all.

Williams Port Light House

Beautiful homes on the beach. I want to play with Recker here.

Loved all the Lighthouses

Lobster Rolls--Famous

It's hard to find this kind of beauty in AZ.

Loved wearing my boots and beanie--winter clothes

Loved all the covered bridges too.

He looks warm enough !!

My Favorite part of the trip...seeing our sweet Chelsea Cloward.

Just how I love it--no one on the beach but me and Eric The Hampton's

Fenway Park, original seats

Fenway Park, original home plates

Eric taking the moment

Bucket Lists--Are They Overrated?

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Bucket lists--are they Overrated?

So, I was reading back on some of the posts I wrote about making a bucket list, and I came across this one, written in July of 2010. I wrote in one of the lines that the list may change...I was correct...
***********************************************************************************
 This was written in July of 2010
I was going to call it a bucket list, but I was thinking' that makes it sound like I think I might die soon, and I don't. So, it is going to just be my 'TO DO" LIST.... things I would like to do before I die .... someday, they are in no particular order, and I realize over the years it may change, but for today in 2010 this is it:

1. Go to Paris with Eric .... This has been a lifelong dream he took the girls a few years ago (daddy-daughter trip) Done ✔
2. Take my entire family to Nauvoo and back to the sacred grove
3. Serve a mission
4. Visit Savannah, Georgia and eat at Paula Deans restaurant Done ✔
5. Run a Marathon
6. Give more than I have been given (not sure if this is even possible)
7. Write a book (another lifelong dream) Done ✔
8. Learn to play tennis (I don't even know the rules)
9. Learn to use my camera on manual
10. Attend the Olympics (anywhere)
11. Visit Tahti...Bora Bora  Done ✔

********************************************************************************

The checks next to each thing mean we or I have done it since writing this list.  It is September 2013, and my perspective is completely different than it was back then.  I have come to realize to-do lists and bucket lists are fun and interesting to talk about and do but are most certainly not the most important in my life. None of us know what our Heavenly Father has in store for us.  For me, and this is just my opinion for my life and the experiences I have been through--the very most important things are not necessarily things. They are the people in my life and how I spend my time with them, how I serve, and if by chance I get the opportunities to travel, I should use each moment to enjoy my life and share my knowledge (which really is not much) serve those in need when I can.  I really don't think when I die and get to wherever I am going, the Lord is going to say to me, "well done Miss Monya, let's look at your bucket list and see what you got done" I believe the conversation will be more like 

"Sister Monya, have you fulfilled all of your callings to the best of your ability, have you listened to the spirit and served others? Did you care for the sick and the needy? Did you love and serve your family? Did you forgive those who have offended you? Did you say sorry to those who you have offended? Did you take every opportunity to share the gospel with others? Have you kept all the covenants you made with me in the Temple? How did you treat and love your husband? 
Don't get me wrong, I still would like to run a marathon--chances are--I won't--but it won't keep me from Heaven--my book is this blog--I don't have the time to learn how to use a camera on manual and don't really know if I care anymore--tennis is fun, again won't keep me from heaven. Olympics? really? love to do that, but chances are it's a dream--and won't keep me from Heaven--Bora Bora--been there--still not going to heaven because of it.
So, I think do lists are good? YES, a bucket list is interesting and fun, YES but not necessary--the most magical trip I ever took was the one I went to Paris with Eric on. Nothing will ever beat that--it was all I expected and more--my heart was in a good place at that time. I needed that trip to help me believe in life again--NOW, my priorities and lists are much different.
And just so you know, if I did not work for USAirways, we would not be able to make any of these trips we have done. We fly for free and get a tremendous discount on cruises and hotels--I do not take any of those blessings in my life for granted, and I am grateful for all those memories I have created for my children--but sometimes, "things" just don't matter anymore, salvation and being a good person is what I want to attain. 

Day 14 Taha's and Day 15 Moorea

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Day 14 Taha'a and Day 15 Moorea

Wednesday Day fourteen I woke up not feeling well, ate truly little breakfast again.  We all took the first ferry boat to the Island of TAHA"A.  We toured the entire Island took many memorable pictures--my stomach and head were aching, but I really didn't want to complain they were all having so much fun and after all this is a once in a lifetime journey for me, I want to enjoy it as much as I can.
Taha's was once the center for fire walking ceremonies, but today they are rare.

 

We didn't have a lot of time on this Island, these local Police officers

assisted us in finding a driver to take us up the mountain

some of the local scenery

the black pearl farm

this woman seriously impressed me, she chops coconuts all day

150 chopped coconuts are in this bag ready to go to the local industries for processing

this is the Island where Tahitian Vanilla is grown

They bud into a flower,then the pod appears the smell is heavenly

Our drivers home

There are three of these buildings in a row,
it is where our driver and his extended family have dinner

This is typical Eric--he loves the local imagery

Jesus, loved the coconut milk

Anthony, a quiet gentle man

Conchi and Maria, beautiful women

Our driver stopped by a local market where we could
pick up a cold drink and Eric came back with this beauty to share

Our group and the driver saying goodbye

The Paul Gauguin Private Moto was beautiful

I think I could sit here all day too

This was a motu filled with tropical spaces,
the cruise served us a traditional Polynesian lunch

A view from the motu to the Paul Gauguin

I went to the motu with our group, but seriously took a couple of pictures, turned around and went back to the ship on the next tender.  Eric stayed and really enjoyed the time on that private Island, I wish I could have spent more time there, but I was just not feeling well. We went back and slept until Eric got back at 5 or 6 and we got ready for dinner. I asked Eric if we could get off the ship tomorrow and go home--I know it is a couple of days early, but I just really want to go home, I miss my children and grand-kids too much.  This is too long to be away. He said "yes", but he had one more excursion he wanted to do on Moorea with the rest of our group.
Day 15 Moorea--My favorite Island of all of them--I stayed on the ship while Eric took the rest of them on a 4x4 ride up the mountain to the fruit farm and some other amazing areas we had not explored in the first five days we stayed there on the Island.  

I packed both my bag and Eric's bag, prepared with the crew to disembark when Eric arrived back. I didn't really get to say goodbye to Maria, Antonio, Jesus and Conchi--Eric and I were able to get off the ship safely to the peer, took the next ferry boat to Papeete, and made it on the next flight to LAX and then home.... Finally, home sweet home--I could not wait to see my kids & grandkids and share our experiences with them.

 

Monday Day 12 Fakarava Tuesday Sea Day #13

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2013

Monday Day 12 Fakarava Tuesday Sea Day #13

Got myself in an awkward place a few times trying to pronounce this Island, try saying it, for that matter try saying it three times in a row--it's a challenge.
I woke up, said my little prayer for the day, no scriptures, I ate little breakfast, not feeling too well today. The Island is flat, not any mountains, we took the tender to the Island and were met with singing Polynesian music by four women. Dressed in traditional Tahitian clothing and so happy, I tried to give them a tip, and graciously they refused, how many times has that happened? I still insisted and got a kiss on each cheek, well worth the money.

Jesus, Antonio and Eric were off to find either a boat to take us out snorkeling, or a car to drive around the Island. NOTHING--Jesus and Antonio came back to tell us there was nothing available, I said, "Where is Eric?" they looked around and, well I guess the only way I can explain Eric is he is a salesman and does not take NO for an answer.... He went door to door. He found a young girl said something to her in French and off she was on her bike.  I walked out to the beach to look and some pictures, soon the girl came back and Eric said, "let's go" He found Fernando--a young man who was willing to take us all in his truck on a trip around Fakarava.  As a new set of people arrived off the tender to the Island, a husband and wife asked if they could go with us, and they were willing to sit in the back of the truck, Fernando said, "Wee Wee" and off we went.  Fernando comes from a family of seventeen children, he is number ten.  Born and raised on this Island, I wondered if he ever thought about leaving or exploring other places in the world.

This Island has been protected and preserved, not much has changed here from the beginning of time. This Island is literally filled with unexplored beaches and villages.  The pink beaches, shaded by coconut trees and crystal-clear waters.  Fernando took us and showed us where he lives and helps with his grandmother, then we went to one of his uncles land and Fernando picked green coconuts for each of us, chopped them at the top and gave us a taste of the sweetest coconut milk I've ever had--I don't like the mushy insides of the green coconuts so I went and picked a brown one, shook it up to see if it had any juice in it.  We chopped it up and we ate the meat from this coconut--I love the raw, natural taste of organic coconut--I ate the whole thing--no sharing.

While we were exploring the ocean waters, just a few feet from me were a shark--ummm---I was running out of that water faster than I ever did in any race I've ever done, it totally freaked me out.  Fernando laughed, I looked over at him and he was making everyone's hats out of palm leaves--it was so sweet. Then he surprised us by putting his hands down these holes in the sand where crabs were living, after several holes were dug into viola' he pulled out a crab, crustaceans are just one of the things the people from Fakarava are proud of.  In the village of Tetamanu stands the oldest Catholic church in Polynesia. This is also an amazing place for divers, drift diving is extremely popular here, the coral colors were beautiful.  This Island only has a population of under one thousand people. I told Fernando "No wonder you can't find a wife, you may end up marrying a cousin."  Eric had to translate it in French, I was glad he laughed, I wasn't sure how he would take it.

He drove us to places and showed us amazing scenery that I know no one else on that ship got to see--although this was a short day and we had to be back on the ship by five it was fun.

The Fakarava School Bus

flat land coconut trees everywhere

She chopped open a coconut and we drank

white sand beaches, full of seashells, and beautiful coral

driveway to the beach

Thinking of Vi

These rocks were stacked all along the beach

put a rock on top for goof luck--mine is on the top

how'd you like this to be your backyard view?

I'm actually in the water, and a shark is within a few feet

beautiful beach views

the crab Fernando dug up

The home Fernando shares with his Grandmother

can you see the shark?---I didn't realize it until it swam just behind me

what can I say?

Mr. CocoNUT

He thinks if he holds a machete and 3 coconuts I'm impressed.....

I just loved this abandoned little port

I loved this homemade picnic table they made on the beach for the kids

Fernando's truck and the guys in the back

Fernando showing off the crab and the hats he made for everyone

I could sit here, in this place all day under a coconut tree

Tuesday SEA DAY--more like SEASICK day for me by day 13, I was physically exhausted and really missing home, my children and grandchildren.  I stayed in my room a lot of this day, not feeling well, not because of being seasick, I had a migraine, and was fearing another mini stroke.  I looked out my window and saw a half rainbow--it reminded me of Haleigh and when she and I went to Hawaii just a week before I was diagnosed with cancer, and then the day I finished chemo, the most beautiful full rainbow appeared out of the window where I was sitting--Rainbows are always a sign to me that something good is coming--

What a beautiful sight

This evening I got ready for dinner with  our new friends Antonio and Maria, Jesus and Conchi & we were invited to sit at a special table with the cruise directors on the staff.  We wondered why they invited us and we soon found out, it was because they wondered "why and how, people from Spain, Canary Islands, and the United States could all communicate and have so much fun together?"  They also wondered if something was wrong with Eric,  both of the cruise directors spoke perfect English, Russian, Spanish and French, they asked me "what language does your husband speak?" when I asked them why they said "it sounds like he puts Spanish, French, English, and Filipino all together in sentences" I laughed and responded, "nothing is wrong with him, he speaks fluent English and French, knows a tiny bit of Spanish, and any Filipino he has learned has been on this ship from the workers, he just wants to speak all of them fluent so he throws a few words of each language in here and there. it drives me crazy"  They then understood Mr. Eric.  As far as the question they had about our instant friendship with Antonio Maria, Jesus and Conchi, I told them that normally I would stick to myself, for fear of offending someone when trying to speak with them and help them understand, but they all wanted to know English so badly, they would ask us about everything, soon we were able to communicate--not sure the translations all were exactly correct, but I really fell in love with all of them.  We are hoping to see Jesus and Conchi in New York in November.  After dinner tonight I went off to bed while Eric went with the rest of them to the top of the ship to see a spectacular view of the stars.

Jesus and Conchi Antonio and Maria Eric and I