Holding Our Family in Prayer

 

Dear Frenchie,

Today has been an incredibly difficult day.

Blake called and asked whether Chloe had contacted me about a flight credit. I was confused and asked him what he was talking about. While I was still on the phone with him, Chloe called, so I switched over to speak with her.

She asked whether Blake had called or texted me about the credit. I told her he hadn’t explained anything to me, but the credit had come from the cruise. I had purchased tickets for all of us to fly to Los Angeles, and when Chloe canceled, the value of her ticket became a trip credit. Apparently, Blake wanted to use it to fly to California, while Chloe wanted to use it for something else.

I was already confused, but then Chloe told me that she and Blake were separated—and had been for quite some time. She said they were planning to get a divorce.

Eric, I was completely shocked.

I had no idea.

When I went back to my conversation with Blake, he confirmed that it was all true. He has been staying at Kaitlyn and Brian’s house. I’m grateful they have opened their home to him, but I am so worried.

Apparently, the girls have been telling him for months that he needed to tell me.

Months?

What the hell?

My heart is breaking for both of them—and really, for the entire family.

I talked with Blake for a while and told him that, if I could offer him any advice, it would be to protect the children from as much of the conflict as possible. I didn’t mean that he should hide everything from them. I meant that he and Chloe should try not to speak badly about each other in front of the children or put them in the middle of what is happening.

They are so young, and children should never feel as though they have to choose between the two people they love most.

Blake told me that Weslie had asked him, “Dad, is our family ever going to live together in the same house again?”

He was broken.

I could hear it in his voice as it cracked while he repeated her words to me. I asked him what he had said to her. He told me that he and Chloe had planned to sit down together and talk with her, but Chloe had already spoken to her about it. He was hurt that they hadn’t been able to have that conversation as a family.

I told Blake I would help him in any way he needed. I also told him I was grateful he had finally trusted me enough to tell me what was happening.

He said he hadn’t wanted to tell me because he didn’t want me to worry.

I told him never to keep something this important from me again. Of course I will worry—I’m his mother—but I can handle whatever he needs to share with me. He doesn’t have to protect me by carrying something this painful alone.

Eric, I miss you so much.

The night Blake told me, I lay in bed staring at the pillow with your face on it and cried. I wanted more than anything to hear your voice and talk through all of this with you. You would know how to calm me down. You would remind me not to react too quickly and to love everyone through it.

I’m not sure how to help Blake, and I don’t know what the right answers are. For now, I am praying and planning to go to the temple, hoping Heavenly Father will give me clarity and help me know how to support our family without making anything harder.

I wish you were here.

I love you.

Easter 2025

 

Hello, My Lover,

It has been a whirlwind of activity — moving from a 5,000-square-foot home to a 2,100-square-foot one has kept me on my toes more than I ever expected.

Yesterday, I did something sweet. I invited the kids and grandchildren over to our Gilbert home for one last dinner and a Golden Egg hunt. As the grandkids searched for eggs, I could hear you in my head — cheering them on as each one found their egg with $20 inside. I could practically feel your wink when they succeeded. I miss your belly laugh… your smile… everything about the joy you brought to even the simplest moments.

Today is Easter, and I attended my new ward. The people there are so kind, and I felt a sense of peace in their presence. Do you remember when we were deciding to move from the house on Cove? We hunted for land, but what mattered most to me was the ward. I will never forget the spirit we felt when we visited the Sixth Ward together. Yesterday, as people introduced themselves and welcomed me, I felt that same spirit — a warm reminder that I am not alone. It’s a good ward, with a beautiful mix of children, youth, and many retired couples our age. This was my third week there, and I already feel welcomed and embraced.

I grew spiritually in that old ward, surrounded by so many dear people who helped build my testimony of Christ. Today, more than ever, I remember that Jesus Christ’s sacrifice assures me we will see each other again.

I arrived at church just a little late, and as I sat in the foyer, I gazed at the life-size picture of Christ. I pictured Him standing with you, and I had a quiet conversation with Him. I know He lives. I know I will see you again. I can’t fully understand why Heavenly Father allowed His Son to suffer, knowing the pain it would bring Him, but I know it was part of His plan — a plan of love and mercy that gives me hope.

The grandchildren are growing so fast. Haleigh and her family were unable to attend today, but she sent pictures of them — and oh, they are getting so big. Ellis is tall, and Sena was sweet as ever. She reminds me so much of Haleigh at her age. Haleigh has always been a kind, gentle soul. What a joy it was to raise her! I’ll never forget her senior year of high school — so many times, she would crawl into bed next to me just to be near me, no words needed. She was my fierce advocate during my cancer journey, even without knowing it.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kayla lately. She and Jeremy are separated, and I fear their marriage may not survive. Kayla is an incredible mom and an amazing listener. I understand her more now, and through her, I’ve learned so much about Autism and the depth of patience it requires. Recker is fifteen now — big and strong like Jeremy —, and he often echoes what we say, letting me know he understands. When I say, I love you, he responds in his own beautiful way. Ezra is gentle and loving — just the other day, he ran back to me for a big hug that brought tears to my eyes. Teddy is thoughtful and kind, though he’s understandably confused about his parents’ separation.

You would be so proud of Blake. He has helped me tremendously this past year. You know he’s such a mama’s boy. He’s a hard worker, a great husband, and an incredible father. Chloe is thriving in her job at Denver’s office, and Weslie — sweet Wes — oh, she is a dancer like her mom, and she loves it. Yesterday, she kept hugging me and kept asking when she could have a “sleepover.” You know how much I adore that. She wondered about Papa — where you are, physically. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to say something her parents wouldn’t like, so I told her how much you still love her, and that one day, when it’s my time to leave this life, I’ll be with you again. She listened earnestly — I’m not sure if she fully understood, but she wanted to be comforted.

Kaitlyn and Brian are excellent. Kaitlyn works from home and really enjoys her job. I am so proud of her in so many ways. Brian works hard, and I’m grateful that they continues to lean on the Lord together. I asked Brian if he would come and dedicate our new home in The Reserve — and of course, he said he would. He is solid in the Gospel, and I am so glad he is Kaitlyn’s partner.

Phoenix is ten now — growing so fast. He loves soccer and football, and life with such joy and friendships. And Archie… you know how my heart melts with that boy. Kaitlyn may say he’s sneaky, but I’ve never seen it — to me, he is all sweetness. I love how much Archie and Phoenix adore little Florence. I feel a little sorry for the boys who want to date her someday — she is something truly special. Something spiritual and radiant. Recently, she looked up at me and said, “Do you know Jesus died for all of us?” Oh my heart. I answered, “Yes, He did — and He loves you. He loves all the people in the whole world.” She is much like Kaitlyn was at that age—full of wonder and expression. Every time she sees me, she runs with her little arms wide open and yells, “Bonbon!” — and I can’t help but laugh and melt right into her arms.

I’m so grateful we have these children of ours. Every one of them holds a piece of my heart. They are responsible, good people — and their spouses are wonderful too.

I used to tell you how sad it was that they never got to know your mom. Now I fear they may forget you. I try to remind them — especially the little ones — how much you love them.

I love you, and I always will.

Love,
Monya

Christmas 2024

 

Frenchie,

You’ve been gone for ten months now. This is our first Christmas without you.

Last night, all I could think about was how many times I drove with you on Christmas Eve to get gift cards for the kids. You loved Christmas — it was always such a big part of our children’s lives. Now, looking back on all those years, I want to establish traditions that our children and grandchildren will remember long after I am gone to be with you. I’m not very good at traditions… well, at coming up with them — so I’ll have to ask around for help.

I woke up this morning and looked at your face on the pillow, whispering a quiet Merry Christmas. I took a shower and got ready for the day, but this year I didn’t put much effort into decorating. It didn’t seem right without you. Honestly… nothing seems right without you. I’m still trying to process the fact that you are gone — and the terribly tragic moment on that beach when I watched you leave me. The nightmares are still unbearable.

This Christmas was very quiet. None of the kids came over. I drove by Blake and Chloe’s home… and then by Kaitlyn and Brian’s. But I didn’t stay. It hurts to think that our grandchildren will not know you — the laughter you brought, the joy you added to this family, especially on Christmas Day. Thank you for all the years and Christmases we spent together; they truly were magical.

Dr. Lettieri called me today to check on me. I thought that was really sweet of him — a kindness I didn’t expect, but one that warmed my heart.

I found myself thinking about that Kathy Lee watch. I teased you so much when I opened it, knowing exactly where you bought it — Walmart, the night before Christmas — with Mike Scow by your side, hunting for anything that would make Jenny and me happy. I still have that watch, still in the box it came in. You swore up and down it wasn’t from Walmart, but we both knew the truth. We got so many laughs out of that moment, and you were always such a good sport when I teased you.

I keep thinking about Christmases past — and I cannot think of one that wasn’t full of fun and joy because Christmas meant so much to you. I remember our first Christmas after we were married. We had Kayla and Blake. They were so little, but you made sure Kayla felt extra special that day. Blake was only a few months old, so we knew he wouldn’t remember — and I’m sure Kayla doesn’t either — but you bought her a little doll, and she loved it.

I was alone most of the day, and I was okay with that… until it got dark. Because then I knew I would be walking up those stairs to bed alone. And now I’m sitting on our bed, looking at your pillow and wondering what you’re doing today, where you are, who you are with. I wish I knew exactly what happens after death… all I know for sure is that I will see you again. The covenants we made in the Temple — the promises we made to each other — will make every moment of this loneliness worth it. Eternity with you sounds perfect.

I love you so much.

Merry Christmas, Babe.
Love,
Monya

Be Still My Soul

Dear Frenchie;

This has been a difficult week without you. We typically plan a summer trip to Paris, but who knows where we'd would go? IIt was always an adventure with you by my side. 'm not sure I can ever go back to Porte Jaune without you, my life is completely turned around right now and I continue to be triggered by the trauma of losing you.

Kayla has been coming over and helping me with going through your boxes upon boxes of 'stuff' that's all it is to me is just stuff without you nothing seems important to me, materially it is not the same without you. Blake's family is in California, making memories as a family. Haleigh and Scott have been gone all summer, I'm not sure when they will come home yet. I have been able to facetime with little Sena and Ellis. I can't begin to explain how important that was and I truly love her for thinking of me. Kaitlyn & Brian have been in Utah for a month or so. I sure miss them too, I tried to facetime with them but Kaitlyn never responded. She is working hard on her new job. I'm grateful she can be on vacation and work remotely. I think they came home yesterday.

When I was praying the other night I asked Heavenly Father help me make a decision about moving from this BIG house to a smaller one. Blake has been looking for me, he showed me house  he is remodeling by Lindsay and Elliott over by the Groves, you know I love the Groves. I went to look at it and it's the right size but the yard has a pool, and is bigger than I want. Luckily I have plenty of time to make those decisions. The next day after that prayer the Blandfords contacted me to say they would help me by allowing me to buy a spec home at cost. This is cheaper for a brand new house than the one Blake was showing me that was built in the 1980's.

I went to Reserve at Red Rock and found a lot I really liked. It was peaceful and quiet. Of course I am scared to death of the rattle snakes. Is this where you want me to be? Everyone in that neighborhood loves you, and I can't believe how many homes you sold.

Terry helped me walk through a couple of specs, I could feel your spirit there. You are so loved by so many of your clients ...? Is that what you call them? I spent some time with Sara and Isaiah and Saint. He is so cute and almost two next month. Sara is wanting to potty train Saint. Remember me doing that will all of our children? It seems like yesterday. Now they are potty training their own children. 

I'm waiting for the children to return from vacations so I can get their opinion. I will be sad to leave this home we have created for our family, but the upkeep and maintenance is going to kill me. I know you have always wanted to live out there in the dessert surrounded by cacti and rattle snakes. That part scares me, the walking trail is just behind lot 150 the spec I'm looking at. I thought it would be too far away from the children, but I rarely see or talk with them. Remember when Dad and Betty would get upset with us if we didn't talk constantly? I just know I should have never judged them because now as a grandmother of ten, I want to hear from them I want them to help me clear out this house but I'm afraid of getting rid of anything of yours.

Today in church I studied during the sacrament about covenants. I'm trying to keep the covenants I made with my Heavenly Father and you when we married for eternity. I will always love you with all my heart and cannot wait to see what eternity together is. I think of you 24/7 and think "What would Eric do.?" I cry daily remembering so much of our memories together, and the future memories we wanted to make with our children and grandchildren

I also looked at couples headstones together, you know I will be on top of you physically but with you in spirit when I die and I cannot wait for that day. In my bad humor I thought, "Well dad will be happy I'm on top." ha ha. But for now I will wait my time when the Lord wants me to come home, I just wish it was me first. I think the children would have liked more time with you. I love you so much, Kayla asked me about our story from beginning to end. I think I will type it up for her; I;m not sure the other kids will want to hear about you in a different light.I believe Kayla especially deserves to know the truth of what happened during that time. I wish I didn't have to do this but I know it is something she is really curious about. No matter what, I will let her know I have forgiven you and that you apologized the night at dinner in front of the Udall's the night before you died. 

I understand the shame you felt, I know you wanted to make your parents proud of you. I wish you never felt that, it was a different time in the church when we were raised and you had lovely parents who wanted to protect you. I will talk to you soon, I'm struggling right now with why Heavenly Father would take you from me at such a young age. I'm sure I'll never get that answer; I just want you back, physically with me.

See you Soon

I love you Monya

Mexico

I am so grateful to Brian and Blake; they have been helping me figure out finances. I'm going to have Ronny put me on a budget. We are fixing 604 and 605 like you and I planned, except I will not pull up the tile like you wanted. It's not necessary; it's Mexico!! We are spending the money to update them and hopefully be able to rent for a higher amount and bring in a new client who will care for those condos like we do. Flor will have to do more work; if we need to pay her more, we will; I think it might be good.

Haleigh and Scott are in California. They will be gone all summer long. Before they left, they took me to IKEA, I know what you are thinking ... "She hates IKEA." Well, you are right about that, but Scott and Haleigh were so helpful. We bought all new kitchen essentials for 604 & 605, new bedspreads, pillows etc. Brian and I picked out two sectionals, one for each condo. I asked Kaitlyn and Haleigh to pick out the color. This time I'm decorating them exactly the same. 

Brian took the furniture down last week, and Blake took three new tables for the patio at the condos. I'm worried about spending too much money, but I am listening to the kids. They have good taste. Haleigh and Scott have rentals and know how to update. Kayla has offered to do some marketing for the condos; I know we must be careful, but I think Kayla understands. She will not give our names or the condo numbers, just a condo on Sandy Beach. I'm very pleased with all the kids; they are the best thing we ever did together. I see so much of you in each one of them. I wish you could be here to see our great children. You and I can't take all the credit. We know we could have been better parents. I only remember the good stuff. Each one has their own personality and perspectives, and I think they are good humans. I love them all.

See You Soon,

I love you, Monya

New Baby Boy (Phoenix)

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2014

New Baby Boy
What is up with all this modern technology?  3D ultrasounds? When my baby girl, who's having this baby boy was in my tummy--we had an ultrasound too, it sure didn't look like this though. It showed us Kaitlyn was going to be a boy, I don't think those mistakes happen much these days.  I am so happy for Kaitlyn and Brian; they have been married for over 5 years now.  Brian has worked hard going to school full time--ASU graduate in May--perfect timing to take over Daddy daycare...?

He looks just like Brian

Especially with this smirk on his face--BRIAN

It's interesting as a parent to watch your own children grow up, fall in love, figure marriage out, and now have babies.  This little guy is arriving in February and will be our third grandson.  I have never in my life seen any girl happier about being pregnant .... Well except me, I loved being pregnant. Seriously though, Brian and Kaitlyn are so organized with the babies' room, diapers, etc.  They have no idea what is about to happen to their lives.

 The joy of parenting is indescribable, and I know they are going to be so much better at it than I ever was.  It's always been my dream that my children would raise a better generation than we did, hopefully with each generation it gets better and better.  I have no doubt this baby will be loved; our family is so excited that in just a couple short months this little guy will be all the attention.  When I look at these pictures I'm so emotionally attached to knowing where he is coming from--a perfect, peaceful, loving place, and as much as we want him to feel what he is feeling right now as he prepares to say goodbye to his great Grandad, Da Wi, cousins, and siblings he will enter this world perfect, but along the way make some mistakes.  My bonbon advice is "It's OK to make mistakes, we all do. The most important thing to learn about life is that you are loved, and it's not about how you start the race, it's all about how you end the race. Learn from every mistake, laugh it off, be happy, and share your knowledge with everyone, you are the brightest star in the sky, and I love you"

Halloween 2014

 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2014

Halloween 2014

Recker Loves Papa and Pizza

Brian and Kaitlyn--Old Couple--She's pregnant.
How'd that happen?

Brad and Betty Walmart Greeters
Haleigh & Scott

Ezra the Lion

Spreading Hope & Happiness at ASU

 

FRIDAY, APRIL 18, 2014

Spreading HOPE & HAPPINESS at ASU

I was contacted by Dr. Compton a few weeks ago via email and asked if I would be willing to speak to her eager young students at ASU about my journey with cancer. I was terrified to do it; I couldn't imagine what I could say or do to help these students interested in medicine--I agreed to do it; I was listening to my heart on this request.
Gratefully, I listened to the still, small peaceful voice inside of me and said yes. Yesterday was the day I had nothing prepared, every time I started to write notes, it was silly; I thought, "why am I writing anything down? This is my life, I've lived it, I've felt it, and I'm surviving it"  Eric, the public speaker, said, "you need to write some bullet points of what you want to cover in case you forget".....I did, but I only had to refer to them once, and that was to quote something I had written on my blog about a night I was desperate for relief.
I actually loved being able to speak with these students and Dr. Compton. I did have a hiccup; the slide show that I thought was in the order of dates was not--so it made it difficult to show them my journey through a PowerPoint with pictures from my blog and FB. When I realized this would not work, I did the best I could and spoke from my heart.
I never thought I would be able to speak for an hour and 15 minutes, but I did it--I saw one student asleep, so pretty sure that what I had to say did not resignate with all of them. Eric came to support me, and my son in law Brian happened to be on campus. He, too, came to support me, and it was good to have them there--Brian is always so good about going out of his way for things like this, I love him for so many things, and this is just another.
Just a note about Dr. Compton, she is a lovely, beautiful woman inside and out. Hopefully, those students already know what a gem of a woman she is. Doctor, mentor, and instructor. I felt at peace, I felt strong, and most of all, I felt BRAVE.

Dr. Compton and I. She is so gracious and kind

Some of the students--the girls are sisters from the Ivory Coast...One just got accepted to Medical School the other headed off for a fellowship at Harvard. Full Scholarship, such smart, lovely girls. These are our future Doctors.

Eric loved speaking with them in French.

Kaitlyn Rae

 

FRIDAY, MARCH 7, 2014(written)

Kaitlyn Rae

Friday March 6th, 2014

Happy Birthday to my cutie patootie Kaitlyn Rae. This cute girl is married, works full time to help her husband get through school, and still manages to find time to visit her OLD MAMA and spend the day. 

I vividly remember the day Dr. Lepetich did my ultrasound and announced to us as he pointed and said, "you see that? it's a boy" What a surprise it was at her birth to hear him say "oops, it's actually a girl" I didn't believe him. Eric and I had picked out a name for our new little boy. We had the bedding made for a boy and bought clothes for a boy. Eric ran to Dillards and returned with some special darling girl clothes, something special we could take her home from the hospital.

We are so blessed to have Kaitlyn in our life. She has brought so much joy to us; she has a personality bigger than life--she always has and always will. People have always told me she looks so much like me. I can't deny that--she is a spitting image of me. Sometimes it even freaks me out when I see a picture of her. Seeing her grow up and become a strong woman is a blessing to her father and me.  It's been like seeing my childhood all over again, only happy. Kaitlyn is the gift Heavenly Father gave me, so I could heal from my childhood traumas. He has allowed me to see happiness, laughter, and joy through her.

I have often watched her and been amazed at her ability to simultaneously make us laugh and be in awe. She also has much of her dad in her- she is a good combination of both of us. I love you, Kaitlyn. You have been an inspiring young lady not only to us but also to our Heavenly Father. He is pleased with who you are. 

I loved watching the Temple being erected over the last few years. I have often driven by it or parked my car as close as I could to the grounds and said a prayer. Now as all the members of the LDS church humbly celebrate with great joy in our hearts, we will continue to pray for our hearts to be softened and our souls to be moved by the spirit as we try our best to become more like the Savior.

The dedication of this beautiful building has been a long but deserving wait. There is definitely something special in the air--I am personally so beyond happy and touched by the youth in this area who worked so hard over the past few months to sing, dance, and show never-ending faith as they danced in the pouring rain, Arizona needed the rain.

I have been to many Temples throughout the world, and I know I am being biased, but, in my opinion, this is the most beautiful Temple I have ever been in. There is always opposition when Temples are built. In 2008, when this Temple was announced, our Stake President told us to be prepared for trials to come into our lives as Satan tries to lead us astray. He said now more than ever, we need our testimonies to be strong, stay close to the Lord and continue to obey the commandments as we experience these trials. I have never forgotten that talk. A year and 3 months later, I was diagnosed with cancer. I could have easily given up on God and walked away. However, because of that talk, I could cling to my Savior and rely on Him to understand what I was feeling--going through that journey was the best thing that has ever happened to my spiritual growth. I'm in a good place in my life now. I have never felt the peace in my life as I do now. Here's to 2014 being a momentous year.

Four Years and Counting

 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3, 2013

Four years and Counting

It's been 4 years now, this week, since I sat in the quiet, dark doctor's office with Eric by my side and heard those terrible words, "YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER"  WOW, time seems to creep up on me. I feel like sometimes it was yesterday we listened to those words, and then sometimes, when I think about what has transpired in our lives since that date, it seems so long ago.   I have to dedicate this blog to my family, who has stood by my side through this entire journey, and I realize this has been their journey too. Blake left for his mission for 2 years, came home, and got married. Kaitlyn and Brian married, lived in Utah, and moved back to Arizona. Kayla and Jeremy have had 2 boys born into their family, and Haleigh married Scott Bigelow. Look at all these blessings the Lord has allowed me to witness, I am so happy I have lived to see all of this, and I have faith I will live a long life, long enough to see all my grandchildren born, and I'm pretty sure we will have lots and lots of grandchildren---right? Kayla and Jeremy? Blake and Chloe? Kaitlyn and Brian? Haleigh and Scott?

 I don't think about cancer as much as I used to. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined my body would or could go through what it has been through. I was prideful and always thought, "I am healthy, I eat right, I exercise,  I will never have health issues. After all, I went from 1st grade through high school with perfect attendance in school and seminary. The 1st time I ever threw up in my life was when I was giving birth to my 1st baby during the transitional part of childbirth. My sisters both have health issues, Eric will die long before I do, and I need to keep myself in good  condition so I can be around to take care of my kids when he does."

It makes me want to throw up--what the heck was I thinking? Yes, it's good to keep yourself healthy and exercise when you can, but I was seriously way off the map on this one. My family has terrible health issues, autoimmune diseases that I can't even spell, cancer up the kazoo--every kind you can think of, arthritis, thyroid issues, and so on. Eric's family is somewhat different. His mother died of breast cancer, but as far as we know, she is the only one on her side, and Eric's dad and siblings had heart problems, but all lived well into their 80s.

I'm aware of my body now more than I ever have been in my life. I feel when something is wrong--crossing my fingers on that one-- The only thing I'm unsure of is what part of my aches and pains are from getting older and what is from family genes. Running a marathon and crossing the finish line does not replay in my mind over and over anymore. When I see other people doing it, especially people I know and love,  it makes me smile instead of frown :}  For me, life is more beautiful than it ever has been. There is so much to look forward to, so much to still learn, places to go, and people to meet. Life is just beginning--many, many more rainbows to chase.....

Meet Brian Wright

FRIDAY, AUGUST 2, 2013

Meet Brian Wright

Brian Matthew Wright

Kaitlyn and Brian

This is my son-in-law. He is married to Kaitlyn. My impression of Brian when he came to pick up Kaitlyn for their 1st date was, "This is a great guy, kind, polite, and respectful. However, as soon as he left with Kaitlyn, I looked at Eric and said, "Oh boy, Kaitlyn is going to eat him up and spit him out." Kaitlyn made it clear to us that she was not looking for a serious relationship and wanted to travel the world, attend college, and not get married until she was 25.   

Brian was a newly returned missionary, and I could see this relationship going nowhere, especially since Brian was living in Utah and Kaitlyn was a senior in high school--she had already graduated. Still, she had not walked with her class yet. Needless to say, I was wrong, and Kaitlyn fell in love and married Brian. I knew he was in love with my daughter when he continued pursuing her, driving from Utah to see her. Then, when he finally did ask Eric for her hand in marriage. Eric turned him down. In fact, he told Brian she was too young and he would have to think about it. This would be a significant red flag turn-off for some guys, but to Brian, it was just a hurdle, and he continued to persevere. I finally had to get involved and remind Eric even though she is young, she is also 18 years old and can do this with or without his permission, so he needed to either get on board or sit back and watch it happen. 
We love Brian. His parents raised him to be a hard worker, and he has shown us through his faith in the Lord he is dedicated to being an outstanding husband and someday father. Brian has been in full-time school since they moved here and was just accepted to ASU for the January session. We are so proud of him and look forward to seeing him continue to accomplish his goals. 

Haleigh & Scott Bigelow

 

MONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013

Haleigh & Scott Bigelow

I have always dreamed of having all my children's receptions in my backyard and Thursday night, which was made a reality. Our youngest daughter Haleigh was married to Scott Bigelow. We have had all of our children married within 5 years; it sounds crazy. Still, back in the olden days (haha), when Eric and I were first married, I wanted to have all my children born before I was 30 so we could enjoy them, so they could enjoy being adults with their own children together.

I can honestly say I have made oh so many mistakes along the way. I raised my voice too many times. I wish I'd been stricter with them regarding playing the piano and practicing. I should have been more patient with everyday messes that genuinely didn't matter. I worried too much about what others thought. I didn't always listen, felt I was the adult, and knew more than they did. Turns out they are the ones who have taught me to be a better person, mother, and grandmother.

Many people have asked me if I am sad about my last child leaving and getting married, and my solid answer is NO. However, as I write this post today, I am teary; I am glad the planning stages for the weddings are over, but not having my children around daily is hard--I want to hear our front door open and the little voices; yell, "mom? where are you?"  I am so blessed; all of my children have not only chosen to marry spouses whose families live within a few miles, except for Brian, whose parents live in Utah; however, they raised him in Arizona, and he has grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who live here, but who are gentle kind and supportive of them and our crazy family.

Me and My Baby Girl, Haleigh Bear

Move a Mountain

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2013

Move a Mountain

Sunday, my daughter Kaitlyn, and her husband Brian were asked to speak in church about FAITH. I was moved by their talks; Kaitlyn told of her respect and love for the FAITH her brother showed as he went out to serve a mission for the Lord in the Dominican Republic. She spoke of how he left behind so much as he journeyed out into the unknown. Relying entirely on the strength within himself and the Lord to help him through two years. When he left, he was twenty-one years old and had been struggling with some of his own demons and trials. Through those struggles, he was blessed with the ability to pull himself out of the hole he dug himself into by moving mountains with his Faith. She continued to explain to him the great blessings that would be his if he would obey and follow the gospel plan the Lord had set in motion for him.  

I know he was under the amount of worry and pain as he left our home. Still, I will never forget the look of pride when he walked into the MTC--There was a little bit of fear in both him and me. Oh, how my heart ached for him, yes, I knew Blake was worthy of being there, but that was not what put me in such anguish. Being his mother, I knew it would be the most rewarding thing he had ever accomplished and the most challenging two years of his life. The people he loved the most in the world would be facing some life-changing moments in their lives. He would not be attending his sister's wedding, the birth of our first grandchild, or the graduation of his youngest sister. But the most troubling part for me was what had I done to prepare him? I felt helpless. I, too, had to put all my Faith in the Lord and rely on him to protect and watch over my son, to lead him in direct passages that would eventually bring him home to us safe and worthy to stand as a witness. My eyes were constantly teary, wondering how he was doing, knowing he was worried about my diagnosis of cancer and that he could not be here to comfort me. He didn't know that I felt his loving arms around me on more than one or two occasions. He showed tremendous amounts of Faith while he served. I am still overwhelmed by some of the mission stories he has told me. He left unsure of the gospel, uncertain of his future, and insecure if he would ever see his mother again. Still, he came home with a perfect knowledge that the gospel is true, knowing that his future is bright if he continues to follow God's plan for him, and he came home to a mom that welcomed him with open arms and a huge heart. Kaitlyn is right, Blake is excellent, and I continue to thank Heavenly Father every day for the great man he has turned out to be--

Brian's talk was equally touching; as I listened to him speak, tears filled my eyes and eventually streamed down my cheeks. As I listened intently to the words that came out of his mouth. These words were not ordinary. He was telling the story of my life without using my name. I was prepared to hear him speak about his grandfather, who undoubtedly taught Brian the principle of FAITH. Brian and Kaitlyn have talked about him several times with sweet regard to his knowledge of the gospel, and I know he has been a forcing influence in Brian and Kaitlyn's lives.
However, in this talk he gave about FAITH, he was telling the story of a young baby girl born into a broken family. parents who were battling one with another, her father who, because of drugs and alcohol, led him to the pathway to prison. When her mother was remarried, this new father's role in her life abused her physically, mentally, and sexually. Tears began to run down Brian's cheeks, and I could hear the lump in his throat as he tried to continue with the story. He talked about how this daughter of God had made promises to the Lord and stayed worthy and close to her Heavenly Father yet abuse and trials still are a big part of her life. When she was in her twenties, another test of Faith came when she faced the death of her younger brother, yet she continued to trust in the Lord and give her heart and soul to the church and others she served. As Brian was saying these words aloud, I was becoming increasingly agitated in my seat, the anxiety was starting to surface, and I was not sure I would be able to hide it from Eric. It was like watching your life flash before your eyes, but from a different perspective than what you actually lived. It sounded so easy as Brian described my life. Not necessarily easy was the life, but easy was the FAITH he told me as having. It has caused me to think the last few days, do I have that FAITH engraved in my soul? I certainly don't remember feeling as though I was showing great Faith; it felt more like survival mode I was in--negotiations were happening daily with the Lord--"get me out of this alive, and I will serve you, I promise." 
Brian continued with his talk, speaking of the cancer I was diagnosed with, I really had no idea that my cancer had been seen by anyone as a FAITH builder...I know I speak a lot about having HOPE and FAITH, but never realized those words have penetrated the souls of some of my family members.

In challenging times, it is so easy to give up and turn away from the very thing that can help us through the fiercest adversity of our lives. I know it is impossible to predict an end to our trials and problems of life, but I know I can promise this bit of HOPE if we have FAITH in Jesus Christ, the hard times, as well as the good times, can be a great blessing to us, this strength will give us FAITH to move a mountain.

It's a Wonderful Life

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2012

It's a wonderful life

Unbelievably I have never seen the movie "It's a wonderful life" my sister Sonya has always watched it every year and encouraged me to do the same, but until this year I never took her up on that challenge. We went to the Cinemark movie theater in Tempe as a family to watch it on the big screen. WOW, what a fantastic old movie. Even in black and white, I was mesmerized by the story and genuinely enjoyed it.

Sometimes, we all get down on ourselves and forget to recognize the good we do. Even trivial things can change a life. I have often thought, "What if, and should I have done this differently, or why did I do that?" I have not always believed that people come into our lives for a reason or that some of the trials or even joys we have in our lives are meant to be. They just happen. I no longer believe this to be true. Of course, we have the agency to choose good or bad choices, but they always come with a consequence. Agency is never FREE.  I have a feeling if any of us were to be in the same position as George (It's a wonderful Life) and allowed to see what the world would have been like if we were never born, we would all be surprised at the things we do daily that has changed someone's life. Not only to our families and ourselves but to the everyday person we pass on the street or see in the store.  A smile or a simple "hello, can I help you" would and could change a life.

On Christmas Eve, we had all of our children and their families over for dinner. The only instructions I gave them were to be prepared to share a story of Christmas or one of their most memorable Christmas. I opened by reading "The Christmas Train" by Thomas S. Monson. Then I shared a few of my favorite Christmas memories, one being remembered as a child.  My mother gave me a white Holy Bible with my name inscribed on the front. I thought I was never going to stop smiling. I still have that Bible. Another story I told was about when Eric and I were dating. His mom bought me a gift, but miss placed it. She searched and searched and felt so badly thinking she had thrown it out with the garbage by accident.  I never cared about that gift, but I did care about that fact that I knew she loved me, she always showed me love and genuine compassion, to me that alone was worth more than anything she could of bought from a store.  The last story I told was when Blake was on his mission, that very 1st Christmas, I was going through my chemo treatments, oh how I missed him and honestly was not feeling well, not knowing if I would ever see him again made my heart hurt, but hearing his voice on Christmas day I think was the best Christmas gift I have ever been given.

Haleigh, my youngest daughter just got engaged a few days before Christmas to Scott Bigalow.  He told a story about his father dying when he was only 8 years old, before that time his dad was always the one who provided the mountain bikes and fun gifts for the boys, but the year he died was Christmas he said he would never forget.  They had no money and I'm sure his mom was  worried about how she would pay for food and utilities, in other words Christmas gifts were probably not on the top of the list of things to do.  One night his family was home and they heard noises outside, they all ran to see what was going on, it was Brad Wardrop hanging Christmas lights on their home.  He was a neighbor and close friend of the family. As tears ran down Scott's face I wondered if Brad even knew what an impact he had made on this kid.

Blake told stories from his mission, tears filled his eyes when he talked about those two Christmas's away from his home, but one, in particular, that really left a lasting impression on him. He said it was a Christmas he will never forget, the best Christmas he has ever had and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with the gifts he received , in particular,but more about the service he was able to give.

My son-in-law Bria rarely cries in 4 years, Kaitlyn said she has only cried once when his grandmother passed away.  I was impressed with his ability to see past all of the "fun" in Christmas. The 1st words out of his mouth were, "my heart hurts tonight for all of the mothers and fathers who will have a hard time going to sleep not knowing how they will provide a memorable Christmas for their children" I immediately put a blanket over my face as not to look at him while he cried. He could hardly speak, and I was weeping underneath my blanket. Quietly saying a prayer, one for all those families, and two telling Heavenly Father thank you for my family, we are truly blessed. I am blessed to have such a wonderful son in laws and a beautiful daughter-in-law who also lost her mother in December of 2009.

They all shared stories and thoughts, by the end of the night there were no dry eyes, we made a family goal for 2013, we said a family prayer, and ate cheesecake.

I truly do have a wonderful life.

Celebrating our Freedom, God Bless the USA

 

SATURDAY, JULY 9, 2011

✭Celebrating our Freedom, God Bless the USA ✮

My cute Hales and I

✭Kayla and I✭

✭Me and Kaitlyn✭

✭Recker, Jeremy, and Kayla Roussel✭

✭Eric getting a little crazy in the streets of Mexico✭

✭Chasen and Eric Dancing✭

✭Chasen, Michael, Shelby madison Halcomb✭

✭Sand on my towel-thanks Reck✭

✭Recker loves Mango✭

✭Me and Hales✭

✭Recker loves the Ocean and Laffy Taffy✭

✭Recker fell asleep in the Pool with Eric✭

✭Brian and Kaitlyn✭

✭Greg and Lindsey Smart✭

For the past few years, we have celebrated the 4th of July in Mexico ✭ It Probably seems kind of strange to be celebrating an American holiday in another country. Still, we absolutely love it, and it's always a huge celebration ✭ The Halcombs are our good friends. They also like to celebrate in Mexico, so we always have an extensive bar b que with them, play volleyball, soccer, and the home run derby. ✭ By the way, Teresa and I tied for 1st place this year ✭ those youngsters have nothing on us old women. This year we had 13 people in our condo--Kayla, Jeremy, Recker, Skyler, Jessica, Kaitlyn, Brian, Lindsey, Greg, Haleigh, Emily, ✭ Eric, and I. ✭