"See You Soon"

 I got out of bed at 6:30 a.m. this morning. I didn't sleep last night, staring at the ceiling fan going around and around. The sun came up, and I knew I only had a couple of hours to be ready to go to my sweet, sweet husband's funeral. I wanted to look pretty for him but knew that would not happen. I've been crying for over two weeks; my eyes are puffy, and the crooked face is not helping. I keep trying to remember to let go of things I have no control over, but this is too hard. 

I wore a black dress with a white waistline. I have lost so much weight worrying about my children and how I could make things better. I weighed myself this morning, and I was 126 pounds. I'm afraid of losing anymore. I'm in a size 4. Nothing in my closet fits. I really wanted to look suitable for Frenchie today. While getting ready, I thought, "Who am I trying to impress? No one; Frenchie was my only love, and I've always wanted to look my best for him."

My talk would not print off. Blake called and said Chloe was on her way to pick me up. It was so frustrating. I finally grabbed my laptop and purse and greeted Weslie and Zeek at the door. Big hugs for Bonbon. I love them with all my heart. I remember when Vi passed on, Ben was the oldest grandson. He was so young, and today, he attended Ton Ton's funeral as a husband and father of four, with the oldest being older than he was when she died. Where does the time go?? 

We finally made it to the church. Eric's casket was already in the Relief Society room, so I sat in the front row. The florals Haleigh Brownlee made are so beautiful. Doran and Shannon came with their families. I haven't seen all of them together for years. Kurt, Amy, and their families arrived, and Dean and Raylani's families came in. I think I'm getting old. Uncle Mike came in and sat right next to me. I love having him here. He had on a dark blue suit and tie and looked so handsome.

When everyone was seated, Bunker Funeral Home directors approached me and asked if I wanted to assist them in putting the cap on Eric to finish off his beautiful Temple clothes. A rush of anxiety rushed through my veins; I had no idea they would open the casket today. I assisted or watched as they put on his cap, kissed him on the forehead, and sat down. Then, they asked if anyone wanted to come forward to say their final goodbyes to Eric. I didn't know that was going to happen either. Dwight grabbed Blake and walked him up to see Eric; I was so nervous for Blake. He didn't want to see his dad. I wondered what he was thinking. Karen Gruninger bought fourteen leis from Hawaii, and we all wore them. Mine was purple and white and smelled pretty.

We walked as a family behind the casket and took our seats in the front rows. My heart was racing; how was this even possible? We were supposed to have another twenty to thirty years together. I left my phone at home and regretted it later. Plus, I know Eric would have wanted me to take many pictures. Bishop Witt Randall was conducting; Terry Lents stood and told great memories of working with Eric for thirty years, and then he opened with a prayer. Eric would have loved to have people of other faiths, and he loved Terry. Kurt talked of his memories with Eric growing up. Dwight and Kendall Ray shared their memories of Eric, too. Brent Slade sang How Great Thou Art. The spirit was so strong, and the music beautiful. I know Eric loved hearing Brent's voice. Blake and my girls were brave and poignant when speaking about their dad. Clyde Bawden played the most beautiful medley of songs. I thought my legs would give out on me walking up to the pulpit. Thank you, Haleigh, for walking up with me. I have no idea what I said, but there was nothing in my notes.

The closing Hymn was God Be With You Till We Meet Again. Then Doran said the closing prayer. Many people were at the burial, and it was an honor to be Eric's wife. Brian dedicated the grave, and it was beautiful. Brian has always been good at everything he does.

Weslie came and sat on my lap; she was crying really hard. I tried to comfort her but also wanted her to know it was ok to cry; she missed Papa. I put my lei' on his casket; my grandchildren put lei's on his casket, too. Then, we watched as they lowered the casket to the ground. This day was an unbelievable tribute to my sweet Frenchie. He would have been so proud of his children, I was.

What is your life for?

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2016

What is your life for?

Abraham Lincoln inspirationally asked the question:

"What is your life for?"
And answered his own question with this answer:
"It is for you."

I ask, "Do you love your life?"

I bought front-row seats for Hilary Weeks' concert a few months ago, and the show was held two weeks ago. I had no idea her Song Love Your Life would be her theme. I love Hilary! She is a woman after my own heart, trying to make a difference in the world with a positive, happy attitude.

Hilary's set was absolutely inspiring.

We only have one life to live, and I want to love my way through mine. There is so much negative influence in the media you don't need to search for it. Feeding your mind with constant adverse information is not only damaging to your soul, but it also affects your life.

You don't need to be monetarily rich to contribute significantly. So many people worry they need an amazingly great idea to be famous or influential, to make a difference. This is simply not true. I've seen small children make purposeful decisions that connect them with others. If we could all see the world through the eyes of a child, we'd see some amazing things.

Sadly, many people go through life believing that no one would miss them if they were to die. They genuinely think it would have been best if they had not been born-this saddens me and makes my heart hurt. I wish so badly for everyone to know their life matters; they are essential and alone can make a difference. How? By the small acts of kindness, they offer others daily. A smile says I care, and it does not cost anything. We each have a chance to draft our own story; it does not matter what adversity or trial you have had; make a choice every day to be happy and wake up with the attitude of joy and goodwill.

Intentionally make a difference in the lives of other people and yourself by making a difference with whatever you have, wherever you are. This does not require being in a position of power; it just requires you to be you. Love your life, and I promise it will rub off on the people surrounding you.  

My life is half over, and that is if I intend on living until, I am 106...I will!! Truthfully, I have spent the first half of my life selfishly worrying more about my problems. It took a life-altering experience to change my story; I now understand the only person who can write and finish my story is me...I am the author of my life, and I cheerfully realize there is no limit to the transformations I can and will make. 

Using my own life to positively impact and help change the lives of others is exciting. How powerful is it to completely control your thoughts and feelings? Once you understand and internalize this type of thinking, there are no limits to the change you can make in the world. If you have a heart and see a need to revise, you are on to something good; go with those feelings. Make a difference. Act on your instincts. Your passion will give you the leverage you need to make a meaningful change in someone else's and your own life.

Monya Williams

Hilary Weeks My New BFF

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 18, 2015

Hilary Weeks, my new BFF

Lunch with Hilary-😘

A few months ago, Hilary Weeks emailed me to schedule a time to meet and go to lunch. With so much going on, it was easier to make that happen now.

Everyone knows I fly for free, so I got on a plane, flew to Utah stayed with one of my oldest and dearest friends Teri Padovich. We had so much fun catching up, laughing, actually laughing a lot. We talked a lot. We haven't seen each other for so long. I was a little worried about her reaction to my face. She didn't skip a beat; we hugged and went off. It was like old times; I needed this time away from Arizona.

While Teri was working, I met Hilary for lunch; good thing I knew what she looked like because we hadn't at that point exchanged phone numbers. I knew I was supposed to meet her in Harvest restaurant at Thanksgiving Point. I immediately recognized her and apologized for being late; those GPSs don't always give the correct directions.

I have to say, meeting Hilary was excellent for me; what a ray of light she gives out. Her spirit is inspirational; I could feel her sincerity. It's rare to find people you can truly connect with on a spiritual level. It felt like we'd been friends forever; she was beautiful inside and out. Just as I love the Live Happy campaign, Hilary has her own called Live Positive. You are truly missing out if you still need to get the app on your phone. Keep track of happy thoughts,  type journal entries, make goals, and earn inspirational quotes. You can even form groups of people to do it with.

I loved talking with Hilary; she has 4 daughters and met her husband while he was on his mission in Alaska --she thought Elder Weeks was pretty cute and pretty inspirational himself. A few years later, she was walking on the BYU campus when she saw him for the 1st time since Alaska. She said she yelled, "Elder Weeks" He turned, saw her, and ditched his friends; the rest is history. I love her music, I've heard her speak, and my heart has been drawn to her for so many reasons. Now I know why. She is so positive, loves her family, and has a burning desire to improve the world.

After lunch, we exchanged phone numbers, and to my surprise, she texted me and invited me to attend the Women's broadcast with her and 3 of her daughters. Teri dropped me off at Hilary's house. I met her daughter and her husband (Elder Weeks). What a great family.

I love these cute girls....❤️👀

Sitting in the woman's broadcast with Hilary and her girls was fun. When it came time to sing, my instinct was to pick up the hymn book and sing. Suddenly, I realized I was sitting next to Hilary Weeks. Her music has inspired me and helped me through some incredibly rough times...this was really surreal. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to her voice sing. Janice Kapp Perry was also in the congregation--I was surrounded by inspiration.

 Of course, I wished my daughters could have been with us too.  I am an avid note taker. I have stacks of journals and notepads full of the notes I have taken from special talks and thoughts I spontaneously have while visiting Mayo Clinic. Some of the most important life lessons I've learned are written down and journaled. I sometimes go back and review them, and often I am so surprised at the words I have written. How easy it is sometimes to forget the lessons we learn at poignant times of our life. I'm so grateful for having those detailed memories to look back on. This visit with Hilary and her family will always be one of those memories. The Lord has truly blessed me with good people in my life. Hilary and I will be forever friends now.  

This is truly a beautiful woman inside and out.

Notes from Conference 

Toilet Phone

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 28, 2014

Toilet Phone

Tonight, I cannot sleep, it's 12:15, the house is quiet as all are asleep and I am lost in thought.  Last week I lost my phone to the toilet--I tried all the tricks--I heard putting it in rice would help, but not for me I left it there for 4 days and still no good. I missed a Mayo appointment, but other than that I don't think I missed much. It was nice not being responsible, but I admit I realized how much I have come to rely on that device.  Eric was more worried about it than I was because he likes to call me throughout the day and check to see how I am. We do not have a landline here at our home, so, unless I was with one of my children, he had no way of contacting me. So with that being said I now am the owner of a new phone, thank you, Eric.

I will be visiting Mayo Clinic with Dr. Barrs on Wednesday morning. I hope all is going well with the healing, I am supposed to go back to work on February 4th.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am looking forward to it. With the merger between USAirways and American, it is important I am there to keep up with the latest and get the training I need.

My right ear is draining quite a bit. I've been leaving the cotton ball out so it can dry out, this was Dr. Barr's suggestion, but I'm pretty sure it's getting infected. I can feel it in my right jaw, behind the ear, and down into my neck.  It aches constantly, but I refuse to take pain pills. I've tried some herbal remedies, but nothing will work like a good ole narcotic, and I really don't want to go through what I went through to get off of them while I was dealing with my chemo and radiation.

I've gotten some energy the past couple of weeks, I've been juicing all my veggies and fruits in the morning, and it has helped me not only get the nutrition I need but give me some energy to get out of the house. I went to church on Sunday and did not wear my mask--I have a hard time breathing in it, but I understand the risk also. I'm ready to get on with life, no mask, no medicine, no blogging about my broken heart every time another trial comes.  I don't think I can cry anymore, it's time for me to dry my eyes, wipe off all the tears, stand up, let the sunlight in, and start living again.

I will never take my ears or hearing for granted again--3 weeks of literally not being able to hear were overwhelming to me, the only thing that helped me through it was reading, I read the entire book of Preach my Gospel, with special attention to reading chapter 6 on the attributes of Christ. What I learned from this experience is that I was lifted up and helped through those agonizing weeks.  I have nothing to complain about; when I see the Lord someday, I want to be able to say to him "Thank you, thank you for being my friend during those 3 weeks, for you were the only one I KNEW understood what I was feeling and all the fears I had" I will glory in his name all the days of my life, but also I am thankful he allowed my hearing to return in that left ear, the day it popped, and I could hear again was amazing--the birds seemed to chirp louder than I had ever heard, the phone rang more than I wanted, but the thing I loved the most was hearing music again, Sunday I could hardly get through the music, and continually watched Stephen Phelps play his testimony through his music, magically this man can calm my heart with his incredible way of putting my life in perspective, music is my way of communicating to my own heart what I am feeling. Thank you, Eric, for bringing a sense of humor to the situation.  I sometimes forget to just laugh at myself, if my story was written I really think it would be hard for some to believe, and maybe even I would laugh--but with It's time for me to try and sleep and to leave with this final thought for my children and family:

“Life is an opportunity; benefit from it.
Life is beautiful. Admire it.
Life is a dream. Realize it.
Life is a challenge. Meet it.
Life is a duty. Complete it.
Life is a game. Play it.
Life is a promise. Fulfill it.
Life is sorrowful. Overcome it.
Life is a song. Sing it.
Life is a struggle. Accept it.
Life is a tragedy. Confront it.
Life is an adventure. Dare it.
Life is life, Fight for it.”

~ Mother Teresa

Dave Cluff

MONDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2013

Dave Cluff

My visiting teacher Marion Priday sent me a text last week asking me if I would like to have a song that Dave Cluff sang in sacrament sung in our home. Oh, how I love music and was so happy when Dave and Kathi moved back into our ward; he has a beautiful voice. I asked Marian if we could do it on a different day, as I was really not feeling good that day. So, Dave and Kathi, along with Kathi's sister, came over to our home last Sunday, and he sang "O Holy Night" It was beautiful; I was touched by the spirit through Dave and his flawless beautiful voice. These are the people I love to surround myself with, uplifting, faithful, unconditionally loving people. Eric and I talked about it after they left, and we both agreed it was a selfless move for Dave to leave his family and home and give such a great gift to our family and leave us with the feeling that all is well.

Before he began to sing, he started by asking if we remember Wally and Brian Slade singing this in our Church meetings years ago. We agreed that we had and loved it. Dave then said, "this will not be as good as them, and he laughed: I've always told Debbie and Wally if their children lived in my home, I would make them sing for their dinner--but Dave was oh so delicate and beautiful as he sang, and I loved every second of it--thank you to the best visiting teachers for making this happen.

I apologize if I offended someone in my last post; I know I did by the comment left, so I have decided it is best to make my words private. I read it repeatedly, and I am unsure if the person thought what I was saying was not true or if they were upset at what the doctor said. Still, with that being said, you have to remember this doctor was not acting as my doctor. I went to him as a friend, and he gave me his answer as a friend--I removed his comment and yours.

Thank You to all who have supported me and given me unconditional love and support, and to those who have anonymously left me comments that help me remember my room for error at times.

Monya

 

Thanksgiving Medley

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2013

Thanksgiving Medley

Sunday morning, November 24, 2013

Eric and I moved to Gilbert over 26 years ago. We are both natives of Arizona; I'm from Phoenix, and Eric is from Mesa. We moved into the sixth ward when Haleigh was only 18 months old; now, she is married. We raised all 4 of our children in Gilbert, and every one of my children was baptized on their birthdays in this ward--the sixth ward will always be home to me. I will never forget our 1st Sunday attending this ward. We met in the Val Vista Stake Center building. Elouise Cluff was our Relief Society President. She came up to me with her big, huge smile, put her arms around me, and said, "You must be sister Williams. Let me show you where the Primary and nursery children meet......"

I felt special. She already knew who I was. I have to say even my children who are married and gone say there is no ward like the sixth ward. Bishop Wally Slade welcomed us with open arms and a giving heart. This ward was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. I distinctly remember sister Harbertson bearing testimony. When she spoke, it pierced my heart. One of the most powerful testimonies I have ever heard came from a young adult in this ward, Ally Packard visiting from BYU. Her testimony of Christ and his teachings touched me. I connected with her without her even knowing. She said she was searching for a testimony, her own, separate from parents or teachers; through her study and prayer, she had come to know for herself that HE lives. I could go on forever about the examples of faith and hope in this ward I live in. I have loved every gospel doctrine teacher; Brother Steve Peterson and Brother Stephen Phelps taught me so many lessons about the Savior and the Atonement of Jesus Christ-- I realized this morning I have been in Gilbert longer than I lived with my parents. I have always had a testimony of Christ, but I would be lying if I said the men and women of the sixth ward haven't helped me to anchor it, keep it burning in my heart.

This morning when I prayed, I asked if the Lord would please let my mom and dad see a glimpse into my life now, let them know the woman I have become. I'm trying hard to do what is right, live a Christ-centered life, and make them proud of me. Please let them know I have a forgiving heart and enjoy the simple things in life, and because of every trial, bump, or bruise, I have learned to be a fighter, a survivor, and to lean on the Lord for guidance. In other words, I am who I am because of the good and bad I've experienced and will yet experience in my life. I don't try to fully understand what happens between the period of death and the resurrection. Still, we have a chance to redeem ourselves for mistakes we've made, especially those that concern our eternal families. I have seen the physical reaction, and tole PRIDE takes on a body; it can destroy lives. It makes me want to say sorry to anyone I've ever hurt. My heart has really changed. This is yet another experience I needed in my life--I Will Never Be the Same--

I'm not feeling terrific. My ear is pounding. I don't know if I can make it through the meetings today. I love the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and for the 20 years we have been in this ward, I have sung with the choir--The Thanksgiving Medley- arranged by Stephen Phelps and Eloise Cluff. Today, I won't be able to sing. A nasty sore throat and a pounding ear do not make for a good combination--

Sunday, November 24, 2013, 4:30 pm

I decided there was no way I could miss hearing the choir sing or Stephen Phelps play the Thanksgiving Medley--Today, they announced Stephen Phelps has played this arrangement 32 years in a row in the sixth ward; I'm so glad I didn't miss it. I teared up, like I always do, some because I couldn't sing today and mainly because no music arrangement has ever touched me like that one...I love it. 

Moorea Days 5,6 & 7

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2013

Moorea days 5, 6 & 7

Monday morning, woke up said my prayers no scriptures, I can't figure out how to read them on my phone--I like the books better--I like to mark them and return to read dates I have entered and remember what was happening in my life--I don't think you can do that on a phone--besides when Eric's dad passed away all the kids wanted his scriptures--so call me old fashioned but I'm stickin to the hard covers--ha ha--maybe a good excuse this time to not read on vacation--I thought I would be able to do it on my phone but after an hour I gave up--
Eric and I went to breakfast. There is no doubt I will be going on a crash diet when I get home, I have not eaten this much in 3 years.  I'm trying to eat all the fresh fruit possible, but it also has some aftereffects on my body.  I've decided there is most definitely a reason Tahitians are such large people--they eat, and they eat a lot.

Today we had no plans, we got our swimsuits on knowing we would be in water at some point. We then went to the activities center where we decided our activities for the day. The beach we wanted to go to is called Coco Beach and we soon found out it was closed today. So as Eric does what he does best, walking around talking to everyone, in whatever language he could, I sat in a lounge chair, hat on, listening to music and enjoying the scenery.  Soon Eric came back and said, "Monya come with me, hurry fast" my first thought was "oh boy, I'm in trouble when he is this excited it is usually something to scare me" I fear sharks, and snakes--good news there are no snakes on Tahiti Islands.  He had signed me up with a trainer to swim with a dolphin--seriously?  No WAY--I met with the trainer, and felt much better, it was a controlled environment, and these dolphins were raised in captivity, the only deciding factor for me was that I could see through the crystal-clear water and knew exactly what swimming around me would be. I was proud of myself, and I could see the smile on Eric's face as I entered the water with a dolphin, a real live dolphin. I played with him, touched him, swam with him, and even kissed him--it was incredible--I overcame an excessively big fear today.

Huge step in life for me---I never thought I had the courage

Isn't he cute?

Later we went to dinner at a small place called Snacks Mahala, I had fresh Maui Maui-I was not really impressed it was a little mushy for me.  Eric had fresh tuna with coconut milk & rice a traditional Tahitian meal, he said it was good, but honestly, I don't think Eric would ever say if it was bad. I did get a little sunburned today and I got a text from Dr. PK, he wanted to tell me in person, but didn't want to wait for someone else to tell me either--(Heather did) he got a couple of offers to work in North Carolina, he is leaving November 1st. My heart is broken, I will miss him, he will always be a part of my life, and I know he is doing what is best for his little family. I couldn't help but think about what a huge influence he has had in my life, helping not only get through my treatments with the Villain but in other ways I can never explain.  We will be forever friends no matter where he lives, he has a great family, we will just have to visit him and his family. I hope Heather goes with him, she needs a fresh start in her life, new surroundings, and her true love is waiting for her.

Tonight, when we got back to our bungalow to watch the sun go down, we were able to face time the kids and Eric's brother Kurt who served his mission in Tahiti.  It was fun sharing some of his memories, I've always had a special love for Kurt, he and his mom had a special bond.

Tuesday Day 6
Woke up to the beautiful sunrise and mesmerizing blue ocean, said my prayers, no scriptures but tried to read a little bit of the Miracle of Forgiveness online--still a chore for me.  Throughout the day, I pondered on the beauty of this place, how blessed I am to be here, not only because I work for the Airlines and it allows us to do these fun things together, but also to be alive, to be sharing memories my children will take with them when I am gone--this is why I write my journal and blog my thoughts--for them and my grand-kids and hopefully their grand kids.
Well today is going to be one that will go down in history--Eric signed us up for a boat ride to see the stingrays, I've done it once before with my children, didn't like it then and am not happy about it today. I know how much Eric loves the water and the sea life, so we went, I wanted him to have a wonderful experience.  I only like ocean water if I can see the bottom, I like to see what is lurking around my feet. Our tour guide today is Siki, he was born and raised here on this Island. He looks and talks like he is from Jamaica, we thoroughly enjoyed him and his humor. 

On this tour we had about twenty people on the boat, Siki was so good about explaining the history of the Island. When we arrived at the stingrays, Eric forgot to tell me there would also be sharks swimming around. There was NO WAY I was getting in that water. --Eric was one of the first to get in. I took a ton of pictures and he was having so much fun, but my heart was pounding because I knew he was going to encourage me with the help of Siki to enter the water and enjoy the moment--sure enough--they urged me inch my inch into the water--he took me by the hand, I was in shark infested waters--me, the one who swore "if I don't get in the ocean I won't get eaten" my entire body was in shock, I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack. I wondered why I didn't get warned to bring some Xanex. I have had to train my mind over the past couple of years to tune out the bad and focus on the good, in every situation. 

BAD-sharks swimming & surrounding me, we're not talking about a few there were 100's 

GOOD- I did it and I'm alive.

I got comfortable with the stingrays, I rubbed a piece of fish on its nose, and it would just follow gracefully through the water following me, but being a mother, I wanted to kiss him and rub his neck at the same time--

FACT--they have no neck, their mouth is where my finger went and he sucked it hard, I screamed out loud, it hurt-it was my fault, but it was enough for me, I got back in the boat.  We all got back in the boat and went to a secluded beach where Siki taught us how to make ceviche, grilled maui maui, grilled chicken, rice, pineapple, and coconut.  It was another wonderful day of exploration and breaking through some fears.

Tonight, Eric shared something with me, he said his mother was like me, afraid of the water, she too always waited to see the bottom. I smiled, I loved this that he shared with me, if there were any woman in the world, I would gladly have anything in common with-it would-be Viola Williams--I love her.

Me and the stingray--who sucked my finger

black tip sharks everywhere--Supposedly not dangerous

Me and Siki--he was proud of me

 

Last Sunset in Moorea

 Wednesday day 7
Today we must be gone from our bungalow by four. I miss my children and grandchildren so much. This morning Eric and I took a kayak out to where the sharks and stingrays were, he wanted to get one more look. It was a peaceful ride both in harmony with our ores as we synchronized them to make sure we were heading in the right direction; at one point we got caught on some coral and Eric had to get out of the Kayak and lift us out to help us get going in the right direction.  As I thought about that later, it is so much like life, sometimes even our marriage we have gotten off the path we are supposed to be on both wanting the same goal but both getting there in a different direction. The Lord lifts us and helps us to get back on track, so many times HE has helped me get back on track, if there is one sure thing I know, it is that Heavenly Father loves every one of his children, it brings great sorrow to him to see his children struggle. We sometimes forget the straight and narrow way can never be done without the help of the spirit constantly in our lives.  There have been times I have felt "Oh I really blew it this time,  all my chances of getting back on track are gone, I need more patience, I need to be more kind, compassionate and just a little more like HIM" I am so grateful we have chances to change, even the best of people make mistakes and need a hand or prayer to help get them back on the straight and narrow way--I pray I can be that person for someone I love, as I have felt it in my life from others who have lifted me up and comforted me even when they knew I was not where I needed to be spiritually in my life.

Faith Hill & Tim McGraw

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 22, 2013

Faith Hill & Tim Mcgraw

In August, I bought tickets to give to Eric for Christmas. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill 2nd row seats were incredible, worth every penny. We flew to Las Vegas (not my favorite place in the world) and stayed at a genuinely nice hotel, smoke-free, with no casino, and off the strip it was perfect.
Here are a few of the pictures from that night

Tim waiting for Faith to get on Stage--right before this he shook my hand
and tipped his hat to me--woot woot

2nd row

Favorite part--he gave this man his guitar. Tim said
"any man who wears a pink shirt to a country concert
deserves to have my guitar."

She is beautiful

Live like you were dying--brought tears to my eyes

Mommy *Mom* *Ma* *Mama* *Mother*= Maid

SUNDAY, MAY 8, 2011

Mommy*Mom*Ma*Mama*Mother=Maid

Me and Hales

Me and Kayla

Brian Me and Jeremy

Eric and I
Me and Katilyn

Today is Mother's Day; I woke up so excited to talk to Blake, but if I'm sincere, that excitement was quickly replaced with resentment and anger. I came downstairs, and the kitchen was a mess. I had to hand wash 2 sinks full of dirty dishes ... really? I opened the shutters in my kitchen, hoping the sunshine would bring some light into my heart. Uh, that didn't work. The more I washed, the angrier I got; I  was expecting to not be the maid today. I expressed myself to one of my children (by the way, this was my 1st of many mistakes today)
Ryan Durfee spoke in Sacrament today, homecoming from his Brazilian mission. My heart began to soften as he talked about his mother and many mothers' sacrifices for their children. My mind started thinking about my own mother. I wonder what she is doing today? I wonder if she wishes she had 2 sinks full of dishes she could do? How could I be upset over something small and insignificant this morning? The truth is being a mother is hard. I honestly have not felt like I did this morning in over 2 years. I realize now that the adversary tries so hard to break up families, and in contentious times there can be no light, only darkness, and that is how I felt this morning. It was awful. 

Tears filled my eyes as Brother Phelps began playing "The Spirit of God" (the traditional closing song in our ward when RMs give their talk). I could feel the music in my heart (literally). It was so loud the Bishop's son was sitting in front of me, plugging his ears. Brother Phelps never disappoints; the right music always, without fail, brings the spirit to my soul. I'm grateful for the Atonement in my life. I love the knowledge that I can renew the covenants I have made with the Lord every Sunday during Sacrament and ask for forgiveness for the little things I've done during the week, the things I need to work on.
I'm ending this Mother's Day tonight with gladness and thankfulness for the children my Heavenly Father has entrusted me with.   

Blake brought joy and happiness into our home today as he spoke to each of us; I told him as I hung up how much I loved him and that the next time we talk, I will be hugging him-only 4 months left. Kayla and Jeremy came over and made dinner. Kayla is such a great mom, and Jeremy has been a loving and supportive husband and now daddy. Haleigh is so sweet to me, and I love to sit and listen to her; she is wise beyond her years spiritually. Kaitlyn is most like her mother, and I'm not sure if that is good or bad, but I know that she has a deep, strong testimony of God, and I cannot take any credit for finding the answers all on her own. Brian was so sweet today. Right before the Sacrament, he handed me a copy of his Patriarchal Blessing; I asked if he wanted me to read it. He nodded, "yes" He has been promised some specific blessings; after reading his gift, I have thought about it all day, and I realized tonight his benefit is detailed and more specific to him than any blessing I have ever read. I was honored that he allowed me to read such a special blessing; he is the best man,  Kailtyn could have chosen for a husband.   
As I kneel to say my personal prayers tonight, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity I have had so far in my life to be a mother. Times are not always easy, choices are not always black and white, and tempers sometimes get in the way of allowing a family to grow to its potential, but the good news is that we (I) can try harder tomorrow to be better than I was today. Love being a mother; it's the most rewarding and spiritual experience I have ever had... I love you, Kayla, Blake, Kaitlyn, and Haleigh more than you will ever know; please be patient with me, I'm still learning, and the good news is that you will have the opportunity to be a better parent than I have been to your children.