Holding Our Family in Prayer

 

Dear Frenchie,

Today has been an incredibly difficult day.

Blake called and asked whether Chloe had contacted me about a flight credit. I was confused and asked him what he was talking about. While I was still on the phone with him, Chloe called, so I switched over to speak with her.

She asked whether Blake had called or texted me about the credit. I told her he hadn’t explained anything to me, but the credit had come from the cruise. I had purchased tickets for all of us to fly to Los Angeles, and when Chloe canceled, the value of her ticket became a trip credit. Apparently, Blake wanted to use it to fly to California, while Chloe wanted to use it for something else.

I was already confused, but then Chloe told me that she and Blake were separated—and had been for quite some time. She said they were planning to get a divorce.

Eric, I was completely shocked.

I had no idea.

When I went back to my conversation with Blake, he confirmed that it was all true. He has been staying at Kaitlyn and Brian’s house. I’m grateful they have opened their home to him, but I am so worried.

Apparently, the girls have been telling him for months that he needed to tell me.

Months?

What the hell?

My heart is breaking for both of them—and really, for the entire family.

I talked with Blake for a while and told him that, if I could offer him any advice, it would be to protect the children from as much of the conflict as possible. I didn’t mean that he should hide everything from them. I meant that he and Chloe should try not to speak badly about each other in front of the children or put them in the middle of what is happening.

They are so young, and children should never feel as though they have to choose between the two people they love most.

Blake told me that Weslie had asked him, “Dad, is our family ever going to live together in the same house again?”

He was broken.

I could hear it in his voice as it cracked while he repeated her words to me. I asked him what he had said to her. He told me that he and Chloe had planned to sit down together and talk with her, but Chloe had already spoken to her about it. He was hurt that they hadn’t been able to have that conversation as a family.

I told Blake I would help him in any way he needed. I also told him I was grateful he had finally trusted me enough to tell me what was happening.

He said he hadn’t wanted to tell me because he didn’t want me to worry.

I told him never to keep something this important from me again. Of course I will worry—I’m his mother—but I can handle whatever he needs to share with me. He doesn’t have to protect me by carrying something this painful alone.

Eric, I miss you so much.

The night Blake told me, I lay in bed staring at the pillow with your face on it and cried. I wanted more than anything to hear your voice and talk through all of this with you. You would know how to calm me down. You would remind me not to react too quickly and to love everyone through it.

I’m not sure how to help Blake, and I don’t know what the right answers are. For now, I am praying and planning to go to the temple, hoping Heavenly Father will give me clarity and help me know how to support our family without making anything harder.

I wish you were here.

I love you.

Christmas Eve 2025

 Hello Sweetheart,

My heart has been tender these past couple of days. Christmas will always be a reminder of the memories we shared. I remember you going out shopping every Christmas Eve with Mike Scow, convinced you two could find last-minute gifts for your wives. When I think of how magical you always made Christmas for our children, it tears me up.

Last night, I made cheeseballs for members I know in my new ward. I cranked up the Christmas music and rolled those balls with a smile — and lots of thoughts of you. I took one to my bishop, Jason Evans, along with a book I recently bought at Deseret Book called Direct Messages, a collection of social media posts from the General Authorities this year. Bishop Evans was happy for both the cheeseball and the book.

As I was walking away, he asked if there was significance to making the cheeseballs. I told him you, and I loved doing that for our VIP friends. Then he asked if I had plans for tonight or Christmas. Sadly, I told him I had no plans. Then he invited me to his home for Christmas dinner with his family. I told him I’d let him know, but I wasn’t sure.

Kaitlyn posted a beautiful tribute to you today, and it brought me to tears. She truly loves you and often feels you near. Blake called this morning and asked if he could bring Wes and Zeek over to play, and if I could drop them off at 1:00. Of course, I told him I would love to — so he and Chloe could get their last-minute wrapping done. I waited until 12:30… but he never came. And he didn’t answer his phone when I called. I’m sure he was just busy; he wanted to take Wes to get a gift for his mama. You would be proud of him — he is such a great dad and so kind.

Kayla will come over tomorrow with the boys. I’m excited to hear how their Christmas will go. Recker is getting so big, Ezra is in the choir at his school, and Teddy is such a sweet boy. I see them more than any of the grandchildren, and I know that would have made you very happy. Kayla and I have grown much closer. I’m amazed at her ability to handle what she is going through with Jeremy, but I wish they would move forward with the divorce. It seems inevitable, so I don’t know why they wait. As parents, we never really know everything — and I’m okay with that. I just want to see her happy again. We’ve often talked about how we thought you would have handled all this mess with Jeremy. I know you, and I would have been on the same page. I know you were disappointed in Jeremy, and this would have stirred you up even more. I just let her know I am here for her if she needs anything.

Haleigh and Scott are still not communicating with me. I miss them, and I haven’t seen our grandchildren for over a year. But I have learned these things can’t be rushed, and my door is always open to them. I still bought them gifts, and Blake delivered them.

I have felt you so strongly this week. Thank you for that — and I thank Heavenly Father for allowing it to happen. These tender mercies help me through the days when I long to be with you again, when my tears come easily from missing you so much.

I am going to bed tonight, so grateful for the memories you left me with. We have so many — and I think about them every day. They come at random times, when I am reminded by a beautiful sunset… or the rain that falls on the mountains behind my home.

I love you.
I’m hopeful that I will hear from the kids tomorrow… I know that is what you would want too.

Love,
Monya

---

Easter 2025

 

Hello, My Lover,

It has been a whirlwind of activity — moving from a 5,000-square-foot home to a 2,100-square-foot one has kept me on my toes more than I ever expected.

Yesterday, I did something sweet. I invited the kids and grandchildren over to our Gilbert home for one last dinner and a Golden Egg hunt. As the grandkids searched for eggs, I could hear you in my head — cheering them on as each one found their egg with $20 inside. I could practically feel your wink when they succeeded. I miss your belly laugh… your smile… everything about the joy you brought to even the simplest moments.

Today is Easter, and I attended my new ward. The people there are so kind, and I felt a sense of peace in their presence. Do you remember when we were deciding to move from the house on Cove? We hunted for land, but what mattered most to me was the ward. I will never forget the spirit we felt when we visited the Sixth Ward together. Yesterday, as people introduced themselves and welcomed me, I felt that same spirit — a warm reminder that I am not alone. It’s a good ward, with a beautiful mix of children, youth, and many retired couples our age. This was my third week there, and I already feel welcomed and embraced.

I grew spiritually in that old ward, surrounded by so many dear people who helped build my testimony of Christ. Today, more than ever, I remember that Jesus Christ’s sacrifice assures me we will see each other again.

I arrived at church just a little late, and as I sat in the foyer, I gazed at the life-size picture of Christ. I pictured Him standing with you, and I had a quiet conversation with Him. I know He lives. I know I will see you again. I can’t fully understand why Heavenly Father allowed His Son to suffer, knowing the pain it would bring Him, but I know it was part of His plan — a plan of love and mercy that gives me hope.

The grandchildren are growing so fast. Haleigh and her family were unable to attend today, but she sent pictures of them — and oh, they are getting so big. Ellis is tall, and Sena was sweet as ever. She reminds me so much of Haleigh at her age. Haleigh has always been a kind, gentle soul. What a joy it was to raise her! I’ll never forget her senior year of high school — so many times, she would crawl into bed next to me just to be near me, no words needed. She was my fierce advocate during my cancer journey, even without knowing it.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kayla lately. She and Jeremy are separated, and I fear their marriage may not survive. Kayla is an incredible mom and an amazing listener. I understand her more now, and through her, I’ve learned so much about Autism and the depth of patience it requires. Recker is fifteen now — big and strong like Jeremy —, and he often echoes what we say, letting me know he understands. When I say, I love you, he responds in his own beautiful way. Ezra is gentle and loving — just the other day, he ran back to me for a big hug that brought tears to my eyes. Teddy is thoughtful and kind, though he’s understandably confused about his parents’ separation.

You would be so proud of Blake. He has helped me tremendously this past year. You know he’s such a mama’s boy. He’s a hard worker, a great husband, and an incredible father. Chloe is thriving in her job at Denver’s office, and Weslie — sweet Wes — oh, she is a dancer like her mom, and she loves it. Yesterday, she kept hugging me and kept asking when she could have a “sleepover.” You know how much I adore that. She wondered about Papa — where you are, physically. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to say something her parents wouldn’t like, so I told her how much you still love her, and that one day, when it’s my time to leave this life, I’ll be with you again. She listened earnestly — I’m not sure if she fully understood, but she wanted to be comforted.

Kaitlyn and Brian are excellent. Kaitlyn works from home and really enjoys her job. I am so proud of her in so many ways. Brian works hard, and I’m grateful that they continues to lean on the Lord together. I asked Brian if he would come and dedicate our new home in The Reserve — and of course, he said he would. He is solid in the Gospel, and I am so glad he is Kaitlyn’s partner.

Phoenix is ten now — growing so fast. He loves soccer and football, and life with such joy and friendships. And Archie… you know how my heart melts with that boy. Kaitlyn may say he’s sneaky, but I’ve never seen it — to me, he is all sweetness. I love how much Archie and Phoenix adore little Florence. I feel a little sorry for the boys who want to date her someday — she is something truly special. Something spiritual and radiant. Recently, she looked up at me and said, “Do you know Jesus died for all of us?” Oh my heart. I answered, “Yes, He did — and He loves you. He loves all the people in the whole world.” She is much like Kaitlyn was at that age—full of wonder and expression. Every time she sees me, she runs with her little arms wide open and yells, “Bonbon!” — and I can’t help but laugh and melt right into her arms.

I’m so grateful we have these children of ours. Every one of them holds a piece of my heart. They are responsible, good people — and their spouses are wonderful too.

I used to tell you how sad it was that they never got to know your mom. Now I fear they may forget you. I try to remind them — especially the little ones — how much you love them.

I love you, and I always will.

Love,
Monya

Christmas 2024

 

Frenchie,

You’ve been gone for ten months now. This is our first Christmas without you.

Last night, all I could think about was how many times I drove with you on Christmas Eve to get gift cards for the kids. You loved Christmas — it was always such a big part of our children’s lives. Now, looking back on all those years, I want to establish traditions that our children and grandchildren will remember long after I am gone to be with you. I’m not very good at traditions… well, at coming up with them — so I’ll have to ask around for help.

I woke up this morning and looked at your face on the pillow, whispering a quiet Merry Christmas. I took a shower and got ready for the day, but this year I didn’t put much effort into decorating. It didn’t seem right without you. Honestly… nothing seems right without you. I’m still trying to process the fact that you are gone — and the terribly tragic moment on that beach when I watched you leave me. The nightmares are still unbearable.

This Christmas was very quiet. None of the kids came over. I drove by Blake and Chloe’s home… and then by Kaitlyn and Brian’s. But I didn’t stay. It hurts to think that our grandchildren will not know you — the laughter you brought, the joy you added to this family, especially on Christmas Day. Thank you for all the years and Christmases we spent together; they truly were magical.

Dr. Lettieri called me today to check on me. I thought that was really sweet of him — a kindness I didn’t expect, but one that warmed my heart.

I found myself thinking about that Kathy Lee watch. I teased you so much when I opened it, knowing exactly where you bought it — Walmart, the night before Christmas — with Mike Scow by your side, hunting for anything that would make Jenny and me happy. I still have that watch, still in the box it came in. You swore up and down it wasn’t from Walmart, but we both knew the truth. We got so many laughs out of that moment, and you were always such a good sport when I teased you.

I keep thinking about Christmases past — and I cannot think of one that wasn’t full of fun and joy because Christmas meant so much to you. I remember our first Christmas after we were married. We had Kayla and Blake. They were so little, but you made sure Kayla felt extra special that day. Blake was only a few months old, so we knew he wouldn’t remember — and I’m sure Kayla doesn’t either — but you bought her a little doll, and she loved it.

I was alone most of the day, and I was okay with that… until it got dark. Because then I knew I would be walking up those stairs to bed alone. And now I’m sitting on our bed, looking at your pillow and wondering what you’re doing today, where you are, who you are with. I wish I knew exactly what happens after death… all I know for sure is that I will see you again. The covenants we made in the Temple — the promises we made to each other — will make every moment of this loneliness worth it. Eternity with you sounds perfect.

I love you so much.

Merry Christmas, Babe.
Love,
Monya

To Move or Not to Move

 Dear Frenchie,

Today, I went to see the model home again. I don't know how Terry could stand looking into your office without crying. Justin has your office now; I couldn't bring myself to go in there.

Last week, when I was praying, I wondered if you could hear my prayers where you are. I need to start considering moving; the maintenance on this house is so much work. Blake showed me a cute home in Gilbert near the Groves. I asked Heavenly Father what Eric would do when I knelt to pray that night. What would Eric want me to do? I kissed you good night, hugged you, said I love you, and went to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up to a Text from Lori Blandford. She said Jeff offered me any specs he had at his price. Of course, my limited thinking said no right away; I told her all of the specs were too far from our children and grandchildren. Then Kayla and the boys came by to visit. She's been helping me so much to organize some of your things. We are good, Eric, Kayla, and I respect and love one another's perspectives. She is our sweet little firstborn, and she still is. We talked, and I told her Jeff's offer; she said, "Mom, move to The Reserve at Red Rock." Can you imagine me in the desert with rattlesnakes? She continued, "It's what dad has always wanted; you should consider it."

Last Saturday, I ran out to Red Rock and visited with Terry. He misses you a lot. He said he had to work three months in a row with no days off, and it about killed him. Jeff wanted to do all the paperwork when and if I liked any of the specs. I had to tell Terry, so he took me to the specs he thought I would like. Of course I love them, all model homes are perfect. But I was ok with the house Blake offered me. It was built in the 80s, but I could live there; you know how much I love that Groves area. And it is still close to the kids. But when I saw the price of the home, Terry showed me I was interested in the price difference. By far, Jeff gave me the best deal; even Terry was surprised. I told him I needed to talk to the kids and get their opinion on moving so far. I left them all a group text telling them I was going to Reserve at Red Rock, and they were welcome to come and help me make decisions.

Kaitlyn and Kayla met me first. Blake's family came a little later. They looked at the two specs I wanted to choose from, and they all gave the same opinion, but it wasn't what I wanted. I couldn't believe they all agreed to let me buy out there. I have been so torn, not knowing what to do. I need your help.

I went to the models again today, and Jori and Dwight picked me up. Terry's probably getting tired of me already. We first looked at the spec the kids liked, then went to the spec I was proposing, lot #150. I could hear the girls talking, and they thought spec #72 was their choice. I was so grateful for their opinions and surprised they were okay with me leaving our home. I'm not ok with leaving our home quite yet, but Blake assured me they all think it would be good for me and that the home he showed me is a house from the 80s, and Jeff is offering me a brand new home for less than a home built in the '80s.

Dwight and Jori loved the view from the model you sat in. Then I asked about a new build on the lot next to the models, and that view brought me to tears. I could see you sitting out there, taking in the beautiful view of the Red Rock. I could feel you with me. I asked Terry about the new build, and he said it wouldn't be ready until March or April. That was a relief to me. I'm not ready to leave our home, the home we built together all those years ago. The children were so young. Haleigh was only eighteen months old. I don't know how often I asked Terry, "What would Eric want me to do?" He said, "Eric would want that lot you picked; the view is spectacular, and I know he would want you to be happy."

I spoke with Ronny to see if he thought I could afford it. He told me, "Buying cash for that house is a no-brainer." I'm just waiting on a price from Jeff. I hope I'm not taking advantage of his offer to want the new home instead of a spec.

I love you so much. My heart hurts all the time. I doubt I will ever get to a place in the last chapter of my life where I don't cry a tear thinking of everything we have done together. It's just not supposed to be like this. I told you I'd never get re-married, and I won't—not because I think you wouldn't want me to, but because I could never find a man like you in my lifetime. We really had a beautiful love story; no one will ever be able to fill your shoes, babe.

I love you. See you soon.

Monya

Be Still My Soul

Dear Frenchie;

This has been a difficult week without you. We typically plan a summer trip to Paris, but who knows where we'd would go? IIt was always an adventure with you by my side. 'm not sure I can ever go back to Porte Jaune without you, my life is completely turned around right now and I continue to be triggered by the trauma of losing you.

Kayla has been coming over and helping me with going through your boxes upon boxes of 'stuff' that's all it is to me is just stuff without you nothing seems important to me, materially it is not the same without you. Blake's family is in California, making memories as a family. Haleigh and Scott have been gone all summer, I'm not sure when they will come home yet. I have been able to facetime with little Sena and Ellis. I can't begin to explain how important that was and I truly love her for thinking of me. Kaitlyn & Brian have been in Utah for a month or so. I sure miss them too, I tried to facetime with them but Kaitlyn never responded. She is working hard on her new job. I'm grateful she can be on vacation and work remotely. I think they came home yesterday.

When I was praying the other night I asked Heavenly Father help me make a decision about moving from this BIG house to a smaller one. Blake has been looking for me, he showed me house  he is remodeling by Lindsay and Elliott over by the Groves, you know I love the Groves. I went to look at it and it's the right size but the yard has a pool, and is bigger than I want. Luckily I have plenty of time to make those decisions. The next day after that prayer the Blandfords contacted me to say they would help me by allowing me to buy a spec home at cost. This is cheaper for a brand new house than the one Blake was showing me that was built in the 1980's.

I went to Reserve at Red Rock and found a lot I really liked. It was peaceful and quiet. Of course I am scared to death of the rattle snakes. Is this where you want me to be? Everyone in that neighborhood loves you, and I can't believe how many homes you sold.

Terry helped me walk through a couple of specs, I could feel your spirit there. You are so loved by so many of your clients ...? Is that what you call them? I spent some time with Sara and Isaiah and Saint. He is so cute and almost two next month. Sara is wanting to potty train Saint. Remember me doing that will all of our children? It seems like yesterday. Now they are potty training their own children. 

I'm waiting for the children to return from vacations so I can get their opinion. I will be sad to leave this home we have created for our family, but the upkeep and maintenance is going to kill me. I know you have always wanted to live out there in the dessert surrounded by cacti and rattle snakes. That part scares me, the walking trail is just behind lot 150 the spec I'm looking at. I thought it would be too far away from the children, but I rarely see or talk with them. Remember when Dad and Betty would get upset with us if we didn't talk constantly? I just know I should have never judged them because now as a grandmother of ten, I want to hear from them I want them to help me clear out this house but I'm afraid of getting rid of anything of yours.

Today in church I studied during the sacrament about covenants. I'm trying to keep the covenants I made with my Heavenly Father and you when we married for eternity. I will always love you with all my heart and cannot wait to see what eternity together is. I think of you 24/7 and think "What would Eric do.?" I cry daily remembering so much of our memories together, and the future memories we wanted to make with our children and grandchildren

I also looked at couples headstones together, you know I will be on top of you physically but with you in spirit when I die and I cannot wait for that day. In my bad humor I thought, "Well dad will be happy I'm on top." ha ha. But for now I will wait my time when the Lord wants me to come home, I just wish it was me first. I think the children would have liked more time with you. I love you so much, Kayla asked me about our story from beginning to end. I think I will type it up for her; I;m not sure the other kids will want to hear about you in a different light.I believe Kayla especially deserves to know the truth of what happened during that time. I wish I didn't have to do this but I know it is something she is really curious about. No matter what, I will let her know I have forgiven you and that you apologized the night at dinner in front of the Udall's the night before you died. 

I understand the shame you felt, I know you wanted to make your parents proud of you. I wish you never felt that, it was a different time in the church when we were raised and you had lovely parents who wanted to protect you. I will talk to you soon, I'm struggling right now with why Heavenly Father would take you from me at such a young age. I'm sure I'll never get that answer; I just want you back, physically with me.

See you Soon

I love you Monya

Happy Birthday Frenchie

Dear Frenchie;

Brian drove me down to Mexico so I could celebrate your birthday. I have some catching up to do. Life is crazy right now. I'm working again, and because you used to wake me up for work, I was a no-show one day because I didn't set my alarm correctly, and then I was late because I didn't hear the alarm go off. I don't wear the earplug anymore, boy; after all these years of wearing one at bedtime, it is hard to get used to, but I never miss the alarm now.

I always slept well in Mexico; it was so relaxing, and the weather was beautiful. Brian had to get home for some weddings, so I stayed and celebrated with you. The kids came the next day.

Just before sunset, I gathered some flowers growing on the property and headed to the beach. There were not as many people as I thought there would be, so I made a video for you. I said, "Life is Good." Then, I said, "But not as good without you, babe." Then I threw the flowers into the ocean and watched them go out to sea. When I couldn't see them any longer, they were out of my sight. I cried, knowing you were out of sight, but I could feel you that day. Thank you for that.

It was a lot of fun having almost everyone there. Blake's family and Kaitlyn and her children stayed in 507, and Haleigh and Scott stayed in 604. Kayla and Jeremy's family were here last week, and they loved it. I like seeing them take advantage of going to Mexico since they don't get vacations. 

We all celebrated you in our own way. I'm learning about grieving as I live through it and see the kids all grieve differently. I made a big mistake by asking the kids if they wanted to go through your shirts in Mexico; we all picked out the ones we loved and remembered you in the most. I have been gathering my own pile at home; the kids will have their choice of shirt, shorts, or pants to cut up and make a quilt out of, too. We were headed home the next day, so Blake, Kaitlyn, and Haleigh went to the pool with their children for an hour or so. 

I gathered the clothing they didn't want and carried them to the HOA. They were so grateful and said they would find new homes for all the clothing, it was mostly pants-when did you ever wear pants in Mexico? I guess in the winter when we visited, but as I sorted them, I realized you had swimsuits and shorts that were 4X pants size 40, sweetheart. As I looked at the size of them, I thought about how hard you worked to lose weight. I don't remember you being so large. I'm sorry about that, too. I think you started to eat more when I was going through cancer treatments. I was so worried about my health that I didn't notice yours, and I am so sorry. Maybe I could have saved you by being more assertive, but it's a fine line to talk about. Being too skinny as a teenager, my mom made me eat, but I never gained any weight because I didn't make food a priority; running was my priority. 

When the kids came back to the condo, Blake was angry and asked what happened to all the clothes, and I told them I had taken them to the HOA. He became explosive, wanting to know where the shoes were. I told him I took them to the HOA but that he had mentioned the golf shoes, and I saved those for him. Then Chloe started in on me. I had no words because I was in the wrong. I never considered that when Blake comes to the condo, part of his enjoyment would be seeing all of your clothes hanging in the closet; it reminded him of his dad.

I gave him some time, but I did apologize to him when everyone wasn't standing around and told him next time any of us go to Mexico, we will take all their favorites back down to Mexico and hang them back up. Blake is a forgiving person, you know that. He's a mama's boy but adult enough to accept my apology and move on.

We all thought about you in our own way on your Birthday. I forgot to make you a German Chocolate Cake, so I will do that on Father's day for you. I love you so much, and as I navigate through all that comes with processing losing a husband and best friend, I love you even more and cannot wait to see you again. There is a whole in my heart that can never be filled by anyone but you.

Love Monya

Easter Sunday

 Dear Frenchie, I cry daily, and I know you love that!! I miss you so much. Sometimes, it takes my breath away. This morning, I woke up and got ready to go to Blake and Chloe's for breakfast. We ate my favorite German Pancake, and Chloe made the yummy syrup. Zeek wanted to slow me his slimy something in the bathroom sink; he told me it was supposed to grow. Weslie hugged me tight; I had to hold in any emotion. I always try to be brave with the kids and grandchildren.

Today, Allyson Jones spoke in church about God's grace. It was like hearing you tell me about God's tender mercy and grace for his children. His son Jesus Christ died for all of our sins, big or small, but for some reason, as we go through life, we shame ourselves. There is no need for that; Christ died on the cross, and Heavenly Father gave His son for all our sins. I know the plan is set, but I miss you so much that sometimes it makes me mad that you and I didn't communicate better about our finances. You have always told me I would be cared for, but this is not what I wanted. I want YOU back. 

Tomorrow, we meet with another attorney. I feel really good about Brian Holmn. Ron gave me his name, and another financial planner also referred me to him. But I've just heard that you must see a few attorneys before picking one. I would like to know what I should do after tomorrow, so I asked Brian, and Brother Arnold offered to help give me a blessing. I want to make sure I am making all the right decisions; a blessing will help you know that. But if I had one thing to say to you, it would be, WHY DID'N'T YOU HAVE A TRUST? If you can see us, I'm sure you are laughing and saying, "You're getting hot ... oh no, now you are really cold. Keep searching." If I didn't know you better, you wanted us to figure out this puzzle you left.  Well, guess what? I'm not laughing.

New Baby Coming

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2015

New Baby Coming

Today, as I entered the Mayo Clinic there was no piano playing. I proceeded to the lab to get blood drawn and tests necessary. My next stop was to see Doctor Northfelt, my oncologist.  I had an hour and a half wait. I heard the piano playing and decided to sit and wait in the peaceful lobby. I listened to the waterfall, and occasionally I could hear doctors and patients interacting as they walked by. But today I was grateful I could really enjoy the music coming from the Piano. This was much better than sitting on the third floor and smelling the sickness of chemo in the air. I put my head back and closed my eyes.  He started to play a medley of songs from The Sound of Music (my favorite movie of all time) It was enchanting to listen to. I remember when Eric and I visited Austria a few years ago after I finished my rounds of chemo and radiation. As each song played, I pictured that day we visited. I am a blessed lady. While there have been so many distractions in my life, in the past few years I have been blessed with so much. Patience is a virtue I never thought I could conquer, but in the case of my health, I have learned it is invaluable. I have been blessed with incredible doctors all from the Mayo Clinic, and Doctor Haberkamp from the Cleveland Clinic.

Last Sunday Blake and Chloe announced they are expecting their first baby in February. The doorbell rang, I answered, and outside was a set of three balloons with a note that said to read to the Family. I was then asked to pop the balloon that reads #1 on it, so I did. Inside was an ultrasound picture. I quickly wanted to read note #2 it read that someone in the family would be bringing grandchild #4 to join us in February. I thought for sure it was Kaitlyn and Brian. Scott and Haleigh, Blake, and Chloe have all been very verbal about waiting to have children. The third balloon was supposed to be popped by Eric, but I didn't know Oh, and I forgot to mention I was popping these balloons with a butcher knife. I quickly popped #3 to find out who it was.........Blake and Chloe......... Chloe said, "Monya look at the color of the confetti inside the balloon...." It was PINK. This will be our first granddaughter. I of course went crazy running around crying, happy, hugging them all the while with the butcher knife in my hand.... I'm sure it was an ugly sight, and I might have said a curse word... Eric and I are so happy. Blake has been such a great brother to his sisters, and compassionate and loving to me, and to Chloe, he will be an incredible dad. Chloe is so great with all the nephews and really loves them, I know she is going to be a wonderful mother.  I keep thinking about her mom who passed away with cancer during the time I was going through chemo. She is with our little granddaughter now, sharing with her all the love she has and passing on a legacy for Chloe to follow.

El Casa De Monya

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2014

El Casa De Monya

I spent most of the summer months in the Mayo Clinic hospital for a few weeks, then at Cleveland Clinic for seven weeks. Eric, I, Blake, and Chloe had planned a trip to the Dominican Republic, where Blake served his mission. We soon realized I could not make that trip, but I begged them to please go; my heart told me they needed to visit the people who loved my son for 2 years as he served, and they helped him. Oh, how happy I am today; I received this video and article from someone I have never met. I was highly emotional watching it. The impact it had not only on myself but also on Eric. It must have been quite an experience because they have not talked much about it to me; Eric is a compassionate giving man but is quiet about it; he never shares these types of things with others; he does them with a pure heart, not expecting a high five so to say.
Here is the link if you would like to watch http://colormyworldkids.org/2014/06/19/color-my-world-home-announcement-the-alamonte-family/

To these gracious people and my husband for having such a giving heart, I am overwhelmed and grateful to you tonight as I watch this. The tears are flowing, I am so thankful to have met you two years ago when we sat at your dinner table, and I am honored that you would dedicate your home to me. Thank you for watching over my son while he was away from his mama dealing with cancer; seeing your love and respect for our son during this challenging time is so touching, and I cannot thank you enough. I will be there with you again one day, and we will break bread together in joy and happiness.

Love came in a box

MONDAY, JUNE 23, 2014

Love came in a box

Update on the last couple of days.  It has become tough to be so far away from my family; I miss them and love them so much. I have tried FaceTime with them, and most of the time, it works, but on those days, it doesn't work my heart is a little heavy. I miss my Recker Love and Ezra's smiles and giggles. I'm so afraid they will not remember me when I get home.  With the changes in my face, they were already beginning to doubt my relation to them before I left.  Eric, Blake, and Chloe have been in the Dominican Republic for 10 days--I intended to go with them; this trip had been planned for quite some time; when my sudden surgeries took precedence, Eric immediately wanted to cancel the trip, and I begged him not to. I thought it would be a great bonding time for Blake and him. I was correct; they had a wonderful time and are all on a flight back to Arizona. While they were in the Dominican Republic, they had the opportunity to work with Dr. Kelly, a surgeon Chloe works with, his family is also dear to our family, and we adore them. Dr. Kelly is a surgeon and has been going to the Dominican Republic for 3 years to serve and give dental surgery to those in need, those who otherwise would not have the money to pay. I will never regret having them go, it has been brutal here in Cleveland without family, but I feel blessed to have modern technology where we can see and talk to each other through satellite. I felt the spirit telling me to have Eric go; it was so strong that I told him if he stayed home, I would not come to Cleveland Clinic or have any surgery....it meant that much to me for him to go. He has not missed out on one thing here, I have had to entirely rely on the Lord to help me make some significant decisions; it has been an excellent opportunity for me to get closer to my Savior than I ever thought I could, I have one spiritual experience upon another, and I know this is where I should be.  I am not sure what the outcome of this surgery will be, but in my heart, I know I should be here.

Kaitlyn always sends me pics of the boys
love love love

Haleigh with Ezra and Recker, thank you
for brightening my day

I got a knock at my hotel door this morning; it was a postman (weird on Sunday) who delivered a package from the people in my home ward.  When I opened it, a gust of love took my breath away. It was filled with cards, notes, gifts, and love from all the people I admire and love so much who live in our ward.  I was overwhelmed with the spirit as I read each one of the cards and notes repeatedly. I had no idea I was so loved.  I will never be able to thank each one of them, but I have FAITH & HOPE in knowing they know.

Thank you, thank you

Marian Priday--The source of putting together my box of love

 Eric and I moved into this ward when I was 30. Haleigh was in the nursery; all my children were baptized while in this ward. I was dealing with family matters that eventually ended sadly with my mom and dad cutting ties with me. Wally Slade was our Bishop, and since then, I relied so much on the women and men of this ward for an example. It was one of the most challenging times of my life, and I am so grateful to have moved where we did; I had to learn how to parent these little children of mine with lessons from Relief Society, I soon found the Lord leading my eyes and heart to watch and learn from the people around me. Most of those people are still in the ward, but our children grew older as new people moved in and out. Teaching teens to hold to the rod was harder than I thought, and again I listened with my heart and watched with my eyes, there are too many people to thank, and most do not even know the example they have been.

This morning I went to the Shaker Ward it was about 10 minutes from my hotel...everything was pushing against me to get there on time--I needed to check out of the hotel, and barely made it to Sacrament. I felt at home as I walked in, sat down, and was able to, with a very still soul, partake of the sacrament. There are two things I would change, the bread for the sacrament (thank you, Junel Durfee) and the music I kept thinking to myself, "we have such a powerful man behind every note played in our little 6th ward, and his name is 'Stephen Phelps' tears bubbled up and rolled down one cheek I miss my home ward.

I was glad I had on my mask and eye patch, two reasons 

• 1. No one could see my eye, and tears only fell from one eye.  
• 2. With the mask on, they could not see my crooked smile, a little girl walked by, and I smiled at her with my eyes, and she smiled back. I will never forget this little girl. She sang 'I'm trying to be like Jesus' with an angelic voice; I closed my eye and listened. It was beautiful. 
• Then the counselor conducting the meeting announced how the meeting would go from that point. It was something I had never seen before--and I loved it. He said they were going to have a Hymnology. It was a normal thing that they do a couple times a year, and today was the day; how blessed I felt to be there.

It is something like a testimony meeting. Only whoever feels the spirit goes to the podium and tells of their favorite Hymn and why the congregation sings the song. The list of Hymns was some of my favorites too. 

1.  Count your many blessings 

2. Praise to the Man 

3. Love at Home 

4. Where Can I turn for peace 

5. Master the Tempest is Raging  

6. I know my father lives 

7. Because I have been given much 

8. The Iron Rod  

9. I believe in Christ and 

10. Sisters in Zion. 

This ward is filled with multi-cultures, and it was refreshing to see and hear from members of all races.

Sister Franklin

Bore such a strong testimony today

Sister Franklin and her Nephews

 A little boy with Down Syndrome walked up to me and hugged me, then said, "Hi" he reminded me of CJ Udall-- tears filled my eyes, but then what he did next was even more touching, without knowing I had a BAHA implant in my head, he turned around then back and looked at me,  took my hand and placed it on his BAHA, he too has SSD (single-sided deafness) I have yet to meet anyone who has a BAHA. I have no idea his name, but I will never forget his piercing eyes as he stared into mine. At that moment, I could feel the Savior's love all around me.

When the meeting was over, I was filled once again with the strength to get through this week as I prepared for the next surgery.  Today has been a day for giving me inspiration to continue on, knowing whatever the Lord has planned for my future is His will. Although I may not understand why things happen the way they do, I can rely on Him to get me through ALL of my journeys here on earth until I return to Him again.

 

Monday Mormon Myths and Truths (Women) #7

MONDAY, JUNE 17, 2013

Monday Mormon Myth's and Truths (Women) #7

Is the Relief Society one of the oldest and largest global women's organizations functioning in today's world? and what exactly is the LDS Relief Society?

Answer: YES, the LDS relief society was founded in 1842

As of today, there are over 5.5 million women who belong to the Relief Society spread throughout 170 countries across the world.

Any woman who is a member of the LDS church and is 18 years of age is a part of the Relief Society Organization.  Women with or without children, married or not married, young (18) or old, employed, or unemployed.  We meet to learn from and strengthen each other. We serve each other. The purpose of the Relief Society "is to build faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and to help those in need."

The Relief Society meets weekly in a class during Sunday meetings where we teach others the doctrines and principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is a time we meet during the week for activities. Usually, at these activities, we learn new skills or ways to help strengthen our faith and our families or do some type of compassionate service for an organization or family in need.

The Relief Society in each ward (I haven't been asked about wards or stakes yet) stake and the general Relief Society are all run by women; this is called the Relief Society Presidency--it consists of a President, two counselors, and a secretary. The RS president meets regularly with the bishop and the other ward leaders to discuss issues that may come up within their boundaries, and ways they can help or serve someone who needs special attention.  Someone like me, when I was going through my chemo treatments, the RS brought meals to my home, offered to clean my house, do laundry, and help in any way that we needed until I could do it myself.

In addition to the service, they give to one another and their neighbors who may not be members of the same faith. As sisters of the LDS church, watch over each other by visiting monthly in the homes with assigned partners to help provide countless hours of service, sometimes just a listening ear, to a mother who is exhausted from the daily trials that life sometimes brings.  This Visiting Teaching calling is said to be the most important calling a woman can hold in the church. I know this to be true. When I was so sick from chemo, the ladies from my ward and the stakes surrounding where I live brought food, they put up my Christmas tree and decorated it, and I know they did and still do pray for me daily, as I do for so many of them.

In a survey taken, about 40% of LDS women surveyed said that the role and influence of women in the church was the "right amount" The next closest faith measured was Evangelical Protestants, with only about 15% saying women had the "right amount" of leadership and influence in their church, followed by 10% of Anglo-Catholics and about 8% Jews.

In the LDS church, women sit side by side and vote to sustain members and leaders in their church callings (both men and women's callings) They regularly pray and give talks or sermons in meetings. Women teach adult gospel doctrine classes and other Sunday School classes. The women of the church are fully involved in all aspects of the work of the LDS church, from full time missionary work to member missionary work, temple, and family history work, and serving the needy.

Are the women demanded to follow the rules of the husband? and is it a hidden secret that men rule their wives?

ANSWER: A BIG FAT NO AND NO

One time I was at work and was approached by a woman who said in a very whispered voice, "Hey, if you need help getting away from your husband, I can help you. I can take you to a shelter." I remember looking at her and laughing. I thought she was joking, but she wasn't. To the LDS members, FAMILY is the most important calling of all, and we serve as equals to our husbands in making decisions, spiritually, physically, financially, and educationally. If you want to know the truth about Eric and I ask him who makes most family decisions around here.  Ha Ha, sadly he would say, "Go ask Monya." He and I have always made decisions together, we don't always agree on the way a situation should be dealt with, but we always come to an even conclusion together.  I have not once felt like I was threatened or looked down upon in my marriage, and in the LDS church, this is how the Lord designed marriage to be equal. One gender is not better than the other.  Many people may not know this, but the LDS women were involved in and in some ways led the US women's suffrage movement.  In 1870, Utah was the second territory (behind Wyoming) to grant women the right to vote under the law. After gaining statehood, Utah became the third state in the Union to give women equality.

In Genesis 1:26, God said equally to both Adam and Eve "Let them have dominion over all the earth."

The 1st presidency of the LDS church stated that men and women are equal partners in a marriage and family relationship. There is nowhere in LDS scripture or official doctrine of the LDS church that it indicates or teaches anything other than God seeing both genders as equal.  The LDS church does not embrace any type of doctrine which suggests otherwise.

Do LDS members believe there is a Heavenly Mother?

ANSWER: YES

The LDS church holds women in very spiritual high regard. We believe there is a Heavenly Father, so logically we believe there is a Heavenly Mother. One of my favorite LDS Hymns asks:

In the heav'ns are parents single?

No, the thought makes reason stare

Truth is the reason; truth eternal

Tells me I've a mother there

We believe we are all children of heavenly parents, and although we don't know much about our Heavenly Mother, she is evident in Mormon thought and theology.  One of the prophets of the church said "You women are daughters of God. You are precious.  You are made in the image of our Heavenly Mother."

The LDS church is not saying that Eve was not the first mother of the earth, but we praise her as the "glorious mother" of humanity and celebrate her decision in the Garden of Eden. We believe that Eve chose to move God's plan of salvation forward by partaking in the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Eve and Adam acted in a manner pleasing to God and did exactly what they were ordained to do.  The Mormon religion also believes that women can receive personal revelation and be filled with the spiritual knowledge that Jesus Christ wants them to have.

I believe, as most Mormons do, of all the creations on earth, women are God's crowning creation, His signature stroke in the masterpiece of the universe.

Hopefully, I have answered all the questions about women in the LDS church.

LABELS: FAITH, JOURNALING, MORMON MYTHS AND TRUTHS 

It's a Wonderful Life

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2012

It's a wonderful life

Unbelievably I have never seen the movie "It's a wonderful life" my sister Sonya has always watched it every year and encouraged me to do the same, but until this year I never took her up on that challenge. We went to the Cinemark movie theater in Tempe as a family to watch it on the big screen. WOW, what a fantastic old movie. Even in black and white, I was mesmerized by the story and genuinely enjoyed it.

Sometimes, we all get down on ourselves and forget to recognize the good we do. Even trivial things can change a life. I have often thought, "What if, and should I have done this differently, or why did I do that?" I have not always believed that people come into our lives for a reason or that some of the trials or even joys we have in our lives are meant to be. They just happen. I no longer believe this to be true. Of course, we have the agency to choose good or bad choices, but they always come with a consequence. Agency is never FREE.  I have a feeling if any of us were to be in the same position as George (It's a wonderful Life) and allowed to see what the world would have been like if we were never born, we would all be surprised at the things we do daily that has changed someone's life. Not only to our families and ourselves but to the everyday person we pass on the street or see in the store.  A smile or a simple "hello, can I help you" would and could change a life.

On Christmas Eve, we had all of our children and their families over for dinner. The only instructions I gave them were to be prepared to share a story of Christmas or one of their most memorable Christmas. I opened by reading "The Christmas Train" by Thomas S. Monson. Then I shared a few of my favorite Christmas memories, one being remembered as a child.  My mother gave me a white Holy Bible with my name inscribed on the front. I thought I was never going to stop smiling. I still have that Bible. Another story I told was about when Eric and I were dating. His mom bought me a gift, but miss placed it. She searched and searched and felt so badly thinking she had thrown it out with the garbage by accident.  I never cared about that gift, but I did care about that fact that I knew she loved me, she always showed me love and genuine compassion, to me that alone was worth more than anything she could of bought from a store.  The last story I told was when Blake was on his mission, that very 1st Christmas, I was going through my chemo treatments, oh how I missed him and honestly was not feeling well, not knowing if I would ever see him again made my heart hurt, but hearing his voice on Christmas day I think was the best Christmas gift I have ever been given.

Haleigh, my youngest daughter just got engaged a few days before Christmas to Scott Bigalow.  He told a story about his father dying when he was only 8 years old, before that time his dad was always the one who provided the mountain bikes and fun gifts for the boys, but the year he died was Christmas he said he would never forget.  They had no money and I'm sure his mom was  worried about how she would pay for food and utilities, in other words Christmas gifts were probably not on the top of the list of things to do.  One night his family was home and they heard noises outside, they all ran to see what was going on, it was Brad Wardrop hanging Christmas lights on their home.  He was a neighbor and close friend of the family. As tears ran down Scott's face I wondered if Brad even knew what an impact he had made on this kid.

Blake told stories from his mission, tears filled his eyes when he talked about those two Christmas's away from his home, but one, in particular, that really left a lasting impression on him. He said it was a Christmas he will never forget, the best Christmas he has ever had and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with the gifts he received , in particular,but more about the service he was able to give.

My son-in-law Bria rarely cries in 4 years, Kaitlyn said she has only cried once when his grandmother passed away.  I was impressed with his ability to see past all of the "fun" in Christmas. The 1st words out of his mouth were, "my heart hurts tonight for all of the mothers and fathers who will have a hard time going to sleep not knowing how they will provide a memorable Christmas for their children" I immediately put a blanket over my face as not to look at him while he cried. He could hardly speak, and I was weeping underneath my blanket. Quietly saying a prayer, one for all those families, and two telling Heavenly Father thank you for my family, we are truly blessed. I am blessed to have such a wonderful son in laws and a beautiful daughter-in-law who also lost her mother in December of 2009.

They all shared stories and thoughts, by the end of the night there were no dry eyes, we made a family goal for 2013, we said a family prayer, and ate cheesecake.

I truly do have a wonderful life.