The Day the Silence Spoke Back

 

Dear Frenchie,

There was a time I believed that once someone passed, they were simply gone—out of reach, out of touch, out of time. The physical pain of your absence has been unbearably hard. The silence I’ve felt is so loud, it hurts.

But then something changed.

Slowly, quietly, profoundly—I began to hear you. To feel you with me.

It didn’t happen all at once. It started with a whisper of intuition, a warmth in a room where I stood alone, a flicker of a memory that came alive in real time. I thought I was imagining it—but I desperately wanted it to be real. Over time, those feelings returned, again and again, with clarity, with power, and with love.

Grief has cracked me wide open. And in that open space, your spirit found room to enter my heart and soul. Thank you for that.

I’ve realized that spirits don’t always come with flashing lights or dramatic signs. Often, it’s subtle. It’s the beautiful sunsets and the wondrous sunrises I now love to wake up to.
It’s the song that plays when I’m thinking of you.
It’s the memory of you learning the Stanky Leg and how happy that made you.
It’s the feather on my doorstep or the ladybugs that continue to show up.
The dream that felt more like a visit than a vision.
It’s the way my body chills just before a wave of peace washes over me.

The more I’ve leaned into trust, the stronger the connection has grown. I began talking to you—first out loud, then in thought, and sometimes just through tears. And always, you responded—in your own way, not in words, but in presence. A presence so unmistakable, I can only call it sacred.

I’ve come to understand: love doesn’t die. Energy doesn’t end. And your spirit hasn’t abandoned me. Quite the opposite—you have stepped into my heart and reassured me that you are with me anytime I need to tap into that spirit.

Because of your visits, I’ve learned to stop and enjoy the small things—like you did during that year and a half before you passed away. My awareness is palpable. Strikingly overwhelming at times, but I am grateful for the continued lessons I’m learning about you.

I’ve learned to meditate by sitting in the silence, breathing air into my lungs, and feeling your presence wrap around me like a soft embrace. I only remember the good times we shared. I don’t take your presence lightly—it is profound.

Our loved ones are not “lost.” They are transformed. They walk with us, whisper to us, and when we get quiet enough to listen, they answer.

Your mom did that with me after she passed—her first visit was when I had to be resuscitated during a very long and dangerous surgery. It only lasted a few minutes, but what took place with her seemed like much longer. When I opened my eyes, I was in Heaven. Your mom was there, holding her arms out, wanting me to run into them—and I did. Her eyes were as blue as I remembered, like the Caribbean Sea. She told me Heavenly Father had asked her to visit with me, and she instructed me about three things I still needed to do here on earth.

On that visit, your dad was there too. I hugged him and felt the strength of his embrace. I told him I didn’t want to go back—that my life was too hard. He didn’t hesitate. He waved his hand to his left and said, “Do you see those children playing? Those are your grandchildren, and they need your influence and example in their lives. Now it is time for you to return to your life on earth.”

Then he looked at your mother and said something I later found peculiar: “It’s time for Monya to go back to her life on earth, and it’s time for you and I to get back to work.” Get back to work? What did that mean? I had so many questions as I tried to make sense of what had happened to me that day.

The second time your mother appeared to me was in a dream. We walked through a beautiful garden as she explained one of her “jobs” in Heaven: she oversaw it. She asked me about you, whether you were treating me with love and respect, just as Ray had treated her. She asked if I was happy. We talked about spiritual things, and I remembered why I loved her so much. She still visits me in my dreams.

I felt it when my brother, Lance, passed away. I carried shame and guilt, wondering if I had taken him to the hospital that night instead of worrying about him keeping me awake, could I have saved him?

But when Lance visited me not long after his death, he placed his hand on mine as I prayed about him. I reveled in those moments, eyes closed, listening as he spoke. I heard him as if he were alive and standing beside me. He said:

"Monya, my death is not your fault. It was my time to go, and I am happy. Now it’s time for you to move out of Mom and Dad’s house and start living. Go and enjoy your new life with Eric—he is a good person."

And then he was gone.

When Jami was diagnosed with breast cancer, I knew I needed to visit her—but I didn’t. I felt uncomfortable. How could I face someone I loved so much, someone who had already suffered so deeply?

After her death, I punished myself with guilt for not going to her. That pain became even harder to bear when I was diagnosed with breast cancer myself.

But I began to pray about Jami, and the spirit I felt was hers. She assured me she knew I loved her—and she understood why I didn’t come. She told me that now, having received the same diagnosis, I would appreciate it. She reminded me to focus on the fight ahead. She told me I would be blessed through the process and that Heavenly Father would never leave my side.

She was right. I didn’t waste energy worrying about who came to visit or who said the wrong things. I gave grace—because I remembered how I felt with Jami. And when I told you that story, you were mesmerized. You asked why you’d never had experiences like that.

I’ll never forget what I said:
I told you that you didn’t need the reassurance like I did. You were raised in a very different environment from mine.

For me, those spiritual encounters kept me grounded, alive, conscious. They carried me when I felt I couldn’t go on. It wasn’t always easy—in fact, it was humiliating at times—but I made it through.

And finally, there was Black Rock Beach.

The Lord allowed you to visit me in the very place where you took your last breath. I believe He escorted you there and left us to share sacred time together.

You told me you saw me on the beach that day—you knew I would never be the same again. You told me about where you are. You said you are so happy that where you are, there are no negative feelings or thoughts. You said Heaven is real—it’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen. Then you shared your spiritual connection with Heaven and the life you now have. It was the first time I had ever seen you in this light, and it was so refreshing.

You told me you were excited to be allowed to visit me. And that I have a gift—a gift to feel the spirits of those we love who have passed.

You told me you knew you couldn’t help me any other way—but visiting me was enough. It was everything. You shared your love for the Lord and assured me He lives and loves us all. Those spiritual thoughts you shared with me are my favorite—because I had never heard you speak with such intention.

I know now, without a doubt, that there is life after death. And I can tune in to those feelings when needed. I didn’t want our moment to end. But when it did, I looked at my watch, stunned that we had spent four hours together.

I treasure your love and your presence in my life. I feel you often. And I am eternally grateful to Heavenly Father for that day on the beach—and for the life we shared.

As rocky as the beginning of our marriage was, I will always be proud of us—of our grit and determination to keep going. The world said we were a statistic, that we’d never make it. But we did. And we both know we had a beautiful love story. It is more evident to me now how much you love me.

Thank you for loving me the way you have, and for continuing to show me your beautiful, vulnerable heart. I love this part of you.

Now, when I feel that gentle tug in my soul—or the warmth over my entire body—I no longer wonder. I know.

I am a special daughter of God, protected and guided by the spirits of those who love me.

I am not alone.
I never was.
And neither are you.

I am in love with our eternal companionship.

I love you. And I look forward to seeing you again.

Love,
Me, your cute wifey

Love The Ordinary

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2016

Love The Ordinary

     Sometimes it's good to sit back and enjoy an ordinary, normal day.  It is a treasure to be completely aware of who you are and where you are going.  I love to learn from other people, and I'd love to learn from you!

“Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a lot to love a leaf.  It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it’s beautiful to love the ordinary.”  --Unknown Source

As I stumble through my life, I've come to realize how many things I have taken for granted.  Mostly the 'typical' everyday stuff we all seem to skip over.  The ordinary is often overlooked for the beautiful.  There is so much to love and appreciate about the routine day-to-day affairs of our lives.  

a view from the road

Recently I was driving towards Mayo Clinic for an appointment-I take the beeline highway which I have usually viewed as not very scenic, but on this day I noticed everyday beauty.  I had seen these a thousand times on that drive, but on that day they were beautiful.  I wondered why I had never taken the time to notice the cactus or the artistry of the desert.

My personal philosophy leads me to believe our Heavenly Father, who created all things, loves ordinary people as much as he loves what the world deems as 'beautiful' people. My personal beliefs also affirm that there is goodness in all of God's creations, not just the things that are easy on the eyes. I'm convinced that both ordinary people and nature deserve much more of our attention.

I am more spiritually in tune and mature than I was seven years ago--now when I recognize beauty, I'm able to see with a different lens-viewing 'ordinary' things through the eyes of God is a beautiful sight indeed.  Wouldn't it be nice if we all could see the world through the looking glass in this manner? How lovely it would be.

--Monya

Hopes and dreams with Dr. Sal Lettieri

 

SATURDAY, AUGUST 1, 2015

Hopes and Dreams with Dr. Sal Lettieri

This time 6 years ago I waited anxiously for a negative diagnosis of cancer.  Not receiving the news I was expecting, looking back on this journey I've been on I realize I am being prepared. For what? That I can't answer, I'm not sure I want to know.  I would be lying if I said I have not had days when I want to crawl up in my bed, close my eyes, and not wake up.  I have felt unmeasurable pain, physical, mental, and spiritual.  I think we all want to believe we are "strong" If I had a dime for every time someone has told me how "strong" I am in the past 6 years, I'd be a rich woman. I'm grateful to those people.  So many times I have prayed for a miracle and felt abandoned. Now that I've cried enough tears to fill a swimming pool I trust in Him.  So many of us have a hard time recognizing the blessings that come in disguise of a trial.

The funny thing about that is, I am a rich woman. Not in a monetary way, but I am richer in the strength of who I am. I've been forced to live my life with loneliness, hardships, and pain. What if I had not experienced these things?  Where would I be now? Who would I be?  He has bigger and better plans for me. I am in the midst of fulfilling commitments and I know He will keep His promises to me. I will serve others, and be happy with whatever circumstances come my way.

I have had to learn to challenge my thinking and to lean on a positive environment of people.  I'm trying to learn how to balance my life.  Work, family, Nerium, Mayo Clinic, friends, personal development, and daily intentional goals have helped me to keep focused on what is most important.  I've had to be brave in circumstances where others don't understand or actually don't have the capacity to understand what this past year has done for me. Just when I thought I could never look myself in the mirror again, I became brave I let it define and refine me.  I learned that my face is not who I am.  I can't say I have fully embraced the idea of a partially paralyzed face.

A year ago I read a book that changed my life and added value to who I am, I will forever be grateful for having the knowledge before I read it, that I am a beloved woman of God. If not for having that testimony I probably would not have been able to make effective choices,. I've learned your thoughts either serve your growth or serve your decline. It's been proven we make an average of 90,000 thoughts every day. I've always been a journal writer, and a reader and I love good uplifting Christian music so when I read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson, I was like a sponge. I can attest to the power of words but as a child words were usually to my detriment. The Slight Edge convinced and reconfirmed to me I have been led and whispered to by the spirit all these years, I'm exactly where I am supposed to be in my life.

Humility is a word I probably would have never used to describe myself 6 years ago. I'm progressing by studying everything I can get my hands on. While studying I often think of all the people who have touched my life. Who I think are a true example of humility. Not one of these people knows they are humble, isn't that interesting? It is who they are, an attribute they have mastered without knowing they have. Some of these people have had devastating events happen in their lives and learned to control their thoughts and actions to mirror match a Christlike attitude. Others seem to not have had any apparent significant trials in their lives. They surround themselves or have been surrounded by proactive people who have built them up, and showed them compassion and unconditional love. The attribute of Humility is such a blessing, and not easy to accomplish.

During my reading of the Slight Edge and studying scriptures, I am finally able to say I believe in the power of the brain and how our thoughts, positive or negative can affect everything. I made the choice to look at myself in the mirror every day and say "You will smile someday" It's been over a year, and I've had 3 doctors tell me I will never smile again, I will never have facial movement on the right side of my face. I'm glad to report not all doctors are in charge of the outcome of a positive mental attitude. Dr. Lettieri told me I would smile again. He has encouraged me to continue to work that muscle.  Every morning for a year I tell myself over and over again "I will smile again" and then I tell my brain to tell my mouth to move. Dr. Lettieri has never given up on me, he has never said "You Can't or you Won't" It sometimes requires a surgical procedure but I am slowly but surely starting to tell my brain to simultaneously smile when I tell it to. It's working, I am reaping the rewards of my daily affirmations. It's a slight smile, but what's more important is realizing, just like reading from a good book every day, kneeling to pray every day, having faith all things I've done all my life are things I have mastered by doing them receptively. Those things are a part of who I am, If I stopped doing those things it would be like not brushing my teeth every day, eventually they would rot. It really has been such a slight change, but adding it to my daily routine has strengthened not only my brain and facial muscle but also led me to believe an arrow could be shot at me and I could repel it.

I am endeared to Dr. Lettieri, and to Heather Lucas. She has seen me through so much.  I miss Dr. Kreymerman and wish he was here to see my progress. Dr. Lettieri has now been renamed as my "smile doctor."

He said I would, I said I could and I am making progress. I am beginning to dream again, to have hope for my future. Prayer is the greatest miracle in my life when burdens have weighed me down, prayer from so many people has helped me to believe in myself again.  Putting my faith in Him I believe I have even greater miracles to come. He could take away all of this but His plan is perfect in every way. These trials are refining me into the woman I've always dreamed of being.

Seeds of Hope

 

SATURDAY, MAY 30, 2015

Seeds of Hope

Those who read my blog know I talk a lot about having Hope in my life. When I have a  seed of Hope, I know it gives me good things to look forward to in my life. Hope always gives birth to the overwhelming trials of life. It always believe in the best, even in the face of my worst circumstances. For believers in Christ, Hope is much more than a wish, yearning for a positive outlook; it is based on the promises of God. I'm grateful for the Hope Doctor Lettieri has given me for a positive outlook on my nerve surgery.

I can have Hope in life no matter what surrounds me because I believe in a Heavenly Father who cares, knows me by name (Isaiah 45:3), understands the desires of my heart (1 Chronicles 28:9), and knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb (Jeremiah 1:5).

Recently, I watched an interview with the miracle Flight #1549 passengers. Instead of ending in a disastrous crash, it gracefully landed in the Hudson River in New York City. Knowing this was a US Airways flight, I had some exposure to the story and was very proud of the captain and how he landed. The outcome was nothing short of a miracle. In fact, it was being referred to as "the miracle on the Hudson" because all 152 passengers and all the crew survived.

I thought about the passengers and what must have been racing through their minds in those final minutes before the impact. During the cries and prayers, I'm confident in saying there was one thing they all desperately held on to ......Hope.

Some passengers hoped to kiss their spouse again, others to hug their son or daughter, and some to make things right with a friend or family member. As the plane was about to hit the water, they knew their lives were at stake. Many were praying, and all were hoping for a miracle. Then the impact came, and a fantastic scene unfolded with passengers streaming onto the aircraft's wings. Eric and I watched the news replaying the scene repeatedly and watched the fantastic rescue. 

While I watched this documentary, I couldn't help but think of the many people who feel their life is like that plane. Sometimes I feel like I'm going down, leaving me only to hope that things might be different someday. When I have those feelings, it's difficult to shake them off; sometimes, it takes days or weeks. Then I remember the promises, the covenants made, and I have Hope again.

I know people who are facing setbacks with their jobs or relationships. I know people struggling financially or who are feeling the pressures of life. It's sometimes overwhelming.   Knowing Heavenly Father is for me, not against me, gives Hope for a brighter future. His love has no boundaries. 

I must constantly ask myself: Am I solid like a rock, or am I allowing myself to sink in the sand?

I recently let the enemy, Satan, own my thoughts; I've even allowed others to dictate my divine destiny by getting my head. I need to always keep Hope alive and never ever give up. I know God always, no matter what, has a solution for me. I know this because he knows me; my destiny was chosen before I came to earth. He had rescued me when I was in depths of despair.

So far, He has not let me down; when I trust Him, I am never disappointed.

Hilary Weeks My New BFF

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 18, 2015

Hilary Weeks, my new BFF

Lunch with Hilary-😘

A few months ago, Hilary Weeks emailed me to schedule a time to meet and go to lunch. With so much going on, it was easier to make that happen now.

Everyone knows I fly for free, so I got on a plane, flew to Utah stayed with one of my oldest and dearest friends Teri Padovich. We had so much fun catching up, laughing, actually laughing a lot. We talked a lot. We haven't seen each other for so long. I was a little worried about her reaction to my face. She didn't skip a beat; we hugged and went off. It was like old times; I needed this time away from Arizona.

While Teri was working, I met Hilary for lunch; good thing I knew what she looked like because we hadn't at that point exchanged phone numbers. I knew I was supposed to meet her in Harvest restaurant at Thanksgiving Point. I immediately recognized her and apologized for being late; those GPSs don't always give the correct directions.

I have to say, meeting Hilary was excellent for me; what a ray of light she gives out. Her spirit is inspirational; I could feel her sincerity. It's rare to find people you can truly connect with on a spiritual level. It felt like we'd been friends forever; she was beautiful inside and out. Just as I love the Live Happy campaign, Hilary has her own called Live Positive. You are truly missing out if you still need to get the app on your phone. Keep track of happy thoughts,  type journal entries, make goals, and earn inspirational quotes. You can even form groups of people to do it with.

I loved talking with Hilary; she has 4 daughters and met her husband while he was on his mission in Alaska --she thought Elder Weeks was pretty cute and pretty inspirational himself. A few years later, she was walking on the BYU campus when she saw him for the 1st time since Alaska. She said she yelled, "Elder Weeks" He turned, saw her, and ditched his friends; the rest is history. I love her music, I've heard her speak, and my heart has been drawn to her for so many reasons. Now I know why. She is so positive, loves her family, and has a burning desire to improve the world.

After lunch, we exchanged phone numbers, and to my surprise, she texted me and invited me to attend the Women's broadcast with her and 3 of her daughters. Teri dropped me off at Hilary's house. I met her daughter and her husband (Elder Weeks). What a great family.

I love these cute girls....❤️👀

Sitting in the woman's broadcast with Hilary and her girls was fun. When it came time to sing, my instinct was to pick up the hymn book and sing. Suddenly, I realized I was sitting next to Hilary Weeks. Her music has inspired me and helped me through some incredibly rough times...this was really surreal. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to her voice sing. Janice Kapp Perry was also in the congregation--I was surrounded by inspiration.

 Of course, I wished my daughters could have been with us too.  I am an avid note taker. I have stacks of journals and notepads full of the notes I have taken from special talks and thoughts I spontaneously have while visiting Mayo Clinic. Some of the most important life lessons I've learned are written down and journaled. I sometimes go back and review them, and often I am so surprised at the words I have written. How easy it is sometimes to forget the lessons we learn at poignant times of our life. I'm so grateful for having those detailed memories to look back on. This visit with Hilary and her family will always be one of those memories. The Lord has truly blessed me with good people in my life. Hilary and I will be forever friends now.  

This is truly a beautiful woman inside and out.

Notes from Conference 

DUMP IT

 

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2015

Dump It

 I’ve kept my mind preoccupied for the past couple of weeks. Instead of worrying about my surgery tomorrow, nothing I do keeps my mind off my mental pain.

I’ve been in situations where I feel like everything is against me. I know so many of us go through times when we are out of options and don’t know where to turn. I try to remember that anytime I don’t see a way out, God will repeatedly make a clear and precise way. I often try to find confidence in Him, remembering He has made promises. I’ve accepted that he will not take it away, so there is no way out but a way through.

I’ve been studying different stories in the bible about people who felt there was no hope but found out differently by having. In Genesis, there was a time when Moses led the children of Israel out of slavery and headed to the Promised Land. They didn’t get far before being close to their enemies, who wanted to enslave them again. They finally found themselves at the edge of the Red Sea, and it looked like there was no hope—but God! They cried to the Lord, and in Exodus 14:1,3, Moses said, “Fear not; stand still and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today.” Then Moses stretched out his hand, and the Lord caused a great wind to part the water so the people could move forward on dry land. But that’s not all! When the enemy army tried to cross the sea behind them, the water enveloped and destroyed them. The Israelites were finally free. 

I serve a Heavenly Father who wants to be the hero of my story! He is a God of miracles! He loves to show Himself strong on behalf of the people who seek after Him. I keep standing and believing because I know Heavenly Father will move me through difficult situations so I can take hold and believe in miracles again. It’s not always easy to do; I am human.

“The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” (Exodus 14:14)

It says in 1 Peter 2:9, “You have been chosen by God Himself.” There have been times when I’ve felt left out. I’ve been disregarded by people who have overlooked me. But now I always remember the One who matters most chooses me. I was not randomly chosen. God, on purpose, looked at me and said, “I chose her. She's my daughter. That’s who I want on My team.”

In my youth, I was told, “You’re just too tall or too skinny,” But God said, “You’re just the right size for Me.” I have felt or been made to feel, “You’re not talented. We don’t need you. You don’t have anything to offer.” But each time, Heavenly Father said, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are talented. You are creative. You are anointed. You are smart. You are intelligent. You are amazing.” This has taken me a lifetime to understand. Those aches were real, but I can see the hand of God in my life by tracing back over those steps. I’m unsure why we hold on to the past so tightly. Driving home from the Mayo Clinic, feeling a little sorry for myself, I pulled into a Land Fill (weird, never been there before--it stinks.)

I parked, poured my heart out to the Lord, and dumped everything holding me back.

Dumped my fears today...

Looks like a lot of people dump here.

I know so many who have gone through more than their share of unfair situations. But here’s what I’ve learned. Even though life is not fair, God is fair. If we do not think something is wrong with us but instead start seeing ourselves as handpicked by God — valuable, lovable, with something great to offer, Heavenly Father says He will pay us back double. That means He’ll make the rest of our life twice as good as it would have been if that situation had never happened.

It’s time for me to dig my heels in. Not allowing what somebody did or didn’t do to steal my joy and cause me to go through life feeling not good enough, not talented, and not attractive. No, it’s time for me to realize I am a child of God. My value doesn’t come from people or accomplishments but from Him. I need to put my shoulders back. Hold my head up high. Live with confidence. God said He would take what was meant for harm and use it for my advantage. 

I’m trying to keep this attitude of faith, praying Heavenly Father will always give me the last laugh. I believe he’s trying hard to get me where I’m supposed to be. I may never run that marathon I’ve dreamed of, but God has something else for me to do. Heavenly Father has opened doors for me. A year ago, I thought I was on the road to recovery, complete healing. I soon found out the Lord had another mission for me to full fill. With all my heart, my Heavenly Father is bringing light into my life for a new journey and peace. The person I am becoming is so much bigger than any monetary means. Because my Heavenly Father knows me so well, he knew I would have difficulty looking in the mirror and liking who I saw staring back. In fact, He knows this will take years of aching, crying, and suffering before I will be ok with that image in the mirror. The knowledge I have learned is this, He never gives up on any of us.

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Begging VS. Believing

 

FRIDAY, JANUARY 30, 2015

Begging vs. Believing

When Haleigh was about 13 years old, she asked Eric, "Dad, when I get my driver's license will you buy me a car?"  Eric said, "Yes, we will have a car for you to drive" I remember this because I told Eric, "I wish you wouldn't have promised her a car; we will have to hear about it for 3 years now. What if our situation changes and you can't keep your promise?"  Eric looked at me and said, "I always keep my promises" I dreaded having to listen to Haleigh constantly ask about that car. To my surprise, she never asked again; she talked about how happy she was about the prospect of her driver's license and freedom, but she never asked about the car again.

I have often thought about that. Eric was so confident he could provide a car for her to drive that he felt comfortable making a promise. She believed him; he had never lied to her before. I know Eric well enough to know if Haleigh had continued to bug him about the car for the next 3 years, he would have been hurt or annoyed. The hurt may have come from her not trusting his word. 

I have often asked in Faith for the Lord to heal me. He heard me for the first time and knew the answer before I asked it. The first time he listened to my prayer, the miracle was in motion. He never said it would be easy or quick. What I thought was my question was me begging. He thinks, "Why is she asking me this again? I already answered her. Does she not believe me?"

Lazarus was dead for days when Jesus thanked Heavenly Father for bringing him to life before it happened. My mind tells me some things are impossible. I need to have more Faith and thank Heavenly Father for the answers before they come. Having Faith means I cannot see the answer, but He will provide the solution. The Heavenly Father already knows, and he has given his word. He must feel bad when I beg and plead with him.

 I've been getting all my initial pre-operative work done this week. Did I mention I'm having surgery on February 6? This will be my 23rd surgery in less than 5 years. A huge part of me wants to thoroughly check it out. I'm so done with hospitals, surgery, and doctors. The other side says, "It's not your time yet. I can do all things through Christ."

Trying to find a vein today, the RN asked me, "Do they usually have a hard time finding your veins?" I smiled and politely replied, "Yes, they usually do" She was frustrated, and after the sixth poke, she said, "I'm going to try one more time. If I can't get a drawback, I will get someone to help me" She finally had to take the blood out of the upper part of my arm just below my elbow. Painful? Yes, it was, but I was calm. Before she rolled me into the CT scan, I asked if she would shut my right eyelid. She did; what a job, was my thought. When the contrast entered my body, a sudden warmth penetrated every cell. It was a strange sensation; my fingers tingled, I needed to pee, and my ears burned. This was all done at the Maricopa County Hospital. Dr. Lettieri is employed by the Mayo Clinic in Rochester but does facial trauma surgery at Mayo Clinic and Maricopa. More about him later; I am again blessed with an incredible surgeon.

I left Maricopa Hospital and went to the Mayo Clinic Hospital to finish the rest of my pre-operative work. Time to collapse some more veins. I dreaded going into the blood lab, knowing they would have difficulty finding a vein. After another 7 or 8 pokes, she finally got a smaller needle, which I had asked her to do in the beginning ... No one believed me. She finally found a working vein on the side of my left hand close to my wrist...painful? Umm ... Yes, but grateful she found one. She had tears in her eyes. I told her it was ok, and she said it looked like I had been poked earlier. I told her she said she couldn't believe how calm I was. I left there, sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel, and cried just a little.

I must believe the Lord is on my side; he knows what is best for me. Put it in his hands and let it go. Today, I will thank him for the healing coming my way.