Easter 2025

 

Hello, My Lover,

It has been a whirlwind of activity — moving from a 5,000-square-foot home to a 2,100-square-foot one has kept me on my toes more than I ever expected.

Yesterday, I did something sweet. I invited the kids and grandchildren over to our Gilbert home for one last dinner and a Golden Egg hunt. As the grandkids searched for eggs, I could hear you in my head — cheering them on as each one found their egg with $20 inside. I could practically feel your wink when they succeeded. I miss your belly laugh… your smile… everything about the joy you brought to even the simplest moments.

Today is Easter, and I attended my new ward. The people there are so kind, and I felt a sense of peace in their presence. Do you remember when we were deciding to move from the house on Cove? We hunted for land, but what mattered most to me was the ward. I will never forget the spirit we felt when we visited the Sixth Ward together. Yesterday, as people introduced themselves and welcomed me, I felt that same spirit — a warm reminder that I am not alone. It’s a good ward, with a beautiful mix of children, youth, and many retired couples our age. This was my third week there, and I already feel welcomed and embraced.

I grew spiritually in that old ward, surrounded by so many dear people who helped build my testimony of Christ. Today, more than ever, I remember that Jesus Christ’s sacrifice assures me we will see each other again.

I arrived at church just a little late, and as I sat in the foyer, I gazed at the life-size picture of Christ. I pictured Him standing with you, and I had a quiet conversation with Him. I know He lives. I know I will see you again. I can’t fully understand why Heavenly Father allowed His Son to suffer, knowing the pain it would bring Him, but I know it was part of His plan — a plan of love and mercy that gives me hope.

The grandchildren are growing so fast. Haleigh and her family were unable to attend today, but she sent pictures of them — and oh, they are getting so big. Ellis is tall, and Sena was sweet as ever. She reminds me so much of Haleigh at her age. Haleigh has always been a kind, gentle soul. What a joy it was to raise her! I’ll never forget her senior year of high school — so many times, she would crawl into bed next to me just to be near me, no words needed. She was my fierce advocate during my cancer journey, even without knowing it.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kayla lately. She and Jeremy are separated, and I fear their marriage may not survive. Kayla is an incredible mom and an amazing listener. I understand her more now, and through her, I’ve learned so much about Autism and the depth of patience it requires. Recker is fifteen now — big and strong like Jeremy —, and he often echoes what we say, letting me know he understands. When I say, I love you, he responds in his own beautiful way. Ezra is gentle and loving — just the other day, he ran back to me for a big hug that brought tears to my eyes. Teddy is thoughtful and kind, though he’s understandably confused about his parents’ separation.

You would be so proud of Blake. He has helped me tremendously this past year. You know he’s such a mama’s boy. He’s a hard worker, a great husband, and an incredible father. Chloe is thriving in her job at Denver’s office, and Weslie — sweet Wes — oh, she is a dancer like her mom, and she loves it. Yesterday, she kept hugging me and kept asking when she could have a “sleepover.” You know how much I adore that. She wondered about Papa — where you are, physically. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to say something her parents wouldn’t like, so I told her how much you still love her, and that one day, when it’s my time to leave this life, I’ll be with you again. She listened earnestly — I’m not sure if she fully understood, but she wanted to be comforted.

Kaitlyn and Brian are excellent. Kaitlyn works from home and really enjoys her job. I am so proud of her in so many ways. Brian works hard, and I’m grateful that they continues to lean on the Lord together. I asked Brian if he would come and dedicate our new home in The Reserve — and of course, he said he would. He is solid in the Gospel, and I am so glad he is Kaitlyn’s partner.

Phoenix is ten now — growing so fast. He loves soccer and football, and life with such joy and friendships. And Archie… you know how my heart melts with that boy. Kaitlyn may say he’s sneaky, but I’ve never seen it — to me, he is all sweetness. I love how much Archie and Phoenix adore little Florence. I feel a little sorry for the boys who want to date her someday — she is something truly special. Something spiritual and radiant. Recently, she looked up at me and said, “Do you know Jesus died for all of us?” Oh my heart. I answered, “Yes, He did — and He loves you. He loves all the people in the whole world.” She is much like Kaitlyn was at that age—full of wonder and expression. Every time she sees me, she runs with her little arms wide open and yells, “Bonbon!” — and I can’t help but laugh and melt right into her arms.

I’m so grateful we have these children of ours. Every one of them holds a piece of my heart. They are responsible, good people — and their spouses are wonderful too.

I used to tell you how sad it was that they never got to know your mom. Now I fear they may forget you. I try to remind them — especially the little ones — how much you love them.

I love you, and I always will.

Love,
Monya

Enduring ongoing adversity

SUNDAY, MARCH 15, 2015

Enduring ongoing adversity  

There are so many differences in all our lives. Depending on the circumstances, new mothers sometimes feel overwhelmed, fathers feel pressured to care for families, and some struggle with loneliness. We all have at least one challenge in common. Dealing with some type of adversity. I’ve also realized the reality of those adversities cannot be compared. For example, I struggled as a teenager with severe issues for years. It was heartbreaking to live through, especially knowing that life would be much easier if I were obedient. One day I went to visit a friend who was devastated and beside herself in tears. When I inquired what was wrong, I was shocked at her answer. She mentioned her daughter’s name, and then, through her tears, she explained, “She broke a family rule and got her ears pierced; she’s only 15; we agreed no ears pierced until the age of 18” Her perspective, and her trial was nothing like what we were dealing with, however in her family it was obviously just as heartbreaking.     

There have been periods, sometimes long times, when my life seemed to flow with little difficulty. Unfortunately, the nature of our lives gives way to distress; for me, periods of good health have ended, and misfortunes have arrived. It is more difficult when the comfortable times have gone on for a while. Suffering from health issues or losing material security can bring fear and sometimes even anger. I must be transparent here and admit I have felt rage and questioned why? I realize the anger comes from a feeling that what is happening is unfair. It came as such a shock. To be blessed with good health all my life, the serene sense of being secure had become deserved and natural, like an arrogant ignorance. Hadn’t I proven my worthiness and loyalty to the Lord? For this health issue to continue for over 5 years, a feeling of injustice has sometimes come to my mind. I have considered myself a brave woman, yet many times have cried aloud, “I have always tried to be good. How could this happen?”

The opportunity to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the blessings of God, which is eternal life. Then our spirits will be changed. We will become able to want what God wants, to think as He thinks, and be prepared for the trust of an endless posterity to teach and to lead through tests to be raised up to qualify to live forever in eternal life.

There is an aching sometimes for an answer to “How could this happen?” It becomes even more painful when I see others struggling, including those I love. When Recker was diagnosed with Autism, I wouldn’t say I was devastated, but I was honestly asking, “Why?” It was tough for us to accept when he was so innocent. Then having our second grandson diagnosed with Autism, I must be honest, I rocked my testimony, hitting my knees continually asking, “Why, why would you send these spirits to the same parents?” This distress can shake faith in the reality of a loving and all-powerful God. I felt the spirit continually reminding me the Lord knows all, and if I continued without faith, doubt could grow and spread. It could make me, or my children turn away from God, blaming him for the thought of him being indifferent or cruel. I knew I needed to check in with Him daily, or those feelings could lead to a loss of faith and question whether there was a God. Again, I found myself asking like I did several months after processing a cancer diagnosis....” why me?” with the comforter conveying to me repeatedly, I soon asked, “Why not me?” It takes time to get that pain to go away, but I can honestly say now, “Thank you, Lord, for blessing us and trusting us with these two little boys” (I am not speaking for Jeremy or Kayla, I’m not sure they are feeling the same.)  What a pure love they have for us and we for them.  

It soon became apparent that for me to trust Him, I must be transformed by making righteous choices daily, which is hard to do. I often wonder if I am prepared for such a great trust. Passing through trials and testing requires a great deal of faith. I deal with facts, and the education for me could come only as I allowed myself to be subject to trials while serving God and others for Him. I’m so grateful for this education as I experience misery and happiness, sickness and health, sadness from sin, and the joy of forgiveness. I’m convinced that forgiveness can come only through the infinite Atonement of the Savior, which He worked out through pain we could not bear and which I can only faintly comprehend. It comforts me even to know I must wait in distress for the Savior’s promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help me and others who suffer. Faith in that power has given me patience as I pray, work, and wait for help. He could easily take this away, but He chooses to teach by personal experience. Just as I need to learn from my own subjective experiences. The Lord’s relentless answers to my pleading have helped and encouraged me in times of darkness. Even when I feel the truth of the Lord to deliver me in my trials, it still tests my courage and strength to endure. Lately, it feels like it will not end; during these times, even physical strength is complex, and listening to RS lessons on how to deal with trials and adversity is hard to comprehend. The comments made are even difficult to hear. (Sorry just being honest) I have seen faith and courage come from my testimony. I am being prepared for eternal life. The Lord will rescue His faithful children. The child who accepts a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualifies for eternal life can find peace during the struggle. This is so much easier to write than live through. I am far from perfect, but I have begun to prepare my heart to be worthy of the Lord. I’ve had the attitude, “Things will work out.” Medical insecurities have not eroded my faith but have tested and strengthened it. And the feeling of peace the Lord has promised has already been delivered during the storm. Other miracles are sure to follow. I expect miracles to happen and thank the Lord ahead of time for the gift that I know is just around the corner. I watch from a distance how Kayla and Jeremy have embraced the trial they have been faced with.

Recker and Ezra are beautiful, loving children, but don’t mistake their love and affection for an easy road to take. From day to day, they struggle, not knowing “what will happen next?” Those boys are into everything. Recker and Ezra are both non-verbal, so imagine their frustration knowing everyone around them can talk. Their only way of communication is by taking us by the hand and leading us to what they need or want. I can only translate my feelings as a grandparent, not as a caring parent for 24 hours, worrying 24 hours. The special bond these boys have with their cousins and family is unconditional love. However, I can’t imagine the heaviness on his parents' shoulders. The responsibility the Lord has given them is beyond what I can comprehend. I know I am on the road to being the best I can be, so I can live with these perfect little boys for eternity. I don’t know why, but the Lord customizes trials to strengthen and purify us individually. Often it will come in the inspiration to do what might seem especially hard for the person who needs help himself. The test, and there is always a test, is how we deal with the trial. From my experience, I know that He can and will give us strength to rise through every problem. 

Trusting

 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2014

Trusting

The worst pain a mother can feel is knowing her children are struggling with something you cannot understand or comfort them.
There have been times when my doubt has been as vast as the ocean, feeling like the waves need to sweep me away, not wanting to face the pain. Our oldest daughter Kayla and her husband Jeremy have two gorgeous boys. Recker is almost 5 years old. It's so hard to believe how fast he is growing.  Ezra will be two in February. He's been a spunky, smiley fun baby boy.  These little angels have brought me more joy than I ever thought imaginable.  Their laughter and unconditional love are contagious.

Ezra's squint eye..so cute

Ezra love

When Recker was 14 months old, he was diagnosed with Autism. He is non-verbal but has taught me to speak with my heart and eyes. The past five years have been so difficult for Kayla and Jeremy. Something I don't even try to understand. All I understand is that if it were not for Recker, I would not have made it through some days when I could barely get out of bed--he is my sweet baby boy, who saved me from going to a very dark place.

Two days ago, Ezra was also diagnosed with Autism. I was so sure he was fine. He was making animal noises, something Recker never did. He could point to the various parts of his body. Again, I don't remember Recker doing that. Over the past few months, Ezra has started to regress. Although Kayla tried her most demanding to prepare us, it could be true. I just didn't want to believe it. Ezra was doing everything differently until he didn't; gradually, he became distant.

Kayla did everything differently with her pregnancy, thinking it might be different. Ezra didn't get his shots like Recker did. She did everything differently--Now we know, his diagnosis is a shock to Eric and me, but not so much to Kayla and Jeremy, who I can honestly say have tried to prepare us for.

Recker School Picture--I love this.

Recker lives in an extraordinary world--I wish I could go
there with him.

When I found out, I just wanted to scream, "WHY?" I still do. I am hurt, angry, sad, and blessed all at the same time. These mixed emotions have rocked my little world and will take a few days, weeks, or months to get used to.  I just want Kayla and Jeremy's dreams of having a typical child to come true. This does not mean they do not love their boys. They love them more than life, but not hearing your child say "mom or dad" is heartbreaking.  They need time to mourn. We all do.

I don't in any way, shape, or form believe these boys are doomed and will not have a future that is anything less than we, as a family, teach them. I know they can and will be, such a blessing to our family and others. In fact, through their journey, they will be the ones who, against the odds, will teach us. Through their sweet spirits, they will guide us so much more about compassion and tolerance than we could ever learn in a book.

So, it leaves me with doubt, fear, and the unknown, but I know one thing for sure, and I can never say this enough, Heavenly Father sends those sweet boys to our family for a purpose.  We may never know what that purpose is but we have decided the reason does not matter as much as making the journey with them memorable and happy.  Autism is not fun. It is misunderstood.  I know so little about why a child is diagnosed with Autism. All I really know is that nothing has changed for me. I love them unconditionally; I will take them by the hand as they lead me and guide me back to where I want to be ... HEAVEN.

Halloween 2014

 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2014

Halloween 2014

Recker Loves Papa and Pizza

Brian and Kaitlyn--Old Couple--She's pregnant.
How'd that happen?

Brad and Betty Walmart Greeters
Haleigh & Scott

Ezra the Lion

Promises not broken

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 8, 2014

Promises not broken

I know without any doubt one day, I will be strong enough to believe in this promise. Right now, I am feeling vulnerable. I am so afraid I have spent a week in Cleveland trying to find a doctor who will take on my case, one which I was told by two doctors they have never seen during their time as practicing doctors. I am fine-tuned, and my sharp edges are being sanded down. Heaven has shown me so many miracles....and one thing I know for sure is the Lord will not take our pain away; I also believe he could take it away, but when he does that, we are deprived of blessings we would have never had the opportunity to endure, come closer to the spirit and strengthen our testimony of FAITH and HOPE in Christ.  

One day a few weeks ago, I let Recker and Ezra play in my car while I was cleaning it out; they love to just play in the car because when he drives, they have to be in their car seats, so when bonbon lets them play they are all happy and smiles. The next day I was going, and I noticed both Recker and Ezra's feet and hand prints on the windows; I pulled my car over to the side of the road and stared at those prints with the biggest smile on my face--thinking, "I want to absorb this moment, those little hand prints are my cute little grandkids...." why did they not look as cute when they were my own children's? Or maybe they were, but I just forgot. I later noticed in my house on one of the mirrors Recker's hand prints all over it; I did not take the Windex out--instead, I cleaned around it; this little boy has blessed my life more than anyone ever has--I love Ezra too, and I love him just as much, but the connection I have with Ezra is different than the one I have with Recker. Last week when I was home, I had the PICC line in my arm and a wrap around my ear, like a bandaid. Recker always comes and hugs me, but this time he gave me a hug, and then I had to inspect my PICC line. I tried to explain that it was a boo boo, and bonbon needed some medicine. Then he hugged me again and looked at the bandaid on my ear. He first looked at it, then looked me straight in the eye, as if to say, "it will only hurt for a minute," and that fast he had ripped it off my ear and ran as fast he could---NO, it didn't hurt, he just hates bandaids and obviously if he doesn't like them he assumed bonbon wouldn't either. This little Recker boy is 4 and a half, he is still non-verbal, but he and I can communicate with our eyes and hearts. He has a special bond with our Heavenly Father, and I treat him as though he is a typical child because we do not want him to think we think he is less worthy or less loved than anyone else in this family. 

He's my little angel.

I know that one day we will understand why some children are born with this particular veil surrounding them and protect them from the world's temptations. When I look at this picture above, it always makes me think of Recker; I believe his footprints will also be next to mine, his perfect little prints walking next to me and helping me get where I need to be.

Tomorrow is a big day for me; I am praying the doctor has already cleared his schedule for one day and can get me in asap; if not, then I will be carried once again on an airplane to my next doctor on the list hoping for an answer. I have an excellent feeling about the Cleveland Clinic, and I know they have already told me my situation is an emergency case. I realized a long time ago my life would never be the same; it would never be 6 days of exercise for 2-3 hours a day, riding a bike 150 miles a week, lifting weights twice a week, and doing kickboxing 3 times a week...I never thought I could give those things up because they had become such a big part of my life; now I realize my Heavenly Father has a specific plan for me, I'm still not sure what it is, but I want to be the instrument He expects me to be. The way I will accomplish whatever it is, I need to get my body healthy again, and I will. I always seem to forge forward, and I can do it with the FAITH, HOPE, AND PRAYERS of all my friends and family. Without them, I would not be able to accomplish any of my goals; I don't ever want to let people down or be less than I know I can be; that's just who I am. Because my life has been spared so many times, it tells me I have more to learn. I truly believe everything happens for a reason; Heavenly Father is not just going to throw us out to the lions and not have a plan for us--still, there are times when I  feel like there is nothing I can do but rely on Him, friends and family to pray for me. I agreed to come to earth and take a body, and that earth life would be a difficult task at times; I believe when Heavenly Father sees our pain, it must hurt him because He can take it all away; however, if he does that we will not grow and learn and share with others. My prayer tonight is to help me sleep, even if I cry. I will wake up in the morning preparing for a good plan from my doctors. Tomorrow will be a good day, one day closer to feeling the sunshine on my face again.

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Easter 2014

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 14, 2014

Easter 2014

I'm a bit behind on blogging, so before I go into a blog about my last surgery, I want to post about the most important people in my life......my family.
This year was a fun Easter; I had all my children and grandchildren here for dinner and made these cute baskets for Recker and Ezra.

These were so fun to put together for Ezra and Recker.

We hid eggs (plastic) in the backyard, and they were not really hidden, the boys are too young to search, but boy, did they have fun finding them.

We are so blessed to have these cutie pies come to our family.

Recker..took off running for the pool--no stopping him.

Fun dinner outside--and on paper plates...

Jeremy ended up with his boys in the pool.

Singing happy birthday to Haleigh.

The most immense joy in my life is my children and grandchildren, I know my children get embarrassed by me, they get frustrated with me, and they are sometimes disappointed by me--but I love each of them for their individual talents and triumphs. I wish I was the "perfect" mother; in fact, I wish I knew a "perfect" mother, so I could read her book and learn from her....does she exist? I don't believe she does, I know I compare myself to other mothers who may have a better way of doing things, all I can do is be the best I can be today, and if I fail tomorrow, I will try again.

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Christmas 2013

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2013

The Lord Loves Me

Tuesday, December 24--

This week I got a phone call from my sister Sonya, her son and his wife Katie are having a baby in a couple of months. Sonya was so excited because she had all boys, and now finally, they had their baby girl in the family; her phone call was to let me know Katie had gone to her regular appointment and there was no heartbeat, and the baby had died. It was heartbreaking, and Jimmie was in California. She was induced to give birth to Dannie Jo, named after Katie's dad; she was 12" long and weighed 1.3 pounds. Yesterday we attended her graveside; nothing has touched me like this, seeing Jimmie carry this tiny little casket to the burial area. Then he and Katie stood and talked about their love for Dannie Jo and the plan of salvation. I was impressed with their knowledge of the method of salvation. There is no doubt in my mind or theirs that they will hold and love and hug and kiss Dannie Jo again someday. She is a good reason for us all to live like Christ did so we can be with her again --

Also, in the Williams family, Blake was admitted to Banner Gateway early this morning; he has been to the ER a couple of times this week and has been sent home with no answers. He has incredible pain in his stomach, throwing up, diarrhea, and complete frustration, not knowing what the problem is. They took several cultures, and we still have no answers. He was discharged from the hospital with antibiotics, pain meds, and a referral to a gastro Doctor. Also, last night our little Recker was in the ER, I don't understand much about his diagnosis (Autism), but he has breathing problems. When he gets a cold, it is intensified. Last night he was gasping for breath, so Kayla took him to the ER at Phoenix Children's Hospital. He is home and doing well; he was given some breathing treatments.

After spending time at the hospital today, when I got home, the right side of my face was very swollen, Sonya had said something about it yesterday, but I didn't notice anything except that I cannot eat much as my jaw hurts when I open my mouth, so soup has been about all I can eat. Last night when I washed my face, I could see the swollen areas Sonya was talking about, and it felt different on that side when I put on the face lotion. Tonight, I had Sonya and Greg come over and look at the inside of my ear with a flashlight, Eric was gone, and I could not see inside my ear; I always put two pieces of cotton in my ear like the Doctor showed me how to do, but I could not find the other one. Greg did the looking, and Sonya held the flashlight--not a fun sight to see, I'm sure; I asked Greg to take a picture so I could see what it looked like.

Sonya had some tears in her eyes, but I know she has had so much going on that this was not what she was worried about. The pain is still unmanageable, and I am so concerned about getting germs, but honestly, I do not feel great and have not left my home other than Eric taking me for a ride, and that was not what I had expected. Tomorrow is Christmas, and Eric and I both looked at each other and said we do not feel the Christmas spirit we usually do. Let's hope 2014 will be an uplifting and learning year without surgery or pain.

Christmas Day 2013

I woke up this morning to my sweet Ezra in my face, smiling big. Oh, I love my grandchildren. They certainly can turn a frown into a smile. Neither Ez nor Recker understood or knew what Christmas was. We enjoyed giving them some little things and spending time with Kayla and Jeremy, but the second Ezra got tired, I took the opportunity to feed him his bottle in my bed and take a nap next to him. We slept for a while until Blake, Chloe, Scott, and Haleigh showed up; Kaitlyn and Brian are in Utah, so we will celebrate with them when they get home from spending time with the Wrights. I must enjoy my time with Ezra when Kaitlyn is gone because she really does like to hug him...he loves her and lights up when she comes into the room.

While I write this post, it is midnight, and I am sewing, blogging, and watching The Sound of Music--my favorite movie.

--Eric is fast asleep. He tried his hardest to get someone to go to see a movie tonight, but no luck. I'm glad he has such a great relationship with his son-in-laws and Blake. I looked at him tonight before he went to sleep and said, "You know how much I love you?" He smiled and said, "not more than I love you," and that was music to my ears; I suppose there was no better way to go to sleep at night. Tomorrow I will see the surgeon for a 2nd opinion, but I told Sonya yesterday I don't consider it "giving up," but I really am done with all the cancer stuff; it is no way to live, and my quality of life may not be the same as what others may think they would want. So, let's pray tonight that the news will be good tomorrow. Tonight, I have a lot to be grateful for another Christmas I have been given to spend with my family. The Lord loves me.

Ezra Ray Was Blessed Today

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 14, 2013

Ezra Ray Was Blessed Today

Kaitlyn asked, "Mom is it weird to see your grandchildren, knowing that your own children created them?"  Oh, yes, it is weird. Well, odd is not the appropriate word. It is a beautiful blessing to the circle of life our Heavenly Father has taught us as a perfect circle of love. I believe our family will be together forever, so it brings great peace to my heart knowing if I live righteously and obey the Lord's commandments, I will live with these wonderful people forever. I am thankful for the families with whom my children have joined. They have taught their children the importance of believing in Jesus Christ and the power of the Atonement.

Today Ezra was blessed and given a name on which Ezra Ray Roussel will be known in the records of the church he will be known. I have listened to many blessings given to babies, but today as Jeremy blessed this sweet baby, no words connected with me more than his. He blessed Ezra to be a strength to his older brother Recker, blessed him to watch over Recker and teach him. It will be a blessing to have a brother for Recker. Already we see this connection between the two of them. Recker is exceptionally soft and gentle with Ezra; I think Recker has patiently been waiting for Ezra to join us; Recker has been trying desperately to communicate with his sounds, making them into words, concentrating on each sound.

I so look forward to more grandbabies joining our family. I sincerely hope my children will take traditions and values from both their families to incorporate the best possible family values for themselves--I already know they will be far better parents than Eric and I have been and will instill in their children a more robust, healthier bond--this is the traditions of the fathers, for each generation to be better than the last--the best has been saved for the end. I move into a new journey and phase of life, a bit hesitant to live up to the task as a grandmother worthy of these beautiful spirits HE entrusted us with, and a bit relieved knowing my children will be so much better than I ever was.

Life Moves So Fast

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 2013

Life Moves So Fast

Poor baby Ez

Just when life is moving as it should, reality hits me hard and brings me back to where I need to be, a good place in my heart. Our beautiful baby Ezra joined our family and was struck with severe RSV. He was put in the hospital, and Kayla had to stay with him 24/7. Jeremy was there as much as he could be but also had to work. I had the privilege of taking care of Recker. Our 3-year-old autistic grandson is non-verbal, but boy, can he make some noise. He, too, has not been feeling well. I took him to the doctor, and he had an ear infection, sinus infection, and croup.
My love for Kayla, the mother, has become more endearing as I have now seen 24/7 for a week what she deals with daily. Although Recker spends a lot of time at our house, it is an entirely different story when you watch him nonstop for that long.
While at the doctor's office, he went through every drawer and cabinet he could get his hands on, climbed under the desk, picked up the phone, played with the computer system, and twirled on the doctor's chair. It was all fun until .... the pediatrician came in to visit our little guy. He had a complete meltdown when the doctor looked in his ears, then came the news he needed a steroid shot in the arm. I thought to myself, "oh boy, he is not going to like this" HE DIDN'T. He screamed and threw his body around like a rag doll. Tears filled my eyes as he looked at me as if to say, "why, why are you allowing her to do this to me?"  I tried so hard to get him to settle down, I sang him a song, tried to rock him, and soothe him with calming words, but it just worsened. I thought I should calm him before I walked back through the waiting area. That idea was not going to happen, so I quickly made a dash for the door and out to the car, all the while he was out of control. I sat him down to open my car door, and he started to projectile vomit every were including on me. It looked like an alien shooting out of his mouth. Oh my gosh, I felt so bad for him. All I could do was hold him and love him. Kayla has told me about these meltdowns, but I have never seen him work himself up so severely that he vomits. By the time I got his medicine at WALGREENS and made it home, he had calmed down and fallen asleep.
Kayla and Jeremy were missing him so badly. I felt terrible for them too. Luckily, they could see him at least once a day. I took Recker to our condo in Mexico for a few days, thinking maybe if he were not here in Arizona, it wouldn't be such a temptation for them to come to visit him. The reason I use the word temptation is because Recker has been sick, and I'm sure he gave whatever he had to Ezra. If Kayla and Jeremy were to transfer it back to Ezra, he would never get better.
I had a fun time with Recker in Mexico. This boy loves the outdoors, the ocean, the sand, the grassy areas, and especially the pool. From 9 am to 6 pm he was outside running and playing. One day he made a mad dash for the ocean; I was running after him, I watched him play in the water for over an hour, then decided it was time to go to the pool. Of course, Recker thought I was picking him up to take him inside, so he started to scream and try to scratch his way out of my arms. He is extremely strong; I could barely hold him up. Everyone was staring, my swimsuit top was down to my stomach, and my breasts were fully exposed. I had to either continue to the pool area or drop Recker. I continued, all the while saying to myself, "no big deal, my breasts have been exposed to complete strangers before. I can handle this" then the Mexican vendor yelled, "hey lady, want to buy some sunglasses?" I turned and looked at him and, with a scowl then replied, "Are you serious?"
I finally made it to the pool area, where I am pretty sure I gave an 80-year-old man a slight heart attack. I was so mortified I wanted to look at him and say, "What, you've never seen a 50-year-olds boobs exposed while carrying a 3-year-old screaming and scratching his way to freedom?"  Eric happened to be walking towards the pool, and with his hands in the air, as if to say, "what the heck are you doing?" he ran over to help me--save the day, however, just a little too late. I calmly sat down on the chair pulled up my swimsuit and laughed. What else could I do?
Although my swimsuit never came down again, I will say it took two of us to get Recker up to the condo after a long day of playing. He never, ever wanted to go inside.
We face-timed Kayla and Jeremy each night before Recker went to bed, and we could get an update on how Ezra was doing. It was hard; Ezra would be doing better than bad, and we never knew what each day would bring. He is home now and seems to be doing well. Recker has been on his antibiotic for over a week and is doing better also. Today, while they were visiting us, Recker had a complete meltdown when he had to come inside; Kayla was chasing him around the house while he was screaming and not letting her get to him; I heard her laughing, and it made me smile--at least she can laugh.
Any parent of an autistic child should be praised; autism is hard, and none of us quite understand what it is and why some children have it, but I do know our Heavenly Father knows, and he has a special place in Heaven for these special little angels.

Recker at the doctor's office

Ezra hooked up to the machines.

He looks sick

Ezra looks so tiny in that crib.

Ezra joins our Family

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 6, 2013

Ezra joins our family

This is the longest I have gone without posting on my blog. Things have been crazy around the Williams home; so much to catch up on now--
Eric and I are so overjoyed with our new little grandson Ezra Ray Roussel. He arrived on February 23, 2013, weighing nine pounds eight ounces and twenty-two inches long. I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the delivery room with Kayla and Jeremy again. There is nothing more miraculous than a baby being born--just a couple of days before Ezra was born, I was at the Temple and felt Eric's dad's spirit strong. On my way home I called and told Kayla what a wonderful experience it was to feel him right there with me again. I am thrilled they decided to name Ezra after Ray. He was an amazing man. We will have fun telling Ezra all about his humor and big spirit.
I must brag about my oldest daughter for a minute. Kayla is amazing at giving birth--I know that sounds weird, but she really is. Never a peep out of her. In her mind, she thinks she is screaming, but we never hear a word from her. I know she was worried about having a C-Section, the doctor came in the room and told the nurses to get the OR prepped for a C-Section, and I could see in the face of both her and Jeremy they did not want that to happen--the problem is the doctor did not want to put the baby at any risk--since Ezra was so big, the doctor was worried about the width of his shoulders, if she got the head out but could not deliver the shoulders, they would have to push him back in and do an emergency c-section. Kayla did awesome. Little Ezra's arm was behind his back while coming out, they were worried his arm would break, and I have never seen a delivery doctor work as hard as hers to get this little guy out safely. After his head was out, the nurse stuck her hands in and turned him. The pain was excruciating, especially since the medicine had worn off by then, but they did it. I watched the doctor turn red and shake as she pulled on Ezra's head. I got teary thinking she was going to break his neck--finally, he plunged into the world--HUGE was the only thing I could think of--I was so proud of Kayla-she has been a fantastic mother to Recker, and now she gets the joy of raising another wonderful son--it's such a spiritual experience to watch a baby enter the world.

The doctor had to suction him out--poor little head.

We love Him

Welcome to the Family

Ezra Ray Roussel 2.23.13

Recker gives their little brother his 1st kiss.

This is perfection at its finest. Our family has been highly blessed.