Could Have Been Worse

 

SUNDAY, JANUARY 05, 2014

Could Have Been Worse

Today is Friday, January 03

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my surgeon. I stayed off pain medicine except Advil to drive myself to the Mayo Clinic.

black all gone--with my hair down, it covers the bald spot
you cannot even tell except that my hair is a bit thinner
I feel more comfortable having my ears covered so
I usually wear a beanie.

I checked in on time at 2:50 pm for a 3:00 pm appointment; I did not wait long at all I was in the doctor's office by 3:00 and seeing the resident by 3:05. This was a resident I had never seen before; in fact, none of the residents in this department made a second appearance. She asked her usual questions, how are you feeling, how is your pain, anything new we need to know about? Before I answered her questions, I asked her if I would be able to see Dr. Barrs; she said he would be in shortly. She then proceeded to poke around in my ear, then said, "I'll be right back; I need to get Dr. Barr's" soon; he came in, took a quick look, and asked the resident to leave and start on the next patient before she left the room, he wanted to show her something in my ear, he told her about the black area in my ear was dead skin. In his 31 years of practicing, he has never seen skin die like that before surgery, he excused her, and I didn't see her again.

He took a scalpel and cut off all the dead black skin, except for a small area he could not get to without hurting me, so I think he will deaden the area around it next time and take it out. Cutting out that dead skin did not hurt at all; it was weird. Then he laid me back, told me to hold tight and that things would get dizzy. Immediately when he began to vacuum my inner ear, I couldn't keep my eyes open; I was so dizzy. He asked me to keep my eyes closed, and it would help. It did help, but when he was done, and I opened my eyes, it was tough to keep them open, and it took several minutes to regain some normal visual. The vacuuming was extremely painful, especially since all I had was Advil. Dr. Barr gave me a new regimen for cleaning my ear to see if it would help the healing move along faster--swish out the big hole with vinegar and water--OUCH--was my 1st thought; he then looked at me and said, "this will sting a little, make sure the water is at room temperature" also that I need to keep germs at a minimum, stay out of public places as much as possible or wear a mask--I seriously cannot stand wearing that mask.

Once he was done, I asked him to look in my left ear because I had difficulty hearing. He seemed surprised but did the usual exam of the ear and showed me on the movie screen there is fluid behind the eardrum. I asked him how to fix it because I worried about losing my hearing. He said he will see me on a more regular basis now; if the liquid does not go away on its own, he will first put tubes in that ear to try to drain it; if that does not work, then, well, I guess it's time for me to start learning sign language.

First, he took the cap off the implant, so it could heal. We will not be able to connect to the BAHA until March or April, depending on the healing. Now I have a screw visually going through the bone in the back of my head behind my right ear. This BAHA is healing very well and, as expected--good news.

Then he helped me out of the chair and assisted me to a place to sit down so we could talk. What he told me is this--he cannot get the ear cleaned out for a long enough period without it filling up with blood, so he cannot tell me if the healing is happening or not--he said it is unusual--I asked him if the grafting took--he said, "again I cannot get a clear view of the grafting or the area I need to see if it is healing correctly, normally I would not be seeing you again until March or April to finish up with your implant, but I feel it necessary for me to see you every week until I can see an improvement"  I asked him if he can give me a little more, some HOPE that this is just taking longer to heal than usual. He then looked at me and said, "I have to be honest with you. I have never seen anything like this before, so I don't feel comfortable giving a prognosis quite yet" I waited for about an hour until the dizziness went away and left his office.

Taking Those Bucket Lists Seriously Day 1,2,3,7, Papeete

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2013

Taking those Bucket lists Seriously Day 1, 2, 3, 7, Papeete

When I finished my radiation and chemo, Dr. Northfelt said it was time for us to get started on the things left on my "bucket list" while I was feeling better--1st and foremost I want you to know I have learned through this journey although having the ability to fly to places I would love to see before I die has truly been remarkable, we could of never done any of this traveling if I was not working for the best company in the World US Airways.  They have gone out of their way to help me while I was out of work for a year and a half by calling or emailing me, to see how I was doing, and to remind me to get my paperwork into the corporate offices in time so that I would not lose any of my medical benefits. Eric and I have genuinely enjoyed being able to go to some wonderful places in the world, but I want my children to know, THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT, THEY ARE THE #1 on my bucket list. This last trip I journaled every day, and I saw a pattern as I read it back--every day I said I missed my children and grandchildren and wished they could enjoy this time with us.

On 8/21/13 We arrived in Papeete Tahiti via Los Angeles nonstop on Air Tahiti Nui, who Us Airways has an agreement with, this means we fly by paying taxes only--we were exhausted and stayed at the nearest hotel next to the Airport.

Day 1 8/22/13 Papeete they now have twenty buildings, and twenty stakes with 16,000 members the gospel is strong here on this Island.

Papeeta Temple

Papeeta Tahiti, we woke up had prayer went to breakfast then took our $100 a day car (Eric was upset about that price) We wanted to see the Temple and dressed to go enter and do some service while we were there.  We were tempted to go to the other side of the Island to watch the Billabong Surf competition that was going on, but I insisted I wanted to go to the Temple, so off we went to try and find it--not such an easy thing to do. We followed directions and felt like we were going in circles, finally I spotted Moroni on the top of the Temple we followed, quickly got out of the car, and were greeted by members telling us the Temple just had its last session and we would have to come back at either 4,5 6 or 7.  We made the decision to see the Island and come back to make the last session.  Ok, I love my husband but anyone who has driven with him knows he is not the best driver, I feared for my life a few times, going down one-way roads huh the wrong way-- We decided we had plenty of time to go to the surf competition and be back in time for the 7 o'clock session. We drove the ocean in view the entire time, oh what beauty we saw.  When we arrived, we found out the surf competition had ended early, 2 days early.  So, all that frustration for nothing.  We took a walk through what looked like backyards of people and enjoyed the scenery.

Water Lillies

loved the tree over the walkway

As we walked, I took a moment to notice
this rock shaped like a heart

Oh, if these trees could talk...Eric looks so
small in comparison--

Finally, we had our Nutella, Banana, and Coconut Crepe

We headed back to the other side of the Island to make it in time for the 7 pm session, this was important because we were told the Temple was closing for cleaning, so this was something I really wanted to do, and it was perfect timing for us.  Eric and I laughed because we had to find a dark area to park in so we could change into proper Sunday dress, we were in our shorts and beachwear, Eric said "I think this is the only time I have every gotten down to my underwear, in my car, with my wife and in the Temple parking lot" it was funny.  We were greeted like Kings and Queens as we entered this beautiful sacred building.  The spirit was so strong, I was not sure I would be able to get through without tears.  The Sisters in the Temple were so happy to see us and helped me along as I did not know exactly where to go inside every Temple. The layout is a little different, and this is a small Temple.

After I dressed, I was taken into a room filled with sisters, a Tahitian woman greeted me with a kiss on each cheek and said "welcome, Yo rah na" This women I will never forget, her hair was stark white, her skin perfectly angelic, and her eyes were the radiant Caribbean blue, never in my life do I remember seeing someone as beautiful as her inside and out, with the exception of Viola Williams.  I cannot remember her name, but she asked me where I was from when I told her I was born and raised in Glendale/Phoenix area of Arizona, she smiled and said "I was born here in Tahiti, I met my husband when he served his mission here, he came back after his mission, and we were married. I then moved to Glendale and raised our 4 children there, later we were called to serve missions here, when we returned from our mission we decided to move back to Tahiti and my husband was called to the Temple President" sadly he passed away 5 years ago and she moved back to Glendale to live with her brother, then she was called to a Temple serving mission in Tahiti--I could tell she was truly a servant of the Lord by her spirit. I was totally surprised when she asked one of the sisters who speaks English to escort me and help me through, this sister told me that the white-headed woman was 86 years old, this was astonishing to me.  I watched as each sister kissed each other on the cheek as they greeted one another--I LOVE THIS TRADITION-the men do it with the women and the men also with the the men,it is part of their culture and warmed my heart as they each did this with me. I began to get teary before we had even left the dressing room--WOW the spirit was strong for me tonight, this I NEEDED to do, and I am glad I did. I could feel Eric's mom and dad's spirit there with me, what comfort they brought to my soul, oh how I miss them and love them.  

I wish I could get advice from Vi, even though I know she would tell me to get on my knees, I also know that she is the one person who would understand exactly what I am feeling, she died of breast cancer--I need her right now, but her spirit is telling me to rely on the Lords answers, not the Doctors, or even other members of the church, just listen to the spirit and he will guide me.  There was a woman who walked in with a bald head, and a white scarf covering her head, she was going through chemo, I remember President Greer once calling the Temple to ask about me being able to attend with the white scarf-- I watched as this woman was greeted like every other one of us with a kiss on each cheek. I thought that was PERFECT.  

After the session I was waiting for Eric in the foyer, the Temple President came out to greet me and said, "Yo raw  na, welcome, we heard you were coming from the mainland, thank you for being here" Tears filled my eyes, he asked "what troubles you sister?"  I replied "nothing, I am grateful to be here, right now, and on this night, the spirit has been strong and questions for me have been answered" He hugged me and said "The Lord is good, he answers ALL"  Tonight as we drove back to the hotel, I told Eric, "I finally get it," "what?" was his reply "I finally understand the love and compassion your mother had for the polynesian culture, she was one with them, and your brother Kurt who served his mission here,  he had such a hard time when he came home, his mother was really the only one who could comfort him." It's difficult to understand, even my own son had a hard time returning from the Dominican Republic because he loved the service he did and the people he loved.  With Kurt it was more than I had ever seen, he was literally heartbroken when he got home, and Vi was the only one who could truly understand--I always thought it was because they served the people so obviously they loved them, but know I SEE it, I KNOW it, there is no place I have ever been where the people are so friendly and compassionate.  I didn't want to leave, and I just met these people, I cant imagine serving with them for 2 years and then leaving not knowing if you would ever see them again.  Over all today, I learned so much, I learned to soften my heart and not be like that rock, to let myself be ok with answers that come, and to be true to who I am.

Day 2 Moorea

Eric and I returned the car, went to the Ferry to the Island of Moorea.  After much negotiation with the car company, he finally decided on one and we drove the entire Island looking for just the right Hotel.  Eric had budgeted a certain amount and wanted to be in a place where we felt safe.  We ended up at the Intercontinental-in a bungalow, which really has never been on my bucket list but was on Eric's.

One of the Hotel Bungelows we looked at

Eric, said NO--Johnny Lingo would have said NO

We ended up here at the Intercontinental

I love this picture of Eric capturing the sunset

Eric loved this view of the family who caught a 600 pound
fish and let us watch as it took 4 men to cut it up and weigh
they then sold it to local restaurants Oh and by the way
This was only one third of the fish.

Day 3 Moorea We woke up to the beautiful view of a mesmerizing blue ocean, a perfectly sunny day for exploration.  After breakfast we finished driving the rest of the Island and ended up at the Ferry where we had originally rented our car. 

Eric hopped out and asked her if we could use it another day, she said "Of course you can" About 1/2 mile way back I got really car sick, I told Eric it came on so sudden and reminded me of when he would take me to our condo in Mexico while I was going through chemo to get me away from the Mayo and the Villain for a few days, but undoubtedly I would get car sick every time and have lay in the back seat of his Avalanche. I even remember Tamy running her fingers through what little hair I had and massaging my scalp trying to keep my mind off the pain.  Today, though I want Eric to enjoy his day, so I told him to stop along the way anytime he wanted to visit or see something.  We stopped along the way at a home where he saw a family cutting up an exceptionally large fish. It was being cut in thirds and lifted by four men it was so heavy, they finally got the weight to six hundred pounds.  The family sells to local restaurants, they were incredibly pleased with the catch today, William is the father and he wanted us to take pictures.  I don't think I have ever seen any fish this big before, it was quite an enjoyable experience for Eric.

cutting it up, was a chore

the tail and fins

Weighing

600 pounds

This fish took over an hour to pull in
Four men to cut and weigh

baby Maui Maui 12 kilos locals stop by
and buy for dinner

Eric & William, the owner and father
proud of another fish head.

Today, I'm happy for Guava Juice--my fav

What is Normal

 

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 2011

What is Normal?

It's late; I'm tired but can't sleep another insomnia night. My appointment Thursday was canceled. I'm not sure if I should be happy or upset. Still, I was looking forward to hearing some results and him telling me how great I was doing. I miss seeing doctor Kreymerman. I thought about him when Eric and I went to see a movie with Adam Sandler as a plastics doctor. I just don't remember the name of it. In the past year and a half, there have been very few weeks that I have not spent at least one day at the Mayo. It has been 5 weeks now, yippie. Maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I have so much to look forward to in my life. Blake is coming home in 7 months. We will get his release date in April, so looking forward to April.
My hips, especially my right hip, constantly remain in pain. Last night as Eric lay in bed, I told him it felt like when I had chemo treatments this time last year. My legs were hurting so bad, he rubbed them, and it helped. What is NORMAL? If any of you know, please give me a clue because that is my goal right now, and it's hard to have a plan when I can't even remember what it is.
One thing I am grateful for today is that I finally have hair I can blow-dry and tuck behind my ear. That is cool. This time last year was shiny bald. Having hair, I can actually run my fingers through is way cool. People always ask me if I will let it grow out again, think I am... I love long hair on women, but boy, this short hair is easy to manage. I wish I could sometimes d put it up in a ponytail, and I want it to grow out a little more before Blake gets home.

I think life will finally get back to normality I can handle; I'm not sure what that is yet, but I will make it work for me. I love you all so much.

I Remember when PINK was just a Color.

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2010

I remember when PINK was just a color

This month being National Breast Cancer Awareness month, has made me think a lot, especially about the PINK color. I remember when PINK was just a color, and now it means so much more to me. I have to admit I have never really given the breast cancer PINK ribbon much thought, donated money, or even let it penetrate my mind like it has this past year.

Every time I see a PINK ribbon, I think about my 3 daughters. When they were little, I loved doing their hair; I tied it back or braided it and always finished it off with a ribbon bow. Although the ribbon may not have always been PINK still, the ribbons of October remind me of those days. Yes, those innocent days when I had no cares in the world, when the only thing I worried about was what was for dinner and if the clothes were washed. During those days, our home was filled with PINK ribbons, PINK PJs, PINK bikes, PINK, PINK...PINK for my sweet girls, who I adored and still do. Yeah, that was when I thought PINK was just a color that divided the boys from the girls.

This year as I attended the Breast Cancer Awareness race in Salt Lake City with my family, I thought about when racing and running were just for fun. I didn't know about running for a cure but was running without care. It means so much more; we're racing time now hoping for a cure, holding tight to the thought that our children will not have to endure this terrible VILLAIN we like to sugar coat and call breast cancer. I was in a sea of PINK shirts that day, some honoring their grandmothers, mothers, sisters, aunts, and friends who have survived the VILLAIN or who lost the battle, and too many women, way too many women like me, who looked scared and lost as they wondered what the future will hold for them. In May 2010, PINK took on a whole new meaning. When I stood among thousands of survivors wearing PINK matching shirts and tears running down our cheeks. My bald head exposed, all I could see looking into a crown of people were my family, with eyes focused on my girls and husband. At that moment, PINK was no longer a color but more like a new best friend.

I hope that PINK will become a color again, that the VILLAIN will lose the battle for all women when a cure is found, that for every race, walk and run, we get closer to eliminating, and that with those races, we all win.

Hip Pain

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2010

Hip Pain

This week my hips are really in pain. It hurts to walk up and down the stairs at my house. I don't like taking the pain medicine because it makes me feel like I am giving in to it.
Also, this week I have been receiving emails from the American Cancer Society, the last email that came asked me if I was ready to purchase a wig or look at their catalog for hats and beanies..... WHAT? Been there, done that, there should be some kind of filter that lets A.C.S know we are done with chemo and moving on with our lives. I have had a bit of a bad attitude this past week, can you tell? I really don't mind getting the emails. Still, when I opened the TLC catalog, it brought back a wave of emotions and memories, Tamy and I looked at that catalog a year ago, and I considered purchasing some hats from them but decided against it. Then when I did decide to buy one, I got a prescription from my oncologist and bought one at a store close to Mayo Clinic. I never wore it, never, not even once. I think my kids and all their friends have more fun wearing that wig; even Recker wore it one day.

POSTED BY UNKNOWN AT 8:26 PM 0 COMMENTS 

Another Day in Paris day 6

 

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20, 2010

Another Day in Paris day 6

We had an enjoyable day today, shopping, and went to one museum, the Eiffel Tower, at night with lots of hand-holding and smooches.

Best Smell of the Day: Fresh-cut cantaloupe
Worst Smell of the Day: A lot of BO in a specific part of Paris

Best Sound today: Children laughing in the park
Worst Sound today: The wheels on the Metro coming to a screeching halt.
Best thing I saw today: A fountain drink machine with crunchy ice at SUBWAY
The worst thing I saw today: A woman very sick with cancer

My pick for most unique...


Frenchie's pick wins for the most unique person today ✔


Fresh Fruit and Vegetables in the outside market







We found all these ancient colorful doors while we were walking today, and we just stopped at each one and took a picture.





My new Anthropology shoes got me through the day with no blisters; they were comfy.


Candy store, with no Chocolate..... only bad stuff like Brian and Kaitlyn like.



The making of a beautiful crepe...sugar, cinnamon, and butter


Mr. Romance went Frenchie.


Frenchie was feeding the birds just before we went into Notre Dame, where they had MASS.


Looking down on my sweet husband as we walked along the Seine River, I walked with him, but the cobblestone almost broke one of my ankles.


We took the elevator to the top floor of the Eiffel Tower. While waiting in line, we met this lovely girl. Her name is Marina she is originally from Argentina but going to school in Barcelona, she is visiting Paris for 4 days trying to get all the sights that she can, while here she is staying in Hostels. I really liked her a lot, she was so sweet and kind, she asked about my pink "live Free" bracelet. I had some extras in my purse, so I gave her one. When we said goodbye at the end of the night, her eyes filled with tears and she said thank you to us repeatedly; we exchanged email addresses.



Nice Night Picture of the Tower

POSTED BY BonBon AT 4:08 PM 1 comment