New Baby Coming

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2015

New Baby Coming

Today, as I entered the Mayo Clinic there was no piano playing. I proceeded to the lab to get blood drawn and tests necessary. My next stop was to see Doctor Northfelt, my oncologist.  I had an hour and a half wait. I heard the piano playing and decided to sit and wait in the peaceful lobby. I listened to the waterfall, and occasionally I could hear doctors and patients interacting as they walked by. But today I was grateful I could really enjoy the music coming from the Piano. This was much better than sitting on the third floor and smelling the sickness of chemo in the air. I put my head back and closed my eyes.  He started to play a medley of songs from The Sound of Music (my favorite movie of all time) It was enchanting to listen to. I remember when Eric and I visited Austria a few years ago after I finished my rounds of chemo and radiation. As each song played, I pictured that day we visited. I am a blessed lady. While there have been so many distractions in my life, in the past few years I have been blessed with so much. Patience is a virtue I never thought I could conquer, but in the case of my health, I have learned it is invaluable. I have been blessed with incredible doctors all from the Mayo Clinic, and Doctor Haberkamp from the Cleveland Clinic.

Last Sunday Blake and Chloe announced they are expecting their first baby in February. The doorbell rang, I answered, and outside was a set of three balloons with a note that said to read to the Family. I was then asked to pop the balloon that reads #1 on it, so I did. Inside was an ultrasound picture. I quickly wanted to read note #2 it read that someone in the family would be bringing grandchild #4 to join us in February. I thought for sure it was Kaitlyn and Brian. Scott and Haleigh, Blake, and Chloe have all been very verbal about waiting to have children. The third balloon was supposed to be popped by Eric, but I didn't know Oh, and I forgot to mention I was popping these balloons with a butcher knife. I quickly popped #3 to find out who it was.........Blake and Chloe......... Chloe said, "Monya look at the color of the confetti inside the balloon...." It was PINK. This will be our first granddaughter. I of course went crazy running around crying, happy, hugging them all the while with the butcher knife in my hand.... I'm sure it was an ugly sight, and I might have said a curse word... Eric and I are so happy. Blake has been such a great brother to his sisters, and compassionate and loving to me, and to Chloe, he will be an incredible dad. Chloe is so great with all the nephews and really loves them, I know she is going to be a wonderful mother.  I keep thinking about her mom who passed away with cancer during the time I was going through chemo. She is with our little granddaughter now, sharing with her all the love she has and passing on a legacy for Chloe to follow.

Spring Break 2011

SUNDAY, MARCH 13, 2011

Spring Break 2011 

I am in Mexico at our condo with Haleigh, her friends Haleigh, Emily, Parker, Robbie, Kaitlyn, and Brian.

We woke up this morning and drove to church, I was so surprised when we arrived, and the building was being renovated. Steve and Stuart Frost were in the car just in front of us. They found out where to go, so we followed them and got to church just in time to take the Sacrament. There were no seats in the chapel, so we had to stand outside. I love that there were so many people in the church today, most of them were Americans here for spring break, but it was nice to see the chapel filled with people. 

THIS IS THE DOOR AT THE CHURCH
LOOKS LIKE AN EASY BREAK-IN-
I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE
CHURCH WE HAVE TO MEET IN

 I found the full-time missionaries, one of the Elder Randall from Nevada, I got his mother's phone number, and when I get home, I will call her and let her know her son is doing well and that he loves her. It made me think of Blake. I wish someone would call me from the Dominican Republic and tell me they just saw my son and that he loves me ... well, I know he loves me, but still, every mom deserves that phone call at least once while their son is serving for those 2 years.

                THIS IS THE CHURCH IN MEXICO-SO FULL WE HAD TO LISTEN THROUGH THAT DOOR STANDING UP BEHIND THESE PEOPLE-AND OUTSIDE

Today I was thinking about a year ago; I was still in chemo, had a shiny bald head, and felt really sick. I rarely left the condo. Mysti and her girls were here; I miss them this year; I'm grateful I'm not ill and have hair. In fact, today, my hair blew in my face; I have pieces long enough to blow in the wind and hit my face; before I know it, I will put it in a ponytail and go to the gym.  

LABELS: BLAKE, CANCER, CHEMO, JOURNALING 

I Need Your Prayers!

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2010

I need Your Prayers !!

Went to see Dr. Magtibay a few days before my surgery with Dr. Kremerman. First off I really, like him, he is soft-spoken and compassionate. He wanted to do a biopsy of my Uterus, I agreed and this is how it went:

Stirrups - yay

Relax- impossible

Insertion of the needle - Yikes

"You may feel some pain" ----- wholly cow did I

Throw Up-

Fainting-

He had to quit the exam because I was in too much pain, my cervix is scarred shut from all of the other surgeries I have had. He was so sweet, got me a bottle of water, and sat and talked to me for a bit.   There is a possibility I have Uterine Cancer, and because they cannot do the biopsy I will have an ultrasound next week, he wants to look at my ovaries too, then,  he and I will meet again for my options.  I have known from the beginning that the risk of me getting Uterine Cancer is very high, however, I was willing to take the chance it would not invade my life once again.  My doctors have been honest with me, and have explained that I am not cancer-free, I realize this, and still, there is a calm and peaceful feeling I have. I can still say that I am the happiest I have ever been in my life right now.

That night I decided to go to the church for the Woman's Christmas Celebration- (RS) I was so overwhelmed when I walked in, my mind was flooded with memories of last year... I went to the Christmas Celebration for the 1st time being seen with no hair, I still remember the scarf I wore and feelings of vulnerability. Now,  I have a little bit of my hair back, but  some of the feelings are the same,  vulnerability  is soon  replaced with the feelings of Love that I know those ladies all have for me, and I for them.  It's amazing how much you can change your perspective and recognize good hearted people when you are being served, and when you have the opportunity to serve others.  "We are the hands of Heaven on Earth." It is our responsibility to serve and comfort others, I so need to be better at that.

I really need to look up for some comfort, please pray for me.  I have a lot of faith not only in my doctors but in the Lord, he is trying to teach me something, my spirit sometimes fades, but my ears are listening for answers to prayers.  The Lord is Good and continues to bless us with his love.

Dear Cancer

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2010

Dear Cancer

I am on my way to the MAYO Hospital...I want to leave you with this challenge...write a letter to CANCER, really tell him what you think, everyone knows someone who has been affected, CANCER kills and hurts families. For every letter written and POSTED $50 will be donated to the American Cancer Society up to a maximum of $100,000.

Click here to get started

POSTED BY BonBon AT 11:45 AM 2 COMMENTS 

Then the Guilt took over

 Tuesday, September 16, 2010

Then the Guilt took over...

Okay, today I got productive and made like a million Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies, click here and scroll down for the recipe. I got all the ingredients from Walmart and got them all out and ready while Recker took a nap this morning. When I pulled out the oil, it smelled rancid..... wow that was disgusting. I have not baked anything for so long. The oil smelled awful, and I had to run to Walmart again and get cooking oil. It's a little frustrating to have everything you need but one ingredient. I told Eric (who was laying with Recker... so cute) that I needed to go get oil. Then he said to me, "are you going to eat any of these cookies?" of course, I said, "no," he quickly replied, "Then why bother to bake them?" I thought about that question while I was running through Walmart. I think I want to bake something for my family; just because I am not eating sugar and flour does not mean they need to go without it. RIGHT? Besides, I love to bake, and I feel like it's that time of year; I missed out on it last year. They smelled so good baking in the oven, I could not resist ..... I did eat one, and it tasted so good to me. Then the guilt took over, and I was done. I have this love/hate relationship with the NO SUGAR NO FLOUR thing. I love that my body feels clean and renewed; I hate that I love the delicious combinations you can create with sugar and flour; I am such a baked goods girl. Pastries, cookies, cakes, I love them all.

It wore me out making all those cookies, my body is not what it used to be, and I wonder if it ever will be again.

Oh yeah, and some people have asked about my recipes ..... when you open my blog, if you click on the button that says cookbook, it will take you to my recipes. I now have almost 1,000 recipes on there. I love that my girls can get a recipe whenever they need one; it's been fun.

POSTED BY BonBon AT 4:28 PM 2 COMMENTS 

I LOVE my life

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 30, 2010

I L♥VE my Life

I was kinda forced to go back to work. The day after we arrived home from Paris, I went back to work at US AIRWAYS. I am exhausted from the mental stimulation. On the 1st day, I had a panic attack on my way to the office; I had to pull over and breathe; oh, how I wished Tamy would have been with me; she always knows how to help. I had to quickly go to my "happy place" I remember bicycling with Frenchie in the hills of France; it made me smile and got me through the night. I definitely have CHEMO BRAIN, which I have been told is very common with patients; I have lost a lot of short-term memory and eyesight. Trying to remember all that I have been trained to do repeatedly for the past 6 years is not coming easy for me. Luckily US AIRWAYS is kind enough to put me through some training before getting me back on the phones with people. I worry about only working for a few weeks before I will take another medical leave when I have surgery, but I have been reassured by US AIRWAYS that they will train me again if needed when I return.

One of the things I have noticed about being back in the WORLD is how negative people can be. I don't think they even realize it. I am so grateful for my job; never before would I have said that. I have a different perspective now. When I think about where my life was a year ago and that I am alive and can go to work, it makes me happy. I get to be with Recker all day, then go for a few hours to work at night a couple days a week. I love my life !!!

POSTED BY UNKNOWN AT 3:07 PM 3 COMMENTS 

Redneck Mullet

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 2010

Redneck Mullet

This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and guess what? My hair was messed up and out of place; I could actually tell I had slept on it..... woo hoo ...... I'm doing the dance .... hands in the air ...... woo hoo ....... spinning around ...... yeah yeah ......
Until today, every morning, it was lying to one side looking like it did the night before, but today it is standing at attention like a soldier in the army, which means it's growing enough to show the morning hair look. I measured it today, and it's about 3/4 of an inch long. Still not long enough to style it the way I want to. Wait, who am I kidding? I won't be styling it for a while, but this is progress. I'm excited. Not even Mr. Hot Flash can upset me today. I wonder how long until I can call Kara? I saw Kara recently and asked her about that; she told me that the back of my hair will start to grow faster and longer than the front, and I will know when it's time. So when I start to get the mullet look, it's time. That won't be for a while, though, I never thought I would be looking forward to a redneck mullet, but I am. Haha!!!

God Has a Plan For Me

 

SUNDAY, JANUARY 10, 2010

God has a Plan for Me

Today was a great day!! Usually, I am still feeling the chemo in my body on Sundays, and I am generally good to go to Sacrament only. We attend 3 hours of church on Sundays, for those who don't know. 1st is our Sacrament here. We partake of the bread and water and remember the covenants and promises we have made with our Heavenly Father; it is sacred and important to me, and it helps me get through the week. When I cannot attend Sacrament, men who hold the Priesthood will bring it into my home, and I can partake here. 2nd is our Sunday School.

We brake up into classes and learn about the gospel. 3rd hour is Relief Society for the women and Priesthood for the men. I usually have to go home after Sacrament to take my medicine, and then I am knocked out and cannot attend the other meetings. Today, I went to Sacrament, then went home and rested and was able to go back for Relief Society. While I was home, the spirit told me to go back and listen to the lesson in Relief Society. I am so glad I listened to the spirit. This was a lesson I needed to hear, Erica Garner was the instructor today, and her spirit spoke to me like the lesson was written for me.

I have been really feeling down. Lately, the depression has been hard to get over. One of the things I took away from the lesson was that this life is not going to be easy; if it were, we would not grow, our lives would have no purpose. We need to be able to look back on our lives and see growth. Without any adversity in our life, we would have no change. Just as we allow ourselves to have joy and happiness, we must also realize there will be days of sadness, depression, and disappointment. I know this, I have learned this, but sometimes, I forget when I am going through it. Today I was reminded, and I can see the growth in my life over the past 6 months; I wish I could say I am looking forward to the growth I will get in the next 6 months, but I am not that strong. I do not look forward to the rest of what I am facing.

I also realized during this lesson that we are all born of Heavenly Father, we are a part of him, and sometimes Satan wants us to think we are of "Man."Satan puts thoughts in our heads that we are not good enough or are defeated by our trials. In reality, Heavenly Father is refining us and purifying us. If we allow the trial to teach us, we will become more like HIM.
During this journey, I am grateful I have knowledge that the Lord is on my side, that he is watching over me, and that he is good to those who wait for Him and to the souls who seek Him.
Tomorrow morning I face the 5th round of chemo, I have a lot of anxiety knowing what I am facing this week, but I also know God has a plan for me.

Getting Some Fresh Air

I have not blogged in a few days, so I am updating today. Part of the side effects of chemo is DEPRESSION, and I have really been feeling down the past few weeks. I'm not sure if it's the medicines, Christmas Season, children being away, or the chemo. I finally found out from my oncologist that it is a side effect and the best thing for me to do is get away from my house for a few days.

 Eric and I decided a long time ago to take time once a month for ourselves, away from the world's worries, away from the Mayo Clinic, and away from the constant smell of the VILLAIN. We took a little trip Tuesday and Wednesday and just got away from it all. The prominent spot for us is to go to our condo in Mexico, it's close, and it's free. The weather was beautiful in the '70s. Eric was able to golf with Tom Scheurn, while Tamy and I decided to walk on the beach for as long a walk as I could. I walked on the beach; I took off my hat and walked, just me and my bald head. It was good therapy for me, and I got some vitamin D. I walked the path I usually would run. I imagined myself taking off running, sweating, dodging a few sand traps, then when we hit the smooth sand, I told Tamy, "this is the best sand to run on." 

The next day when I took a walk by myself, I was thinking about my life. A few tears fell from my eyes as I thought about the sand and the first 10-mile run I did here in Mexico. At the beginning of 2009, I was training for a marathon. Kayla and Jeremy announced they were having a baby. Kaitlyn and Brian announced their engagement. Blake got his mission call, everything was going smooth, and we felt like nothing could get in the way of our success or strength as a family. Then, when we hit the VILLAIN sand trap, everything changed. Nothing was smooth anymore. 

The thing is about taking journeys. Usually, you start a trip with excitement and anticipation, looking forward to the new adventure. We get prepared by reading all we can see about where we are going. We put together proper clothing taking care of packing and schedules. A spiritual journey often begins the same way, anticipation and wonderment. We go forward with faith, hoping the Lord will teach us along the way. I continue to learn every step of this journey. I am finding out how far I can be stretched spiritually, physically, and mentally.