Life Moves So Fast

 

THURSDAY, MARCH 21, 2013

Life Moves So Fast

Poor baby Ez

Just when life is moving as it should, reality hits me hard and brings me back to where I need to be, a good place in my heart. Our beautiful baby Ezra joined our family and was struck with severe RSV. He was put in the hospital, and Kayla had to stay with him 24/7. Jeremy was there as much as he could be but also had to work. I had the privilege of taking care of Recker. Our 3-year-old autistic grandson is non-verbal, but boy, can he make some noise. He, too, has not been feeling well. I took him to the doctor, and he had an ear infection, sinus infection, and croup.
My love for Kayla, the mother, has become more endearing as I have now seen 24/7 for a week what she deals with daily. Although Recker spends a lot of time at our house, it is an entirely different story when you watch him nonstop for that long.
While at the doctor's office, he went through every drawer and cabinet he could get his hands on, climbed under the desk, picked up the phone, played with the computer system, and twirled on the doctor's chair. It was all fun until .... the pediatrician came in to visit our little guy. He had a complete meltdown when the doctor looked in his ears, then came the news he needed a steroid shot in the arm. I thought to myself, "oh boy, he is not going to like this" HE DIDN'T. He screamed and threw his body around like a rag doll. Tears filled my eyes as he looked at me as if to say, "why, why are you allowing her to do this to me?"  I tried so hard to get him to settle down, I sang him a song, tried to rock him, and soothe him with calming words, but it just worsened. I thought I should calm him before I walked back through the waiting area. That idea was not going to happen, so I quickly made a dash for the door and out to the car, all the while he was out of control. I sat him down to open my car door, and he started to projectile vomit every were including on me. It looked like an alien shooting out of his mouth. Oh my gosh, I felt so bad for him. All I could do was hold him and love him. Kayla has told me about these meltdowns, but I have never seen him work himself up so severely that he vomits. By the time I got his medicine at WALGREENS and made it home, he had calmed down and fallen asleep.
Kayla and Jeremy were missing him so badly. I felt terrible for them too. Luckily, they could see him at least once a day. I took Recker to our condo in Mexico for a few days, thinking maybe if he were not here in Arizona, it wouldn't be such a temptation for them to come to visit him. The reason I use the word temptation is because Recker has been sick, and I'm sure he gave whatever he had to Ezra. If Kayla and Jeremy were to transfer it back to Ezra, he would never get better.
I had a fun time with Recker in Mexico. This boy loves the outdoors, the ocean, the sand, the grassy areas, and especially the pool. From 9 am to 6 pm he was outside running and playing. One day he made a mad dash for the ocean; I was running after him, I watched him play in the water for over an hour, then decided it was time to go to the pool. Of course, Recker thought I was picking him up to take him inside, so he started to scream and try to scratch his way out of my arms. He is extremely strong; I could barely hold him up. Everyone was staring, my swimsuit top was down to my stomach, and my breasts were fully exposed. I had to either continue to the pool area or drop Recker. I continued, all the while saying to myself, "no big deal, my breasts have been exposed to complete strangers before. I can handle this" then the Mexican vendor yelled, "hey lady, want to buy some sunglasses?" I turned and looked at him and, with a scowl then replied, "Are you serious?"
I finally made it to the pool area, where I am pretty sure I gave an 80-year-old man a slight heart attack. I was so mortified I wanted to look at him and say, "What, you've never seen a 50-year-olds boobs exposed while carrying a 3-year-old screaming and scratching his way to freedom?"  Eric happened to be walking towards the pool, and with his hands in the air, as if to say, "what the heck are you doing?" he ran over to help me--save the day, however, just a little too late. I calmly sat down on the chair pulled up my swimsuit and laughed. What else could I do?
Although my swimsuit never came down again, I will say it took two of us to get Recker up to the condo after a long day of playing. He never, ever wanted to go inside.
We face-timed Kayla and Jeremy each night before Recker went to bed, and we could get an update on how Ezra was doing. It was hard; Ezra would be doing better than bad, and we never knew what each day would bring. He is home now and seems to be doing well. Recker has been on his antibiotic for over a week and is doing better also. Today, while they were visiting us, Recker had a complete meltdown when he had to come inside; Kayla was chasing him around the house while he was screaming and not letting her get to him; I heard her laughing, and it made me smile--at least she can laugh.
Any parent of an autistic child should be praised; autism is hard, and none of us quite understand what it is and why some children have it, but I do know our Heavenly Father knows, and he has a special place in Heaven for these special little angels.

Recker at the doctor's office

Ezra hooked up to the machines.

He looks sick

Ezra looks so tiny in that crib.

Ezra joins our Family

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 6, 2013

Ezra joins our family

This is the longest I have gone without posting on my blog. Things have been crazy around the Williams home; so much to catch up on now--
Eric and I are so overjoyed with our new little grandson Ezra Ray Roussel. He arrived on February 23, 2013, weighing nine pounds eight ounces and twenty-two inches long. I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the delivery room with Kayla and Jeremy again. There is nothing more miraculous than a baby being born--just a couple of days before Ezra was born, I was at the Temple and felt Eric's dad's spirit strong. On my way home I called and told Kayla what a wonderful experience it was to feel him right there with me again. I am thrilled they decided to name Ezra after Ray. He was an amazing man. We will have fun telling Ezra all about his humor and big spirit.
I must brag about my oldest daughter for a minute. Kayla is amazing at giving birth--I know that sounds weird, but she really is. Never a peep out of her. In her mind, she thinks she is screaming, but we never hear a word from her. I know she was worried about having a C-Section, the doctor came in the room and told the nurses to get the OR prepped for a C-Section, and I could see in the face of both her and Jeremy they did not want that to happen--the problem is the doctor did not want to put the baby at any risk--since Ezra was so big, the doctor was worried about the width of his shoulders, if she got the head out but could not deliver the shoulders, they would have to push him back in and do an emergency c-section. Kayla did awesome. Little Ezra's arm was behind his back while coming out, they were worried his arm would break, and I have never seen a delivery doctor work as hard as hers to get this little guy out safely. After his head was out, the nurse stuck her hands in and turned him. The pain was excruciating, especially since the medicine had worn off by then, but they did it. I watched the doctor turn red and shake as she pulled on Ezra's head. I got teary thinking she was going to break his neck--finally, he plunged into the world--HUGE was the only thing I could think of--I was so proud of Kayla-she has been a fantastic mother to Recker, and now she gets the joy of raising another wonderful son--it's such a spiritual experience to watch a baby enter the world.

The doctor had to suction him out--poor little head.

We love Him

Welcome to the Family

Ezra Ray Roussel 2.23.13

Recker gives their little brother his 1st kiss.

This is perfection at its finest. Our family has been highly blessed.

The Impossible

 

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2013

The Impossible

I'm not one to recommend movies, but I recommend THE IMPOSSIBLE, a film based on actual events from the Tsunami in the Indian Ocean in 2004. Eric and I went to see this last week, and I had no idea that going into this movie would have a profound impact on me. After seeing The Impossible, I decided my cancer journey was a cakewalk. It's interesting what we think we can handle and what we can handle.

Sometimes when my life is impossible to bear, I try to think about the people around me who are suffering tenfold more than I am. Perspectives change as I have learned to listen with my heart when patients talk to me about their journey with cancer, knowing their lives will end soon. I've learned that no matter what is happening in my life, someone always needs comfort, and They are put in my life at just the right time.

Some of the impossible things I thought I could never live through have become my sacred memories. Life is precious, it is supposed to be filled with fun, laughter, cake and ice cream, family, friends, and yes, the inevitable journey of life comes with hardships and trials--it's all part of the plan.

Move a Mountain

 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2013

Move a Mountain

Sunday, my daughter Kaitlyn, and her husband Brian were asked to speak in church about FAITH. I was moved by their talks; Kaitlyn told of her respect and love for the FAITH her brother showed as he went out to serve a mission for the Lord in the Dominican Republic. She spoke of how he left behind so much as he journeyed out into the unknown. Relying entirely on the strength within himself and the Lord to help him through two years. When he left, he was twenty-one years old and had been struggling with some of his own demons and trials. Through those struggles, he was blessed with the ability to pull himself out of the hole he dug himself into by moving mountains with his Faith. She continued to explain to him the great blessings that would be his if he would obey and follow the gospel plan the Lord had set in motion for him.  

I know he was under the amount of worry and pain as he left our home. Still, I will never forget the look of pride when he walked into the MTC--There was a little bit of fear in both him and me. Oh, how my heart ached for him, yes, I knew Blake was worthy of being there, but that was not what put me in such anguish. Being his mother, I knew it would be the most rewarding thing he had ever accomplished and the most challenging two years of his life. The people he loved the most in the world would be facing some life-changing moments in their lives. He would not be attending his sister's wedding, the birth of our first grandchild, or the graduation of his youngest sister. But the most troubling part for me was what had I done to prepare him? I felt helpless. I, too, had to put all my Faith in the Lord and rely on him to protect and watch over my son, to lead him in direct passages that would eventually bring him home to us safe and worthy to stand as a witness. My eyes were constantly teary, wondering how he was doing, knowing he was worried about my diagnosis of cancer and that he could not be here to comfort me. He didn't know that I felt his loving arms around me on more than one or two occasions. He showed tremendous amounts of Faith while he served. I am still overwhelmed by some of the mission stories he has told me. He left unsure of the gospel, uncertain of his future, and insecure if he would ever see his mother again. Still, he came home with a perfect knowledge that the gospel is true, knowing that his future is bright if he continues to follow God's plan for him, and he came home to a mom that welcomed him with open arms and a huge heart. Kaitlyn is right, Blake is excellent, and I continue to thank Heavenly Father every day for the great man he has turned out to be--

Brian's talk was equally touching; as I listened to him speak, tears filled my eyes and eventually streamed down my cheeks. As I listened intently to the words that came out of his mouth. These words were not ordinary. He was telling the story of my life without using my name. I was prepared to hear him speak about his grandfather, who undoubtedly taught Brian the principle of FAITH. Brian and Kaitlyn have talked about him several times with sweet regard to his knowledge of the gospel, and I know he has been a forcing influence in Brian and Kaitlyn's lives.
However, in this talk he gave about FAITH, he was telling the story of a young baby girl born into a broken family. parents who were battling one with another, her father who, because of drugs and alcohol, led him to the pathway to prison. When her mother was remarried, this new father's role in her life abused her physically, mentally, and sexually. Tears began to run down Brian's cheeks, and I could hear the lump in his throat as he tried to continue with the story. He talked about how this daughter of God had made promises to the Lord and stayed worthy and close to her Heavenly Father yet abuse and trials still are a big part of her life. When she was in her twenties, another test of Faith came when she faced the death of her younger brother, yet she continued to trust in the Lord and give her heart and soul to the church and others she served. As Brian was saying these words aloud, I was becoming increasingly agitated in my seat, the anxiety was starting to surface, and I was not sure I would be able to hide it from Eric. It was like watching your life flash before your eyes, but from a different perspective than what you actually lived. It sounded so easy as Brian described my life. Not necessarily easy was the life, but easy was the FAITH he told me as having. It has caused me to think the last few days, do I have that FAITH engraved in my soul? I certainly don't remember feeling as though I was showing great Faith; it felt more like survival mode I was in--negotiations were happening daily with the Lord--"get me out of this alive, and I will serve you, I promise." 
Brian continued with his talk, speaking of the cancer I was diagnosed with, I really had no idea that my cancer had been seen by anyone as a FAITH builder...I know I speak a lot about having HOPE and FAITH, but never realized those words have penetrated the souls of some of my family members.

In challenging times, it is so easy to give up and turn away from the very thing that can help us through the fiercest adversity of our lives. I know it is impossible to predict an end to our trials and problems of life, but I know I can promise this bit of HOPE if we have FAITH in Jesus Christ, the hard times, as well as the good times, can be a great blessing to us, this strength will give us FAITH to move a mountain.

Mayo Clinic Cancer Symposium

 

THURSDAY, JANUARY 24, 2013

Mayo Clinic Cancer Symposium

2nd annual Mayo Clinic Symposium was held at the Marriott just a mile from the Phoenix Campus of Mayo Clinic. I attended again this year. Seeing my team of doctors was good, and ready-to-present information was good.

Dr. Northfelt, my med/oncologist, and myself

Some of the information I learned from the meetings was new to me, and some I already knew, but this is the reason I like to attend these symposiums so that I can learn all I can about my disease and what the new techniques or statistics are.

I learned that 200,000 new cases per year are reported of breast cancer, and the side effects of radiation are some that I am still dealing with. 

Lymphedema ✓

Lung inflammation

Fatigue ✓

Depression and anxiety ✓

Chest wall and or breast tenderness ✓

Breast swelling ✓

Skin burning

I only have five of those seven side effects, so I feel blessed to not have to deal with lung inflammation or burning skin anymore.

I learned that Radical mastectomies no longer are performed and have not been performed on breast cancer patients since the 1970s. They no longer perform these because the surgical procedures have been incredibly advanced since then. In a radical mastectomy, they used to have to take everything, including the bone surrounding the area, this left women with horrible battle scars. I had a Bi-lateral mastectomy. Both breasts were removed with all the surrounding tissue but not bone. This allows the surgeons to reconstruct more efficiently, with much better results.

When someone has a lumpectomy, they only have a 1.9% of recurrence. a single
mastectomy 1.1% recurrence, and only 0/3% of cancer patients who have a lump in one breast will get another in the other breast--in Dr. Kreymerman, "they are sisters, not twins."
BRCA 1 or 2 mutation only has a 30% 10-year recurrence in the other breast.
Only 25% of breast cancer diagnoses are women under 80.

Some great things to come are:
Cancer Vaccines
the studying of tumor clones
DCIS vaccines
Her2 antibodies

One bit of information I thought was interesting, 15% of patients who go through the cancer process will get Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. As you have been through a war, the fear and anxiety of the return of cancer or having to continue to deal with the side effects of cancer treatments can literally put one's body into traumatic stress.

With recurrent patients, 45% of women have treatable anxiety and depression within the 1st 3 months of 2nd diagnosis. This is a mountain to climb but more terrain to walk through.

Did you know

55% stress over financial problems during treatment
46% cut back on food to be able to pay their bills
6% lose their homes and have to relocate
50% are not comfortable talking about any of these symptoms, even to their doctors
50% of patients do not share all of what they are feeling or their fears with caregivers or family
history of abuse, physical, mental, or sexual, will increase the levels of anxiety and will not be
shared with doctors
most women post-treatment will have low sexual desire and vaginal dryness and feel embarrassed about asking or talking about it with their doctor.

I was not surprised that most women do not want to share many intimate details with their doctors but was reassured knowing I am one of them and it is normal.

I am still waiting to hear back from Mayo about my ultrasound and low white cell count--no news to report.

Faith Hill & Tim McGraw

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 22, 2013

Faith Hill & Tim Mcgraw

In August, I bought tickets to give to Eric for Christmas. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill 2nd row seats were incredible, worth every penny. We flew to Las Vegas (not my favorite place in the world) and stayed at a genuinely nice hotel, smoke-free, with no casino, and off the strip it was perfect.
Here are a few of the pictures from that night

Tim waiting for Faith to get on Stage--right before this he shook my hand
and tipped his hat to me--woot woot

2nd row

Favorite part--he gave this man his guitar. Tim said
"any man who wears a pink shirt to a country concert
deserves to have my guitar."

She is beautiful

Live like you were dying--brought tears to my eyes

Negotiations with the Lord

MONDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2012

Negotiations With the Lord

When I was fourteen years old, I prayed to Heavenly Father, asking him to please get me out of the toxic environment I was living in, and I would promise to follow him and serve.

I also pleaded with the Lord when I was diagnosed with cancer to let me live long enough to see my son come home from his mission. HE DID.

Once Blake got home, I asked again to let me live long enough to see Haleigh find the love of her life and get married in the Temple. She's engaged to be married in March.

When Eric's mother was alive and first diagnosed with breast cancer, she asked her husband Ray to give her a blessing. She told him that all she wanted was to live long enough to see her three boys go on missions. She went into remission for approximately 14 years. When Kurt, her youngest boy, came home from his mission, her cancer returned, and within a few months, she passed away.

It's been 3 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and 3 years since my first negotiations started. I have a feeling negotiations are going to end. I promised my family I would make some decisions about moving forward with health issues after the Holidays, and the "Holidays" are coming and going too soon. I'm not ready. However, I did put it on my calendar to make an appointment with my pain doctor at Mayo Clinic --which means it's on my calendar to call them, and I will.

I'm making some progress as we wind down this year and start 2013. I have an appointment at the Mayo Clinic on Friday, January 04, with my new endocrinologist Dr. Roust. I saw Dr. Magitbay (my gyno oncologist) a couple of weeks ago, and he said things look good. I know it's baby steps towards some answers, but I'm making them. I also have some tests on the calendar, and my family will be happy.

This time of year brings on a lot of emotions for me and has for years. It used to be because I was not with my mom and sharing the holidays with her, knowing she would be alone, and she chose not to soften her heart. Now, I appreciate the Holidays, and I love the spirit it brings into my heart. 3 years ago, my friends and family put up all my Christmas decorations while I threw up and felt the pain of chemo raging through my body. I don't think I had given enough attention or appreciation for what Eric and the rest of my family were going through then.

 I often talk to the caregivers where I volunteer. One common thread that I have noticed is that they feel helpless, constantly feeling angry but not exactly knowing who to be mad with or why they are angry. Recently I received an email from one of our patient's caregivers. She wanted to see if it was "normal" to feel her anger after losing her friend. She wanted to know what she could have done to better serve her friend. When you are struck with a cancer diagnosis, there is no NORMAL to life. I have learned from volunteering that people going through this journey often differ entirely from their caregivers. I'm so grateful I can volunteer. Many people have said to me, "why would you want to be around that environment, after all you've been through?" to those people, I always smile and say, "why wouldn't I?" I'm learning more about myself and my sweet husband (the caregiver) from volunteering than I would have ever learned. I am so thankful for Eric, he was the best caregiver I could have ever had during my treatments, and he continues to be strong and the best cheerleader for me as I visit Mayo Clinic.

So as I ask the question, "are we allowed to negotiate with the Lord?" my conclusion is and always has been that we are not in control of our lives, we can make promises, and I believe the Lord will keep his promises to us. Still, life happens, and all around us are people who need our attention and need our love, we may not understand why some trials come into our lives, I sure don't, but I do believe, at least for me, I have learned so much about myself these past few years, I don't want to go back there. However, the experience has softened my heart and helped me be more compassionate, and if you know me well, you know this is a great accomplishment for me.  

2013--bring it on--even with that number 13, I detest--

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It's a Wonderful Life

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2012

It's a wonderful life

Unbelievably I have never seen the movie "It's a wonderful life" my sister Sonya has always watched it every year and encouraged me to do the same, but until this year I never took her up on that challenge. We went to the Cinemark movie theater in Tempe as a family to watch it on the big screen. WOW, what a fantastic old movie. Even in black and white, I was mesmerized by the story and genuinely enjoyed it.

Sometimes, we all get down on ourselves and forget to recognize the good we do. Even trivial things can change a life. I have often thought, "What if, and should I have done this differently, or why did I do that?" I have not always believed that people come into our lives for a reason or that some of the trials or even joys we have in our lives are meant to be. They just happen. I no longer believe this to be true. Of course, we have the agency to choose good or bad choices, but they always come with a consequence. Agency is never FREE.  I have a feeling if any of us were to be in the same position as George (It's a wonderful Life) and allowed to see what the world would have been like if we were never born, we would all be surprised at the things we do daily that has changed someone's life. Not only to our families and ourselves but to the everyday person we pass on the street or see in the store.  A smile or a simple "hello, can I help you" would and could change a life.

On Christmas Eve, we had all of our children and their families over for dinner. The only instructions I gave them were to be prepared to share a story of Christmas or one of their most memorable Christmas. I opened by reading "The Christmas Train" by Thomas S. Monson. Then I shared a few of my favorite Christmas memories, one being remembered as a child.  My mother gave me a white Holy Bible with my name inscribed on the front. I thought I was never going to stop smiling. I still have that Bible. Another story I told was about when Eric and I were dating. His mom bought me a gift, but miss placed it. She searched and searched and felt so badly thinking she had thrown it out with the garbage by accident.  I never cared about that gift, but I did care about that fact that I knew she loved me, she always showed me love and genuine compassion, to me that alone was worth more than anything she could of bought from a store.  The last story I told was when Blake was on his mission, that very 1st Christmas, I was going through my chemo treatments, oh how I missed him and honestly was not feeling well, not knowing if I would ever see him again made my heart hurt, but hearing his voice on Christmas day I think was the best Christmas gift I have ever been given.

Haleigh, my youngest daughter just got engaged a few days before Christmas to Scott Bigalow.  He told a story about his father dying when he was only 8 years old, before that time his dad was always the one who provided the mountain bikes and fun gifts for the boys, but the year he died was Christmas he said he would never forget.  They had no money and I'm sure his mom was  worried about how she would pay for food and utilities, in other words Christmas gifts were probably not on the top of the list of things to do.  One night his family was home and they heard noises outside, they all ran to see what was going on, it was Brad Wardrop hanging Christmas lights on their home.  He was a neighbor and close friend of the family. As tears ran down Scott's face I wondered if Brad even knew what an impact he had made on this kid.

Blake told stories from his mission, tears filled his eyes when he talked about those two Christmas's away from his home, but one, in particular, that really left a lasting impression on him. He said it was a Christmas he will never forget, the best Christmas he has ever had and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with the gifts he received , in particular,but more about the service he was able to give.

My son-in-law Bria rarely cries in 4 years, Kaitlyn said she has only cried once when his grandmother passed away.  I was impressed with his ability to see past all of the "fun" in Christmas. The 1st words out of his mouth were, "my heart hurts tonight for all of the mothers and fathers who will have a hard time going to sleep not knowing how they will provide a memorable Christmas for their children" I immediately put a blanket over my face as not to look at him while he cried. He could hardly speak, and I was weeping underneath my blanket. Quietly saying a prayer, one for all those families, and two telling Heavenly Father thank you for my family, we are truly blessed. I am blessed to have such a wonderful son in laws and a beautiful daughter-in-law who also lost her mother in December of 2009.

They all shared stories and thoughts, by the end of the night there were no dry eyes, we made a family goal for 2013, we said a family prayer, and ate cheesecake.

I truly do have a wonderful life.

Where was God?

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2012

Where was God?

As our country is mourning the loss of twenty kindergarten children who were so tragically gunned downed and killed in their classroom, the question has come up "Where was God?" One of the most ignorant things I think I have ever heard came out of the mouth of Bryan Fischer from the American Family Association:

"Where was God when all this went down? Here's the bottom line: God is not gonna go where he is not wanted school... We've kicked God out of our public school system, and I think God would say, "Hey, I'll be glad to protect your children, but you've gotta invite me back into your world first; I'm not gonna go where I'm not wanted, I'm a gentleman."

This quote broke my heart to hear. I. believe God has never left me behind during any tragedy I have been through, and he did not leave that school because a mad young man chose to take the lives of innocent children. We are here on earth to prove ourselves worthy of living with him again, we were all given agency to choose right from wrong when we came to this earth to live. If that agency were taken away every time a tragedy was about to happen, there would be no growth or learning on our part. There would be no progression. LIVE, LEARN, AND GROW

Yes, I believe in miracles, and they happen every day, and yes, I believe our Heavenly Father can prevent tragedies. More than likely, He has done this more times than we know. However, to comment that God is too much of a gentleman to prevent those children from being killed is ignorant.  God is not a proud man; he is meek and humble. Sadly, some Americans have decided to take God out of our school system, but those are just words removed from an allegiance we made as a country. No one can take God out of our hearts. We feel and know of his love for us, all his children, he will never leave us.  These should be taught in our homes, not in a school.

O-r-a-n-g-e

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2012

O-r-a-n-g-e

I never thought the word Orange would have an impact on me.  My
grandson, Recker, is autistic. Today is his third birthday. He is non-verbal-yet I enjoy every second I have with him. There Sometimes there are times he takes me by the hand, leads me into a room, and expects me to know what he wants. Sometimes I'm smart enough to figure out he wants a cookie or sucker (and of course, I give it to him)Shhh don't tell Kayla. Other times, I am clueless and feel helpless when I can't help him.

Kayla was able to enroll Recker in a preschool; he started a couple of weeks ago. The first day was rough on mom and Recker. Tears filled my eyes as she relived the moment. Tears, she dropped him off; the fear and terror on his face must have been difficult for her to leave him. Those couple of weeks have proven to be one of the most important decisions of her and Jeremy's life. Recker now knows how to point to what he needs. He brought an orange to Kayla, and she pointed to it and said the word "orange" then the most wonderful word I have ever heard out of a child's mouth came to the word "o r a n g e" we shouted for joy and cried all at the same time--he did it, he finally said his first word, and we got it on video.

Every day is a perfect day with Recker, but this day was even more special.

Learning how to rip open a gift

John Deere Trucks from Aunt Kaitlyn and Uncle Brian
all boy's dream

Dinner at Spinatos, Cannoli for the Birthday Boy

And what's a Cannoli without
Lightening McQueen?

Three years ago, when Recker was born. I never imagined what happiness this little guy could bring to my life. He makes me want to be a better wife, mother, and friend.  He is most definitely my motivation in life to take another step forward.

What is your love language, Viola

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2012

What is your Love Language? Viola.

Besides, one other time while I was going through my chemo treatments, I felt the spirit of Eric's mom as strongly as I did last night when I attended the Temple. My favorite woman of all time was sitting in the chair, smiling so big from ear to ear. She looked me in the eyes and nodded as if to say with those big blue eyes piercing my soul, "I love you; you will make the right decisions. I'm here for you" I looked back after slowly walking by, not wanting this moment to end, and she was gone. It was just another cute lady sitting there greeting people.

Dang it, I miss her. Without a doubt, when I pass through the veil to the other side (hopefully Heaven since I know that is where she is), Vi will be the first to embrace me, next to her eternal companion, my father-in-law Ray Williams--I love them so dearly and have often had to humble myself knowing I would never want to disappoint them.

I had another incredible spiritual experience last night as I attended the Temple, one which I will have to record in another journal that is not so public. I'm grateful for the knowledge that Families can live together forever, Eternity, together.

Another realization came this week when I had lunch with a friend. It was mentioned to me that we all "love differently" I have never thought about it the way it was so humbly explained. Each of us. We are taught to love as the Savior did unconditionally, right? There has only been one person in my life I have ever met who has been able to successfully do this, Viola Williams. I have never heard a sore word about another come out of her mouth. She was constantly serving others as the Savior did. In the end, she died of breast cancer. Leaving a legacy of complete understanding of our Saviors plan for her family to carry on. We all love differently. Think about the people around you, in your family, church, and workout groups; are they all the same? No, we all show our love differently; some are comfortable hugging and saying "I Love You" (that is me), some may care and love for you but not want to be touched or hugged, some show love by giving gifts, some by words of affirmation and appreciation, some want to hold on to their children and never let them experience the circle of life (this would be Eric)  At the end of the day when we all understand how we love it is so much easier to accept and truly love the ones around us, just as the Savior did.