Seeds of Hope

 

SATURDAY, MAY 30, 2015

Seeds of Hope

Those who read my blog know I talk a lot about having Hope in my life. When I have a  seed of Hope, I know it gives me good things to look forward to in my life. Hope always gives birth to the overwhelming trials of life. It always believe in the best, even in the face of my worst circumstances. For believers in Christ, Hope is much more than a wish, yearning for a positive outlook; it is based on the promises of God. I'm grateful for the Hope Doctor Lettieri has given me for a positive outlook on my nerve surgery.

I can have Hope in life no matter what surrounds me because I believe in a Heavenly Father who cares, knows me by name (Isaiah 45:3), understands the desires of my heart (1 Chronicles 28:9), and knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb (Jeremiah 1:5).

Recently, I watched an interview with the miracle Flight #1549 passengers. Instead of ending in a disastrous crash, it gracefully landed in the Hudson River in New York City. Knowing this was a US Airways flight, I had some exposure to the story and was very proud of the captain and how he landed. The outcome was nothing short of a miracle. In fact, it was being referred to as "the miracle on the Hudson" because all 152 passengers and all the crew survived.

I thought about the passengers and what must have been racing through their minds in those final minutes before the impact. During the cries and prayers, I'm confident in saying there was one thing they all desperately held on to ......Hope.

Some passengers hoped to kiss their spouse again, others to hug their son or daughter, and some to make things right with a friend or family member. As the plane was about to hit the water, they knew their lives were at stake. Many were praying, and all were hoping for a miracle. Then the impact came, and a fantastic scene unfolded with passengers streaming onto the aircraft's wings. Eric and I watched the news replaying the scene repeatedly and watched the fantastic rescue. 

While I watched this documentary, I couldn't help but think of the many people who feel their life is like that plane. Sometimes I feel like I'm going down, leaving me only to hope that things might be different someday. When I have those feelings, it's difficult to shake them off; sometimes, it takes days or weeks. Then I remember the promises, the covenants made, and I have Hope again.

I know people who are facing setbacks with their jobs or relationships. I know people struggling financially or who are feeling the pressures of life. It's sometimes overwhelming.   Knowing Heavenly Father is for me, not against me, gives Hope for a brighter future. His love has no boundaries. 

I must constantly ask myself: Am I solid like a rock, or am I allowing myself to sink in the sand?

I recently let the enemy, Satan, own my thoughts; I've even allowed others to dictate my divine destiny by getting my head. I need to always keep Hope alive and never ever give up. I know God always, no matter what, has a solution for me. I know this because he knows me; my destiny was chosen before I came to earth. He had rescued me when I was in depths of despair.

So far, He has not let me down; when I trust Him, I am never disappointed.

The Price of Beauty

FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2015

The Price of Beauty

I was recently at a training in Canada, as I religiously took notes I suddenly was struck with shock when I heard Mark (the trainer) tell a story about how much women pay for their beauty products.  I heard laughing from the audience, but I was in another world.  I was having an outer body experience. What is the price we pay for beauty?  I'm not talking about a monetary price, as Mark was humorously entertaining us with.
I had an ah ha moment, I wrote: Mark said, "believe me guys, there is a price for beauty...."
I immediately wrote down "For me, what I have learned about beauty from Nerium this past year is Priceless" My face is disfigured, it will never be the same.  I want that so badly, I want to look at someone and smile, smile BIG.  I want to show my teeth.  I can't believe I took my smile for granted.  Just like I took my hair for granted, the feeling in breasts for granted, being able to run and train for granted, I could go on and on..... I simply took everything in life for granted.
I cannot honestly say any of this is understandable, nor has it been easy.  I may not always please people with my honesty and truthfulness, however I know the Lord has gotten me through these past few years.  I have been refined, not defined by Him who loves me just as I am.  In my quiet time, when I spend thinking and pondering over why so much in my life has been hard there have been times I've truly wanted to crawl in a hole and die--I've wondered if anyone would even miss me, lost sometimes in despair.
Then suddenly my heart is filled with more love and an overwhelming feeling of His arms around me, pulling me up through that dark and empty hole into the light again.
I lived for so long not caring about others, not caring even about where I was going or where I should be.  I now know my life was intentionally and most humbly prepared for me before I even came to earth.  His grace has gotten me through enormously unbelievable circumstances.  Because I know He has made promises to me if I am righteous and obedient I will continue trying to live as He wants me to.  I will share Hope and Faith with others, I know the Lord will use me, he will lead and guide me to people who are in need.  This life for me is no longer about beauty on the outside, I ask Him to help me not turn from pain and to give me strength and compassion to help others who are climbing an uphill battle.
We all want to feel beautiful, external beauty, I know this because I have been that person.  There are still glimpses I take in the mirror that horrify me.  When I am weak, I know I have to move forward, never go back, never give up.  I am putting all my faith in unseen strong hands that I have felt comfort me and pull me to a higher ground.  I love that feeling, knowing He is watching over me, He knows me, He feels my pain and He understands my journey on this earth is not quite over.
Physically I am tired, my body aches my heart is full and yet I want to fight because I know there are so many more miracles to come to others from Him through me.  I don't feel comfortable sharing those sacred moments the Lord has so gracefully revealed to me I have more work to do before it is my time to go live with Him again.  He has lifted my burdens on so many occasions when I have wanted to give up.  When Sheldon died, one of those special moments came.  I truly miss him, and visit his graveside often. I'm not sure why, I haven't visited anyone's grave as much as his but I feel a peace there. I will never forget him telling me I looked beautiful when I was bald.  Eric tells me I'm beautiful everyday, he is so kind in that way and I appreciate it so much, but the day Sheldon said those words to me, it meant something different.  He stood there pale faced and bald himself and yet for some reason those words penetrated my heart like no one else ever has. Maybe because I trusted he knew how I was feeling, not just using "words" to succor the needy.
Every bit of the worlds definition of physical beauty has been taken from me.  So yes, there is a price to pay for physical beauty, but for me what I have learned about pure unconditional love and beauty in His eyes is priceless.

• Shannon and Doran

  Seeing growth

  1 year ago
• Haleigh and Scott Bigelow

  Memorial weekend

  9 years ago
• Courtney and Justen

  You can call him Doctor.

  10 years ago

Have Courage and Be Kind

 

SUNDAY, APRIL 19, 2015

Have Courage and Be Kind

What an unbelievable week I’ve enjoyed. Renee Olson (Chief Leadership Officer for Nerium International) asked me to speak at Nerium’s semi-annual national convention. It was held at the SAP Center in San Jose, with a crowd of thousands of people sold out. I was hesitant to follow through with this great honor. I am so transparent in what I do, but I often do not allow others to see the delicate, emotional roller coaster I’ve endured. The aches have been natural for me. The weight of this responsibility became so heavy knowing my face would be on substantial jumbo screens for all to see gave me tremendous anxiety. This past year, there have been times I’ve just wanted to hide. Hearing an innocent child asking their parent, “Mom, what’s wrong with that lady's face?” has been challenging to process. Usually, I reply before the mother or father has a chance, “I just have a boo boo” The parents apologize generally and walk off, saying they are sorry. That is my reality; that has been my life for a year now. I realize no one can utterly understand my feelings, so I usually just say, “I’m fine,” when my heart is weak, struggling to be brave and strong. Just when I’ve started to heal and feel like life is taking a turn, another trial comes. I was so amazed while I poured out all my feelings; I felt loved. I prayed for the right words to say. This peace came over me before I went out on stage. I really opened and let Him guide me. I could not read my notes, resisted putting on my glasses to read them, and had to condense 5 and a half years into 10 minutes--I knew there was no way I could convey all the emotions we’ve lived through in that amount of time. Before I went out, I decided I would meet Him where He needed me to be, and this would bring me into a full circle and heal my insecurities. This experience helped me to be one step closer to being whole again. I prayed that whatever I said would touch at least one person and help them understand that we all feel broken in some way or another, but not giving up is the secret power we all have inside of us. We all want to feel valued and important; I’ve learned this through living it personally.

For those who have followed my blog, I don’t talk much about Nerium because I didn’t want my blog to become a platform for advertising. This is a sacred place where I go to escape the world; I am alone and listen to uplifting music when I write. I’ve always wanted this to be an authentic reality of who I am. My children will be able to go to this place long after I am gone to laugh, cry, and remember who their mom was. With that being said, I do have to add that I know Heavenly Father undoubtedly led me to this incredible company. I was not looking for anything; still involved heavily in health issues. The confirmation I felt when I said yes to Nerium was so overwhelming at the time I didn’t know why. Now I do; within a few months of joining my friends, my facial paralysis happened. If it were not for the self-development, I’ve gained from living in the culture of the Nerium Family, I don’t think I could have made it through this past year. I highly recommend anyone to READ THE SLIGHT EDGE. It has Nothing to do with Nerium; it has to do with a philosophy of life. Even through my breast cancer journey, losing my hair, uterus, and breasts, I still felt okay. My perspective on life has changed; Nothing in life is worth anger, hate, or malice. Seeing the world through different eyes lightened my heart and soul.

The Villain had taken from me everything that the world defines as “feminine.” It was challenging to process, and I relied on the Lord to get me through it. However, when the facial paralysis came, and a doctor told me, “Your face will never be the same again,” those words penetrated my mind deeply. I cried; my husband called for me. I was depressed and sad; I took so much of it out on my family and never wanted to be seen in public again. It has been a slow process that I cannot say I have fully conquered. Still, I can honestly say without hesitation nowhere, except for my church congregation and family, have I felt true unconditional love like I have with the Nerium family. Jeff Olson has taught me true happiness begins from the inside and manifests itself to others when you are genuine with your thoughts and feelings yourself. Success is not a car or a home. So many people think, “Well, when I lose weight, or I get a new job, or I blah blah blah......I will be happy.” Nothing can be further from the truth; being authentic and happy with yourself under any circumstance is what success is; it’s what attracts people to you and helped me live through this year. Be patient with me; I’m still under construction.

Speaking in front of a sold-out stadium--um. overwhelming
I had to lean on the spirit and speak from the heart.

Nerium and CEO Jeff Olson know how to throw a
white party--so much fun

It was a badge of courage and bravery for me to expose myself to such a large group of people. Over the past few weeks, as I traced where I’ve been, it was overwhelming even for me to process my journey. I have wrestled with shame and discouragement, feeling like I have let people down. I’ve wondered at times if my own children are disappointed in me. This life-changing alteration in my life has really brought me to my knees. Starting anything is always challenging: a diet, an exercise program, a new job, and even a new life. Trusting in myself to fight through this last year has been empowering. It’s been worth the sorrow and pain I’ve felt and feel. As I give up my pride and begin to give in to the fact this is the life I intend to live, I’m starting to believe I can move mountains. I have felt the changes inside of me. I’m beginning to realize I’m me because of where I’ve been and the experiences I’ve enjoyed and endured.

When Sheldon died, I wanted to give in and give up; now, I see the Lord has been waiting for me to do my part. To fulfill a promise. I’m finally beginning to understand I don’t need all the answers right now. It’s never too late to start on a path that will move you forward. Step up to the starting line and run as fast as you can; tomorrow may not come. This is the time to love others, share a kind word, and be true to yourself. You will find the strength to pull yourself out of any situation. There are days when I have to remind myself of who I am and convince myself once again I have the power within me to be happy. True happiness cannot be given to you, it cannot be bought, and it certainly cannot be faked. When you are pleased, you live with no regrets, you are at peace with who you are, and most of all, your spirit illuminates and becomes contagiously beautiful.

Tonight, Eric and I went to see the latest version of the animated Disney movie Cinderella. As I watched, I was engulfed in the story; many paralyzed my life. It showed me the unparalleled beauty of courage and kindness in the face of humiliation, suffering, and shame. I watched, thinking, sure, Cinderella looks stunning. But it’s not her ball gown or glass slippers that first catch the prince’s eye. Her inner beauty captures his attention—her courage and her kindness. Kindness isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. Submission isn’t pitiful; it’s beautiful and courageous. We all have the power within ourselves to make our lives happy; it is a CHOICE.

Hilary Weeks My New BFF

 

SATURDAY, APRIL 18, 2015

Hilary Weeks, my new BFF

Lunch with Hilary-😘

A few months ago, Hilary Weeks emailed me to schedule a time to meet and go to lunch. With so much going on, it was easier to make that happen now.

Everyone knows I fly for free, so I got on a plane, flew to Utah stayed with one of my oldest and dearest friends Teri Padovich. We had so much fun catching up, laughing, actually laughing a lot. We talked a lot. We haven't seen each other for so long. I was a little worried about her reaction to my face. She didn't skip a beat; we hugged and went off. It was like old times; I needed this time away from Arizona.

While Teri was working, I met Hilary for lunch; good thing I knew what she looked like because we hadn't at that point exchanged phone numbers. I knew I was supposed to meet her in Harvest restaurant at Thanksgiving Point. I immediately recognized her and apologized for being late; those GPSs don't always give the correct directions.

I have to say, meeting Hilary was excellent for me; what a ray of light she gives out. Her spirit is inspirational; I could feel her sincerity. It's rare to find people you can truly connect with on a spiritual level. It felt like we'd been friends forever; she was beautiful inside and out. Just as I love the Live Happy campaign, Hilary has her own called Live Positive. You are truly missing out if you still need to get the app on your phone. Keep track of happy thoughts,  type journal entries, make goals, and earn inspirational quotes. You can even form groups of people to do it with.

I loved talking with Hilary; she has 4 daughters and met her husband while he was on his mission in Alaska --she thought Elder Weeks was pretty cute and pretty inspirational himself. A few years later, she was walking on the BYU campus when she saw him for the 1st time since Alaska. She said she yelled, "Elder Weeks" He turned, saw her, and ditched his friends; the rest is history. I love her music, I've heard her speak, and my heart has been drawn to her for so many reasons. Now I know why. She is so positive, loves her family, and has a burning desire to improve the world.

After lunch, we exchanged phone numbers, and to my surprise, she texted me and invited me to attend the Women's broadcast with her and 3 of her daughters. Teri dropped me off at Hilary's house. I met her daughter and her husband (Elder Weeks). What a great family.

I love these cute girls....❤️👀

Sitting in the woman's broadcast with Hilary and her girls was fun. When it came time to sing, my instinct was to pick up the hymn book and sing. Suddenly, I realized I was sitting next to Hilary Weeks. Her music has inspired me and helped me through some incredibly rough times...this was really surreal. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to her voice sing. Janice Kapp Perry was also in the congregation--I was surrounded by inspiration.

 Of course, I wished my daughters could have been with us too.  I am an avid note taker. I have stacks of journals and notepads full of the notes I have taken from special talks and thoughts I spontaneously have while visiting Mayo Clinic. Some of the most important life lessons I've learned are written down and journaled. I sometimes go back and review them, and often I am so surprised at the words I have written. How easy it is sometimes to forget the lessons we learn at poignant times of our life. I'm so grateful for having those detailed memories to look back on. This visit with Hilary and her family will always be one of those memories. The Lord has truly blessed me with good people in my life. Hilary and I will be forever friends now.  

This is truly a beautiful woman inside and out.

Notes from Conference 

Happy Acts 365 Days

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 21, 2015

Happy Acts 365 days

I pushed myself today, but I've never felt more gratified. 365 days ago, when I learned about the International Day of Happiness--I was incredibly touched in a spiritually humble way. I made a choice that day; I was going to do 365 days of Happy Acts and see if it would change my life in any way at all. I began by writing everything I did in a private calendar. Then I got a planner and made it an intentional goal for my personal growth. I had to be intentional with my thoughts but not with my act of kindness. I let those come naturally but looked for ways to help another person.

After 6 weeks of doing it daily, I was put into the hospital for 3 weeks. Still, I could follow through with those acts; they were on my mind constantly. I became obsessed with overcoming obstacles and achieving this goal. After 2 Weeks at Mayo Clinic, I devised ways to help nurses or doctors- sometimes just by thanking them for using their name and sincerely getting to know them. Smiles, special notes, and gratitude were my best friends. I handed out Live Happy Magazines to everyone I could. Then I went to Cleveland Clinic for 7 weeks. This time I went prepared, not knowing what the circumstances would be--, I could still give thanks and share Happiness. In the past year, I was blessed with 8 surgeries to help save my life. What better way to say thank you? These people loved, cared, and helped me through some tough times...Diana Lents, I will forever be grateful that Angel and John gave me #HappyActs. Evgenya and Alex Kreymerman visiting me and showing #HappyActs was a huge surprise but so much needed when I had no family with me.

March 20, 2014--- From this day forward, I will give at least one act of kindness daily, and I promise to do this for 365 days.

Today March 20, 2015---✔ I did it...
I can't even explain the overwhelming feeling of such an achievement and what it did to change me from the inside out. I am a different person now than I was a year ago. I'm not talking about facial paralysis; I made this goal before that happened. My motivation behind this goal was to see how many people I could touch. The Lord had a different reason in mind when he led me down this path. He wanted me to see how achieving this goal would change and help me.

THESE  people give unselfishly every day as they
work at Mayo Hospital--5 and a half years with them
I'm grateful BOSA DONUTS FOR EVERYONE

You know, if you read my blog, I like to visit the chemo lab
and always take Holiday Treats for them to enjoy during
March and April before Easter...lots of tears today

Today as I drove the long freeway to Mayo Clinic, I pulled over to the side of the road, cried some tears of joy, and said a prayer of thanks for helping me achieve this incredible goal. I actually start plans and give up, but not this time. It was certainly not for glory or to boast in any way. I wish I could post every act of kindness I did; however, for a couple reasons, I will not:
1. HIPAA laws and the privacy of some acts that are too sacred to share.
2. Heavenly Father and I may be the only ones who will ever know the change these people made in my life.

Ultimately, trying to change one life at a time will help others to feel what I've felt this year. These people have made an indent in my heart that will never be removed. Most of these people will never know the difference they've made in my life--some of them are my hero's as I watched them struggle with different trials. I was placed in some places at the right time for a reason--I am so eternally grateful for those times-- This year, I found out how strong I am, who I am, what I can achieve, and most importantly, that because I intentionally found these people, I was then able to find myself,  I like what I saw--for the 1st time in my life nothing can hold me back from being BRAVE--I've let it define me. Today I realized while I was having that tender moment on the side of the road, I'm OK with myself. I'm no longer afraid to open the door to a me I've never seen before, and I know on those days when the walls seem too high to climb, Heaven is on my side. I'm ready to let nothing hold me back from what I feel inside of me-- I will be forever grateful to Jeff Olson for going before the United Nations and officially making March 20 the International Day of Happiness. I had the opportunity to meet Kym Yancey,  CEO of Live Happy Magazine. He is a wonderful man with a love for his family and spreading Happiness--I will never forget my interview with him. Good people attract good people--don't we all want good people in our lives?
Happiness is part of who I am now; I look forward to inviting more blessings into my life and giving others--365 days of Happiness.

I bought a couple extra Happy Tees to give out to random
people.

Two of my grandsons bought them Oreos and Kool-Aid
something their mom doesn't believe them. good thing for
grandmas to bring a treat every once in a while
instead of apples and bananas #HappyActs

One of the Happiness Walls from today--love when parents
participate and encourage their children. What a great
Dad--no hesitation at all.

I decided to go to a gas station in an area
where I knew people struggled financially. I sat and waited
I felt it with my heart; she was the one....sure enough,
zero gas and only $10 to her name. I filled her tank...
she was so happy, and the gas attendants didn't
understand...LOL 

How cute are these sisters? They will fill the
buckets of others who need it with their love.

Another mom showing her children the value of
Happiness and sharing in their lives

These are elementary school kids; no one helped them
come up with these ways to share Happiness.
Another tearful moment

Some of the cute notes from one of the boards the
children wrote on

I love these happy people for coming graciously into
my life a year ago. I love them

For the anniversary of this day, I intentionally made plans. The two walls of Happiness were more fulfilling than I thought. With the help of Carrie and Lindsay, we set up 2 walls at elementary schools. What a complete gratification to see every student want to participate, to watch parents get out of their car instead of dropping their children off and walking them to our wall. I was so impressed by these sweet children and parents--if our next generation could share love every day in some small way, we would be raising a new age of grateful children.

ONE DIFFICULT YEAR--TODAY MADE IT ALL WORTH IT...This was such a rewarding,  fantastic day. Thank you, Danny Jones, Elizabeth Decker, and Shelli Richardson, for never giving up on me.

Enduring ongoing adversity

SUNDAY, MARCH 15, 2015

Enduring ongoing adversity  

There are so many differences in all our lives. Depending on the circumstances, new mothers sometimes feel overwhelmed, fathers feel pressured to care for families, and some struggle with loneliness. We all have at least one challenge in common. Dealing with some type of adversity. I’ve also realized the reality of those adversities cannot be compared. For example, I struggled as a teenager with severe issues for years. It was heartbreaking to live through, especially knowing that life would be much easier if I were obedient. One day I went to visit a friend who was devastated and beside herself in tears. When I inquired what was wrong, I was shocked at her answer. She mentioned her daughter’s name, and then, through her tears, she explained, “She broke a family rule and got her ears pierced; she’s only 15; we agreed no ears pierced until the age of 18” Her perspective, and her trial was nothing like what we were dealing with, however in her family it was obviously just as heartbreaking.     

There have been periods, sometimes long times, when my life seemed to flow with little difficulty. Unfortunately, the nature of our lives gives way to distress; for me, periods of good health have ended, and misfortunes have arrived. It is more difficult when the comfortable times have gone on for a while. Suffering from health issues or losing material security can bring fear and sometimes even anger. I must be transparent here and admit I have felt rage and questioned why? I realize the anger comes from a feeling that what is happening is unfair. It came as such a shock. To be blessed with good health all my life, the serene sense of being secure had become deserved and natural, like an arrogant ignorance. Hadn’t I proven my worthiness and loyalty to the Lord? For this health issue to continue for over 5 years, a feeling of injustice has sometimes come to my mind. I have considered myself a brave woman, yet many times have cried aloud, “I have always tried to be good. How could this happen?”

The opportunity to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the blessings of God, which is eternal life. Then our spirits will be changed. We will become able to want what God wants, to think as He thinks, and be prepared for the trust of an endless posterity to teach and to lead through tests to be raised up to qualify to live forever in eternal life.

There is an aching sometimes for an answer to “How could this happen?” It becomes even more painful when I see others struggling, including those I love. When Recker was diagnosed with Autism, I wouldn’t say I was devastated, but I was honestly asking, “Why?” It was tough for us to accept when he was so innocent. Then having our second grandson diagnosed with Autism, I must be honest, I rocked my testimony, hitting my knees continually asking, “Why, why would you send these spirits to the same parents?” This distress can shake faith in the reality of a loving and all-powerful God. I felt the spirit continually reminding me the Lord knows all, and if I continued without faith, doubt could grow and spread. It could make me, or my children turn away from God, blaming him for the thought of him being indifferent or cruel. I knew I needed to check in with Him daily, or those feelings could lead to a loss of faith and question whether there was a God. Again, I found myself asking like I did several months after processing a cancer diagnosis....” why me?” with the comforter conveying to me repeatedly, I soon asked, “Why not me?” It takes time to get that pain to go away, but I can honestly say now, “Thank you, Lord, for blessing us and trusting us with these two little boys” (I am not speaking for Jeremy or Kayla, I’m not sure they are feeling the same.)  What a pure love they have for us and we for them.  

It soon became apparent that for me to trust Him, I must be transformed by making righteous choices daily, which is hard to do. I often wonder if I am prepared for such a great trust. Passing through trials and testing requires a great deal of faith. I deal with facts, and the education for me could come only as I allowed myself to be subject to trials while serving God and others for Him. I’m so grateful for this education as I experience misery and happiness, sickness and health, sadness from sin, and the joy of forgiveness. I’m convinced that forgiveness can come only through the infinite Atonement of the Savior, which He worked out through pain we could not bear and which I can only faintly comprehend. It comforts me even to know I must wait in distress for the Savior’s promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help me and others who suffer. Faith in that power has given me patience as I pray, work, and wait for help. He could easily take this away, but He chooses to teach by personal experience. Just as I need to learn from my own subjective experiences. The Lord’s relentless answers to my pleading have helped and encouraged me in times of darkness. Even when I feel the truth of the Lord to deliver me in my trials, it still tests my courage and strength to endure. Lately, it feels like it will not end; during these times, even physical strength is complex, and listening to RS lessons on how to deal with trials and adversity is hard to comprehend. The comments made are even difficult to hear. (Sorry just being honest) I have seen faith and courage come from my testimony. I am being prepared for eternal life. The Lord will rescue His faithful children. The child who accepts a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualifies for eternal life can find peace during the struggle. This is so much easier to write than live through. I am far from perfect, but I have begun to prepare my heart to be worthy of the Lord. I’ve had the attitude, “Things will work out.” Medical insecurities have not eroded my faith but have tested and strengthened it. And the feeling of peace the Lord has promised has already been delivered during the storm. Other miracles are sure to follow. I expect miracles to happen and thank the Lord ahead of time for the gift that I know is just around the corner. I watch from a distance how Kayla and Jeremy have embraced the trial they have been faced with.

Recker and Ezra are beautiful, loving children, but don’t mistake their love and affection for an easy road to take. From day to day, they struggle, not knowing “what will happen next?” Those boys are into everything. Recker and Ezra are both non-verbal, so imagine their frustration knowing everyone around them can talk. Their only way of communication is by taking us by the hand and leading us to what they need or want. I can only translate my feelings as a grandparent, not as a caring parent for 24 hours, worrying 24 hours. The special bond these boys have with their cousins and family is unconditional love. However, I can’t imagine the heaviness on his parents' shoulders. The responsibility the Lord has given them is beyond what I can comprehend. I know I am on the road to being the best I can be, so I can live with these perfect little boys for eternity. I don’t know why, but the Lord customizes trials to strengthen and purify us individually. Often it will come in the inspiration to do what might seem especially hard for the person who needs help himself. The test, and there is always a test, is how we deal with the trial. From my experience, I know that He can and will give us strength to rise through every problem. 

Finding Serenity Now

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 7, 2015

Finding Serenity Now

I know people who were born happy. Then some struggle most of their lives trying to figure out what happiness is, only to discover it was within them the entire time. I live somewhere between being happy and striving to be completely 100% satisfied.

This past year it's been a struggle for me to find the balance. When I am lacking in an area where I truly desire to accomplish a better version of myself, I study and make goals to help me achieve that attribute. No one likes to be around a downer person all the time. I judge myself harder than anyone else could, so I become exclusive. The study of true happiness has been an absolutely intriguing subject.

I began by becoming an ambassador for happiness at LiveHappy.com. It is free but keeps me in check with acts of kindness, giving me ideas for serving others. I have struggled with insomnia since my cancer diagnosis. Researchers have found that happy people sleep better, live longer, and have a more extensive and active social network of friends. They make better bosses, better decisions, and even more money. I feel like I just described my sweet husband. His head hits the pillow, and he is gone to dreamland--he never talks negatively and always looks at the bright side of things. We introduced me to folks he sold a home to 20-30 years ago; he remembers them, their children, their parents, etc. Without hesitation, they always say, "We love your husband; he's the best realtor we have ever dealt with"  I'm pretty sure there are a few passengers at USAirways who would not have that to say about me.

There is a book called The Upside of Your Dark Side; it was interesting to read as I studied what should be a superficial attribute that can be so complex. Maybe we are trying too hard to be happy. The P.H.D. who helped co-write the book suggests that emotions of anger, guilt, anxiety, and sadness can be beneficial. The good news for me, I struggle with all of those. Reading it intrigued me even more, to find out how he came to that conclusion. He said instead of trying to be happy every waking moment of our day, It's all about balance. It's about finding pleasure in what we enjoy and learning from the obstacles we must overcome. Anyone who knows me knows my philosophy is always about what we learn from heartache. Still, honestly I never really thought my struggles with anxiety, guilt, or sadness were part of the balance needed to master the attribute of true happiness. Putting on a happy face 100% of the time is not REAL; ultimately, my goal is to be entirely true to myself.

If we could all wrap ourselves in bubble wrap to avoid the problematic but REAL life situations, we suffocate ourselves from growing into our authentic selves; besides, it's unrealistic. Once I realized this, it was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. For me, it's about working on what I can control. It is scientifically honest and freeing to let go of the burden and pressure to always be happy. In today's world, more than ever before, people compare themselves to others for approval. Our world has changed, and social networking constantly reminds us of the amount of "Likes" a person gets. My daughter just recently told me there is a way to buy "Likes" I just about lost my lunch. Really? How sad is that? Social media is fun, can help build businesses, and keep us caught up on friends and family. I have many times  prayed for people who not known they needed it had I not seen it on social media. It has given us a  great tool an excellent ativating happiness on a different level. For example, a friend of , mine Kara Kelly was celebrating her 40th birthday, rather than a physical gift she asked people to do something nice for someone else that day and then hashtag it. Knowing her this was a genuine request, and I enjoyed doing it. Normally we have been taught to do acts of kindness as an anonymous gift so as to not pat ourselves on the back. There are times when anonymous gifts are necessary, those are not what I am referring to.

Since studying happiness one of the goals I gave myself was to give at least one act of kindness a day. The genuine joy I have received from doing this has now become second nature to me. Everyone can do it, but intentionality has to be considered when starting out. These can or cannot be monetary. A smile cost nothing, when I lost my smile I had to get a bit more creative (L.O.L.) helping someone put groceries in their car, picking up something from the store for a home-bound person, telling someone you like their outfit, or their hair looks good, are all acts of kindness.

All of our emotions serve a purpose, this is why Heavenly Father has blessed us with the ability to feel sad, lonely, angry, etc. The fluctuation of those emotions is what helps us to balance out and appreciate the happy moments. How do you measure your happiness if you have never felt any other emotion? The idea of happiness is similar to the wanting to be richer or healthier-- I think the reason why our happiness levels fluctuate from one day to the next or for some hour to hour is that we are all subject to things we cannot control, the traffic, weather how much sleep we are getting. I know for me when the negative sets in it's because I have set my pedestal for happiness way too high and I feel like I have failed. Just like Love in our life, we have to let it happen. You can't MAKE yourself feel something, and those feelings may change from day to day.

Doing things you enjoy is the best way to replace negative with happiness. When we allow ourselves to feel the full range of emotions our Heavenly Father has blessed us with, we are happier people. Being grateful and thanking our Heavenly Father for those emotions is the key to finding true happiness. I'm working on this right now in my life, I have a long way to go but I'm glad I listened to the spirit tell me there were things about myself I needed to do so that I could quit wasting time and find serenity now.