Find strength in Adversity

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2014

Finding strength in Adversity

I just can't seem to sleep tonight. I am in a hotel room in Dallas, listening to my favorite VonSlade family sing to me and then Josh Menden--I am tearful today. I have felt the Lord's love and trust in His plan for me. I have seen angels with different faces lift me up. Sometimes those angels come at the most unexpected times; today was one of those days. A man named Kym was my angel today, and I know the Lord directed him to me for a purpose. Kym has no idea how he helped me; I'm not sure he had any intention of helping me, but today because of Him. I learned that I DECIDE which life I want to lead; I am authoring the story of my life and getting to decide how it will end. Don't worry; it's a Happily Ever After completion.

Many of my readers know me, some not personally, but through my blog, you have listened to my stories, and we have laughed, cried, and ranted together. Sitting in this hotel, my heart is beating in my chest, and it's hard to hold back the tears; my faith has taken deeper and stronger roots than I ever imagined I could. I have never felt the peace I am feeling right now; I will never be the same as I was 5 years ago; there is no looking back; I am forging forward. I know what HOPE is, and I have so many good reasons to believe through my Faith and Hope; even if I am not entirely healed when a person looks at me with the naked eye, I am beginning to recover from the inside out, He knows the strength I have, and the purpose of all things happening in my life. Everyone around me who loves and genuinely cares for me sees the heart inside me, but I feel bad that they must look at me with anxiety and fear of hurting me. I am dealing with this adversity differently than when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm not sure why, mostly because I, too, have bought into the belief a person's physical appearance is the first thing people see ... the face. I took my smile for granted, and I miss it. I want to laugh again, out loud with my friend Jenny; I want to jump on the Hotel beds and act like little girls again--but I fear that childhood innocence is gone; I know too much; I've seen and felt too much to ever go back to who I was before the paralysis.

I know the best is yet to come; I can look forward with faith, knowing I am responsible for being the REAL authentic ME, which hasn't changed. I wake up every day grateful for one that I woke up and two that it's always a good day to have a good day. I've climbed towering mountains and stumbled over a few hills; through every bend in the road, I feel like I had done what was right when no one was around; I have lived with integrity. I know my family, the girls, Chloe, and the boys, including Blake, Brian, Scott, and Jeremy. Eric, Recker, and Ezra are number one in my life. I want them to learn to open their hearts and listen harder, look for a good purpose, help others who have less than us, give a smile, or open a door, say please, and thank you--when we do this together, we shine bright for the world to see that we can make a change, each of us day by day, tiptoe by tiptoe those good deeds when practiced daily, will soon turn into HUGE GIANT steps towards the YOU you were meant to be. Choose your destiny, and remember your children are watching you; the choices you make, they will mimic because you are their HERO.