Unconditional Love

Hey babe, I'm in Utah visiting Teri. Two nights ago, I fell off a ladder and had to stay at the hospital. I hit so hard that it really scared me. But no broken bones, just severe internal bruising on my hip, shoulder leg, and left arm. My neck hurt like hell, too. 

I want to go home so wrong. I've been crying myself to sleep like I did when you left me. We had a wonderful life together. I look around and see so many people struggling to stay together. The only time the 'D' word ever came to my mind was when you had your first heart attack; wow, what a horribly unfortunate time for you and for me. I assumed you wanted to divorce me since I didn't hear from you. 

Now, as I see all our friends getting divorced after so many years of marriage, I am eternally grateful to have you forever. The Lord has truly blessed me. When I think about how easily I could have turned to drugs, alcohol, or worse when I was a youngster, I knew if I continued to pray, I would be blessed. I promised Heavenly Father I'd follow him if he would get me out of that horrible madness I lived in.

Then I found you. I remember being the 'Mormon Nerd, ' which is a good description. I was afraid to do anything wrong until three years into dating YOU. Lol. When I look back at that time, I realize how scared you were to disappoint your dad just after your mom died. I'm so glad you can let go of that shame now. As LDS members, we shame ourselves too much. The closest to a perfect person I have ever met is your mom, and oh, how I miss her.

I would not trade our memories for anything in the world. I know you wish you'd married someone like your mom. I know, I know, you never said it, but I most certainly didn't live up to her standards as a mother. Had she been alive at the beginning of our marriage, I know she would have helped me, then I would have been a better mom. Hine sight is always a crazy thing. I know that I loved each of our children with all my heart and still do even more as I see them turn into beautiful wives and mothers. Blake is a good man, husband, and father. Although you and I never really understood why they let the church, I'm grateful I have learned unconditional love. I just now knew what that meant. I love our children for who they are, not because they were baptized. They are grown adults, and as much as I wish I could go back and do it all over again, that simply is not His plan. 

My phone has been ringing off the hook, and production managers want to turn my book into a movie. I am not going down that road again. That book was a struggle to write I can't imagine Hollywood turning it into another nightmare.

I love you, and I need to get to bed. You won't believe this, but I'm having a yard sale ... yes you heard that right. I hate them, but you, my man left me with a lot of crap I never knew we had; you really knew how to hide things. I was hoping I would die first so you'd be the one to have to go through it all. It will be a new life for me, living alone in a home where I know no one. My fear is the kids will forget about me. 

I've invested in an e-commerce business, and I remember when I thought the training for American West Airlines was hard? This is out of my comfort zone. It's good that I am doing something now. Next month, I will be sixty-two and only have three more years to retire. I'm counting down the years. I want to be self-sufficient. I won't have a mortgage, thanks to you. Bake thinks our house will go for more than a million, and the new home is less than that. I should be okay with money. I call Ronnie Mabry about everything; he laughs and says, "Eric was always worried about you and told us endearing stories about you. He really loved you a lot. You are in a good position. Stop worrying." I can't imagine being retired, but I look forward to being my own boss.

I love you good-night my love!

Monya