It's so weird how life goes on around me, people can be talking to me, and I don't hear a word they say sometimes. I look in the eyes of a woman as they pass me in crowded places like Walmart or the Mall, and I wonder how many of these women have The Villain growing in them. Random thoughts like this one go through my head, and I have to stop myself and think about all the people who are going through other trials in their lives that are so much worse than mine. Today I was thinking about other problems I have had to endure in my life; what did I learn from them? Is this a new trial because I did not know something? Or is it a new chapter in my life, a unique learning experience meant to expand my mind and widen my strength in the Lord? I know that trying to comprehend why trials are put in our path is like trying to fully understand the undying, unconditional Love our Heavenly Father has for each of his children. I have tried many times to realize that Love, the only thing that comes close, is knowing my love for my own children. I would do anything for their happiness to be never-ending. However, in life, we are all given bumps along the way that take us on paths that make us question what we really do KNOW. A quote by Elder Neal Maxwell "Rather than simply passing through trials, we must allow trials to pass through us in ways that sanctify us." I read this and have been trying to comprehend its meaning for days now. It's simply put, yet it has such depth, and my little brain takes a while to absorb it and process it all.
How can I be sanctified as I allow this trial to pass through me? When will the cleansing come? I know how I react to difficulties. When I have gone through other tests, I tend to leave people out shut down. My brain can only hold what I need to process, not what anyone else thinks I need to know. I don't want to be that person. I want to endure this trial well, with dignity and strength. I find myself not always listening to the promptings of the spirit because I am afraid of the path it is going to take me down. I am trying so hard to listen and learn but fall short so many times in my efforts. I know that the Love that Jesus has for each of his children is astonishing. I am learning more about his meekness and lowliness; as I read about the suffering he went through, being spit on, given vinegar to drink, persecuted, and made fun of, I have come to the conclusion that it is selfish for us to think that we could go through this life without any trials or pain and then expect to stand before him and live with him forever without going through similar experiences.
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