Mayo Medical Journal

 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31, 2010

Mayo medical Journal

Today I went to see Dr. Kreymerman. He's my reconstruction surgeon. We have a good relationship. It's fun to visit with him. Since December, I hadn't seen him when I had my last expansion. He called while I was on Spring Break and wanted to see me since chemo was over. He had the biggest smile on his face when he walked into the room. He walked right up to me, gave me a big hug, and said he missed me. I don't know about you, but I have never had a doctor hug me and say he missed me before. First, he sat and asked how I was doing, then we just talked about life and the new medical reform. haha

He's a wise man. I think he will figure out a 5-year plan, which might include moving to another country. I told him I really didn't want to have to go visit him in India. I really love him as a doctor; he is kind and compassionate. 

I hate to see what happens when the new bill just signed by President Obama goes into effect. What type of health care will we have? Dr.Kreymerman told me today that many of his colleagues have already said (including him) that they will retire and move to another country to practice medicine. He told me today that there are 3,000,000 people in Canada, and there are over 1,000,000 people on a waiting list for surgery. He has a patient who has uterine cancer. The doctors in Canada told her she was not worth them caring for her since she only had a 5-year life span. WHAT? are you kidding me right now? Uterine cancer is easy to take care of, and 5 years is a long time to wait. They could treat her, and she could live for 50 more years....not worth it? A year ago, she sold her house and everything she owned, moved to Arizona to see Dr. Kreymerman, and is now alive and doing fine. OK, enough of that.....

Dr. Kreymerman told me that he would like me to be in the Mayo Medical Journal they are writing. I asked why? He laughed and said, "because you are my favorite patient".... ha ha ha .... "well, I know that, but what is the journal about?" He replied, "You are only one of two patients that Mayo Clinic has ever had a successful nipple restoration on, and there are only 50 doctors in the United States who perform this surgery; I am one of them" "Oh so this journal is about you?" he laughed and said "No, but it does help that my name is going to be next to yours in the journal" I agreed to do it, my name will not be mentioned. Still, my breasts will be on display and they took tons of pictures today, no facial pictures. The success of nipple restoration is to show patients who do not have to have radiation that they can restore and keep their own nipples.

At the beginning of my journey when I was first diagnosed with the VILLAIN the doctors did not think I needed radiation. After my mastectomy is when we found out the VILLAIN had spread. Dr. Kreymerman had already performed the nipple-sparing. I asked him today if the radiation will affect the surgery he did and his reply was "It's a crapshoot, we will see."

Radiation burns skin, it's a good chance it will burn the nipples right off, so all the work Dr.Kreymerman did may not work. That's OK, I know he wants it to be successful after radiation, but I am not so worried about my nipples; I am just glad to be alive and pray that radiation will be successful. I will see Dr. Kreymerman two months after my radiation, and start planning for the rest of my reconstruction.

Tonight when I pray I will thank Heavenly Father for my life, and for guiding me to Dr. Kreymerman he is MY FAVORITE and he knows what he is doing. Eric and I prayed about where to go for treatments and Eric was answered, Mayo Clinic has been wonderful for me. I also will continue to ask for guidance and to help my pain go away. I need Him to help me be strong during the rest of these treatments. Today was a good day, I look forward to seeing Dr. Kreymerman July or August.

Reflections in the Mirror

 

MONDAY, MARCH 29, 2010

Reflections in the Mirror

With all this good news in my life, I have been feeling good and happy the past couple of days. I will enjoy this time right now. I have been so homesick for Blake but have decided that the Lord can take much better care of him than I can, so I need to for now and let the Lord do his thing. In May, I will talk to him again and then turn him back to the Lord. Thank you, Tamy, for your Advice. It's a good thing I only had one son. The Lord knew it would be too hard for me to send them off for 2 years.

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror naked, like after you get out of the shower? Usually, I run into my closet and quickly get dressed, but today I stared at myself for 15 minutes; WOW, things have changed over the years. Are we as women ever 100% happy with our bodies? Even when I was running every day and exercising like a maniac, I was not satisfied with what my body looked like. But today, as I looked into my eyes, I saw a different woman who has endured many trials in her life that should count for some of those wrinkles I have on my face. I know a woman with much faith and love for her family and friends more than ever before. I love people I never would have given the time of day to before. Not because I didn't care for them but simply because I felt I didn't have time. I see an imperfect body, maybe even a little sick and frail, but inside that poor body, I see a stronger woman, willing to stand up for her beliefs at any cost, even if I'm the only one standing. Today, I can look past the imperfections and understand that imperfection is in all of us. The Lord does not expect us to be perfect. He expects us to come unto him and love one another. Interesting to me, since it is so hard to love what they see in the mirror staring back at them. I never thought I would love the woman staring back at me, but I do, even with my bald head and fair face, with no eyelashes or eyebrows. The past 8 months have brought to light a new perspective on life. Too bad I waited 47 years to come to a clear understanding of who I am. I wish I could talk to all young women and tell them don't wait for something tragic to happen in their life. Be faithful and strong now, come to see yourself like the Lord sees you- BEAUTIFUL- HE loves each one of us, and even though we all look different when we know who we are, we learn that in the Lord's eye, it does not matter, because we were created by him, and He is unconditional love.

Good News

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 24, 2010

Good News

When I get labs taken I usually have to wait at Mayo Clinic for an hour and a half to get the results to my doctor before my appointment. When that happens the last couple of times I like to journal about what I see and how I am feeling. 

I went to the cafeteria and purchased a salad and water bottle, I pulled out my debit card and for some reason, it was declined twice, the little old man working at the register looked at me and said "no problem, just take your food, I don't like to see people go without food" at this point I'm thinking "is he serious?" Then he said it again I thanked him and off I went to my usual seat in the corner where I can see the clock and watch everyone who comes in and out. 

I'm really restless and nervous today about not only the lab results but also about my life. Today when I entered the Mayo Clinic building the smell of sickness hit me when I stepped off the elevator onto the chemo floor. I can still smell it here in the lunchroom too. It makes my stomach turn, seriously? I often think, what am I doing here? I drink my water but throw away the salad, it was not as good as I thought it would be.

Everyone in this room is 70 or more years old, with the exception of one guy who is sitting close to me, his entire face is red, when he turns to look at me he has a huge and I mean huge (the entire right side of his face)tumor on his face, he is probably in his 20's, he is alone, where is his mother?

I thought to myself "I wonder if he looks at me and thinks, "Boy I'm glad I have all my hair?" because when I looked at him I thought "geez, I'm grateful I don't have to deal with that" My thoughts go to my own son who is serving a mission in the Dominican Republic, he is about this boys age. Oh how I miss Blake, I am looking forward to Mothers Day when I can hear his voice. I'm sure being away from his family right now has been really hard on him. In every email I receive he says he prays for me all day long, and today I am wanting to cash in on all the prayers that have gone out for me.

Now I am staring at the clock it moves so slow, 20 more minutes until I check in to see Dr. Northfelt. Sometimes it feels like my life is in slow motion, I have always lived fast pace something to do or someone to take care of every day.

When I am in public I look around at all people who are healthy and wonder if I remember what it feels like to NOT be sick, I'm jealous. I head to the oncology department to check in.
The nurse called my name and I went with her.

1st blood pressure perfect; 

2nd weigh-in I lost 8 pounds (good) 

3rd waiting again in the room for my oncologist Dr. Northfelt. It's freezing in here the nurse brings me a warmed blanket. The doctor comes in with a big smile:
Dr, Northfelt: "your labs came back NORMAL"
me: "what does that mean"
dr: "it means something you are doing is working. I had a whole new regimen lined up for you to start this week, I have never seen anyone go from the lowest white blood counts and platelets to normal that quickly, we are very pleased" I left his office knowing exactly "what I was doing" relying on prayers and fasting, it works! The 1st phone call I made was to Eric, we both cried happy tears.

My sister Sonya told me earlier today that her family was fasting and praying today for me. The faith of so many people is a powerful thing, I know I have a long road still but today I am celebrating good news. Eric came home from work picked me up and we ate a salad at WILDFLOWER BREAD CO. I think it was perfect, especially since my salad at Mayo was not as good as I thought it would be.

Oh yeah, and today was email day, Blake is doing incredible, six months out yesterday.

Mexico Spring Break

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 20, 2010

Mexico Spring Break 2010

Mysti and I downtown

Me with the local culture

Mysti Ivy and Eric

Eric and I shared a drink.

Anthony Gruninger, Ivy Bryton, Maddy Taylor Haleigh, and Emily are all in the back seat of Eric's truck.

Mysti, Taylor, Maddy, Bryton, Ivy, Me, Kaitlyn, Haleigh, and Emily


Kaitlyn and Brian

Me, Haleigh, and Eric

Maddy Haleigh Taylor Emily

Kaitlyn and Brian, Eric and I

This week for me, has been the most relaxing wonderful spring break I can ever remember having. Eric and I invited Mysti Brown and her 4 girls to join us at our condos in Mexico. Saturday morning at 4 am, we left. Eric told Mysti to be on time, or if she was to arrive at our house at 4:01, we would be gone. We have an ongoing joke with Mysti about being on time (she is notorious for being late). We wanted to go early to have an extra day to enjoy Kaitlyn and Brian. They had to leave Tuesday to make their flight home. I was so happy that they could come from Utah to be with us and really sad that Kayla, Jeremy, and Recker could not come because Jeremy had to work. I miss my little grandson Recker and can't wait to see him when we get home.
This has honestly been the best therapy. My goal was to get away from the VILLAIN or distract myself for a week, long enough to laugh and enjoy my family and friends. Every day has been a distraction, fun-filled, good food, and incredibly relaxing. 

The VILLAIN is next to impossible to stop thinking about (especially when I am the only one on the beach or at the pool with no hair). I spent a lot of time in the condo relaxing. I was at the beach with everyone one day, and the Mexican vendors were walking the beach. One of them approached us and asked us if we wanted our hair braided, and I took off my hat and said, "how much?" we laughed. It was so therapeutic that even the vendor laughed.

Before we left, I was worried about whether or not Mysti and her girls would be "weirded out" if I walked around the condo with no hat. Exposing my bald head is something I am sensitive about. I know I have posted pictures of myself on my blog but seeing it in person is different from seeing it alive, walking around talking. I asked Mysti if it would be ok or if she thought her girls would be affected by it. Mysti being the sweet, wonderful friend that she is, looked at me and said, "of course, it will be ok" Still, even with her support, I felt like taking my hat off and walking into a room of people would be extremely difficult. I now have lost all my eyelashes, so I look even balder, but I did it. I took off the hat, and Mysti and her cute girls made me feel like nothing was wrong like I was just an average person, and for one week, I felt like I was one of the girls. I have not had that much fun or laughed so hard in over 8 months. It felt so good to know that part of my personality was back that I could not think about the VILLAIN and, for 7 days, enjoy my life.

Mysti and her girls, Emily Holicky, Eric, and Haleigh, were fun. Mysti and I have been friends for over 20 years. I love her so much. We have been through many things with our children, many, many trips for dance with the girls, and her son Wyley I love like my own son, he and Blake have been friends for years. We have laughed and indeed cried together. We have shared experiences that have bonded us together as friends for eternity. She is always willing to serve other people. I love that about her. During this time of my VILLAIN experience, I have appreciated her so much for her service to my family. She brings out the silliness in me, and I was so glad she was there for this trip especially.

The week before we left for the trip, I had a doctor's appointment with my oncologist. I was told that my white blood counts were extremely low, and the doctor said to me that they were concerned that the chemo did not work as they had hoped. I came home and cried to Eric about it but decided not to post anything about it until we got home from the trip and had time to tell our children and family. I was upset when the doctor told me I cried, and she actually cried with me, which is unusual because she has never shown any emotion. (she is  my oncologists assistant) We were hoping not to have to see any doctors in March, but so far, it looks like I will only have last week off. I need to go back this week for more blood work, then we will know more. I am hopeful that the results this week will be better. I continue to pray and ask the Lord to bless my family and help me understand his plan for me.

POSTED BY UNKNOWN AT 10:35 pm 3 COMMENTS 

My Smile Experiment

TUESDAY, MARCH 9, 2010

My Smile Experiment

Mayo Clinic rebooked my appointment that they canceled last week at the last minute. I went by myself today. I decided when I woke up that today I would make eye contact with as many people as I could and just simply smile at them.

This is what I saw today at Mayo Clinic a blind man with his seeing-eye dog getting into the elevator with me, I did smile but instead of eye contact I said "hello, how are you today?" He replied, "Good, thank you for asking." 

As I waited in the beautifully decorated waiting room I looked around and saw so many sick people, everyone in their own world. I wondered what each person was there for. I overheard the lady sitting next to me telling her friend that this is the end, she does not have much time left, and she is dying. My eyes filled with tears as I listened to her heartfelt worry for her life. The nurse called her name for chemo, and off she went. I looked into the eyes of a lady in a pink breast cancer baseball hat, her hair was gone just like mine, I smiled and she smiled back with a nod of her head as if to say "I understand" and then they called my name. Off I went for my lab work, I smiled at Liz who was my nurse today she smiled and said "how are you, and why are you walking so slow?" I explained to her about the neuropathy and she hugged me with a sincere strong hug, I teared up again. ( I do that a lot now) Today because I know the people at ayo are in my world they understand what it means, I don't have to explain.

I had an hour and 40 minutes until my next appointment so I went to the Mayo Clinic cafeteria to grab some lunch. I watched a lady yell at the person working at the grill, she was upset with him because he forgot to give her a pickle, she looked at me and shrugged her shoulders wanting me to agree with her disgust. I just smiled and she looked away. As I walked to my seat I saw a man and woman sitting together, she was in a wheelchair and very crippled, she could not hold her head up. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I watched as many couples or friends discussed their medical issues over lunch, one couple I watched never talked or even looked at each other.

In that room, there was not one person who was my age or younger. I watched an older couple sharing lunch, he was careful to split the cheesecake right down the middle and give her 1/2 then he made sure not to start his lunch until he knew she was comfortable and happy, they laughed and enjoyed their time together. I watched Mayo Clinic volunteers walking around to each table asking if they could help take trays, or if anyone needed water. Then a man walked by who distracted me, he had a ponytail down the middle of his back, I wondered when mine would be that long again, and why his was... haha. I saw angry people, sad people, tears, some with hair, and some without.

My experiment today came to the conclusion that most people smiled at me no matter what their condition some even indulged in conversation with me. The ones who didn't quickly look away as if I had just injected them with some deadly disease. I'm not sure what makes people happy or sad, but I do know it's curable because it's a choice.

I decided today to be happy I was not the lady in the wheelchair who will never walk again, the woman who will never hold her head up to see the beautiful blue sky, or the man who walks with a seeing-eye dog because he is blind. Be grateful you can comb your hair every day ---even on a bad hair day, be glad you have hair, never take for granted your legs if you can walk or run with no pain you are lucky, if you can hold a baby in your arms or write to a missionary...you are blessed to have hands and arms that work. If you have a mouth you can smile, and maybe your smile will save the life of someone who is feeling depressed or lonely, thinking they have nothing to live for. Every day we all make a choice when we wake up...am I going to be happy and serve someone else today, or will I waste the day doing insignificant things, being angry at things that in the eternal scheme of things really do not matter, at the end of the day can we say "I made a difference today?" I want to make a difference, be it even within the walls of my own home, don't look back, look to tomorrow to make those changes wake up in the morning, and do something worthwhile, close each night knowing you made a difference. Never let your knees tire of bending and asking for the help you need, ask HIM to guide you to those who need help.

LABELS: CANCER, JOURNALING, MAYO FRIENDS,  

Recker

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 6, 2010

Recker

I am now 'The' official babysitter for the most beautiful little boy in the world. Kayla had to go back to work last week, and she brings Recker over around 6 in the morning. 

Papa Eric plays with Recker and loves the time he spends with him in the mornings. Usually, around 8:00 AM, Papa brings Recker to me so he can get off to work. 

It is a perfect match, Recker and me. He still sleeps a lot, and I still sleep a lot, so we do it together. He is a really easy baby to take care of. Heavenly Father knew I needed this little guy to help me get through the "junk" in my life. I love every minute I spend with him. He recognizes us now and loves to have his clothes off. Recker loves when bonbon gives him a bubble bath, I sing his songs favorite song, and he always perks up at one particular part f the music. When we make funny noises, Recker smiles. I love when he sticks his tongue out when he smiles, and he has a little dimple next to his right lip...so cute.

Can you tell I am a proud bonbon?