Ditch the Hats

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 12, 2010

Ditch the Hats

I remember saying once (long before I knew I had the VILLAIN), "I would never wear a wig if I ever got cancer" After my diagnosis, knowing that soon chemo would start and I would lose my hair, I talked with Eric about it. He really wanted me to get a wig, so I went off to the wig store (after all, the insurance company was paying for it). This is the conversation between Eric and I
Eric: " I really think you should get a wig."
Me: "No way; why?"
Eric: " well, I think it would be fun to have a brunette or redhead for a wife and think about how much fun we could have walking through the mall or at a restaurant; someone sees me with a redhead or brunette, instantly text messages you to let you know I am cheating on you."
Me: "haha, OK, as fun as that sounds, 1st off, I don't think brunettes or redheads are better than blondes, and 2ND off, if someone we knew saw you with another woman, I doubt that their first inclination would be to text me, but I'm glad you think you could get caught so easily."
Eric: "I'm just kidding. You are the love of my life."
Me: "good answer, but I am not wearing a wig."

I got a wig of $700.00 later (totally covered by insurance). It has hung on a Styrofoam head in my room for 9 months now. It's kinda scary when you walk into the room and see it. Maybe someday I will put it on and wear it for Eric. However, it is the same color as my original hair, so nothing exciting.
So I finally ditched the hats; I have to admit it was a little bit harder than I thought it would be. If I hear one more person say, "at least you have the perfect shaped head," I will throw up. Everyone knows I look weird and funny right now, but it's getting so hot, and the hats make my head sweat. Going out in public without the protection of my hats is hard....but I'm getting used to all the stares I get. Haha!

I know I'm scary looking at little children; it's funny to see their reactions. They are staring so hard they run into things, and then I've heard a few say to their parents, "Mom, why is that lady bald?" a lot of adults pass me in the store with slight glances as if they don't look at me then she doesn't exist" haha HELLO.

I do exist, and I do have feelings ..... I love the people who smile at me and say, "you look beautiful" it means they recognize that I'm going through treatment. When people hug me and tell me they have been through it or someone they know has been through it, I love it. It's comforting to have people ask what type of VILLAIN I have or how long I have been in treatment; it shows that they care and see me. 

Once at the gym, a woman said to me, "Did you do your hair like that on purpose?" I was so shocked I said back to her, "Why does this shirt make me look bald?" (I had on a relay for life shirt) I could laugh; it is funny, you know it is, and it's OK to laugh. I make fun of myself all the time, maybe it's my way of coping, but it does help.

I'm sad to say goodbye to all of my hats but happy about the prospect of new hair and a new life. These pictures are for me to remember the hats that gave me some comfort on the days when I needed them to go out in public.