This morning I needed to be at Mayo Clinic by 7am. When I arrived, the underground parking lot was empty, no one was playing the piano, and there was no greeter to say "welcome to Mayo Clinic." No one else riding in the elevator. Even the gift shop was not open yet. Today the halls of Mayo Clinic were empty and unusually quiet.
I love the cute lady that checked me in. She is from Russia, and she usually checks me in. She remembers me because my name is Russian and is quite popular. Whenever I see her, she always says, "good morning Monya" today, she even told me my hair looked so cute.
After checking in and registering for my procedures, I sat down in the chemo lab waiting room. I listened as a man talked to his wife sitting right in front of me (he was pretty loud). He was talking to her about FAITH. He commented that he is not buying the whole "faith as a mustard seed." Suppose we have faith you will be healed. In that case, he was telling her, "we have shown our faith, we have prayed day and night with a pure heart asking the Lord to help us, we read from the Bible every day, but yet here we sit at Mayo Clinic getting ready for you to go into chemo treatment and you are dying" ... he continued to say "Jesus Christ had faith, and he still died. His daddy could have saved him, but he didn't. Instead, he let him die" (the man was of African American heritage, and I loved his southern baptist accent). At this point, I was thinking, "Is this man trying to give his wife a pep talk? Because it's not quite coming out that way." Then he turned to her, gave her a hug, and said the sweetest things. It made me tear up. "I just love you so much, and I hate to see you going through this." He continued to say they had done all the doctors had asked of them. WOW, I could not believe what I had heard of all days for me to come to Mayo Clinic. I needed to be reminded about FAITH. The Lord could take all this away if he wanted to. He could have taken away the pain of his only son, but he didn't because he had a plan for him.
Gog has a plan for all of us; it doesn't make it easier to accept life's bumps and bruises, but when I really think about what plan He has for me, I realize how special I am in his eyes. I love that the Lord put this man in my path today, and I needed to hear what he was saying.
Three women came in and were sitting in the waiting room. All of them are bald, and all receive chemo treatment today. They all looked very ill; a sudden attack came over me. Seeing them triggered something within me. The reality of what I have been through flooded my brain like a Tsunami. They looked so sick, and I wondered if I looked like that?
I remember how I felt; oh my goodness, I just wanted to get out of there--seeing all this brought back some horrible memories. I couldn't breathe. My chest felt like a weight was on top of it. I stood up and began to pace. I knew people were looking at me. I could hear them saying, "Do you think she's OK?" I can listen to them, but I just want them to disappear. I wish Tamy was here. Suddenly when they called my name, I could snap out of it long enough to walk over to the nurse. She introduced herself, and I am usually pretty good about remembering their names but not today. I just wanted to get this over with. We walked into the chemo lab, and I was still a little dazed but able to fake my way through it...when she accessed my port, I had to ask her to put on a face mask. She forgot to do it; this made her have to start all over with the sterilization process, but I remember Tamy telling me to never let anyone access my port without a mask and gloves on. Honestly, I have never had to ask a nurse at Mayo. This was the 1st time. Finally, when she did get the port accessed, it was excruciating this time. An immediate medicinal taste hit my taste buds when she flushed it, and my face quinced. She asked if I was ok; I said, "Yeah, I never get used to that taste." She took 6 vials of blood, put a band-aid over my port, and scooted me out to my next appointment. I hate the smell of the chemo suites, so I was ok with leaving quickly.
My next appointment was not for 1.5 hours, so I decided to go visit my favorite people in radiology/oncology; none of them were at work yet, and they don't start until after 8 am. That was a disappointment, and I really wanted to see some cute cheerful faces to help me get through the rest of the tests I have today. Oh, Well, back to the concourse level to check-in and wait.
At least this floor is not ALL VILLAIN patients; some of them have heart problems and other sicknesses, its hard to tell. At least with VILLAIN patients, I can tell by the "no hair" and the fact that I can look in their eyes and know what they are thinking and how they are feeling. Whenever I enter the Mayo Building, all of my senses are activated.
I SEE everyone and everything around me so clearly now, not foggy like it was a year ago.
I HEAR the sounds of loving husbands and wives giving support and encouragement where it is needed.
I TASTE the chemicals, the ones that are supposed to help me.
I SMELL the sickness in the air and want to throw up.
I sit back, close my eyes and try to go to Paris, riding on a bike in the mountains, yes finally I'm at my happy place with my happy husband Frenchie and we are smiling, and picking wild berries ..... then suddenly I hear "MONYA WILLIAMS" over the loudspeaker, it's my turn for my bone test. I had to get dressed in the Lovely Hospital Attire for this one; after the bone density test, I also had the bone mineral test done, back to chemo lab to reaccess the port.....This has indeed been an emotionally draining day, I can hardly stay awake as I blog, but I wanted to get it all blogged to remember it.
I return to see Dr Northfelt next Tuesday, I am crossing my fingers that not eating sugar, flour or processed foods for 3 months has paid off. The labs will tell ..... I just want Dr Northfelt to walk in the room and say "you are cancer free, or at least say I'm in remission" I don't think based on our last conversation that, that is going to happen any time soon, but a girl can dream right? I always have that .....dreaming, hoping and praying
POSTED BY UNKNOWN AT 9:17 PM 
