DAMN VILLIAN

 

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2010

DANG VILLAIN

Today, my oncologist diagnosed me with the 1st stages of Osteoporosis and arthritis in my lower back. WOW, I did not see that one coming; I should have; it seems that everything they have told me I "might" get, I have gotten. I really don't know whether to scream or cry...... well actually, I did allow myself to call a little tonight on my way to work, and it felt good. Eric is out of town, so I don't have anyone to cry with....haha ok, enough of the pity party; I'm good now its been a few hours, and I can breathe.

I was excited to see the doctor today because I wanted to see if the labs would show how hard I have been working on not eating sugar, flour, or processed foods ... the surprise is he didn't say one thing about that except that "oh you've lost some weight" I thought "seriously? .... that's it? that's all he has to say about that? who cares about my weight what about the fact that I have been in deprivation of sugar for 4 months?" (except for that little trip to Paris .... I didn't tell him about that)
I knew right away that things were not going good when he said, "so, young lady, really, how have you been feeling?" it really wasn't about what he said but more of how he said it that made me feel like some bad news was coming down the pike. I told him the usual stuff, my lower back sometimes hurts, that my legs and hips hurt all the time, making it difficult to exercise and that my fingers go numb once in a while. Also, my lymphodema acts up. My arm swells up, especially now that I am on the computer at work for long periods, and let's not forget about Mr. Hotflash. Dr. Northfelt said in his low doctor voice, "we need to go over your labs"  I just knew the bad news was on the tip of his tongue, and it finally did. He showed me the x-rays, which are now clear and precise pictures of my spine, back, and bones. He explains that the pain in my hips and legs is partly because of the neuropathy I got during chemo. Still, we have a new problem, Osteoporosis caused by the Arimidex I'm taking, something I was told today I will be on indefinitely for the rest of my life. The Arthritis in my lower back was caused by the Chemo Treatments I received. DANG DANG DANG VILLAIN, I seriously don't despise you!!!!

He told me how sorry he was to tell me this because he knows I am working so hard to do everything possible to not recurrence and be such a good patient. He told me about a patient he had just met with who is diabetic and has cancer but who refuses to know her insulin counts. "I will probably be stuck with this patient for 30 years, continuing to tell her what to do to save her life, and she won't take one suggestion. I have you who do more than I suggest you do, and you are faced with another hurdle. I wanted to say, "you're right, so what do we do about it?" but I didn't. I just stared at him with some stupid look on my face.... he was sitting right in front of me, and I was seriously tempted to kick him.... hard.

Just once, I want to go to Mayo Clinic and get some good news ..... it will come, right? I can't tell if the VILLAIN is winning or if I am winning anymore. The Arimidex blocks estrogen and is precisely what stage 3 CANCER patients take to HELP them survive for many years, but on the flip side, I guess patients have to live with the sometimes consequences. Damn, VILLAIN, I hope this does not keep me from being able to do everything on my bucket list... Dr. Northfelt said within 10 years, I will be IN FULL BLOOM of OSTEOPOROSIS ..... I want to serve a mission with Eric; I want to run a marathon. How can I do these things if I am crippled? It just testifies to me more that I need to get everything done in my life that I want to do as fast as possible to create memories for those I love. I'm still planning on training for that marathon next year. Blessings will come; I just have to remember, if not in this life, they will come in the next as long as I embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

POSTED BY UNKNOWN AT 9:12 PM 2 COMMENTS