Still a little Out of it

 

MONDAY, JANUARY 10, 2011

Still a little Out of IT

This is what I wrote down as I waited at the Mayo Friday. My hands are shaking so bad, and my thoughts are with Trys; it's hard to believe we are both having surgery today-her in Rochester Mayo and in Scottsdale Mayo. Walking from the car through the Mayo hospital doors, I told Eric feels like I was walking the Green Mile. It's 9:30 am, check-in time. The sitting, anticipating, watching, waiting, and the pacing are terrible. I hate this part. I feel like I need to throw up. My stomach is sick, partly because of my nerves and somewhat because Mayo smells of sickness today! I'm in my most comfy jammies with my breast cancer blanket wrapped around me; Eric is rubbing my back and reassuring me...this waiting is terrible. I am going into the OR today with 3 wallet-size pictures, one of Eric and me in Paris, one of Recker, and the last of me letting balloons go to Heaven for Paige; this one reminds me to let go and then let the Lord do his stuff. They finally called my name over the loudspeaker to take me back for pre-op. They tell Eric he can come back in about 40 minutes before I go into the surgery.

I know the routine. It's always the same, only this time I am petrified. I'm shaking and in a fetal position. Dr. Magtibay comes in to see me and tells me it's all going to be okay. As soon as he left, I curled up under my blanket and cried like a baby, I could hear nurses coming into the room and scurrying around, but I didn't take my head out until one asked me if I was okay; I said "I'm fine"  then I wonder what is happening to Trys right now, is she alright? While going into the OR, the nurse told me she liked my blanket and that Recker was such a cute little boy; I was clinging to those pictures; they helped take my mind off what was about to happen. I got the best surprise ever....while I was waiting in the OR for them to put me out, Dr. Kreymerman came in to see me; he stayed until I went to sleep. He will never know what that meant to me, his face was the last one I saw, and his voice was the last I heard; thanks, PK, you really are the best doctor in the Universe. I will miss you the most; how many doctors leave their office and go to the hospital to see a patient get put to sleep for another doctor's surgery? All because he knew I was scared... I love Doctor Peter Kreymerman.
I woke up in recovery and was ready to go home; I just wanted to get out of there, not physically but mentally. I have this love/hate relationship with Mayo Hospital. I remember waking up and asking about Trystan; how is she? They had no idea who I was talking about. Where is my husband? Where is my uterus? The nurse said, "are you in pain?"  I responded 'very much so" "FROM ONE TO TEN, HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR PAIN?"  well, I'd say when it gets to the point that I want to kick you, then it's time; I hate pain meds, and will put them off as long as I can but....... it's time, right now, or I will start kicking and screaming. My post-op nurse was so lovely. She stayed with me until I went to my room on the 7th floor. Room 64. Never been to this room. I always come to the 7th floor, though.
Taking me from the OR bed to the regular room bed was difficult; I had to lift my weight, and I did well. They readjusted me a little, but I could see some blood. They quickly replaced that with a clean sheet. Thank you. I don't remember much about this night except my children came to visit, and Recker was all over the place. He laid his head on my shoulder a few times and gave me a little kiss.
If I stayed awake to enjoy them, I don't remember, I just remember waking up with Eric in a bed on the floor next to me, and right now, as I write this, I am dozing off....so I will write a bit more later