He is so Happy

 

MONDAY, MAY 30, 2011

He is so Happy

Recker did NOT drink this Coke

He loves MANGO

Recker loves his daddy but doesn't love being buried

Recker and the Whale

It's not very often that we get our entire family together for a vacation (except for Blake); with work and school schedules, it's more complicated than I thought it would be. Today Kayla, Jeremy, Recker, Kaitlyn, Brian, and Haleigh all left to go home. Eric and I will be staying in Mexico for a few more days. I especially loved having Recker here with us. That sweet little angel boy loves the outdoors (Just like his uncle Blake). One night Eric and I let him wander down the beach while we walked close behind, counting as he picked up a rock/shell he found; I counted him picking it up and throwing it back down 256 times. He was in his own little world as he jabbered, ran, walked, and discovered new things along the shoreline. Every once in a while, he would look for me to ensure I was within his eyesight, with an occasional grin and hug to acknowledge me. Off again, he would go in and out of the water up and down the beach, picking up sand and throwing it back into the ocean; I wondered what his little mind was thinking, wishing there was something I could do to understand and help him. I think one of the things that every parent wants for their children is for them to be happy, to truly find happiness in their life. As I watched Recker play, I realized he was so happy.

BonBon Recker and Papa

Autism and Angels

 

TUESDAY, MAY 24, 2011

Autism and Angels

I love this picture of Recker

 Our sweet grandson Recker was diagnosed with Autism yesterday. Kayla has felt for a few months that something was wrong with him. She asked me to take note of certain behaviors he may show throughout the day. When she first asked me, I told her he just acts like a 13-month-old. When I had to fill out all the paperwork from Phoenix Children Hospital, I knew there it was on paper, all of the symptoms that I've seen him do day after day while he's in my care, still I was praying for a different outcome. 

I know it must have of been heartbreaking for Kayla and Jeremy to hear;it brought back memories of being diagnosed with cancer and feeling so numb and helpless, thinking where do we go from here? I have no doubt that Heavenly Father has been preparing Kayla for this. Kayla works at Highland Park Elementary School her job is to work with children with special needs including several with Autism. Recker being diagnosed young means he has a chance of getting therapy early, helping his chances to have a typical life. 

There are no guarantees. praying is all we can do right now. I have FAITH and HOPE in our little Reck's future.I believe he will to have an incredible life full of happiness and joy. The Lord has a special place in Heaven for this little guy. I know there are some things I should work on so that when my time comes I, too will be in Heaven with Recker.
Today as I watch him innocently play and enjoy life as he knows it, I realize how blessed I am to to have the opportunity to be his Bonbon and get to spend so much time with him. Recker literally has been with me since he was born at least 5-6 days a week. During the time I was going through chemo he saved me sometimes from wanting to be done with life in general. He has brought so much joy to my l; our entire family adores him and gets so excited when Kayla and Jeremy come over with . On Saturdays when they spend time as a family I miss him, and sometimes will call them to ask if he can play. Today when he fell asleep on my bed next to me I couldn't help but shed a few tears, more for the unknown than anything else. I could see the bruising on his arms from where they took 6 vials of blood and he ripped the needle out of his arms. It took 3 adults to hold him down but they finally were able to get the blood from the top of his hand, he has no idea what is going on, he never really will and I think that is such a blessing. He is one special little angel; again,ain we are so blessed to have him in our family.  

Average Prices Then and Now

 

SUNDAY, MAY 22, 2011

Average Prices Then and Now

For posterity's' I want to journal the differences between the prices on items from when I was a child. The economy is so bad right now, and so many people are losing their homes and jobs; it makes me sad.  THESE ARE ALL AVERAGES


                        

POSTED BY bonbon AT 8:37 PM 

Where I Grew Up

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 2011

Where I Grew Up

House on Highland

I was not blessed as a child to grow up in the same house for all of my years. Recently I drove by the places we called "home" in Phoenix. Floods of memories returned to me; the house I lived in during elementary school looked so small to me now. Across the street was the Solice family. I was in 2nd grade throwing the football back and forth with the Solice children when the football exploded in my arms and immediately broke my eardrum; I remember my mom grabbing me and hugging me tight as I cried from the pain. I endured many, many surgeries on my right ear. Previous to the football explosion, I had a blow to the ear; my birth father was drunk and hit me one night when I was 2 or 3 years old; I am now deaf in that ear. In this house, my step brothers and sisters were taken from school one day by their mother, she drove them to California, and I never saw them again. I remember my sisters and me throwing toilet paper all over the yard and trees the night my mom gave birth to my little brother Lance. One of the scariest things that have ever happened to me happened here; my mother was cooking dinner in the kitchen; I was sitting at the little table. Standing in the middle of our kitchen, I looked up, and behind my mom was a child, not just any child. She never came out during the day. She had what seemed to be transparent pink skin, extremely white Afro hair, even more white than mine, and her eyes were red; she looked right at my mom and asked if I could play with her. I later found out she was an albino of African descent; we became friends, and then one day, she was gone; I wonder now, as I think back about that day, where she is, who she became, where she grew up. Then I realized in this house, there are memories, but this is not where I grew up.

51st avenue house

I drove past our house on 51st avenue several times before I recognized it, then I sat in my car for a long time in front of the house; this was my junior high years, and down the street was the Hulshoff family. In the summer months, I remember playing kick the can and hide and seek with them every night; I had my 1st kiss on this street with a boy named Eric. 

I'll never forget the day Elvis Presley died. My mom cried like a baby; I remember learning how to mow the lawn, pull weeds, and get grounded for lint balls being left behind on the carpet after vacuuming. I don't want to look at this house; this is the house where bad things happened. In this house is where I was forced to choose between sparing my mom's feelings and my stepdad's desires. The tears flow as I look at my old bedroom window. (on the far left) I often wanted to jump out that window, run, and never look back. This house is filled with horrid memories, but this is not where I grew up.

79th avenue house

Driving towards our house off of 79th avenue, I was shaking, not knowing if I could do this and why was I doing this? I turned in and on the left was Sara's house. She lived behind us. Up ahead was Susan's house. Driving toward my house, I was overwhelmed with emotions. This was the house I lived in during my High School and young adult years. I could imagine my white 65 mustang parked out front. I smiled, thinking about the memories my friends and I had in that car.   

On the front lawn is where I took pictures in my cap and gown on graduation night from Alhambra High school in 1981. Little did I know, just a few short years later, my brother Lance would die in this house. He was only 15 years old. I will never forget that cold November morning. I wonder if the people here now know what a special spirit lived in that house. Lance was the best brother; I loved him so much. I met my husband Eric while I lived in this house.

I knelt and prayed at my bedside for hours, begging the Lord to help me survive the evil in this dysfunctional house. I made promises with The Lord. I promised Him if he would help me get out of this house, I would promise to always keep the Gospel in my life and try my hardest to be good. Looking back, I realize the Lord kept his promises and understood the Atonement a little better than I did. I know all things happen for a reason. In this house is where I first learned the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true, that HE loved me, even if I felt no one else did, HE DID. As I stare at this house, I cannot help but remember so many bad memories. There was not a lot of love in this home, there was abuse verbally, physically, mentally, and sexually yet through it all, I knew it was just a small chapter of my life. I somehow knew good things were yet to come for me, and believe it, or not this is not where I grew up. As I drove away, I looked in the rear view mirror, thinking goodbye and good riddance. I will never return here again, but the memories will never fade.

Our Home on Seneca in Chandler

On my way home, I decided to drive by the homes Eric and I have lived in; I wanted to write down the memories I felt in each one of those homes. In Chandler, Arizona, there is a house where Eric and I brought home Kayla and Blake from the hospital after giving birth. In this home, we laughed, cried, and loved in this house. I worked hard at learning how to be a wife and mother. As a young mother, I always felt like I was not doing a good enough job. In this home, I learned to cook, clean, and be responsible not only for myself but now for a family. I remember one night, a cricket was just outside our bedroom window. One night Eric laughed at me, seeing me searching, determined to get "rid" of it. 

I was so busy being a mother in this home that I failed to read my scriptures like I should. I compared myself to other mothers and wives and let the world define "motherhood." I struggled with self-esteem. I attended the Temple once a week with Eric's dad for over a year so that I could learn more. We met Tom and Tamy Scheurn. She became a great friend and sister in the Gospel. Still, as I stare at this home, thinking about the memories, I know this is not where I grew up.

Our Home on Cove in the Islands

One more stop before getting home, the Islands. In this home, we welcomed Kaitlyn and Haleigh to our family. In this home, I continued my quest to do everything "right." I wanted to be the "perfect" wife and mother. While living in this home, I realized I needed to have family prayer and scriptures and be active in the church. Not because I was forced to but because I knew these things would enhance and bless our lives, not because everyone else was doing it. 

In this home, Kayla broke her arm and had surgery, and Blake broke his arm and several other bones by jumping off everything he could climb on. Eric and I met Mike and Jenny Scow, and they have become friends. While living in this home, we celebrated my 30th birthday with Jenny and Mike.   

In this home is where I realized a dad should have respect and compassion for his children. I learned this by watching Eric with our children. I knew I was not living in reality, and it was time to face it. A year later, I confronted the stepdad about my abuse, and he denied it. My mother refused to believe it and ultimately walked away from her children and grandchildren. This home was the darkest time of my life. The guilt I felt for breaking up our family was so overwhelming I went into a deep depression, but still, this was not the home where I grew up.

Where we live now in Gilbert on Poinciana

Leaving the Islands, we moved into the home we are in now. Still, I was broken. My heart ached for my mom, and I wanted that relationship to be mended. I tried so many times, and every time I came away, even more hurt than before; I once sat in a fetal position by the front door crying until Eric got home because I was so upset about my mom. Debbie Slade became a dear friend and helped me through rough times. She called David LeSueur, who at the time was our Stake President; he laid his hands on my head and gave me a blessing I will never forget. He blessed me to be able to find peace in my heart, and he was the first church leader who told me he believed in me. From that day on, I began to heal from my past, finally realizing none of what happened was my fault. Finally, for the 1st time in my life, I felt at peace with my decisions. 

Haleigh was in the nursery, only 18 months old when we moved here. My children were baptized on their birthdays while living in this home. In this home, I raised my voice too much while raising teenagers. I began looking to other women for inspiration, advice, love, and recipes. I hated that I could not just get on the phone and call mom for those things. 

In this home, I watched our children face challenges. I've spent many hours on my knees praying for each of my children to understand the importance of obedience. 

I learned the importance of saying, "I'm sorry, I was wrong." 

We took pictures of each one of our children going to prom. They all graduated from Highland High School while we've lived here. Kayla and Jeremy were married and had their reception in our backyard. 

Eric and I gathered our children and son-in-law together at our kitchen table to break the news that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Six weeks later, I  sent my son off to the Dominican Republic so he could full fill his dream of serving the Lord on a two-year mission. 

I underwent a double mastectomy, was told my cancer had spread and endured more surgeries. We had another reception in our backyard for Kaitlyn and Brian, and I started chemo two days later. The next month our 1st grandchild was born, followed by radiation and more surgeries. It was not until I went through my cancer treatments that I finally realized how much Eric loves me. How much love I have to give and, most important, how much my Heavenly Father loves me and has been with me for every step of my life decisions. I know HE lives. I am entirely sure of this; I can now see the times when he carried me and literally pulled me out of overwhelming situations, but still, this is not where I grew up.

During my short 48 years on this earth, I have learned that a house is just a structure built of wood or stone to create four walls and a roof. What truly makes a home is the love, compassion, respect, laughter, joy and enduring the trials a family goes through together. A home is where a child should not be afraid to live; every person in that home deserves to be listened to and hugged. Every family member needs to know they are loved, especially by their mom and dad, and they should hear those words every day. I wish I had been taught this as a child. I wish I had lowered my voice and softened my heart when my teens struggled. Knowing this makes me want to be a better mother, wife, and grandmother. This is the beauty of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Atonement. No matter what age we figure all this out, it's never too late; he loves us all THAT much.

The Beautiful Mesa Arizona Temple

It is here that I grew up in the Temple of the Lord. This Temple is where I searched my heart and soul and found answers to life's scariest questions. Who am I really? What defines me as a woman? What and who are the most important in my life? Have I done all I can to be the kind of person the Lord will be proud of? What can I do to make life better for someone else? I learned that I am a daughter of God and that He knows me by name and wants nothing but happiness for me. It is up to me to decide how I will obtain that happiness. 

This Temple is where I discovered my true identity; it had nothing to do with the size of our home, how much money my husband makes, the style of clothes I wear, or the car I drive. This is where I learned to listen to the spirit for my answers and guidance and how to forgive. 

The answers came at different times in my life when the Lord knew I was ready to hear the answers when it was my season to learn what I needed to learn. I learned to let the Lord work things out, to put things in his hands, and if I am doing all I can do to be more like him, it will all work out in this life or the next.

I

Happy Birthday Eric

MONDAY, MAY 16, 2011

Happy Birthday Eric

Today is Eric's birthday; when I asked him what he wanted to do or wanted me to make for dinner, his reply was "Taco Salad and German Chocolate Cake"  WOW, that was easy. I love you so much, Eric. You deserve to have a great birthday. Thank you for all you do for our family.

 

Mommy *Mom* *Ma* *Mama* *Mother*= Maid

SUNDAY, MAY 8, 2011

Mommy*Mom*Ma*Mama*Mother=Maid

Me and Hales

Me and Kayla

Brian Me and Jeremy

Eric and I
Me and Katilyn

Today is Mother's Day; I woke up so excited to talk to Blake, but if I'm sincere, that excitement was quickly replaced with resentment and anger. I came downstairs, and the kitchen was a mess. I had to hand wash 2 sinks full of dirty dishes ... really? I opened the shutters in my kitchen, hoping the sunshine would bring some light into my heart. Uh, that didn't work. The more I washed, the angrier I got; I  was expecting to not be the maid today. I expressed myself to one of my children (by the way, this was my 1st of many mistakes today)
Ryan Durfee spoke in Sacrament today, homecoming from his Brazilian mission. My heart began to soften as he talked about his mother and many mothers' sacrifices for their children. My mind started thinking about my own mother. I wonder what she is doing today? I wonder if she wishes she had 2 sinks full of dishes she could do? How could I be upset over something small and insignificant this morning? The truth is being a mother is hard. I honestly have not felt like I did this morning in over 2 years. I realize now that the adversary tries so hard to break up families, and in contentious times there can be no light, only darkness, and that is how I felt this morning. It was awful. 

Tears filled my eyes as Brother Phelps began playing "The Spirit of God" (the traditional closing song in our ward when RMs give their talk). I could feel the music in my heart (literally). It was so loud the Bishop's son was sitting in front of me, plugging his ears. Brother Phelps never disappoints; the right music always, without fail, brings the spirit to my soul. I'm grateful for the Atonement in my life. I love the knowledge that I can renew the covenants I have made with the Lord every Sunday during Sacrament and ask for forgiveness for the little things I've done during the week, the things I need to work on.
I'm ending this Mother's Day tonight with gladness and thankfulness for the children my Heavenly Father has entrusted me with.   

Blake brought joy and happiness into our home today as he spoke to each of us; I told him as I hung up how much I loved him and that the next time we talk, I will be hugging him-only 4 months left. Kayla and Jeremy came over and made dinner. Kayla is such a great mom, and Jeremy has been a loving and supportive husband and now daddy. Haleigh is so sweet to me, and I love to sit and listen to her; she is wise beyond her years spiritually. Kaitlyn is most like her mother, and I'm not sure if that is good or bad, but I know that she has a deep, strong testimony of God, and I cannot take any credit for finding the answers all on her own. Brian was so sweet today. Right before the Sacrament, he handed me a copy of his Patriarchal Blessing; I asked if he wanted me to read it. He nodded, "yes" He has been promised some specific blessings; after reading his gift, I have thought about it all day, and I realized tonight his benefit is detailed and more specific to him than any blessing I have ever read. I was honored that he allowed me to read such a special blessing; he is the best man,  Kailtyn could have chosen for a husband.   
As I kneel to say my personal prayers tonight, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity I have had so far in my life to be a mother. Times are not always easy, choices are not always black and white, and tempers sometimes get in the way of allowing a family to grow to its potential, but the good news is that we (I) can try harder tomorrow to be better than I was today. Love being a mother; it's the most rewarding and spiritual experience I have ever had... I love you, Kayla, Blake, Kaitlyn, and Haleigh more than you will ever know; please be patient with me, I'm still learning, and the good news is that you will have the opportunity to be a better parent than I have been to your children.

Tennis-LOVE=0

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 4, 2011

Tennis-LOVE=0

Tonight was so fun; I felt like BOB from the movie "What about Bob?" You know when he sailed for the 1st time? He was tied onto the front of the boat, yelling, "I sail, I'm a sailor" if you haven't seen that movie, this will not be very funny. However, I have seen it: and tonight, "I played Tennis; I'm a Tennis player." 

We are a tennis-playing family now. Eric bought breast cancer tennis rackets and balls for the girls; they are so cute? Eric and Brian are the only "good" players. Eric played on the Highschool Tennis team, and I always made fun of him UNTIL .... tonight. It's a fun sport but a lot more of a workout than I thought it would be. Eric has a killer serve; Brian can keep up with him. He's outstanding also.  
I'm 48 years old and just now trying a new sport. Tennis is something I have always wanted to play until tonight. I never knew any rules and understood the whole LOVE thing in the scoring, but now I do. 

Life is so short, don't wait until you are 48 to try something new, do it now, take that trip you've always wanted to, run that marathon now, learn to do anything you've never done before; it will amaze you what you can accomplish..... I stink at Tennis, but I don't care; it was so fun, and I will do it again soon.

Blake in Puerto Plata

 

TUESDAY, MAY 3, 2011

Blake in Puerto Plata

I have had so much going on this past week; I am just now getting to post the email and pictures I received last Wednesday from Blake. He is in a new area called Puerto Plata, and he loves it but had a difficult time leaving his previous area.

This week we had a baptism,  this little girl that's a member of this family we are going to baptize. Still, we are waiting on the documents for the parents to get married, so we just baptized the girl first..this family is really sweet the wife has gone to church soo\ much shes like a member but the husband hasn't gone he says when he gets married hes going to start to go.  

Here in Puerto Plata the things are good,  Trying hard  to find people to teach. Most are just young single women, and we have been looking for families. This last week has been hard cuz it was Semana Santa, Holy Week  and no one was in their houses cuz they all leave for the week and visit family and yea so it was so hard this last week to find people but we did have a really cool expierience we found this less active who used to be President of the Disctrict,  President of the Branch and has had almost every calling and now is less active and we shared with him about the Book of Mormon and he was telling me he knows that the church is true and stuff like that and i shared with him my testimony and i told him how horrible i felt when he told me he was president of the district and has gone through the Temple and now is less active. I got really sad, and told him  i told him to sit there and think about all the Covenants he has made with the Lord and we sat there for like 5 minutes without saying a word and he got really teary eyed and told us how horrible he felt and how he has a problem with alcohol. I told him a story that happen to me one time before the misison well I told him a story but didn't tell him it was me. I told him about this kid that had so many problems and did so much stuff, but changed his life around for the Lord, he  just thought it was someone else and he was really  touched. i really hope that this guy can get backl to church it makes me so sad to think that there are people that have had the conviction and testimony and still reject the gospel
today we went to the beach and messed around we had a old jeep theres this member that is canadian (but doesnt know english) and he showed us around this resort and hotel where he lives and works so we messed around theer the whole time it was so sweet. im starting to like it here its just been a little rough when we dont have more than 5 investigators haha but that's why President sent me here so we can find more and i can leave this area 10 times better than it was. 

Relay For Life - 2011

MONDAY, MAY 2, 2011

Relay for Life-2011

We continued our tradition this year as a family and participated in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life in Gilbert.  Last year I was still in treatment and not feeling too well when I went, but remember being so grateful that I did.  This year the feelings of gratefulness were the same, however, my health is so much better and I was able to really enjoy it.  I have the greatest family ever, they celebrated with TEAM MONYA and supported me through so much-I love them all-

LABELS: CANCER WALKS, FAMILY