Mommy *Mom* *Ma* *Mama* *Mother*= Maid

SUNDAY, MAY 8, 2011

Mommy*Mom*Ma*Mama*Mother=Maid

Me and Hales

Me and Kayla

Brian Me and Jeremy

Eric and I
Me and Katilyn

Today is Mother's Day; I woke up so excited to talk to Blake, but if I'm sincere, that excitement was quickly replaced with resentment and anger. I came downstairs, and the kitchen was a mess. I had to hand wash 2 sinks full of dirty dishes ... really? I opened the shutters in my kitchen, hoping the sunshine would bring some light into my heart. Uh, that didn't work. The more I washed, the angrier I got; I  was expecting to not be the maid today. I expressed myself to one of my children (by the way, this was my 1st of many mistakes today)
Ryan Durfee spoke in Sacrament today, homecoming from his Brazilian mission. My heart began to soften as he talked about his mother and many mothers' sacrifices for their children. My mind started thinking about my own mother. I wonder what she is doing today? I wonder if she wishes she had 2 sinks full of dishes she could do? How could I be upset over something small and insignificant this morning? The truth is being a mother is hard. I honestly have not felt like I did this morning in over 2 years. I realize now that the adversary tries so hard to break up families, and in contentious times there can be no light, only darkness, and that is how I felt this morning. It was awful. 

Tears filled my eyes as Brother Phelps began playing "The Spirit of God" (the traditional closing song in our ward when RMs give their talk). I could feel the music in my heart (literally). It was so loud the Bishop's son was sitting in front of me, plugging his ears. Brother Phelps never disappoints; the right music always, without fail, brings the spirit to my soul. I'm grateful for the Atonement in my life. I love the knowledge that I can renew the covenants I have made with the Lord every Sunday during Sacrament and ask for forgiveness for the little things I've done during the week, the things I need to work on.
I'm ending this Mother's Day tonight with gladness and thankfulness for the children my Heavenly Father has entrusted me with.   

Blake brought joy and happiness into our home today as he spoke to each of us; I told him as I hung up how much I loved him and that the next time we talk, I will be hugging him-only 4 months left. Kayla and Jeremy came over and made dinner. Kayla is such a great mom, and Jeremy has been a loving and supportive husband and now daddy. Haleigh is so sweet to me, and I love to sit and listen to her; she is wise beyond her years spiritually. Kaitlyn is most like her mother, and I'm not sure if that is good or bad, but I know that she has a deep, strong testimony of God, and I cannot take any credit for finding the answers all on her own. Brian was so sweet today. Right before the Sacrament, he handed me a copy of his Patriarchal Blessing; I asked if he wanted me to read it. He nodded, "yes" He has been promised some specific blessings; after reading his gift, I have thought about it all day, and I realized tonight his benefit is detailed and more specific to him than any blessing I have ever read. I was honored that he allowed me to read such a special blessing; he is the best man,  Kailtyn could have chosen for a husband.   
As I kneel to say my personal prayers tonight, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity I have had so far in my life to be a mother. Times are not always easy, choices are not always black and white, and tempers sometimes get in the way of allowing a family to grow to its potential, but the good news is that we (I) can try harder tomorrow to be better than I was today. Love being a mother; it's the most rewarding and spiritual experience I have ever had... I love you, Kayla, Blake, Kaitlyn, and Haleigh more than you will ever know; please be patient with me, I'm still learning, and the good news is that you will have the opportunity to be a better parent than I have been to your children.