MONDAY, MAY 2, 2011
Hold On The Light Will Come
Today my nephew blessed his new baby boy, Tanner. We decided to drive to Phoenix to be there. I was kinda shocked when I walked into the Chapel, and Susan Lundberg (one of my mom's friends) approached me with her beautiful smile and embracing hug. I said, "I didn't know you and Ron were in this ward," she said, "We're not; we brought your mom to the blessing." My heart started to beat faster and harder, I looked to my right, and there she was, sitting only 2 chairs away from me. Not knowing exactly how to react to that, I asked how she was doing; Susan said she had some health issues and would be having foot surgery soon. I think my mind was racing as fast as my heart was, I had not seen her since Gary died a few years ago, and I was so hurt by her I never thought I would see her again, and to be quite honest, I was OK with that. I have tried and failed so many times to heal the hurt that has penetrated my heart and soul over the years; I finally realized that the Lord needs to be in charge. HE would resolve these issues but not until death.
When I was diagnosed with the Villain, my sister Sonya tried to keep my mom updated but once again, that communication failed. Now she is sitting within a few feet of me, I looked over at her, and she smiled and waved. I told Susan I wanted to say Hi to her sweet husband Ron, so I got up, walked over to him, and hugged him, and he whispered to me, "How does this feel?" I replied, "Very awkward." Ron and I chatted for a few minutes. I seriously love his heart is kind and compassionate.
Then I did something I never thought would happen in my lifetime. I leaned down and hugged my mom. When I did, she whispered, "I love you." I replied, "I love you too." It felt very uncomfortable. My mother has never said, "I love you" to me. I wondered if her heart was softened and if she really meant it. Was it as hard for her to say to me as I think it was? She had tears in her eyes, and for the 1st time, I could see some regret in her eyes. Her grandchildren were sitting next to her, and she had no idea who they were. Now she has 2 great-grandchildren. She has missed so much over the past 19 years.
As the meeting started, I could not keep my eyes off her. Tears filled my eyes; I believe the Lord was trying to teach me something today. I heard the spirit say quietly to me like He has done so many times. "Be still, and know that I am God." I'm not sure what I was supposed to learn today, but I know one thing: the spirit was whispering to me. Even if it was only to teach me a little more about forgiveness and the Atonement of Jesus Christ, it was worth it. That message was so clear to me. Brent Slade sings a song called "Hold On." I love the lyrics, "the answers never come without a fight, and when it seems you struggled far too long, just hold on. There will be light."
