Time To Get Away From Life's Chaos

 

MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 2011

Time To Get Away From Life's Chaos

Envoy--US AIRWAYS no better way to fly

the food

One year ago, Eric surprised me with a trip to Paris, it was an incredible trip, and we decided that this time every year, we were going to take the time together and plan a trip to places we have always wanted to go--NO REGRETS is our theme for life.
I flew with Kayla, Jeremy, and Recker from New Haven, Connecticut, to Philadelphia on Wednesday. They needed to catch their connecting flight back to Arizona. I was meeting with Eric to fly to Frankfurt, Germany, then on to Venice--One of the perks of working for US AIRWAYS is Eric and I can fly for free, so we can upgrade to 1st class when it is available. This makes it affordable for us to go on these trips. 

As we snuggled into our very comfortable Envoy seats, I began to think about all that had crossed my path this year. This time last year, I was just starting to get some hair. When I returned from Paris with Eric, Dr. Kreymerman and I had a date in the OR to take out my expanders and finish my reconstructive surgery. I went back into surgery just a week before Christmas to finish with PK. Blake passed his year mark on his mission. One smidge of information I have not shared with many people --While I was in Paris last year, I began to bleed vaginally. I tried very hard to keep it from Eric, but when I woke up one night with a hemorrhage, I could not hide it any longer, and he insisted I see Dr. Magtibay when we got home.

Dr. Magtibay is my gynecological oncologist; with some concern that cancer had returned, we scheduled a partial hysterectomy for January. I remember crying in his office when he told me. He asked why I was so scared and confused about this surgery. I finally, for the 1st time in my life, opened up to him, and Dr. Kreymerman about my fears-I do not feel comfortable talking about the details here on my blog, but I will say it has everything to do with the sexual abuse I endured as a child. 

I cannot even begin to explain how difficult it was to talk about those details. To actually say the words out loud made me want to vomit. I felt safe and comforted with both Dr. Magtibay and Kreymerman. On the day of my surgery Dr. Kreymerman knowing how hard this surgery was going to be on me, showed up in his scrubs just before they knocked me out. When he came in, I could feel my heart leap in my chest. Just before, I was in a fetal position, hysterically crying. This was not his day in the hospital, and he probably had some patients waiting at the Clinic, but he was there for me, holding my hand. His smiling face was the last I saw before I went out. I genuinely Love Dr. Peter Kreymerman. He will never know what that simple act of kindness meant to me. 

Out of recovery and into my hospital room, I look over at Eric, and he is asleep, snoring as loud as ever. This man means more to me than he or anyone else will ever know. 

It makes me smile when I think of all he has endured with me and never complained about. The past couple of months have been rough on me, and without him, I think I would have had a breakdown. 

Some of you who have read my blog know about my friend Trystan. I met her about a year and a half ago when she emailed me after reading my blog one evening. Without going into all the details, I will tell you that she had a 2-year-old daughter named Paige, who died in a car accident. She was in a coma for 5 months. During that time, her husband committed suicide, and now she was going through cancer treatments and needed someone to talk to. When she found my blog and emailed me, I was happy to share what I knew with her. Over the next 7 months or so, we became very close friends. During most of this time, she was in the Mayo Hospital in Rochester, where she was not only fighting cancer with chemo, she needed a kidney which I was asked to donate to her. 

Our family fasted and prayed for Trystan when she was in the hospital. We invited her to be included in our Family Home Evening on Monday night via the phone. There are so many more details that I don't want to go into, but we found out she was a fraud. She never had a child that died. In fact, she has never given birth or been married, and she did not have cancer--basically, everything she told me was a lie. Her purpose was to find women who are vulnerable and get them to donate to a fake nonprofit organization she has for children with cancer and for the kidney foundation. However, the money is being directly deposited into her personal bank account. I have now been in contact with at least 7 women who have been hurt by her. 

The embarrassment and stress this has caused me are difficult to explain, but one thing I know for sure is that the Lord has things happen in our lives for a reason. 

I believe the reason is so that Shannon, April, Lisa, Donna, Ashley, Carol, Helen, and others could bless my life with their love and compassion. They have all become great friends thanks to Trystan--oh, by the way, Trystan is not her name, according to her parole officer. I still pray for her to get the help she needs and find some peace in her life. 

HONEST: I love People
TRUTH:  This could happen to anyone--maybe even me again
REALITY:  Life brings all sorts of people into our lives, and we need to learn from them all
LEARNED: Be myself-ALWAYS-it's not necessary to be a friend with someone who is not proper to themselves or to you--I CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE

Now, as I sit in first class flying over international seas, my thoughts are changed to another problem drowning my brain. MY MOM. Recently I received a phone call from Ron Lundberg. His wife, Susan, is my mom's best friend. Ron says my mom is not doing well, and the husband and wife living with her as her health care workers are moving to Texas after being with her for 2 years.

This has been weighing on my mind for weeks now. My mom cannot care for herself and refuses to move into a home care facility. The healthcare worker taking care of her will turn her over to the state for evaluation. My mom has been ugly and means to the women from her church who go to her home every morning and help her get dressed, then again at night to help her get ready for bed. People have volunteered to take her to doctor appointments, helped clean her home and take time away from their families to serve her. When she accused one of them of stealing her Coke, it was the last time anyone wanted to help her.

I explained to Ron and Susan if I thought my taking her in and caring for her would change anything, I would do it in a heartbeat--I asked him if I could pray about it and discuss it with my sisters before making a decision. There is so much more detail to this story, but I don't want to judge or go into it on my blog. 

My heart is telling me that maybe there is some HOPE for our mother-daughter relationship. Still, my mind is saying NO WAY should I go there--my doctors are aware of the situation and in no way think I should be putting myself in any stressful situations. I took a week to think about it, pray, and then discuss it with my sisters. We met with Susan and Ron about this situation and confirmed what Heavenly Father has already told me--now is not the time.

My mother is not ready to change her heart. She told them she would like an apology from me, and I am unsure exactly what I need to apologize for. Still, I would over and over again if I thought it would help cure and mend her heart. I spiritually, mentally, and physically cannot endure this again. For now, I turn it over to the Lord and let him take care of what I can't. My thoughts and prayers will be with her for her health and spiritual well-being.

So with that all being said--I am ready for a vacation from LIFE --we just arrived in Venice, and I am excited about our little adventure.