I Closed on the House

 Eric, today I did my walk-through of the house I purchased. I had Blake and Kayla with me. Not much needed to be fixed. I did ask them to take down the railing in the front so that I could put chairs out and have room to sit. Seriously, though, am I ever going to sit out front? It seems like a weird thing, but most of the houses here have chairs in front of their homes. So you know ... I had to do the same thing! 

My stomach turned as I signed the closing papers, making me sick. I'm secretly holding back from saying I don't want to move. I want to be in our home, the home you and I built together all those years ago. There are many 'things' I want but can't have. One of them is you. I want you back. I want us back. Since the house was being built, I only drove to it twice. Terry sent me pictures of it moving along in the construction process. But honestly, I couldn't care less. 

After I left the closing, I went home and cried. I know this house is just a structure, but the memories we made here are what I'm leaving behind. I feel very guilty, like I shouldn't be making decisions without you. 

I put beams in our bedroom and my office, and brick on the walls, too. I also added a bathtub to the master bath—you know I can't wait for that first bubble bath. I added a TV right above the bathtub. Remember when we went to see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in Las Vegas, and our hotel had the TV over the bath? Yeah, like that. My favorite is the bathtub, but the ice machine comes in a close second. I know you wouldn't have chosen any of those options, or add-ons, but I plan on staying in this house; I never want to move again. It's hard work.

I can't tell you enough how much I miss you, your smell, your smile, your rolling eyes at me, the cute smile you give me, and even your runs to Costco and Sam's Club. I'm trying to stay busy, and the move distracts me. I hope to fit in at the new home. It's so weird to go to church without you. At least in the 6th ward, they knew me and understood why I couldn't smile. I really don't want to tell that story over and over again.

I loved being your wife and a part of the Williams family. They have always treated me better than my own family. Your mom and dad are the best ever. I miss them too. Thank you for loving me in the good, the bad, the ugly, and through sickness and health. But the best promises we made to each other are what will bring us back together again.

See You Soon

Monya