Happy Halloween

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

Recker is so in love with Mickey Mouse


Halloween has been fun in our home for as long as I can remember, and we have always had an open invitation to the Schaub's house. Kelly and I went to High school together, she lives a few doors down and Eric and I go to their house every Halloween for Indian Fry bread and to pass out the candy to the neighborhood children. Tonight was no exception, we had a great time, then we headed over to Kenny and Theresa Halcomb's house they had an open pit fire in the front yard and we all sat around it telling jokes, and stories, the laughing was therapeutic.

POSTED BY BonBon AT 10:18 PM 0 COMMENTS 

Dr. Peter Kreymerman and the BRA

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2010

Dr. Peter Kreymerman and the BRA

I've been thinking for over an hour now, why, why, why I seriously dislike bras. I'm trying to figure out if there is anything in comparison that a man could relate to...... Dr. Peter Kreymerman told me I had to wear a sports bra 24/7 forever.....well, not really forever, just until he says not to. I told him, "how would you like to wear something that confines you 24/7 ?" I like nothing about bras, except if I see a woman like Haleigh, and I saw today coming out of Costa Vida who seriously needed to be wearing one. It was so scary, Haleigh. I both looked at each other in total disgust. Yes, on those rare occasions, I think a bra is necessary. However, I truly wish they would have never been created. To be honest with you, I have not worn a bra in over a year, when I had the expansions, there was no reason to wear one..... ahhh talk about FREEDOM...that was the only benefit of having the VILLAIN in my life, and I loved it. HEAVEN ON EARTH IS BEING BRA-FREE.

As a teenager, I remember learning that in the 1960s, women were burning bras to become liberated; I always thought that was weird until now. I want to have a bra-burning party.... anyone up for it? I will not be seeing Dr. Kreymerman for a couple of weeks, and I plan on telling Dr. Kreynernan about my despise of the bra and that it's time to get rid of it. My husband listened to everything Dr.PK told me to do and not to do, and he is on Dr. Kreymermans side; Eric is constantly telling me to make sure I am wearing that boob buster 24/7. This is how the conversation goes...

Me: "I'm not wearing that thing today."
Eric: "you heard what Dr. Kreymerman said"
Me: "are you going to make me do everything he says, word for word?"
Eric: "yes, he is your favorite Doctor for a reason, do what he says."
Me: "seriously? who's side are you on?"
Eric: as he's walking out the door, "24/7. you know the rules; I love you."

Try it if you've never had to wear a bra to sleep in. Yes, I say try it tonight, then let me know how you like it. I've been wearing a bra 24/7 (except showers) for 2 weeks now..... it is so uncomfortable, and just for an added bonus, the seams hit me right where my stitches are, so I'm constantly touching my boob or moving the bra,... pretty sure people are going to think I'm some kind of weirdo. I cannot wait to see Dr. Peter Kreymerman; the bra better is coming off.

What is Devastation?

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2010

What is Devastation?

I ran into a friend I had not seen in a very long time; she did not know I had been diagnosed with the VILLAIN and asked me about my short hair. Since I have always had pretty long hair, she was surprised! We had a pleasant visit, but one of the things she said to me has really stayed in my head for a few days now. She told me, "HOW DEVASTATING," about my cancer. My immediate response was, "no, not devastating, life-changing maybe, but not devastating."
So this poses the question to me, "what would be my devastation?"
What would it take to make an occurrence in my life be devastation? When I think back on my life and some of the trials I have had to endure, I realize none of them but one has genuinely been devastating. Knowing my mother only lives an hour away and wants nothing to do with me or my sisters, I have gone through bouts of significant sadness and emptiness, knowing she does not wish to mend and repair, that she does not want to move forward. There were times when I honestly thought I could not get up in the morning, knowing that it would be another day without some resolution, It's been 18 and 1/2 years now, so much time has passed, so much of life has happened, and all without the luxury of being able to pick up the phone and call my mama for some advice, or a recipe. It makes me sad when I hear people talking badly about their grandmothers. I wanted my children to have a grandma, someone to bake cookies for and with, someone to hold hands with at the zoo, someone they could be proud of, but instead, they were left with nothing, no memories, no history, nothing but emptiness, they don't know what it's like to have a grandmother. Eric's mom (the best mom and person I have ever known) died of breast cancer before my children were born.
It gave me a chance to think about the word DEVASTATION, and I realized it means different things to different people. I always thought if I were to get a life-threatening disease like cancer, it would be devastating, but I guess what I was afraid of was having to change my life enough to be ready for death. So for me, the only devastating part of dying from cancer would be if I died without knowing that I would be with my family again. If I died without my children knowing how much I love them if Eric never knew how I adore him, and if none of them knew that I have a testimony of the Gospel. If we all live our lives in a way that our Heavenly Father would be proud of, if we serve one another as HE did and do our best every day to be more like HIM, death is not devastating. Knowledge of this gives me HOPE and the power to overcome FEAR.

Visit with Dr. Kreymerman. Kaitlyn & Brian Visit

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2010

Visit with Dr.Kreymerman, Kaitlyn & Brian Visit

I saw Dr. Peter Kreymerman on Friday, and he said everything looks good; I still cannot pick up Recker until I see PK again in a couple of weeks. I am getting my strength back, and I am not depressed anymore. Whoo-hoo, jump up and shout, do a little dance for me. It really helped me to be able to get out of the house and spend some time with my girls this weekend. Kaitlyn and Brian are in town, so I spent it with ALL the family. I seriously have the most challenging time seeing my grandson and not being able to pick him up, and I'm not sure he understands why his BONBON is being so mean and not picking him up. ☹

Have I mentioned how much I love my son-in-law? Both of them are incredible. Jeremy is such a good husband and father and works hard at school and work...Eric and I love him for his sensitivity and compassion too.

Brian is exceptionally talented in sports; everything he does, he does perfectly. Last night he had a snowboarding competition at SKI PRO in Mesa and took 3rd place, plus got 1st place for best trick. I thought Brian should have earned at least 2nd place. He was much better than the guy who won 2nd, but still, we are so proud of him, he too goes to school full time and works full time, at this time in their lives it is busy, we wish we could see them more it helps me working for USAIR so they can fly back and forth.

It's Sunday, and I have not been feeling good today; the headaches are back, Mr. HOTFLASH was in charge today, and my hips hurt like HELL---sorry if I offend anyone with that last one.

I Remember when PINK was just a Color.

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2010

I remember when PINK was just a color

This month being National Breast Cancer Awareness month, has made me think a lot, especially about the PINK color. I remember when PINK was just a color, and now it means so much more to me. I have to admit I have never really given the breast cancer PINK ribbon much thought, donated money, or even let it penetrate my mind like it has this past year.

Every time I see a PINK ribbon, I think about my 3 daughters. When they were little, I loved doing their hair; I tied it back or braided it and always finished it off with a ribbon bow. Although the ribbon may not have always been PINK still, the ribbons of October remind me of those days. Yes, those innocent days when I had no cares in the world, when the only thing I worried about was what was for dinner and if the clothes were washed. During those days, our home was filled with PINK ribbons, PINK PJs, PINK bikes, PINK, PINK...PINK for my sweet girls, who I adored and still do. Yeah, that was when I thought PINK was just a color that divided the boys from the girls.

This year as I attended the Breast Cancer Awareness race in Salt Lake City with my family, I thought about when racing and running were just for fun. I didn't know about running for a cure but was running without care. It means so much more; we're racing time now hoping for a cure, holding tight to the thought that our children will not have to endure this terrible VILLAIN we like to sugar coat and call breast cancer. I was in a sea of PINK shirts that day, some honoring their grandmothers, mothers, sisters, aunts, and friends who have survived the VILLAIN or who lost the battle, and too many women, way too many women like me, who looked scared and lost as they wondered what the future will hold for them. In May 2010, PINK took on a whole new meaning. When I stood among thousands of survivors wearing PINK matching shirts and tears running down our cheeks. My bald head exposed, all I could see looking into a crown of people were my family, with eyes focused on my girls and husband. At that moment, PINK was no longer a color but more like a new best friend.

I hope that PINK will become a color again, that the VILLAIN will lose the battle for all women when a cure is found, that for every race, walk and run, we get closer to eliminating, and that with those races, we all win.

Diep Flap vs. Expansions with Nipple Sparing

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2010

Diep Flap vs. Expansions with Nipple Sparing

A little over a year ago, Dr. Peter Kreymerman met with me in his office to discuss my options for reconstructing my breasts. I remember him taking a marker and drawing a design of each choice on the tissue paper that patients usually sit on in a surgeon's office,s. I was amazed then, and I still am at the knowledge and talent of Dr. Kreymerman.
At that time, my mind was so full of un-uncertainties and lack of knowledge I really did not care what he did. I just wanted the VILLAIN out of my body....who cares what boobs look like, right? Some have asked me what the difference in the options I was given are; I will try to explain it to you, but remember, I chose the expander, so to really compare the recovery would not be fair to me.

DIEP flap is a procedure that is actually very popular among surgeons and their patients. A DIEP Flap procedure uses fat and skin from the lower abdomen but does not require removal of any muscle. When Dr. PK drew that picture on the tissue, my mind was checking out. Are you kidding me? Now I was looking at another scar as a constant reminder on my abdomen?

Then he explained the expanders; a tissue expander is a temporary device placed on the chest wall deep into the pictorial's major muscle. This may be done immediately following the mastectomy or as a delayed procedure. The expander's purpose is to create a soft pocket to contain the permanent implant. Dr. Kreymerman put my expanders in at the same time as my mastectomy. Then over several months, I visited him every other week, and he stuck a needle into the port of the expander and filled it with usually around 50cc of saline per breast; this part was painful for me, I think, because I was also going through chemo at the same time, so I had expansions one week then chemo the next, I remember feeling really sick one week then really sore the next. Dr. Kreymerman is also among a few surgeons who can do nipple-sparing for mastectomy patients. I'm not sure of the qualifications, but I know I qualified, and this is how Dr. Kreymerman became my "nipple repairman."

The 2nd part of the expansion surgery is what I just had on Thursday, expansions out and implants in. Again as I have stated before, be careful what you say "you would never do" I used to say I would never get implants...mostly because I already had big boobs, and I hate big boobs... I am amazed at how soft my boobs are now, they were as hard as a rock a week ago, and now they feel normal. I am still in some pain from the incisions, but the pain I am feeling now is temporary and is nothing like the pain I have been feeling for over a year now.

From what I have experienced and from what I have read, expanders with nipple-sparing will give you a totally normal-looking breast. The pain you will have to endure will be worth it if you look for an average-looking breast. With the diep flap, I am not sure they can do nipple-sparing (you will need to get a tattoo) and no long-term pain in your breast, but you do get a tummy tuck out of it all. Either way, if you decide to go, there will be a pain, and there will be scaring.

Breast Cancer Pumpkin

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2010

Breast Cancer Pumpkin

This cute pumpkin was made by ANDREW HOM. He is 12 years old, and his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of this year. She contacted me through my blog and decided she wanted treatments at Mayo Clinic with the same doctors that I did. I think that children absorb more than we think they do. Andrew was not asked or coaxed to design his pumpkin this way; he just did it. I love it, Andrew, and thank you, Jodi, for emailing me the picture; I love that he used the bracelet I sent to you.

Patience

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2010

Patience

Today is 5 days post-op; I told Kayla I should be feeling better, "why do I feel so depressed and nauseated?" She said, "mom, you just had surgery on Thursday; give yourself a break."
Every time I eat something, I feel like throwing up. Every time I stand up, I feel like throwing up; when I rest and lie down, I'm depressed. So many memories of when I finished chemo and went through a terrible depression keep coming back to me, that was such a low time for me, and I don't want to go back there. I had this panic this morning. I did not want Eric to go to work. I asked him if he could take me for a ride tonight; I just needed to get out of this house for some fresh air.
I need to read my scriptures tonight and find some relief. It's a strange thing to feel so grateful to be alive, to be so thankful for Dr. Kreymerman and other doctors at Mayo who have literally made my journey bearable and at the same time be so sad.

I'm learning that patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry or frustrated.
It can do God's will and accept HIS timing. Patient people can hold up under pressure and face adversity calmly and with HOPE. You can see that I have a lot to work on with all that being said.

A quote that I will read today over and over is

"Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature,
There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our
problem is that we often expect quick solutions to such challenges,
forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required."
-President Thomas S. Monson-

Successful date in the OR with Dr. Kreymerman

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2010

Successful date in the OR with Dr. Kreymerman

I had a very successful date with Dr. Kreymerman on Thursday in his OR, and I just want to update you. Tamy, Eric, and I got to the Mayo Hospital around 1:00 pm. Floods of memories came back to me as I stepped on the elevator to the 2nd floor waiting area. Although I don't remember this, Eric later told me I had a horrible panic attack in that waiting area, and today I was afraid of that happening again. Sitting and waiting was the most challenging part for me; Tamy tried all her tactics on me, but I was not focused today, and my mind was wandering. Paced and paced until they finally called me back. When Dr. Kreymerman came in to see me before surgery and take out his purple marking pen, I was so happy to see him and felt like my fears subsided. He has a way of making his patients feel comforted and secure. Well, he does for me anyway...... I am blessed to have such an incredibly talented and compassionate doctor. I cannot imagine a better fit for my personality than Dr. Kreymerman.

The nurses were ready to wheel me back to the OR, 1st kisses and hugs from Eric, my favorite man of all time. He loves me, and we've been through so much together. It's nice to know that through it all, he's still here, he knows everything about me, and still, he loves me..... and Tamy, my dear friend Tamy has been with me through this all with no judgment, only love .... thank you, thank you for your sweet smile and happy thoughts.

I had to spend the night and the next day in the hospital....seriously ???? I have a problem with my plumbing after surgeries, and I cannot go PEE .... Dr. Kreymerman came over to visit with Eric and me. He's a funny guy. He loves his wife and is excited about the new baby. A unique spirit comes into a family when you bring a new baby home, and I feel the Kreymermans are about to be blessed with that special someone.

Since coming home from the hospital, I am still in pain, but the rocks that used to fill the holes where boobs were supposed to be are gone. They are soft now, but I still have to wear that ugly post-surgical bra 24 hours a day. Remember the one I blinged out last year? I was lucky enough to get a new one put on after this surgery....whoo hoo, It's impressive that the pain from the rocks is gone. The only pain I feel now is from the incisions where Dr. Peter Kreymerman did his magic. I have also been nauseous the last couple of days. I don't feel like doing a celebratory dance but soon; really, who wants to come to watch?

POSTED BY BonBon AT 3:10 pm 2 COMMENTS 

♥ from Mayo Hospital

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2010

♥ from Mayo Hospital

Blogging from my Hospital room sending lots of hugs and kisses....surgery was successful and I will hopefully be able to go home today or tomorrow. I will blog more about my date with Dr. Kreymerman later when I am not loopy, who knows what I'll say so now .....xoxo

Dear Cancer

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2010

Dear Cancer

I am on my way to the MAYO Hospital...I want to leave you with this challenge...write a letter to CANCER, really tell him what you think, everyone knows someone who has been affected, CANCER kills and hurts families. For every letter written and POSTED $50 will be donated to the American Cancer Society up to a maximum of $100,000.

Click here to get started

POSTED BY BonBon AT 11:45 AM 2 COMMENTS