1st Day Of Chemo

 

Tamy will be my chemo buddy today. She gave me the cozy pink blanket to keep me warm during chemo today.

Today is Monday, November 16th; I woke up feeling OK, not quite awake and ready for today. When Tamy arrived to pick me up, I started to get anxious; the tears would not stop as my husband hugged me and reassured me that I would be OK. For some reason, those words "you will be OK" are not helping me today. I am so mad, throwing everything in my purse as hard as I could, I kept saying over and over, "I don't want to go, I just don't want to make this" tears rolling down my face, "I am serious I don't want to go today" With every hesitant step, I take towards the car I feel my body, heart, and mind fighting me. Tamy says a prayer when we get in the car. It helps me to feel some bit of relief. 
We are introduced to our chemo suite, where we will be sitting for the day. Heather is my nurse. She comes in to access my port, "take a deep breath when I count to 3."

"1,2,3" the needle goes in, and the port is now accessed. Yes, there was some slight pain but nothing more than a needle stick. Now comes the meds; Heather explains each chemo medicine they will be using today. The 1st med that goes into the IV is bright red and very toxic. I can feel its warm poison spread throughout my body. I imagine the men I love in my life entering the port and together searching for The VILLAIN to kill. Eric enters first. He is cautious and reserved as he makes sure the coast is clear; he then motions for Blake, Jeremy, and Brian to enter, and together they fight the battle of their lives, knowing it's going to be a long day and the war will not be won for months. Today I start the beginning of a long journey towards winning the battle, it's hard, and I hate every step of it.