Love This Boy

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 27, 2010

Love This Boy

Recker at the Hospital

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 26, 2010

Recker at the Hospital

This is my grandson Recker. Kayla had to take him to the hospital and run some tests for his Petite Mall Seizures. I cried when I first saw this picture. It's hard to see him like this because he is so sweet and happy all the time.

Elder Williams

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 24, 2010

Elder Williams

It's 3:18 in the morning; I cannot sleep, so I will try and blog. The blessings that come to a family when they have a son serving on a mission are incredible. In some ways, I feel like he has been blessed even more than we have. He has learned to rely on the Lord for his comfort and strength. Blake has always been a loving and compassionate son. However, he did not want to go on a mission. It took him a few years to decide to serve a mission. I am impressed at his commitment and reliance on Heavenly Father. My cancer diagnosis came 6 weeks before he left. Blake wanted to stay home and be with me. We had a long talk, and I explained to him that the Lord would take better care of him than I would be able to. We were both emotional talking about this, and I could see he had a heavy burden on his shoulders. As his mother, I was heartbroken; I couldn't tell him for sure that I would be here when he got home, but Blake promised me he would dedicate himself to the Lord's work, and I promised him that I would not send him any pictures of my bald head. Blake teared up and said something I will never forget. He said, "Mom, I feel so guilty; if I had left on my mission two years ago like I should have, I would be here for you." I told him the timing of leaving for his mission was perfect because it was his choice, and I didn't think he could handle seeing me go through the surgeries and treatments.

The night before he left on his mission President Greer came to our home and gave Blake a special blessing. He told Blake that if he was obedient on his mission, his mom would be here when he finished his service to the Lord. I believe everything has a time and a season; things in our lives happen for a reason. Blake's friends were coming home from their missions when he was leaving, I could understand why he felt the way he did, but I could clearly see that the Lord was preparing him for this moment. I miss him so much, but I know from his emails and letters he is becoming a man with his own personal testimony of Christ, and he loves sharing it with people. He's no longer my little boy, but he will always be a mama's boy.

He had a baptism last Saturday. His companion baptized Wellington, a 17-year-old boy; Blake loves him. It's incredible how close he gets to all the people he works with. The Lord is truly blessing him and watching over him. Elder Smith was transferred yesterday; Blake is now the senior companion and will be speaking only Spanish for at least the next 6 weeks since his companion speaks no English. These are a few of the pictures he sent yesterday:

Elder Smith and Elder Blake

Elder Williams with some local children (I think)

Elder Smith, Wellington, and Elder Williams

On the day of Wellington's baptism: Ernesto and Nuirka are on the left (he is teaching them right now). Some ward members showed up, and the Branch President, Elder Smith, and Elder Williams.

Blake being Blake with that creepy look he used to give his sisters to freak them out.

The Baptismal Font notice it is outside.

This is Olga's Family (she cooks all their food)

The Church Building in Constanza

Delfi, Elder Williams, and Wellington

Defusing Fear

TUESDAY, JUNE 22, 2010

Defusing Fear

Can we ever wholly heal from deep wounded scars that have affected our lives? I thought I was over some of those fears and childhood traumas that I went through. I went to counseling; I prayed almost as hard as I have the past year to help me to forgive. At times it felt as though these events in my life were holding me back like the events were substantial metal screws fastening down a large metal plate crushing my desire to live. It took me years to finally turn it over to the Lord and let him take this pain from me. I finally got to a place of forgiveness and even began to pray for the perpetrators. When one of the perpetrators died, I was at his bedside, and it was healing for me. Even though I had forgiven him, I did not see him for over 15 years until the day he died, and he was not conscious, so it made it easier for me.

I didn't want to go, so I prayed, and then the answer came that I should go; a year and 1/2 later, I was diagnosed with the VILLAIN. I say this last part because in reading the Anti Cancer, a couple of chapters were difficult for me to read without getting emotional. I have read them repeatedly and marked them, and highlighted them. The man who wrote this book is a clinical professor of psychiatry; he has counseled thousands of VILLAIN patients and seems to know his stuff. The doctor hit so many of my feelings over the years right on the nose. 

He said that trauma in VILLAIN patients can feed the VILLAIN, so many times people think they are past it, in reality, it is still on their minds.  They are living with it to some degree. I could not believe this when I read it; this is my life he's talking about. It almost made me want to look around and see if hidden cameras were watching me; how could he know this about me? Although I have forgiven, there are not too many days that go by that I don't recall painful events in my life. The trauma I felt as a young adult being home with my little brother when he died, he was only 15. I think about that all the time. Not having my mom in my life for over 17 years now has been unbearable at times. This has been trauma at its worst. I would wonder all the time if I handled these events right. Even having confirmation from the Lord and leaders in my life, I still think about it and wonder if I could have done something different. During my 20s I went through another horrible trauma that I won't post details about, but it changed my life. I'm deaf in one ear because of a traumatic event in my life. I forgave my birth father for abandoning me, but I spent most of my life in anger and fear because of it.

There was a study done by Barb Anderson, a professor of psychology at Ohio State University. She observed 227 breast cancer patients for 11 years. They all had either stage 2 or 3 BC. They all had received conventional treatments. They were all told about nutrition (Anti Cancer recommendations) and about exercise, and they all learned how to avoid stress in their lives with simple yoga exercises. The results were remarkable. The women who practiced all they were taught and made lifestyle changes had a 56% lower mortality rate. Another study showed that 9 out of 10 women who had breast cancer (out of 4000 women interviewed) had some type of traumatic event happen in their lives. WOW .... that is huge to me. Mainly because when I look at the risk factors for breast cancer I had none of them. I have always been physically fit, an athlete, and I have eaten pretty well. I have always been able to control my portions. I am not obese; I didn't start my period before the age of 12. In fact, I didn't start until I was a junior in high school; these are all mentioned in the risk factors none of them apply to me. So I guess the question to myself is, how do I thoroughly purge myself of all the trauma I have experienced in my life so that I can live a stress-free life? Is it possible to do? It's time for me to stop thinking of this as if I am a superficial observer, looking on as if it were another little girl it happened to, and look at it for what it is or was...... FEAR has paralyzed me for too long.

I Am Blessed

 I Am Blessed

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm on autopilot, just doing the things that need to be done. I don't want to live that life anymore; it scares me. I want to move forward and be grateful for today; the hours and minutes are so precious; I hope I will always live them with dignity and respect for myself and others.
I have met some incredible people; most of them have contacted me through email. I'm always amazed when it happens because I write so much gibberish on this blog. I can't imagine that someone who doesn't know me would be interested in what I have to say. Heck, I can't imagine that anyone who does know me would either. These women are from other states and some even from other countries, all of us having one thing in typical the stinkin' breast VILLAIN. Recently I was contacted by a woman diagnosed just last week who is flying to Arizona to meet with my team of Doctors at the Mayo Clinic. Through my blog, three women I have met have flown to see my Mayo Clinic doctors. 3 of the woman I have met this past year have flown to Arizona to meet with my team of Doctors. I am grateful for these women in my life; one of them moved here from New Jersey and does not have any family or close friends. 

When she was diagnosed, she searched doctors on google, and my blog came up. She is also using my same team of doctors. She will be undergoing a bi-lateral mastectomy on June 30th. I hope she falls in love with Dr. Kreymerman) like I did. Is it weird that I am looking forward to seeing him next month? My prayers and thoughts are with my new friend Jodi at this time. It's scary. The unknown can bring so much fear and anxiety to your life. People I have met this past year have helped me see life differently. I have never met; they don't know how they have touched my life with their faith and strength. A couple of them have passed away, and the VILLAIN took their life. I am still trying to process this and make sense of it. Life is strange how it changes so quickly; one day, you're upset with a child or your husband for something, and in just a moment, life changes, and those things now seem so silly or insignificant in the whole eternal scheme.

 I started this blog saying I feel like I'm on autopilot; what I mean by that is I've let myself become immune to life. I'm getting back into my routines and forgetting what is essential. I learned to wake up every morning happy to be alive, glad that I have a wonderful husband who has a job and takes great care of me. I am so pleased about my children, sisters who I love and adore, and extended family and friends who respect and love me. Please, please help me never to forget; I often plead with the Lord to help me never to forget.
How many people have a friend who would dedicate themselves to helping you fight the BC battle by taking you to every single chemotherapy treatment? I do. Tamy Scheurn took me most of the time. I love her so much that I don't think I can express this woman's compassion for other people. I want to be like that; I want to give back to so many who helped me when I was sick, those who continue to leave things like flowers, chips/salsa, treats, and books on my doorstep. I don't know most of them because they have taught their children to serve without getting recognition (doorbell ditchers). I LOVE IT !!!! Simply said, I AM BLESSED.

Givin' Up Sugar

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 17, 2010

Givin' Up Sugar

These are just a few of my favorite desserts with lots of sugar and white flour.......
lemon bars

german chocolate cake

my favorite Creme Brulee

homemade cookies

cannoli

brownies with nuts

coconut cream pie

I decided to cut out sugar and white flour from my diet. So since Monday, I have lost 8 pounds, I am amazed at the amount of sugar I eat, and until you cut it out, you don't realize it. I have not eaten anything with sugar, no salsa, no sauces, nothing with sugar... when you read some of the food labels you regularly buy, you may be surprised how many foods have sugar in them. So I am getting all my sugar naturally from fruit, which I also love.
The white flour has not been as big a problem for me, but I also have no cookies or cakes in the house; anyone who knows me knows I love to cook and bake. Usually, baking includes sugar and flour. I will not omit these entirely from my diet; I will allow myself one day a week to indulge. Probably Sundays will be the best since my family all come over for dinner, and I usually make a dessert. I don't promise to stick to this, but I am sure going to try. For the 1st couple of days, I had a significant headache, but it has passed now, and I feel so much better; my body feels stronger and detoxed.

Petit Mal Seizures

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 15, 2010

Petit Mal Seizures

Kayla and Jeremy are living with us again, not that I'm complaining. I love especially waking up to Recker. Their house flooded last week. Hopefully, we can get the flooring back in this week so they can get home; I know they want to be in their own home.

Sunday night Recker was lying on my bed, and I was feeding him his bottle. He started to shake both of his arms; it scared me when I told Kayla about it; she said it had happened before. Yesterday she took him to the doctor was told her and Jeremy that Recker has petit mal seizures. He referred them to a pediatric neurologist. I researched these types of episodes on the Mayo Clinic website. Often, no underlying cause can be found for these seizures. Many children appear to have a genetic predisposition to them. Sometimes hyperventilation can trigger an attack.

In general, seizures are caused by abnormal nerve cell (neuron) activity in the brain. The brain's nerve cells usually communicate with each other by sending electrical and chemical signals across the synapses that connect the cells. In people who have seizures, the brain's usual electrical activity is altered. During a petit mal seizure, these electrical signals repeat themselves repeatedly in a three-second pattern.
Signs of petit mal seizures include:
Staring, without unusual movement
Lip-smacking
Fluttering eyelids
Chewing
Hand movements and

Small gestures of both arms

Redneck Mullet

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 2010

Redneck Mullet

This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and guess what? My hair was messed up and out of place; I could actually tell I had slept on it..... woo hoo ...... I'm doing the dance .... hands in the air ...... woo hoo ....... spinning around ...... yeah yeah ......
Until today, every morning, it was lying to one side looking like it did the night before, but today it is standing at attention like a soldier in the army, which means it's growing enough to show the morning hair look. I measured it today, and it's about 3/4 of an inch long. Still not long enough to style it the way I want to. Wait, who am I kidding? I won't be styling it for a while, but this is progress. I'm excited. Not even Mr. Hot Flash can upset me today. I wonder how long until I can call Kara? I saw Kara recently and asked her about that; she told me that the back of my hair will start to grow faster and longer than the front, and I will know when it's time. So when I start to get the mullet look, it's time. That won't be for a while, though, I never thought I would be looking forward to a redneck mullet, but I am. Haha!!!

Menopause and Mondays

MONDAY, JUNE 14, 2010

Menopause and Mondays

Being in menopause really, really stinks. Yesterday I was sitting in Church, and I started to sweat like a pig at a slaughterhouse; I looked around to see if anyone else was dripping water from their head ...... uh, nope, just me. I always thought I would look forward to menopause; my thinking was that I would not have to have that monthly visit from aunt Martha. So instead of her visiting every month for a few days, I get Mr. Hot Flash several times a day ...... what was I thinking? One of the side effects of menopause is weight gain. I have to watch what I eat; I lost so much weight during chemo but have now gained it back. Although Doctor Northfelt was happy about the weight gain, I am starting to get a little worried, so I am eating more of the Anti Cancer recommendations today. Every day, I have to remind myself that this is my new life; I need to embrace it and be happy about what I can do or eat rather than looking at what I can't. A few people asked me about giving up sugar; I will not give up sugar completely. Dr. Servan-Schreiber says it is ok to give yourself a treat once or twice a week; for me, Sundays are the day the whole family is together, so this is now my treat day. On the other days, fruit is going to be my new sugar.

During chemo, one of my teeth cracked in half, and I was not allowed to visit the dentist because it stirs up bacteria in my mouth and could make me even sicker (hard to imagine that). It has been almost 2 months since I first saw Dr. Goodman; he removed my tooth, took an impression, and sent it to the lab. The color of the temporary tooth did not match my other teeth at all, so I was anxious to get the permanent tooth back in. I have now had this tooth sent back to the lab 3 times. Finally, I went to the lab myself (Scottsdale), so they could do a custom color. Long story short, today is the day I get to revisit Dr. Goodman so he can take my tooth out again, send it to the lab, give me the temporary tooth, and hopefully, next week, I will have my permanent tooth. I love Dr. Goodman, but I think he likes to see me more than I want to go to the dentist's office. This is my menopause Monday.

LABELS: CANCER, DR. NORTHFELT, JOURNALING, MR. HOT FLASH 

A New Way of Life (Anti Cancer)

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 11, 2010

A New Way of Life

We made it home from beautiful Hawaii. On the last day, we were all lying under some palm trees on a grassy area at the beach. I couldn't help but think about going home and returning to reality. It has been so fun to spend time with Kaitlyn and Brian, but I know that things will not be so easy-going when I get home. I watched the white fluffy clouds pass in front of the sun, making it a little darker and less hot then, suddenly, the clouds would move and again make it brighter; I could again feel the warmth on my skin. So much like my life has been this past year, clouds of darkness have made it hard to see the future; sometimes, waiting for the cloud to move made me feel alone and helpless. Then, with Heavenly Father's help, he would lift those clouds, and I would feel warmth and comfort; knowing that HE loves me and will never leave gives me hope and a feeling of relief. 

I really hate the waiting game that VILLAIN patients have to live. I know I don't want to live in fear of everything I eat and everything I expose myself to, but I also can't treat this as if it were about pneumonia or a broken bone. Cancer is not a thing of my past, and the VILLAIN is now a part of my life, my new life.

I finished reading the book ANTI CANCER by Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, Ph.D. I was totally intrigued by the information in this book and wonder why more oncologists don't suggest it to VILLAIN patients. I will refer to some of the information I learned in this book in future blogs because I think it is crucial.
Did you know:
1. Cancer feeds on sugar, cane and beet sugar, corn syrup, etc
2. Bleached flour, including white bread, white pasta, etc
3. Vegetable oils such as soybean, sunflower, corn, and trans fats
These three sources contain none of the proteins, vitamins, minerals, or omega-3 fatty acids we all need to keep our bodies functioning correctly, and they directly fuel the growth of the VILLAIN.

Tests have shown that women with high blood sugar levels (or who are diabetics) are 7 x more likely to develop breast cancer. We have become a nation of people who do not want to take the time to prepare home-cooked meals for our families. It is much easier to get "take out" I believe with all my heart that we need to get back to basics, and we need to be aware of what we are putting in our children's mouths. Processed foods, which are at every fast food restaurant in America, feed cancer cells. A list of recommended foods from the book are:
1. Green tea helps to reduce the growth of new vessels needed for tumor growth and metastases, and it is a beautiful antioxidant and detoxifier.
2. Olives and Olive Oil black olives are richer in antioxidants than green. Olive oil should be a cold-pressed extra virgin; you should get one tablespoon of oil daily, used in cooking fish, tofu, meat, veggies, or a salad.
3. Turmeric and Curry: these are the most potent natural anti-inflammatory; in laboratories, it was proven to help enhance the effectiveness of chemotherapy and reduces tumor growth. It can be added to olive oil with a pinch of black pepper, then added to veggies, soups, salad dressings, add a few drops of agave nectar to remove the bitter taste.
4. Ginger: a potent anti-inflammatory and antioxidant much more effective than vitamin E. It acts against specific cancer cells and can help with nausea from chemotherapy and radiation.
5. Cruciform Vegetables: cabbages (Brussel sprouts, bok choy, broccoli, cauliflower, etc.) contain anti-cancer molecules. They prevent precancerous cells from developing into malignant tumors.
6. Garlic, Onions, Leeks, Shallots, Chives: Garlic is one of the oldest medicinal herbs dating back to 3000 bc. During WW1, they were used to prevent infections. They all promote cell death in the colon, breast, lung, prostate cancer, and leukemia.
7. Vegetables and Fruit rich in Carotenoids: Carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, squash, pumpkins, tomatoes, persimmons, apricots, beets, and all bright colored fruits and vegetables (orange, red, yellow, and green) all have the proven ability to inhibit the growth of cells of several cancer lines including brain cancer. A study that tracked breast cancer patients for 6 years showed that those who consumed the most foods rich in carotenoids lived longer than those who consumed less.
8. Soy: they block the stimulation of cancer cells. Asian women who have eaten soy since adolescence have fewer cases of breast cancer, the ones who do have breast cancer are much less aggressive.
9. Mushrooms: A study done in 2009 showed that women who consumed 10 grams of mushrooms per day reduced their risk of developing breast cancer by 64 %.
10. Herbs and Spices: rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil, and mint are rich in essential oils, and they help reduce the spread of cancer by blocking the enzymes they need.
11. Seaweed: slow down the growth of breast cancer cells, prostate, skin, and colon cancer.
12. Berries: strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, and cranberries are all good for eliminating cancer cells.
13. Plums, Peaches, and Nectarines: Researchers have proven that these are just as powerful as the berries and at much fewer costs. They had a significant effect on the growth of breast cancer.
14. Citrus Fruit: oranges, tangerines, lemons, and grapefruits contain anti-inflammatory flavonoids.
15: Pomegranate Juice: an incredible antioxidant and has been used in Persian medicine for thousands of years; it reduces the development of prostate cancer, daily consumption slows the establishment of prostate cancer by 67%
16. Dark Chocolate: needs to be more than 70 % cocoa. It contains antioxidants, and the molecules in dark chocolate slow the growth of cancer cells. You need to eat at least 20 grams a day (one-fifth of a bar). AVOID ANY MILK CHOCOLATE
17. Vitamin D: Skin cells produce vitamin D when exposed to the sun. It has recently been proven that a significant supply of vitamin D reduces the risk of several types of cancers considerably by more than 75%. 20 minutes of noonday sun exposure to the entire body is sufficient, and be aware that over-exposure can lead to skin cancer.
18. Omega -3's: They reduce the cancer cell growth in many tumors lung, breast, colon, prostate, kidney. They also act to reduce the spread of tumors in the form of metastases. Remember that the larger the fish, the higher it is in the food chain and the more contaminated. Smaller fish are much healthier for you. Flaxseeds are also rich in omega-3s.
19. Probiotics: Organic yogurts and kefir are good sources of probiotics, and I purchase them at Sprouts. These are the good bacteria your intestines need; garlic, onions, tomatoes, asparagus, bananas, and wheat are excellent sources.
20. Foods rich in Selenium: Selenium is found in the soil; vegetables and cereals grown organically contain large quantities of selenium. Selenium boosts the immune system and the effects of antioxidant mechanisms on the body.

Anyone who has a history of cancer in their family should take note of all this information and consider establishing a new way of life. We could all probably improve our lives and our family's lives by changing a few things we eat and introducing fresh foods to our children.

Hawaii day 3 and 4

 

Fruit, Yogurt, and Granola are my favorite things to eat.


Freezing at the falls



Hiking at the falls, there were many places to take pictures.

Kaitlyn was scared to jump off the rock, so Brian jumped with her.

Matsumoto's shaved ice

Eric and I at Pearl Harbor

Leonards Bakery is the Best

Malasadas at Leonards Bakery

We are still in Hawaii, and it's a very laid-back atmosphere compared to the busy life of Arizona. Eric has been able to relax and not worry about work (he's only been on his cell phone a few times), and he gets to sleep in if he wants to. Kaitlyn and Brian are fun to be with, I told them yesterday that I have not belly laughed in so long, and with them, it's an ongoing thing, and over the silliest things. I find myself thinking less and less of the VILLAIN while here. It still lingers in my head but at least not as much as when I am home. I'm going to work on that when I get home.

Our days have been filled with food, water, and exercise. We ate malasadas. If you've never had one, they are heaven in your mouth, much like a doughnut (but better, much, much better). They are filled with either chocolate pudding, coconut cream, or bavarian cream. Eric got the month's flavor, and it was filled with guava cream. Or you can just eat them plain with cinnamon sugar on top. We always look forward to having Malasadas when we come to Hawaii, and Leonards Bakery is the best.

We had shaved ice at Matsumoto's, a lot of the famous actors have eaten here, and we love it too. Brian and Kaitlyn said it was the best-shaved ice, and Eric agreed. 

Pearl Harbor was a great way to spend our Sunday afternoon; we saw many LDS people there, probably because it was free of charge and an excellent way to spend some family time together without going to the beach. Yesterday we hiked up to the falls; I watched Kaitlyn and Brian get in the water and decided I would not do that to my body. From the look on Kaitlyn's face, I could tell it was freezing. Kaitlyn and Brian swam to the falls. We took some great pictures of them. Then I was waiting with a towel for her when she got out of the water. After much coaxing, I was talked into swimming with Eric to the falls. Yes, it was freezing, but Kaitlyn was right when she said I need to take more risks and try more things, NO REGRETS. I'm glad I did it but was even more pleased when I was safe on the shore with a towel around my shivering body. I have never been in a swimsuit without a tan, I looked down at my body and decided that everything would look better with a tan, but I just don't care anymore about that; I'm happy to be alive and in Hawaii with the ones I love.

Just what the doctor ordered

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 6, 2010

Just what the doctor ordered

A prescription is written for rest and relaxation ... not necessarily from Doctor Northfelt (even though he did tell me it was the perfect time for me to do it), but it was written by Dr. Eric Williams. On a last-minute vacation to Hawaii. Friday, we boarded an airplane with Kaitlyn and Brian, and now I write this sitting on my bed in a beautiful condo on the Island of Oahu. I had only a few hours to get packed and ready. My stress and anxiety levels have been so high lately that this was just what the doctor ordered. 

Brian has never been to Hawaii, and it's like watching a child open his gifts on Christmas. We were sitting in an ocean-view restaurant in Waikiki. Brian was staring out at the ocean when he jumped up and said: "I'm going to put my feet in that water," He ran off. We watched him run as fast as possible with no shoes on to the ocean water. It was so funny to watch him... Eric was looking at him like he was crazy. I thought he was so dang cute, and Kaitlyn was watching him like she had just fallen in love with him for the 1st time. 

Brian woke up before the sun came up yesterday and rented a surfboard. Brian is one of those kinda guys that are good at anything he does, so we knew he would be good at surfing ..... and he was. Brian went snorkeling for the 1st time too; listening to him describe the fish he saw was animated and fun. I told him he needed to get some sunscreen on, but he decided to wait until after he went snorkeling for the 2nd time ...... you see where I'm going with this? Yes, he is a lobster today, on the 1st day of vacation.

Dr. Northfelt believes that stress in your life feeds VILLAIN cells, I'm almost done reading the book he suggested, and I will post more about it later, but I am feeling less stress and trying not to think about the VILLAIN while I am in Hawaii.