Everyone has Good in Them

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 2010

Everyone has Good in Them

I never realized what women go through when they are in menopause ..... seriously not fun at all, and to be forced into it, well, all I can say is it is making me grumpy and crazy. Mr. hot flash continues to be a big part of my life. Not sure if we are getting along too well. I called Dr. Northfelt's office to let them know I am not sleeping and had a headache that lasted for several days. I guess I will hear back from them tomorrow. It is so hard to feel completely exhausted and then lie down to be disappointed by insomnia and fatigue. When I thought the neuropathy was gone and out of my life, my legs were aching again.

I'm afraid to take the hormone medicine Dr. Northfelt gave me. The possible side effects are terrifying, and it seems like my track record for getting the side effects should make me afraid. I was told chemo would not make me sick .... no such luck. I was ill for 5 months from the evil stuff. I was told a few women get lymphodema from lymph nodes being removed. I got it and have to wear that ugly sleeve on my arm. I was told that very few get neuropathy; you guessed it, I have it ..... so Hormone therapy scares me... I need to take it. I've had it sitting on my desk for a week. I look at it every day and say, "tomorrow, I will start" These are the possible side effects:

anxiety --- seriously, I already have this one
back, bone, breast, joint, or pelvic pain----I already have all those (neuropathy)
constipation---Yes
cough----not really
dizziness ---Very much 
flu-like symptoms ---spent 5 months with this sucker, the toilet and I became one
muscle aches ---- went through that with the lovely day after pill during chemo
tiredness -----Always
hair loss---- are you kidding me?
headache ---- Migraines 
hot flashes ----- Mr. hot flash has already welcomed himself into my life
loss of appetite ---- Some weeks, the only thing I ate were oranges.
nausea ---- did that through chemo and radiation
sore throat--for a week or two
stomach pain or upset ---always
sweating ---- comes with Mr. Hot Flash every day
tingling or burning sensation in the fingers, wrists, or hands--Yes, neuropathy
trouble sleeping ---Insomnia, I've never had a hard time sleeping until now
vomiting --- did that for 5 months too
weakness ---I always feel weakness
weight gain ---- I actually lost weight

If you could write these on a slip of paper and pick them out of a bowl, which 3 would you like to have? I'm not sure why I chose 3 to have, but I decided that was a good number and possibly the number of side effects I will get from this treatment medicine. Oh, and did I mention I have to take it for 10 years? Can you tell I'm grumpy? I probably should not blog while I am in these moods, but like I have said so many times, I want to remember EVERYTHING.

I can be grateful for today because tomorrow is Wednesday, and emails will come from my missionary son in the Dominican Republic. I do love to hear from that boy. He seems to grow spiritually every week. I try to keep up by studying my scriptures every day, and I am still working on those Attributes of Christ from the Preach my Gospel book, but I still seem to fall short of what Blake is experiencing. He is my hero; I love him so much.

One more little story before I head up to my bedroom and take some meds to get me to sleep. Eric has been in Mexico since Friday; last night, Haleigh and I went on a bike ride through Val Vista Lakes. It was beautiful, and the weather here in Arizona is incredibly soothing after the sun goes down. We were talking and laughing, really enjoying our time together; when these two boys passed us on their bikes, the first boy mumbled something under his breath I didn't quite hear; I asked Haleigh later she said she wasn't sure either. When the 2nd boy passed me (Haleigh was just in front of my bike on hers), he yelled something really mean, "oh my God, look at the dyke."  I felt so embarrassed, not really for me but for him. Haleigh was so upset that she turned her bike around and was ready to take this kid on ..... they rode as fast as they could to get away, but Haleigh was faster. I stayed back, just strolling along. When I caught up to her, she was engaged in a conversation with the boys. I'm not sure what she said to the boys, but when I arrived, they took off. As a mother, I thought, "this could be a great teaching moment" I should talk to her about turning the other cheek, walking away, or just letting it go; however, something told me to keep quiet, and I did. I wondered if she was at all embarrassed to be with me. She stood up for me and defended what she knew to be right was impressive. I'm not shocked by what people say anymore, and I know that more people don't say what they are thinking, but I believe that most everyone has good in them, and most everyone wants to be kind and considerate to others.