MONDAY, JULY 19, 2010
Live and Die with no Regrets
I will be seeing Dr. Kreymerman on Wednesday. I asked Tamy if she would mind going with me; she seems to be able to calm me down when I have my anxiety, and she is comfortable with Dr. Kreymerman and his staff. Knowing she will be with me, I feel much better about the trip to the Mayo Clinic Hospital; besides, going to lunch afterward is a massive highlight of my week.
I've heard people say when someone is struck by a sudden heart attack or someone who dies in their sleep, "it was a good way to go," and maybe it is. However, it's an end that leaves us without any chances for preparation, exchanges of feelings, or an occasion to get closure on an incomplete relationship. I don't want this for myself; no matter what I end up dying from, I want to be able to take time with my family and friends.
Today the word "cancer" is no longer a death sentence for everyone it strikes. That dark cloud is hovering over my head and many other cancer patients.
Cancer has given me time to think about my life and how I want to spend the rest of it. It's time for me to start living instead of thinking about death. I want to look back with dignity and integrity on that day. I want to say farewell with a feeling of peace; I want my children and grandchildren to know how much I adore and love them. I hope I have been a good example; I failed many times as a mother. My children have no idea how I love each of them for their strengths and weaknesses.
Going through this journey with the VILLAIN has allowed me to meet other cancer survivors. One common thing that I've noticed is that there is a fear of unfinished stories. Regrets and a desire for more time with the ones to finally forgive those who have offended you. I am learning to forgive myself and know that the Atonement will take care of it.
When we turn the page to a new life, we leave behind some old habits and begin looking to our future with eyes wide open and a heart full of love and appreciation far beyond what we ever thought we could. I think it would be easier to ignore our own imperfections if we did this.
Yes, it is true I may die earlier than I could have foreseen, but it is also possible that I'll live much longer; whatever happens, I'm going to live my life as well as I can; for me, it's the only way to prepare for whatever happens.
3 COMMENTS 
I will be seeing Dr. Kreymerman on Wednesday. I asked Tamy if she would mind going with me; she seems to be able to calm me down when I have my anxiety, and she is comfortable with Dr. Kreymerman and his staff. Knowing she will be with me, I feel much better about the trip to the Mayo Clinic Hospital; besides, going to lunch afterward is a massive highlight of my week.
I've heard people say when someone is struck by a sudden heart attack or someone who dies in their sleep, "it was a good way to go," and maybe it is. However, it's an end that leaves us without any chances for preparation, exchanges of feelings, or an occasion to get closure on an incomplete relationship. I don't want this for myself; no matter what I end up dying from, I want to be able to take time with my family and friends.
Today the word "cancer" is no longer a death sentence for everyone it strikes. That dark cloud is hovering over my head and many other cancer patients.
Cancer has given me time to think about my life and how I want to spend the rest of it. It's time for me to start living instead of thinking about death. I want to look back with dignity and integrity on that day. I want to say farewell with a feeling of peace; I want my children and grandchildren to know how much I adore and love them. I hope I have been a good example; I failed many times as a mother. My children have no idea how I love each of them for their strengths and weaknesses.
Going through this journey with the VILLAIN has allowed me to meet other cancer survivors. One common thing that I've noticed is that there is a fear of unfinished stories. Regrets and a desire for more time with the ones to finally forgive those who have offended you. I am learning to forgive myself and know that the Atonement will take care of it.
When we turn the page to a new life, we leave behind some old habits and begin looking to our future with eyes wide open and a heart full of love and appreciation far beyond what we ever thought we could. I think it would be easier to ignore our own imperfections if we did this.
Yes, it is true I may die earlier than I could have foreseen, but it is also possible that I'll live much longer; whatever happens, I'm going to live my life as well as I can; for me, it's the only way to prepare for whatever happens.
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