Perspective

 

This was 4th of July 2009 in Mexico

SUNDAY, JULY 4, 2010

Perspective

Last year Eric and I enjoyed the 4th of July in Mexico. Just three weeks later I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Eric and I have always loved our time together, but I think I have taken  the little things for granted. I understand and appreciate small things that I never thought twice about before. Eric listened to me get sick but still wanted to kiss me, not for his own satisfaction but to show his pure love for me. 

During my chemotherapy, Eric often times went the extra mile to make sure I was comfortable. He never wanted me to be in pain or be embarrassed about how I looked. Eric has told me every day how beautiful I am. When I look in the mirror, I know he and I are not looking at the same person. 

One year later, we are at the condo in Mexico, and my perspective is different. Every day since we have been here, I have taken some time to myself to sit on the beach and reflect. Today I watched two little boys; they looked like brothers, laughing and dunking each other in the water; their laughter was contagious. I found myself completely engrossed in their childhood play. I don't think I would have taken the time to enjoy that moment a year ago. I watched a little fish who was obviously new at swimming; he was getting a little too close to the shore; as he worked so hard to get out into the ocean, a vast wave would push him up a little closer to the beach, and again and again, he would work hard to get free. Finally, after near exhaustion, he made it, and off he went into the deep blue ocean where he belonged. WOW, that reminded me so much of my journey this past year; every time I would get past one hurdle, I felt like a giant wave was smashing me against a rock, and more bad news would come. I feel like I am still swimming against the tides but not drowning. Finally, I think I can breathe a little. Moving forward is really hard knowing the VILLAIN can take over again; the only difference now is I'm forced to think about it. I never thought VILLAIN would be in my vocabulary. Tonight I sit in my condo listening to the fireworks going off, totally happy and content watching my little grandson crawl around, listening to Kayla and Jeremy play a game at the kitchen table, and knowing Eric and Haleigh are down at the beach enjoying the festivities. At this moment, I could not be more satisfied with my life; for me, this is what it is all about.