Excepting a Compliment Is Hard for Me

 

TUESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2010

Excepting a Compliment is Hard for Me

Today I had an appointment with my endocrinologist at Mayo. The appointment was really late in the day, 4:30, and I went by myself. Earlier in the day, I took lunch over to Haleigh at the Seminary building, and I ran into Jenny Scow Ruttinger. We've been friends for over 20 years. I love Jenny and always love having a conversation with her. Jenny came over to my car, and we talked for about 25 minutes. She is so sincere and always concerned about other people. 

As I took the long drive to Mayo today, I had a lot of time to think about Jenny and some of my other close friends, who are so supportive and fun to be around. I have surrounded myself with positive people who have integrity and love life. During this time in my life, I am so grateful for these friends.

 Since being diagnosed with the VILLAIN, I have had to learn how to deal with what people randomly say to me. 

I've definitely learned what not to say to a VILLAIN victim. I have learned how to approach other patients at Mayo who are obviously going through the same journey as I am. 

Since being diagnosed, some of the most muscular women and men I know I have met, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. On my drive to Mayo today, as the rain fell down and the mountains were stunning to look at, some things were so clear in my head. Some things the Lord is trying to teach me became apparent. For most of my life, I have struggled with self-identity. I have never enjoyed someone giving me a compliment. Most of the time, I didn't believe they were being truthful. I always had self-doubt and felt like I had no friends and had nothing to offer, you know what I mean? I know I have friends, but I've felt limited and chose my friends wisely for fear of being hurt or disappointed. Through this journey, I have learned a lot so far, but I will never doubt the number of people who have prayed for me, people who I don't even know have prayed for me, strangers who come up to me and ask my name so they can pray for me, and I know they do. I have felt the overwhelming love from people I usually did not talk to before. I have more friends than I ever thought I did. I love them all, even the ones I don't know anything about, but I want to change that, I want to open myself up, but to do this, I need to trust in the Lord more. Why did I waste so many years in self-doubt? I know the Lord loves me, but I have always doubted MAN's sincerity. I know now that most people want to reach out. They want to have friends and help when they can. I have had more service for my family in the past 5 months than I ever thought we deserved or could be possible. I will continue to pray for help from Heavenly Father and ask him to help me understand myself so that I can appreciate the heartfelt love of others.
When I checked in at the Mayo today, the cute young girl said, "oh my gosh, I love your hat. More people should wear hats, and it really brings out the color of your eyes and your smile" I looked at her and simply said, "thank you."