3rd Round Of Chemo

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2009

3rd round of chemo

Tina was my nurse today
3rd round of chemo
Today has been an overwhelming day. I got home from the delivery of my 1st grandchild around 1:30 am took my medicine but could not fall asleep until after 3:30 am. The last time I looked at the clock, it was 3:36 am. I was up at 7:36 am, took a shower, and again was frustrated with what to wear. I have no hair, so it should take me like 15 minutes, including a shower, to get ready (you would think), But sometimes I sit in my closet and just cry because I get dressed and realize I have no hats or scarves that will match over an hour later I come out with something, today I did not have time for that, so I was even more frustrated and crying, I needed to leave by 8 am for my third round of chemo. I made it to my chemo appointment about 20 minutes late today, but no worries, they are so relaxed, and it all worked out. We started a conversation with the folks sitting in the chemo suite next to me during my chemo treatment. They were an older couple. The wife came over and asked me what type of VILLAIN I had and commented about how young I am and that she will be praying for me. Her husband has lung VILLAIN. It was a great distraction to talk to them. They are from Casa Grande and have lived on their ranch for over 60 years. Tamy knew a lot of the same people they knew.

Tonight I am nauseated, and my breasts are still aching. I had my expansion 2 days later last week, and I am still feeling the pain from it. I'm still having a hard time sleeping tonight. It's hard for me to complain. The Lord has been so good to Eric and me. He's blessed us with a son on a mission, a daughter married to the love of her life, our first grandchild, and Kaitlyn is marrying a man we appreciate and respect. Whew...I think I have experienced just about every emotion from one extreme to the next in the last few months. 

I constantly pray for strength and help from the Lord to build me up and help me to endure. I feel the spirit so close to me most of the time. I get very emotional when I think about the hand of the Lord in our lives as I continually am fighting for my life. I have never worked so hard to have the spirit with me. Sometimes I think the adversary wants me to listen to him or complain, be unhappy with my life and ask WHY ME? Those are the times I know I need to get on my knees once again and thank the Lord for my life, for my family and friends who continually want to help. I feel bad when people ask, and there is nothing they can do. This is a fight only I can endure, and I am the one who has to reach up and ask for help from the Lord when no one else can emotionally or spiritually help.

In Deuteronomy 4:30, I read, "When thou art in tribulation, turn to the Lord thy God...." and in John 16:33, "In the world, ye shall have tribulations, but be of good cheer..." and John 16:20 "Your sorrow shall be turned to joy...." and my favorite of all of them -Romans 5:3 "We glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations worketh patience."

I looked up a bunch of scriptures about tribulations in our lives. We all have them, some seem harder than others, but I do not believe that. I think we need to OWN our trials no matter what they are, finances, health, loss of a loved one, a child who has gone astray, a spouse who may not believe in the same things we believe in, a woman who cannot have her own child, divorce, abuse, addiction, I can go on and on, the point is when we OWN it we learn from it, and when we learn from it, we become a stronger person. 

There is no time frame for learning. We are on the Lord's time frame, we are sent to earth to learn, and when we become unaware of HIS constant love for us, that is a tragedy because I know he looks down on each of us and cries along with us. We cannot comprehend HIS love for us, and it is unconditional, much like the love we feel for our own children, and don't we cry when we see them in pain? So tonight, as I listen to the spirit telling me to ask for help from the Lord for sleep, I know the Lord is looking down on MONYA and saying, "I am so sorry for your pain, and I will lighten your burden when I can."