MONDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2009
Do I have the strength to endure?
This has been such a rough week for me. I am definitely being tested. When Eric got home from work, I told him I needed to get out, so we went for a ride. I am feeling weak and depressed. I don't want to feel this way, but this last round of chemo really knocked me out, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I can't sleep because I am constantly hovering over the toilet. Because of my sleep deprivation, my body is mentally shutting down, so I do what I know will help. I pray for strength. When that strength does not come, I start to doubt myself.
Today is one week since I had my chemo treatment, and I usually feel pretty good, but today I am still sick. I have lost over 10 pounds, and I have no energy. I know I have 2 doctor appointments this week, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about going. If I have to think about chemo on Monday, I will scream. I think about it every day. How do I get out of it? I'm not sure I have the strength to endure this?
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