Happy Halloween

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

Recker is so in love with Mickey Mouse


Halloween has been fun in our home for as long as I can remember, and we have always had an open invitation to the Schaub's house. Kelly and I went to High school together, she lives a few doors down and Eric and I go to their house every Halloween for Indian Fry bread and to pass out the candy to the neighborhood children. Tonight was no exception, we had a great time, then we headed over to Kenny and Theresa Halcomb's house they had an open pit fire in the front yard and we all sat around it telling jokes, and stories, the laughing was therapeutic.

POSTED BY BonBon AT 10:18 PM 0 COMMENTS 

Dr. Peter Kreymerman and the BRA

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2010

Dr. Peter Kreymerman and the BRA

I've been thinking for over an hour now, why, why, why I seriously dislike bras. I'm trying to figure out if there is anything in comparison that a man could relate to...... Dr. Peter Kreymerman told me I had to wear a sports bra 24/7 forever.....well, not really forever, just until he says not to. I told him, "how would you like to wear something that confines you 24/7 ?" I like nothing about bras, except if I see a woman like Haleigh, and I saw today coming out of Costa Vida who seriously needed to be wearing one. It was so scary, Haleigh. I both looked at each other in total disgust. Yes, on those rare occasions, I think a bra is necessary. However, I truly wish they would have never been created. To be honest with you, I have not worn a bra in over a year, when I had the expansions, there was no reason to wear one..... ahhh talk about FREEDOM...that was the only benefit of having the VILLAIN in my life, and I loved it. HEAVEN ON EARTH IS BEING BRA-FREE.

As a teenager, I remember learning that in the 1960s, women were burning bras to become liberated; I always thought that was weird until now. I want to have a bra-burning party.... anyone up for it? I will not be seeing Dr. Kreymerman for a couple of weeks, and I plan on telling Dr. Kreynernan about my despise of the bra and that it's time to get rid of it. My husband listened to everything Dr.PK told me to do and not to do, and he is on Dr. Kreymermans side; Eric is constantly telling me to make sure I am wearing that boob buster 24/7. This is how the conversation goes...

Me: "I'm not wearing that thing today."
Eric: "you heard what Dr. Kreymerman said"
Me: "are you going to make me do everything he says, word for word?"
Eric: "yes, he is your favorite Doctor for a reason, do what he says."
Me: "seriously? who's side are you on?"
Eric: as he's walking out the door, "24/7. you know the rules; I love you."

Try it if you've never had to wear a bra to sleep in. Yes, I say try it tonight, then let me know how you like it. I've been wearing a bra 24/7 (except showers) for 2 weeks now..... it is so uncomfortable, and just for an added bonus, the seams hit me right where my stitches are, so I'm constantly touching my boob or moving the bra,... pretty sure people are going to think I'm some kind of weirdo. I cannot wait to see Dr. Peter Kreymerman; the bra better is coming off.

What is Devastation?

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2010

What is Devastation?

I ran into a friend I had not seen in a very long time; she did not know I had been diagnosed with the VILLAIN and asked me about my short hair. Since I have always had pretty long hair, she was surprised! We had a pleasant visit, but one of the things she said to me has really stayed in my head for a few days now. She told me, "HOW DEVASTATING," about my cancer. My immediate response was, "no, not devastating, life-changing maybe, but not devastating."
So this poses the question to me, "what would be my devastation?"
What would it take to make an occurrence in my life be devastation? When I think back on my life and some of the trials I have had to endure, I realize none of them but one has genuinely been devastating. Knowing my mother only lives an hour away and wants nothing to do with me or my sisters, I have gone through bouts of significant sadness and emptiness, knowing she does not wish to mend and repair, that she does not want to move forward. There were times when I honestly thought I could not get up in the morning, knowing that it would be another day without some resolution, It's been 18 and 1/2 years now, so much time has passed, so much of life has happened, and all without the luxury of being able to pick up the phone and call my mama for some advice, or a recipe. It makes me sad when I hear people talking badly about their grandmothers. I wanted my children to have a grandma, someone to bake cookies for and with, someone to hold hands with at the zoo, someone they could be proud of, but instead, they were left with nothing, no memories, no history, nothing but emptiness, they don't know what it's like to have a grandmother. Eric's mom (the best mom and person I have ever known) died of breast cancer before my children were born.
It gave me a chance to think about the word DEVASTATION, and I realized it means different things to different people. I always thought if I were to get a life-threatening disease like cancer, it would be devastating, but I guess what I was afraid of was having to change my life enough to be ready for death. So for me, the only devastating part of dying from cancer would be if I died without knowing that I would be with my family again. If I died without my children knowing how much I love them if Eric never knew how I adore him, and if none of them knew that I have a testimony of the Gospel. If we all live our lives in a way that our Heavenly Father would be proud of, if we serve one another as HE did and do our best every day to be more like HIM, death is not devastating. Knowledge of this gives me HOPE and the power to overcome FEAR.

Visit with Dr. Kreymerman. Kaitlyn & Brian Visit

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2010

Visit with Dr.Kreymerman, Kaitlyn & Brian Visit

I saw Dr. Peter Kreymerman on Friday, and he said everything looks good; I still cannot pick up Recker until I see PK again in a couple of weeks. I am getting my strength back, and I am not depressed anymore. Whoo-hoo, jump up and shout, do a little dance for me. It really helped me to be able to get out of the house and spend some time with my girls this weekend. Kaitlyn and Brian are in town, so I spent it with ALL the family. I seriously have the most challenging time seeing my grandson and not being able to pick him up, and I'm not sure he understands why his BONBON is being so mean and not picking him up. ☹

Have I mentioned how much I love my son-in-law? Both of them are incredible. Jeremy is such a good husband and father and works hard at school and work...Eric and I love him for his sensitivity and compassion too.

Brian is exceptionally talented in sports; everything he does, he does perfectly. Last night he had a snowboarding competition at SKI PRO in Mesa and took 3rd place, plus got 1st place for best trick. I thought Brian should have earned at least 2nd place. He was much better than the guy who won 2nd, but still, we are so proud of him, he too goes to school full time and works full time, at this time in their lives it is busy, we wish we could see them more it helps me working for USAIR so they can fly back and forth.

It's Sunday, and I have not been feeling good today; the headaches are back, Mr. HOTFLASH was in charge today, and my hips hurt like HELL---sorry if I offend anyone with that last one.

I Remember when PINK was just a Color.

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2010

I remember when PINK was just a color

This month being National Breast Cancer Awareness month, has made me think a lot, especially about the PINK color. I remember when PINK was just a color, and now it means so much more to me. I have to admit I have never really given the breast cancer PINK ribbon much thought, donated money, or even let it penetrate my mind like it has this past year.

Every time I see a PINK ribbon, I think about my 3 daughters. When they were little, I loved doing their hair; I tied it back or braided it and always finished it off with a ribbon bow. Although the ribbon may not have always been PINK still, the ribbons of October remind me of those days. Yes, those innocent days when I had no cares in the world, when the only thing I worried about was what was for dinner and if the clothes were washed. During those days, our home was filled with PINK ribbons, PINK PJs, PINK bikes, PINK, PINK...PINK for my sweet girls, who I adored and still do. Yeah, that was when I thought PINK was just a color that divided the boys from the girls.

This year as I attended the Breast Cancer Awareness race in Salt Lake City with my family, I thought about when racing and running were just for fun. I didn't know about running for a cure but was running without care. It means so much more; we're racing time now hoping for a cure, holding tight to the thought that our children will not have to endure this terrible VILLAIN we like to sugar coat and call breast cancer. I was in a sea of PINK shirts that day, some honoring their grandmothers, mothers, sisters, aunts, and friends who have survived the VILLAIN or who lost the battle, and too many women, way too many women like me, who looked scared and lost as they wondered what the future will hold for them. In May 2010, PINK took on a whole new meaning. When I stood among thousands of survivors wearing PINK matching shirts and tears running down our cheeks. My bald head exposed, all I could see looking into a crown of people were my family, with eyes focused on my girls and husband. At that moment, PINK was no longer a color but more like a new best friend.

I hope that PINK will become a color again, that the VILLAIN will lose the battle for all women when a cure is found, that for every race, walk and run, we get closer to eliminating, and that with those races, we all win.

Diep Flap vs. Expansions with Nipple Sparing

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2010

Diep Flap vs. Expansions with Nipple Sparing

A little over a year ago, Dr. Peter Kreymerman met with me in his office to discuss my options for reconstructing my breasts. I remember him taking a marker and drawing a design of each choice on the tissue paper that patients usually sit on in a surgeon's office,s. I was amazed then, and I still am at the knowledge and talent of Dr. Kreymerman.
At that time, my mind was so full of un-uncertainties and lack of knowledge I really did not care what he did. I just wanted the VILLAIN out of my body....who cares what boobs look like, right? Some have asked me what the difference in the options I was given are; I will try to explain it to you, but remember, I chose the expander, so to really compare the recovery would not be fair to me.

DIEP flap is a procedure that is actually very popular among surgeons and their patients. A DIEP Flap procedure uses fat and skin from the lower abdomen but does not require removal of any muscle. When Dr. PK drew that picture on the tissue, my mind was checking out. Are you kidding me? Now I was looking at another scar as a constant reminder on my abdomen?

Then he explained the expanders; a tissue expander is a temporary device placed on the chest wall deep into the pictorial's major muscle. This may be done immediately following the mastectomy or as a delayed procedure. The expander's purpose is to create a soft pocket to contain the permanent implant. Dr. Kreymerman put my expanders in at the same time as my mastectomy. Then over several months, I visited him every other week, and he stuck a needle into the port of the expander and filled it with usually around 50cc of saline per breast; this part was painful for me, I think, because I was also going through chemo at the same time, so I had expansions one week then chemo the next, I remember feeling really sick one week then really sore the next. Dr. Kreymerman is also among a few surgeons who can do nipple-sparing for mastectomy patients. I'm not sure of the qualifications, but I know I qualified, and this is how Dr. Kreymerman became my "nipple repairman."

The 2nd part of the expansion surgery is what I just had on Thursday, expansions out and implants in. Again as I have stated before, be careful what you say "you would never do" I used to say I would never get implants...mostly because I already had big boobs, and I hate big boobs... I am amazed at how soft my boobs are now, they were as hard as a rock a week ago, and now they feel normal. I am still in some pain from the incisions, but the pain I am feeling now is temporary and is nothing like the pain I have been feeling for over a year now.

From what I have experienced and from what I have read, expanders with nipple-sparing will give you a totally normal-looking breast. The pain you will have to endure will be worth it if you look for an average-looking breast. With the diep flap, I am not sure they can do nipple-sparing (you will need to get a tattoo) and no long-term pain in your breast, but you do get a tummy tuck out of it all. Either way, if you decide to go, there will be a pain, and there will be scaring.

Breast Cancer Pumpkin

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2010

Breast Cancer Pumpkin

This cute pumpkin was made by ANDREW HOM. He is 12 years old, and his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of this year. She contacted me through my blog and decided she wanted treatments at Mayo Clinic with the same doctors that I did. I think that children absorb more than we think they do. Andrew was not asked or coaxed to design his pumpkin this way; he just did it. I love it, Andrew, and thank you, Jodi, for emailing me the picture; I love that he used the bracelet I sent to you.

Patience

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2010

Patience

Today is 5 days post-op; I told Kayla I should be feeling better, "why do I feel so depressed and nauseated?" She said, "mom, you just had surgery on Thursday; give yourself a break."
Every time I eat something, I feel like throwing up. Every time I stand up, I feel like throwing up; when I rest and lie down, I'm depressed. So many memories of when I finished chemo and went through a terrible depression keep coming back to me, that was such a low time for me, and I don't want to go back there. I had this panic this morning. I did not want Eric to go to work. I asked him if he could take me for a ride tonight; I just needed to get out of this house for some fresh air.
I need to read my scriptures tonight and find some relief. It's a strange thing to feel so grateful to be alive, to be so thankful for Dr. Kreymerman and other doctors at Mayo who have literally made my journey bearable and at the same time be so sad.

I'm learning that patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry or frustrated.
It can do God's will and accept HIS timing. Patient people can hold up under pressure and face adversity calmly and with HOPE. You can see that I have a lot to work on with all that being said.

A quote that I will read today over and over is

"Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature,
There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our
problem is that we often expect quick solutions to such challenges,
forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required."
-President Thomas S. Monson-

Successful date in the OR with Dr. Kreymerman

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2010

Successful date in the OR with Dr. Kreymerman

I had a very successful date with Dr. Kreymerman on Thursday in his OR, and I just want to update you. Tamy, Eric, and I got to the Mayo Hospital around 1:00 pm. Floods of memories came back to me as I stepped on the elevator to the 2nd floor waiting area. Although I don't remember this, Eric later told me I had a horrible panic attack in that waiting area, and today I was afraid of that happening again. Sitting and waiting was the most challenging part for me; Tamy tried all her tactics on me, but I was not focused today, and my mind was wandering. Paced and paced until they finally called me back. When Dr. Kreymerman came in to see me before surgery and take out his purple marking pen, I was so happy to see him and felt like my fears subsided. He has a way of making his patients feel comforted and secure. Well, he does for me anyway...... I am blessed to have such an incredibly talented and compassionate doctor. I cannot imagine a better fit for my personality than Dr. Kreymerman.

The nurses were ready to wheel me back to the OR, 1st kisses and hugs from Eric, my favorite man of all time. He loves me, and we've been through so much together. It's nice to know that through it all, he's still here, he knows everything about me, and still, he loves me..... and Tamy, my dear friend Tamy has been with me through this all with no judgment, only love .... thank you, thank you for your sweet smile and happy thoughts.

I had to spend the night and the next day in the hospital....seriously ???? I have a problem with my plumbing after surgeries, and I cannot go PEE .... Dr. Kreymerman came over to visit with Eric and me. He's a funny guy. He loves his wife and is excited about the new baby. A unique spirit comes into a family when you bring a new baby home, and I feel the Kreymermans are about to be blessed with that special someone.

Since coming home from the hospital, I am still in pain, but the rocks that used to fill the holes where boobs were supposed to be are gone. They are soft now, but I still have to wear that ugly post-surgical bra 24 hours a day. Remember the one I blinged out last year? I was lucky enough to get a new one put on after this surgery....whoo hoo, It's impressive that the pain from the rocks is gone. The only pain I feel now is from the incisions where Dr. Peter Kreymerman did his magic. I have also been nauseous the last couple of days. I don't feel like doing a celebratory dance but soon; really, who wants to come to watch?

POSTED BY BonBon AT 3:10 pm 2 COMMENTS 

♥ from Mayo Hospital

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2010

♥ from Mayo Hospital

Blogging from my Hospital room sending lots of hugs and kisses....surgery was successful and I will hopefully be able to go home today or tomorrow. I will blog more about my date with Dr. Kreymerman later when I am not loopy, who knows what I'll say so now .....xoxo

Dear Cancer

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2010

Dear Cancer

I am on my way to the MAYO Hospital...I want to leave you with this challenge...write a letter to CANCER, really tell him what you think, everyone knows someone who has been affected, CANCER kills and hurts families. For every letter written and POSTED $50 will be donated to the American Cancer Society up to a maximum of $100,000.

Click here to get started

POSTED BY BonBon AT 11:45 AM 2 COMMENTS 

Learn Grow and Teach Others

Learn, Grow and Teach Others

It's 3:40 a.mm; I have not been able to sleep tonight. My mind is wandering all over the place. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything until after my surgery today, and actually, that would be no big deal except that I don't have to be at Mayo Hospital for check-in until 1p.m. this afternoon. I'm not exactly sure what time my date with Dr. Kreymerman starts in the operating room... sure hope he doesn't stand me up again this time.... haha. 

This migraine headache of mine does not want to surrender. Wholly Toledo, it won't go away, I'm sure the pain in my hips is still there, but this past few days, I have been taking so much migraine medicine it has helped it to subside a little....just a tiny blessing I like to call a Tender Mercy.

I constantly receive emails from women dealing with cancer who have been searching the web for information and come across my blog or who have been given my blog as a suggestion from one of their friends. I always read them and respond, and have become quite close with a lot of these women, I never physically met any of them but one, but still the same, I love them all. This past week as I was journaling on the blog probably complaining about something ha ha ha, I also received an email from a woman who lives in another state (most of them do). She is going through her chemo treatments right now and was asking me some questions about when I went through it, I answered her questions based on my experience and waited to hear back, a few days later I heard her story:

"I was in a car accident 5 years ago and lost my two-year-old daughter. Two weeks later my husband committed suicide, Meanwhile, I was in the hospital for 5 months and at Walton Rehab for 6 months. I didn't have a clue about anything until two months after the fact - anyway, I've been through A LOT - but what I'm trying to get at is I have PTSD and that with the anxiety is insane!
I live alone, but my brother and his wife and my 14-month-old niece and nephew have been staying with me for about three months; they're both retired and are supposed to live in Utah, but it's so lovely being able to have them here. I don't think I could do this by myself. My thoughts and prayers will be with you on Tuesday while you go through surgery. I am having chemo on Wednesday. May God, Bless us both.

I also ran into a friend who I have not spoken to for quite a long time last week. She asked me about my treatments and how I was doing and then told me that she reads my blog and enjoys it. How sweet, I am always amazed when I hear that people actually read what I have to say, because to me it's really not that interesting. 

One of her sons left on a mission in Dec 2008 (which means he will be home in 2 months). Soon after he left, one of her other sons was diagnosed with Lou Garrick's disease (not sure of the spelling) at the time her son was a Mesa Police Officer with a wife and 4 children, since then his family had another child. The diagnosis came with the bad news that he would probably only live for 1-1/2 to 2 years. He is now confined to a wheelchair and only speaks in a whisper. Tears came to my eyes as she talked about him blessing his newest child. She laid on his lap on a pillow and he whispered the words of the blessing he desired for his child to have. The prayer for that family is that he will make it until December. It will be a sweet reunion when her son returns from his earthly home, maybe just in time to see his older brother begin his eternal calling. 

I was amazed at her strength, and wondered how much power I could have known one of my children was going to die, learning as a mother you have mended scrapes and cuts, kissed away a boo-boo, changed diapers, bathed, fed, and hugged that child, taught them right from wrong, watched them struggle through the teen years, supported them on missions or other decisions they chose, college, marriage, and grandchildren.....it goes on and on. I have said it before and I will say it again, "it's not how you start the race that really matters, it's how you finish it" we can do hard things, and my friend and her family are doing hard things right now, but the truth of the matter is LIFE CAN BE HARD, it's what you choose to do with the trial that will either break your spirit or make it stronger---Learn, Grow, and Teach Others May the Lord Bless and Watch over you and your family right now ♥

The Lesson for me this week as I ponder now about both of these stories, the Lord put these 2 women in my life this week for a reason, if my surgery would have not been canceled on Tuesday I would have never read the 1st email for at least a week and I needed to hear their stories. I needed to be reminded, that life is hard and we all need those hard things in our lives to help us grow stronger, to help us be better people, what a teachable moment I had with both of these women, thank you so much.

Today as I deal with my anxiety before going on my date with Dr. Kreymerman, I will take my own advice and say to myself
"you can do hard things" I am going into surgery clinging to a picture of my sweet grandson, with a prayer in my heart "please Heavenly Father, help me be strong, so I can learn, grow and teach others

Surgery Changed to Thursday, Oct 14th

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2010

Surgery Changed to Thursday, Oct. 14th

The woman who made a mistake at Mayo Clinic coding my surgery with my insurance company called me today to give a formal apology. I am grateful for her phone call today as I thought about it. Sometimes it's difficult to say you're sorry and admit you made a mistake. I told her that she was only human and we all make mistakes, but I did not want Dr. Kreymerman bumping someone or changing anyone else's surgery time because of what had happened to me. That is not fair to those patients. If they feel my anxiety, I would never want them to go through that. I just asked him to please add me at the end of a day when he can fit me in, and I was told that day will be this Thursday....just not sure of the time yet, sometime in the afternoon.

I had a good friend put this into perspective for me, Heavenly Father has been in charge from the beginning of my journey, and he still is. Although the anxiety I have been feeling is not really getting more manageable, there was a reason this happened the way that it did, and I will be prepared on Thursday. I'm ready to say good- rid dens to the expanders, you know, the ones that have caused bruising on my grandson's head every time he bonks them with his head, totally ready to say goodbye to the tightening that I constantly feel, and the rock-solid boobs have got to go, it's time.

So tonight, as I try to get some sleep, I thank my Heavenly Father for this day that I wouldn't have been able to spend with Haleigh, but because of the cancellation, I spent some quality time with her and Kayla and Recker. I thank Him for my family, who always show me, unconditional love. 

I love genuinely surrendering to the Lord, and I know again he will be with me during my surgery and after. His love never ceases to amaze me. How could that love be enough to help every one of His children? I love each one of my children but know that throughout their lives, I will not be able to be there for them through everything, not like the Lord can, so I hope that my kiddos have also learned to rely on Him. He will carry them on the days their mama or anyone else can't...He can always and will always hold you.

This is what happens when you have front-loading washing machines.....haha Recker having fun.

Surgery Cancelled

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2010

Surgery Cancelled

I've had horrible anxiety and a migraine that won't go away since Friday when I met with Dr. Kreymerman.... not because of him. Everyone who knows me knows I am totally confident in him and that I think he can do no wrong. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I am worried about the recovery. Perhaps I'm afraid of the possible side effects. Who knows? All I know is it's really worrying me. This was my timeline today:

7:30 am wake up with anxiety and figure out a way to get my mind to Paris on a bike in the woods

8:30 Recker and Kayla come over....ahh I get to play with my favorite guy in the world

9:30 clean out the freezer... it's been a while

10:30 clean up Recker's mess, he got into a bag of flour and spread it all over the kitchen, and I loved watching every second of it

11:30 phone call from Mayo Hospital confirming my surgery tomorrow.  and getting all my 

12:30 lunch and watch Recker take a nap...there is nothing like watching a baby sleep

2:30 Phone call from Michelle at Dr. Kreymerman's office, "Pease be at the hospital by 5:30 am. There is nothing to eat or drink after midnight, and if there is no nurse to check you in, then proceed to the 2nd-floor check in."

3:45, Mayo Clinic called from Dr. Kreymerman's office calls to tell me they made a mistake with my insurance.
"We are so sorry, but we entered your information incorrectly; as a 42 year old medicare patient, the insurance company declined it. Then when we called them back, we were on hold forever, then disconnected, and now their office is closed".

Me: "No problem, people make mistakes, I understand. Now, what do we do?"
Office: "We will try and get them to approve by tomorrow, then call you back to re-schedule."

4:00 anxiety attack; I have to mentally prepare for surgeries.

4:30 Dr. Kreymerman called me, "Hello, this is Dr. Kreymerman.... I am sorry for what has happened; I know this messes up your schedule, especially when you plan for it" we talked for a few minutes about what happened, and my anxiety issues. He is so sweet and kind and made me feel better about my surgery. He also said his wife loved the baby things I made them, and said thank you again.

Dr. Kreymerman said he was not sure that Mayo would be able to get this taken care of by tomorrow, but if they cannot get it, someone will call me, and perhaps surgery will take place Thursday. If not, then we will schedule another date for surgery as soon as they get this straightened out.

So my surgery has been canceled for tomorrow, but I am grateful for a doctor who took the time to call me and calm my nerves just a little.

I Love Distractions

I 💙 Distractions 

Recker gave me a great distraction the day before my surgery....he found a bag of flour and decided to rip it into it. I ♥ this!!!

Warm Fuzzies

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2010

More Warm Fuzzies

Another "warm fuzzy" thank you to whoever dropped this off; I have been wearing it every day.

Another "warm fuzzy" landed on my front doorstep yesterday. THANK YOU ♥ THANK YOU. I wish I could give you a big hug. The flowers made my day, night, and the next day.

POSTED BY BonBon AT 10:44 PM 0 COMMENTS 

Dr. Kreymerman

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2010

Dr. Peter Kreymerman 

I visited with Dr. Peter Kreymerman yesterday. I always look forward to seeing him. Tamy thinks I have a crush on him... WHAT? Excuse me.... but I am a married woman, and he is also a happily married man.... haha. 
He is my favorite doctor. Why, you say? Well, there are too many reasons to list but just a few.

1. he is kind and compassionate
2. he makes me laugh
3. I try to make him laugh
4. he is so excited to become a dad (next month)
5. he's been with me from the beginning of my journey
6. he listens to me and shows concern for my feelings
7. I love that he's okay with calling him my "nipple repairman."

When I was filling my expanders, Dr. Kreymerman brought such pain to my breasts that I wanted to kick him. My breasts ache every day, but I don't want to kick him anymore; I want to kick the VILLAIN in the behind end. When he knew the expanders would hurt, he showed compassion and genuine concern for me. I know he makes every one of his patients feel that way. He was meant to be a doctor. Ok, enough about my LOVE for Dr. Peter Kreymerman. I am having reconstruction surgery with him on Tuesday, October 12th.

I gave him the onesies, blanket, and burp rags I made on one of the nights I had insomnia. He said, "wait, you made all these?" I said, "yeah, you're not the only one who can stitch beautiful things with your hands" ha ha ha not sure if he caught that or not.
I asked him if he knew what the burp rags were, and he said, "Um... is it a puke thing for a baby?" seriously ??? he may be a doctor, but he is still a man..... Eric and I have had 4 children together and a grandson, and I'm not sure if he would know what those were either. I wish I had pictures; I had my camera, but I didn't want to take a picture with him while I was in my robe, and I could tell he was busy. Heather (his PA) is in Maui, so PK is on his own. He said, "let's get a picture of you when you're in recovery" funny, real funny.

Ginger Molasses Cookies

 Ginger Molasses Cookies

Paradise Bakery has BOGO on Ginger Molasses Cookies. It took me two days to eat them. but boy, were they tasty. 

Pink breast cancer ribbon, sugar cookies .....

I love this month; Arizona is always the start of our cooler weather, pumpkin patches, hunting for the perfect costume, holiday decorations, and baking. I love to bake. Jessica Roussel bought me this cute breast cancer cookie cutter, so it would be rude not to use it, right? I made my famous sugar cookies.. ask my kids and all their friends...these cookies are celebrated at our house, they love, love love when I make them, and from the mouth of my daughter, "I've waited a long time for you to make these" from the words of her friends "come to mama" not really it just sounds good.... haha.

I will see Dr. Kreymerman this morning for my pre-op appointment. You all know I love Dr. PK, and he has been such a massive part of my life this past year, so today is the day I take him some breast cancer sugar cookies and the baby gifts I made for him and his wife and a new baby coming in November. More about that later...

I want you to know I showed excellent resistance and did not eat one sugar cookie. I didn't even taste the dough or lick my fingers when the frosting took over..... I know; how impressive, right? Well, not really. Another reason why I love the month of October is because Paradise Bakery always has their seasonal ginger molasses cookies, I have been waiting and waiting, and yesterday I indulged. If you've never had one, don't start because you will not be able to put them down; well, you could start out slow or try a chipper. 

Blake will be asking me to send these to the Dominican Republic any week now. They are his favorite, and I am not sure how many I sent him last year ... I will say that the people at Paradise Bakery would say every time I walked in, "hello Monya, how many ginger molasses cookies would you like today?" Oh my, that is bad.....really, really bad.

POSTED BY BonBon AT 5:14 AM 1 COMMENT 

The Botton Line Is...Time Heals

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2010

The Bottom Line Is...Time Heals

A couple of days ago, Someone asked me, "when are you going to get over this cancer thing and move on...?" This individual went on to tell me that they were tired of looking at my blog and reading about the VILLAIN and the effects it has had on me... also that they have known other women who have gone through the same thing I have, and they are doing fine....blah blah blah...I instantly tuned out once I heard this person say that... I felt like they were acting like I had the flu or winter cold.
I am not sure how to react to this... sooooo this is what I did... I called Tamy and cried like a baby. After seriously thinking about this person's words and taking the advice of my dear eternal sister Tamy, I decided to answer a couple of those questions now since I was so dumbfounded at the time I didn't know how to respond.....
✔ When am I going to get over this? ........ probably never, and to be quite honest, I hope I never forget what I've learned and continue to learn. I am moving on; I have no choice ....my life goes on, however... this IS MY LIFE, and I think about it all the time. I will not apologize for that; it is what it is. I journaled when my brother died, and it was very healing for me; blogging just happens to be faster for me.  I love my blog. It's real, and it's part of my life right now. Family and close friends who want to get an update can look here instead of calling us. 
✔ So, it may not be the same situation when you know someone who has had BC and is living and thriving. What a wonderful thing to know you are cancer-free.

Most breast cancer victims are not given the luxury of being told they are cancer-free. I'm not cancer-free, so I blog for my family to have a history. Since their grandmother passed from breast cancer, I've been diagnosed.

I have learned that you can never compare your VILLAIN journey with someone else who has gone through it. Everyone's journey is different. Depending on the stage of BC, the experience could and probably will be completely different. Example: I know people who have had stand 4 cancer and have come out of it with no side effects and are living and thriving, and then I have also met women this past year who have died with stage 2 BC. I only know what my body tells me and what my doctors tell me. These things are REAL and cannot be denied. The reality in my life RIGHT NOW is that I will probably never run that marathon I have always dreamed of, I will live with pain for many years to come, but I am also very grateful to be alive.

The bottom line is time heals, I know it does, and I look forward to it. When I say, I don't want this VILLAIN to be a part of my life. I wish I could wake up and have it be a horrible nightmare; I wish I was the woman who didn't get every side effect possible. THIS IS MY LIFE, AND I AM HUMAN, I have feelings, and I record them. 

IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT IT, DON'T TUNE IN.

I will continue to rely on the Lord for my strength, and I also realize that NO-ONE else but HIM can understand the fear, the pain, or the anxiety I feel.