Cruisin' With the Family

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2010

Cruisin' with the Family

Ok, I have been lazy about blogging. Well, I've been on vacation with my family. 

When I say family, I mean everyone: Kayla, Jeremy, Recker ♥, Kaitlyn, Brian, Haleigh, Eric, and I. Everyone except for Blake and I missed having him with us again.

I look forward to the day when he comes home and can be with us on these trips. It's just not the same; I felt I had forgotten something. Eric planned this trip a long time ago, and I felt guilty knowing we would not have Blake with us; while we were in the Caribbean, I thought about him knowing how close we were to him. I did get to email him last Tuesday. The internet service was not the best so being without a computer and keeping in contact with the world was weird, but honestly, I didn't miss it much.

Just an update ..... I cannot physically do what I could do even a month ago. I told Eric I was so grateful we were able to go on the trip to Paris when we did. If it were any other time, either before or after the time that we did, I would not have been physically able to endure the long days we had. Cruises are relaxing, but I wanted to do the things I would have typically enjoyed doing, hiking, snorkeling, running on the track, or exercising on the ship. My hips hurt so badly some days I can hardly walk, and now going up and down the stairs at my house is becoming a painful chore. I really don't want to take pain medicine, I have tried to endure the pain without it, but I think it's time to talk to my oncologist. I have tried some natural approaches, but nothing is working. I loved the time that I could spend with my family, but I don't think they really understand I am not physically able to be the mom they used to know. It's hard to even admit; in my mind, I am still the Monya that loves to do everything FULL OUT to take my body to the maximum and not look back, but again that's the Monya in my head, it's not realistic, and I'm sad about that. I told myself I would not give in to this VILLAIN, and I feel like I've done well. The VILLAINS' evil stepsisters (the side effects) are taking me down now, and I am feeling a little defeated. When I think about all the things I still want to do in this life, I know I will have to rely entirely on the Lord more now than ever before. I feel so alone sometimes; when I falter, I turn to HIM. I can feel HIS strength and Love for me. I am turning to him now and hoping he will still listen, take me by the hand and help me up... again. One week from tomorrow, I will be having surgery, and I have so much anxiety about it. I need an injection of FAITH this week. I wonder if I will ever be on my feet again?