Dr. Kreymerman-Last appointment :(

 

Wednesday, DECEMBER 29, 2010

Dr. Peter Kreymerman-Last Appointment :(

Heather Lucas, Me, Dr. Kreymerman
notice the JAMBA JUICE; I brought them in
for Heather and PK.  the office is not usually messed up

As I entered the Mayo Clinic, I was a bit sad, knowing today would be my last appointment with Dr. Peter Kreymerman. Most patients look forward to this day, but for me, it's sad. Dr. PK and Heather have become household names around here.
As I waited for Dr. Kreymerman and Heather to come into the room. I was in extreme pain, doubled over, and my legs were shaking. I felt like I was in labor. I was hoping they wouldn't walk in and see me like that; I tried so hard to get it under control, but the. The more I wanted to control it, the worse it got.... the door opened, and there they were, staring at me.

I was embarrassed and was not sure how to react. I composed myself the best I could so PK could examine me; still, I was in pain, but not quite as bad as when I was sitting and waiting. All the work he did looks great. Dr. Kreymerman and Heather sat and talked to me about my upcoming surgery. I opened up to them about some of my past and the fears I having this hysterectomy. I told Dr. Kreymerman that I trust him so much that I would feel so much better if he was in the OR with me; he reassured me that Dr. Magtibay is an incredible doctor as well as a highly respected man and again that I need to do all I am told to do. Dr. Kreymerman is leaving soon for a fellowship in Atlanta. I hope his sweet family has a wonderful time making new memories in Atlanta, but I look forward to him returning to Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale in July. No-Good-Byes- I'll see you LATER, and I love you both. I cried a bit on my way home, thinking about what a big part of my life they have been, how much I will miss them, and exceptionally how compassionate and kind Dr. Kreymerman has been. I wish every patient could experience this unconditional love in health care.

Vulnerability

 

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2010

Vulnerability

I had my appointment this morning with Dr. Paul Magtibay. I was nervous going into the Mayo this morning but not worried about seeing Dr. Paul Magtibay. I sat with Dr. Paul Magtibay and explained to him some of my fears. I told him that last week I prayed about him. That same night as I was researching him, I found a video that brought tears to my eyes. He was explaining to the people that, 1st and foremost, his family, wife, and children come first in his life, then his patients and practice are a close 2nd. I explained to him today how moved I was by those words he spoke; after hearing the sincerity in his voice, nothing else really mattered to me; I had my answer. I knew I could research and find out his credentials and even find out from other Doctors, including Dr. Peter Kreymerman, who had nothing but great things to say about Dr. Magtibay; what a great doctor he is. 

Still, it was more important for me to know what kind of man he was. As many know, Hysterectomy has not been a priority. Without explaining why, I will just say I have some personal fears, immobilizing fears that I have never explained to a doctor before but felt comfortable enough to talk to him today about it. He listened with intent and was very comforting and assuring.

We looked at my ultrasound results, and he said my ovaries look good and clear of masses or cancer for now. Then he explained that I had some options to find out more about the Uterine cancer, but even with trying out the other options, they would not be a solution. I asked him what his suggestion was, and he said he would advise a HYSTERECTOMY .... duh I knew that was coming. 

Please, if you are reading this, do not send me an email saying this will be the best thing I ever did. My fears about not having a hysterectomy have nothing to do with the actual surgery or recovery, it is very personal, and I choose to not blog or talk about it. I do not want to offend anyone, I just have some deep emotional fears and scars that have nothing to do with the ACTUAL Hysterectomy,  and when I receive those emails, it makes it worse for me; I sure love all of you for your prayers and concerns. Still, my situation is slightly different from the average woman getting a hysterectomy. I do look forward to not bleeding or having those horrible cramps. My surgery is on the schedule for next Friday. January 07; I will stay in the hospital and be down for a few weeks. My anxiety level for this particular surgery is extremely HIGH, so please tread softly with me; I need your prayers. 

After my appointment at Mayo, I met Haleigh for lunch; when I got up to refill my water cup, a woman sat next to the cups with her son. She said to him, "look at that lady's hair" I looked over to see that they were talking about me. The mother turned her head away when she knew I realized she was talking about me, then the son just laughed; the mother then made a comment as I walked back to my chair, "I seriously hope she did not do her hair like that purposely"  tears filled my eyes, it really hurt my feelings. I usually don't let those types of people in my life; it's easier to just walk away. But today, I feel a little vulnerable. 

Christmas 2010

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2010

Christmas 2010

Breakfast, Puff Pancakes with Buttermilk Syrup

Christmas Tree, Gifts, and waiting to get the phone call from Blake

Tradition-Filibertos for Dinner

We are all about easy food on Christmas.

What a wonderful Christmas, we were able to speak to Blake; he is so happy and sounds so mature and spiritually immersed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

I have to admit it was so hard for me to hang up and say goodbye. I got teary-eyed, listening to my son softly whisper how much he loves me. (mama) 

He expressed his knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Blake told me the Lord has been watching over me this past year, and all the missionaries have prayed for me daily.

 

He said, "He is the only way, and I know He lives, mom."  Now, as I sit alone pondering the things Blake shared with me today, my eyes are red and watering. It will be another year and a half before I get his big hugs. Blake has struggled with his knowledge of the Gospel and if the Lord is real. Hearing him talk about Christ and bearing his testimony so quickly made me so happy.

Finding my way through this test of faith, sometimes I have felt like my faith is not quite enough. Maybe the Lord is still waiting on me to prove something to him. I have failed so many times, and when I have reached the edge of darkness, days like today come along, and I realize that he magnifies what I can't always give. 

I, too, know He Lives. Too many times, He has reached down and lifted me up, He is my hope, and with every step and breath I take, I KNOW HE LIVES. I can never deny that He is my strength, and He anchors me down on days when I think I could fly away.

The Lord has a purpose for each one of His children. I am beginning to understand mine; it's quite a responsibility once revealed through His Spirit. Once you know, then time to listen with your heart and live it, no looking back. There will always be fears, but I've learned that you must let them go; just hold on to the burning desire you have to learn from your journey. He will let your faith grow. He will help you search your soul and give you the strength you need.

Listen with Heart

 

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2010

Listen with your ♥

Have you ever tried to listen with your heart? It requires your soul to be in tune with what you are trying to communicate. I don't know if it is something that can be taught, but I do know when you are blessed with this unique ability, it will change your life forever, or it can change the life of the one you are trying to listen to. The Lord is trying to teach me how to do this; it scares me sometimes. Mostly it scares me because I wonder if I am spiritually in tune enough to be an instrument in HIS hands. I need to accomplish, to know when is the exact right timing. I continue to pray every day for the knowledge I need. I'm a simple-minded person, so for me, this is a stretch, but I know the Lord would not be opening up this door for me if there were no reason. I live my life by FAITH, a HOPE for a better future for all of us; listening with your heart requires some patience, so for now I am working on that.

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TEAM MONYA

 

EMBER 20, 2010

TEAM MONYA

In April of 2011, Relay for Life will be in Gilbert again. 

My daughter Kayla set up a TEAM MONYA. If you want to be on our team, let her know. If any of you are in a financial situation where you can donate, I think they take any denomination of money, so please help if you can. All the money goes to the American Cancer Society. Click here for more information. Thank you so much; you are all so wonderful.

POSTED BY bonbon AT 11:23 AM 

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Faith

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2010

Faith

"I can do anything through Christ who gives me strength."  

Phil 4:13  A sweet friend left this FAITH  plaque on my doorstep on Friday night along with a note.

Monya, when my son was in the hospital last summer because of his diabetes, wondering why he had to live with this disease, I opened up my scriptures at about 2 am and looked up the word "sickness"  I found a verse that read, "HE will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of HIS people."
I always knew that Jesus bore our sins, but I had forgotten this part, that he had suffered for our sicknesses too. Because HE knows our suffering, HE also knows how to comfort us.


Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read this particular note; I, too, have forgotten about that part. I have forgotten that through my Faith in HIM and his atoning sacrifice, I do not have to bear my burdens alone...HE "gets it" HE has felt the pains of VILLAIN patients; HE has felt MY sickness. Thank you so much, Michelle, for reminding me of this important message I needed to hear so badly right now.

Do you see what I mean about my friends who are "Women who Know?"

POSTED BY bonbon AT 5:55 pm 

Dr. Paul Magtibay Phone Call

 

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2010

Dr. Paul Magtibay Phone Call

Anticipating a phone call from Dr. Paul Magtibay's office today, I woke up with anxiety and decided I would not wait and just call them myself. His nurse said, "Oh, Dr. Magtibay just asked me to call you; he wants to see you on December 28"  DEC 28th? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (That's not what I said, it's just what I thought.)  She said he was in surgery all day and is leaving for a week-long vacation but wants to see me as soon as possible when he gets back. We scheduled it, and when I hung up, I asked Eric, "that's good, right?" We both decided we don't want to think about the VILLAIN.  I was so sick at Christmas, and we are looking forward to Family, Friends, Food, and FUN .... how's that for getting all those.

"F words in?"  Kaitlyn and Brian are moving here from Utah on Monday... can you see my smile? It's enormous; I'm so happy that all my children will be HOME next Christmas, now that is something to look forward to.

POSTED BY Bonbon AT 9:16 PM 

Am I Selfish

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WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2010

Am I Selfish?

When all the world is spinning around me, and I feel like I cannot get a grip on reality, I kneel and pray for strength; most of the time, I do this in my son's bedroom. I think I choose his room because he is on a mission right now serving the Lord, and I feel not only closer to him but also closer to my heavenly father.

I think any mother who says sending a son off on a mission is easy is much more spiritual than I am. I think 2 years is a very long time to be away from Blake-oh how I miss his sweet smile and awesome hugs. The Villain can rob a person of so much just by mentioning cancer. Anticipating my Mayo Appointments today has completely consumed my thoughts. 

I don't want to have Uterine Cancer. Is that selfish of me? I remember saying a few months ago, "why not me?" I know I can't take that back, and it makes me wonder what more I could have done to prevent this from happening? I have done everything the oncologist asked me to cut sugar, processed food, and white flours from my diet, faithfully take my medicine and listen to my body for signs. 

NO REGRETS has been my and Eric's motto, and I don't think I have any; I wish I could serve others more and give back to so many in need. The people who have followed my story on this blog and left me particular messages have no idea what those mean to me. As I was trying to get some perspective, I read back through some of my old blogs. When reading your comments, it brought tears to my eyes, knowing that I am surrounded by women who know... the woman who see when another sister needs a lift or a brighter view, you are the ones who give me HOPE on days when I feel my soul needs to be still. I wonder if it's ok to feel scared? 

Once you have been diagnosed with breast cancer, and after long, hard months of fighting the VILLAIN with chemo and radiation. I somehow expected them to say, "You're done, the villain has left, and you had won your battle."  

Now having the oncologist tell me this could be Uterine Cancer is a tired unexplainable feeling.

Mayo Clinic Specialty Building 8:45 am I saw Doctor Kreymerman this morning; he said everything looks good, of course, it does; I have the best Doctor on the Planet, remember? I also gave him his Christmas/Hanukkah gift ....  a tie, the same thing I gave him last year. What do you provide a doctor? He is so sweet. It is getting closer to the time we will have to end our patient/Doctor relationship. I will miss him the most. I will always be eternally grateful to him and Heather for the love, compassion, and support they have given me this past year and a half. PK made me promise him today that I would do everything Doctor Magibay tells me to do. I told PK I didn't have a hysterectomy; he looked at me and said my promise to him trumps that. This would not be an actual post if I didn't say once again I Love Doctor Peter Kreymerman.

Now I am waiting to be called back for my ultrasound. Doctor Magtibay ordered it last week. My bladder is so full I need to pee badly, but I can't until after the exam. I glance over at the RESTROOMS and decide I need to reposition my body so I don't have a birds-ey view of the women's bathroom. It just makes me want to go more. No one in this waiting room is under 70 ex for Lil ole' me. I can't help but hear the conversations going on all around me; this is what I heard while I waited:

man 1: "oh, I hated radiation." 

man2:  "my prostate is on overload right now."

woman: "Yeah, I got a UTI and was put on meds immediately."

man 3: "you should have seen my wife; 2 weeks ago, she started chemo. It's gonna kill her, I just know it, but the doc won't listen to me."

At this point, I'm thinking, "please don't ask me anything, please just don't make eye contact; I don't want to engage in conversation today. I just want to be entertained."

Lucky me, my name was called over the loudspeaker, and I went with my full bladder ready to burst. I had 3 different types of ultrasounds today, 1st one checking my ovaries looking on the outside, just like if you had an ultrasound when you are pregnant, the 2nd one was more invasive, and the 3rd even more invasive, using a probe to get 3D pictures of my uterus and ovaries. It was a little uncomfortable but didn't. Now I am waiting to hear back from Doctor Magtibay.

Happy Birthday Recker

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2010

Happy Birthday, Recker ♥

December 14, 2009

Spring 2010

So Serious

Recker and BonBon

Birthday Cake ..Roberts Catering

Eating Cake is so much Fun

Grandad-Recker-BonBon

Today is our sweet grand baby's 1st Birthday. It's hard to believe a year has gone by so quickly. I love him so much, and I can't imagine my life without him.   

Little Help From Grandad

Heavenly Father knew that our family needed this Innocent spirit in our home to refine us and make us laugh, and boy has he done that.  

Happy Birthday sweet boy, BonBon loves you so much.

I love Dr. Kreymerman

 

MONDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2010

I ♥ Dr. Peter Kreymerman

I wrote this while waiting at Mayo to go back to surgery with Dr. Kreymerman.

Mayo Clinic, December 9, 2010.

We arrived on the 2nd floor, checked in, and we are now waiting; it seems like it takes forever for each name to be called. 

I hate this part, but knowing Dr.Kreymerman is in the building helps settle my glitter.

 Poor Eric, once again on his "day off." Herff" is sitting in the waiting room at Mayo Clinic.

Today is a busy day at the Mayo Hospital. People waiting to get word from surgeons about their loved ones- whoa..not trying to judge over here, but a lady sitting close to me has black Capri's on. Her leg hair is the most extended thick black hair I have ever seen on a woman-even in Paris; it was not this bad-I wonder what her underarms look like? OK, gotta get my mind somewhere else. That was gross. I reached down and rubbed my legs --woo hoo--smooth as silk.

I watch as doctors come into the waiting room and escort loved ones to a private room where they will discuss their surgery. Eric and Dr. Kreymerman will do that in a few hours, I really want to go home today, so I need to pray that my bladder works -

Trystan has called me a bazillion times, telling me jokes and trying to make me laugh, it works, and she always makes me laugh.

They just called my name, and now go into the prep room to wait for Dr. Kreymerman. This next part is all written from memory. The nurse tells me to put on a robe with the opening in the back; when I'm all settled in and ready to go, Dr. Kreymerman comes in to grace me. We joke and laugh a little, then it's time for me to go to the O.R. the last thing I remember is seeing those huge lights above my head and thinking, soon my body will be exposed to everyone in the O.R.good thing I left my underwear on. 

The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery a couple hours later and with no underwear on.... seriously? They took off my underwear? 

I'm spending the night here; my bladder is not cooperating; I really; when thought I would go home tonight, but in the back of my head, I wondered why this time would be different than other surgeries. Eric waited for me to fall asleep, then he went home. I think the nurse said it was around 2:30 am. 

Friday morning, Dr. Kreymerman and Heathe to visit me, I still have bladder problems. Pk said if my bladder doesn't work by tonight I will be going home with a foley.

Finally, later in the day, my bladder works, but I am incredibly nauseated; I was given something for nausea, and I can finally sleep a little. Around 6:00 pm, Dr. Kreymerman and Heather show up, they look well dressed, and Dr. Kreymerman even has on the tie I bought him for Christmas last year. He tells me they will keep me one more night because of thee; I nausea. Saturday morning comes and goes. I seem to be a little better; at least my bladder is working now, but the sickness is still here. I can go home and have nausea, so I decide not to tell the nurse about it; I also start to bleed but decide they don't need to know about that either. I was released from the hospital, and I think I got home around 1:00 pm, just in time for Recker's birthday party.

I Need Your Prayers!

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2010

I need Your Prayers !!

Went to see Dr. Magtibay a few days before my surgery with Dr. Kremerman. First off I really, like him, he is soft-spoken and compassionate. He wanted to do a biopsy of my Uterus, I agreed and this is how it went:

Stirrups - yay

Relax- impossible

Insertion of the needle - Yikes

"You may feel some pain" ----- wholly cow did I

Throw Up-

Fainting-

He had to quit the exam because I was in too much pain, my cervix is scarred shut from all of the other surgeries I have had. He was so sweet, got me a bottle of water, and sat and talked to me for a bit.   There is a possibility I have Uterine Cancer, and because they cannot do the biopsy I will have an ultrasound next week, he wants to look at my ovaries too, then,  he and I will meet again for my options.  I have known from the beginning that the risk of me getting Uterine Cancer is very high, however, I was willing to take the chance it would not invade my life once again.  My doctors have been honest with me, and have explained that I am not cancer-free, I realize this, and still, there is a calm and peaceful feeling I have. I can still say that I am the happiest I have ever been in my life right now.

That night I decided to go to the church for the Woman's Christmas Celebration- (RS) I was so overwhelmed when I walked in, my mind was flooded with memories of last year... I went to the Christmas Celebration for the 1st time being seen with no hair, I still remember the scarf I wore and feelings of vulnerability. Now,  I have a little bit of my hair back, but  some of the feelings are the same,  vulnerability  is soon  replaced with the feelings of Love that I know those ladies all have for me, and I for them.  It's amazing how much you can change your perspective and recognize good hearted people when you are being served, and when you have the opportunity to serve others.  "We are the hands of Heaven on Earth." It is our responsibility to serve and comfort others, I so need to be better at that.

I really need to look up for some comfort, please pray for me.  I have a lot of faith not only in my doctors but in the Lord, he is trying to teach me something, my spirit sometimes fades, but my ears are listening for answers to prayers.  The Lord is Good and continues to bless us with his love.